Yang Wan struggled for a long time in a vast dream. She kept dreaming about her graduation defense and Deng Ying's execution. These scenes were only half-completed, without an ending. She used her insight into the ending to give herself peace of mind. This was not a heroic idea of "facing death". After all, she did not want to put herself into such a grand topic at that time.
She only watched this period of time, which had nothing to do with her and could not be changed by her, on the premise of agreeing with "historical materialism".
History has no gaps from beginning to end, but people have countless emotional cracks.
These cracks blocked her known ending, and finally intertwined into a web, trapping her and throwing her into the chaotic air, and finally landing on a real hospital bed.
She finally opened her eyes.
The room was filled with a strong smell of medicine.
She tried to cough, and the medicinal gas rushed from her stomach into her nasal cavity, making her tremble all over with bitterness.
There was no one in the room, the bed curtains were half-drawn, and there was a stool beside the bed with a plate of peeled oranges on it.
Yang Wan felt a bitter taste in her mouth, so she threw back the quilt, stood up, and reached out to break off an orange segment.
"Wanwan, don't eat."
These four gentle words startled Yang Wan and made her drop the orange petals in her hand.
The person who was talking stood at the foot of the bed, while hanging the half of the bed curtain above her head, and said: "That was bought by Zixi. I just ate one while sitting down. It was so sour."
Yang Wan looked up at him. He was wearing a plain blue-gray shirt with a belt around his waist and wide sleeves hanging down his arms. His hair was tied with her hairband and tied loosely behind his back. He also looked like he was recuperating from illness.
"Wanwan, would you like some water?"
Yang Wan shook her head in astonishment, "Today... is the first day of the lunar year."
Deng Ying replied: "September 5th."
"The fifth day..."
Yang Wan struggled to sit up, "You were not tortured... You... You survived."
As she spoke, she subconsciously pinched Deng Ying's wrist.
Although his wounds were touched, he endured it quietly, stretched out his other hand, smiled and tucked up the hair by Yang Wan's ears, and said gently: "Yes, I was not tortured, I survived."
"So... I win again?"
Deng Ying nodded, "Yes, Wanwan won again."
After he finished speaking, he could not help but let out a hiss. Yang Wan lowered her head and realized that she was actually pinching the wound on his wrist tightly.
"I… "
She quickly let go of his hand and scolded him with tears in her eyes, "Why don't you tell me if you're in pain?"
Deng Ying smiled but said nothing.
He Yu, who was standing by, came over with a medicine bowl and said with a smile, "Auntie now knows to make the factory minister cry out in pain, but when she was confused before, she didn't know how badly she had scratched the factory minister's hand."
Yang Wan said: "What's wrong with me?"
He Yu didn't say anything, but smiled and raised his chin towards Deng Ying's arm.
"Roll up your sleeves so I can see."
"I'm fine."
"Hurry up."
Deng Ying raised her arm, and the loose cuffs fell naturally. The bruises on her arm did not look like old injuries.
Yang Wan looked at He Yu in surprise, "I pinched it."
He Yu handed the bowl to Deng Ying and said, "It's not you. You have been taking care of me during the past few days. I wanted to take my place at night, but you wouldn't allow me to. You dragged me to sit on the stool beside your bed all night long. I was also recovering from my illness. You made me suffer so much that I had to take my medicine irregularly."
After she finished speaking, she covered her lips and laughed.
Yang Wan said, "Now that you have entered the Yangxin Palace, you are also scolding people."
He Yu said, "I dare not. His Majesty is still waiting for me to come and talk. Aunt, do you still feel uncomfortable? His Majesty asked the two imperial doctors Zhang and He to serve in the Qian Palace. If you feel unwell, please send them to come and see you."
After saying that, he bowed to the two of them, turned around and walked out.
Deng Ying stood up and was about to close the window behind Yang Wan, but she heard Yang Wan say, "Come on."
Deng Ying stopped and before she could say anything, she heard Yang Wan say, "Sit down and drink the medicine."
"Oh, okay."
He quickly moved the orange on the stool away and sat down, picked up the medicine brought by He Yu, and drank it sip by sip.
After drinking it, he picked up a slice of orange and chewed it while enduring the sourness.
"Deng Ying."
"Um?"
"Why are you sitting there at night?"
Deng Ying held the orange peel and said, "How can I leave if you don't let me go?"
Yang Wan said: "You don't want to leave me either."
"yes"
Deng Ying put her hands on her knees and said, "I really want to survive."
He looked at Yang Wan and said, "I want to live beside you so much."
Yang Wan moved a few inches inward, "Come up."
Deng Ying smiled and shook her head, gathering the blanket around Yang Wan's legs, "How can I take care of you while I'm lying down?"
Yang Wan said, "I'm already in this state. If I make you sick again, we'll lie down together and let His Majesty take care of you."
Deng Ying laughed and said, "Wan Wan, don't talk about your majesty like that."
"Then come up."
"good."
Deng Ying stood up and sat on the edge of the bed, bent down to take off her shoes, and slowly lay down beside Yang Wan.
"Wan Wan, can I... in the future..."
"See the little yellow cat?"
"ah?"
Yang Wan buried her head in the quilt and laughed out loud.
Deng Ying looked at her and suddenly relaxed.
She always called the book that Chen Hua gave her "Little Yellow Book". Although he didn't understand how many words were contained in the word "yellow", it was always playful when Yang Wan said it. The original book was about how eunuchs served women, but after she changed the word, it would no longer discipline him about his identity.
Deng Ying gently lifted Yang Wan's quilt.
"Are you laughing?"
Yang Wan pulled the quilt down, still unable to stop laughing.
Deng Ying also smiled, and simply repeated her previous words gently, "Can I watch porn in the future?"
"Okay."
Yang Wan poked her head out from under the quilt, looked at Deng Ying and said, "Not only can you watch, you can also learn by yourself, but not in the next few days. You haven't recovered yet, and I'm still sick."
"I know."
After he said that, he reached out to protect Yang Wan's head to prevent her from hitting the headboard when she moved around.
"Wan Wan."
"What
"What does the word 'yellow' in the little yellow flower mean?"
Yang Wan didn't expect that this person would ask her this question so seriously after she had just survived the disaster.
But she also thought it was good.
He truly survived, like a fish that escaped from the giant net of "time" and "space", swimming silently in the sea of knowledge. If we want to explain why he survived, then even if we exhaust the technological innovations six hundred years later, it seems that there is no answer.
Therefore, she would rather answer the somewhat ridiculous question raised by Deng Ying at that moment - what is the meaning of the word "Huang" in the little yellow flower
"The word 'Huang', like the word 'Zha Nan', was born six hundred years later. 'Huang'... represents the absurd things between men and women. At first, it was not a good word. But later, this word was constantly interpreted in different occasions, and gradually derived more subtle connotations, which are more in line with human desires (harmony). It is neither evil nor righteous."
After she finished speaking, she turned over and said, "Deng Ying, the era I live in is not just about Chinese characters, Chinese civilization has also undergone earth-shaking changes. Six hundred years later, this piece of land under our feet will be called China. Countless successors will be like you, fearless of death, and unyielding for their hopes for the times and their imagination of the future of their country."
"You prefer the middle six hundred years later..."
"China."
"Yes, do you prefer the country six hundred years from now?"
" Um."
Yang Wan nodded. "It was freer, more open, and more inclusive than it is now. It was my home country. It gave me the right to choose my own identity. It raised me to be an independent woman. But..."
She reached out and hugged Deng Ying's arm, "I don't hate the present moment either."
"Why?"
"Because I am a historian, the purpose of my existence is to find the reason why people like you exist. Deng Ying, if possible, I will definitely take you to my home six hundred years from now. I also have a brother at home."
She smiled as she spoke, "He's a little like Yang Lun, very capable, but he has a bad temper, but he can't beat me in an argument. My mother is a woman with a sharp tongue but a soft heart. My father is a little timid, and he always loses when he argues with my mother, but he argues with her all the time. The only thing they agree on is forcing me to get married. But I know that they both love me very much."
Deng Ying was silent for a while, then suddenly asked, "Do you want to go?"
Yang Wan did not answer him immediately.
She curled up her legs and pressed her knees against Deng Ying's legs.
"Deng Ying. You studied Confucianism, but do you believe in the Buddhist 'cause and effect'?"
"I don't dare to participate."
"I don't dare, but when I can't figure it out, I will bring up this word. You see, six hundred years later, I have studied you for ten years, but I have never seen you, nor have I loved you. Karma has sent me here. I am still your researcher now, but in Nanhaizi I saw you, and then loved you, possessed you, and lived with you. I really think that maybe the me now is more complete and has no regrets."
After she finished speaking, she buried her head in Deng Ying's arms.
"I am no longer greedy for you, and I want to live with you forever. So let's do this. I hope that Yang Wan six hundred years from now will have the courage I have now, and fight for you in writing again."
**
In the autumn of the first year of the Jinghe reign, Deng Ying was pardoned by Emperor Jinghe himself and was spared from being executed by lingchi. He was removed from all his official positions, expelled from the inner court, and his name was returned to the Yang Mansion.
Winter of the first year.
Yang Lun was holding a bag of oranges, trembling as he stood outside Yang Wan's house, waiting. At dusk he saw the two of them coming arm in arm.
Deng Ying was holding a basket of wood, while Yang Wan was holding a lively hen in her hand.
"Where have you been!"
Yang Wan said: "Let's go shopping."
"Deng Fuling, you're spending my sister's money again!"
"I... I have work to do..."
Yang Wan smiled and said, "Don't be jealous. Bring me a bag of oranges. Come in quickly. There's some wine in the room. I'll fry some chicken for you to eat."
**
Maybe there are bound to be conflicts between the two eras, but I love him and I love myself too.
I vowed with all my heart that I would never change my mind.
—Yang Wan/She and the Lamp, "Observation Notes from the East Factory"
(Full version)