I cooked a bowl of tomato and egg noodles, added a crab stick and four slices of fried tofu.
Yang Wan was sitting in the living room, listening to the radio on my cell phone.
Communications had not yet been restored, and the radio had very limited information, repeating the earthquake, epicenter, and magnitude. I brought the noodles to the tea table and handed them to her with chopsticks. As soon as she lowered her head, her wet hair fell down. I stood up to get a towel, and when I looked back, I saw her eating noodles.
"Can I help you... wipe it?"
"Um."
She hadn't even bitten off the dough in her mouth yet, so she simply sat down on the carpet from the sofa.
I held her hair with a towel and tried to rub it with my strength, and half-knelt on one leg to avoid pulling her hair from a high height. She used my shampoo, men's, with a very light scent, but because she had long hair, the very light fragrance emphasized her.
Wanwan picked up the bowl of noodles and took a sip of the soup, then said while holding the bowl: "This is my first time to spend the night at a man's house."
I looked down at her earlobe and said, "Wanwan, I can't do anything."
Wanwan laughed, "How do you know? I'm talking about that kind of thing."
Yeah, how would I know she was talking about that
Maybe I was still too self-righteous. As soon as I saw her, I thought I was the person who had lived with her for ten years.
In the past, I could have been humble and self-punishing when I did something wrong, but not now. I had to face my own mistakes, just like my dad told me, to protect her, instead of retreating behind her again and letting her lead me. So, I didn't apologize deliberately, put down the towel, bent down and said to her: "If I have offended you, you have to tell me."
Wanwan shook her head and tore open the crab sticks with chopsticks. "You can see that my brother is a sister-con. My parents were very busy with work when they were young. When I was in elementary school, he would send me off first and then rush to his own school. When I was in middle school, I had evening self-study classes. My mother was worried about me going home alone, so she bought him a bicycle and asked him to pick me up after class. There were also boys who wanted to send me off at that time, but they all backed off when they saw him. He is my protector and my peach blossom barrier, but neither he nor his mother realized this. They always felt that I was too cold in terms of feelings."
She ate crab sticks while talking.
"It's not that I'm cold, I just don't know how to start a relationship. I'm doing historical research, I'm used to dialectical thinking, and I believe in materialism, but later my research direction was character history. I'm not good at evaluating people, I'm often out of the loop, and I'm used to being a bystander. A big problem for bystanders is conceit. Because in an observation system, I don't need to find my own problems, I just need to analyze the problems of the observed objects, but what's more important in an intimate relationship is mutual communication. Unfortunately, I never understood it. And I understand that no one is obliged, except for me who is obsessed."
"I don't like you Wanwan."
I sat down on the sofa behind her and said, "You can start by examining me."
Wanwan held the chopsticks and said nothing.
The candle flame flickered, the rain stopped, and the wind started to blow outside, but since no one dared to sleep, there was a lot of activity outside the window.
Wanwan raised her head and looked out the window. "You said that, as if you owed me something in your previous life and you have to pay it back in this life. What's the good of being scrutinized? I will look at both sides of you objectively. You have privacy, and you can't hide the side that you don't want others to know. Deng Ying, don't be stupid."
I looked at her and shook my head. "I don't want to hide. I am willing to let you know all my privacy. Because Wanwan, I can't speak. I just want you to slowly understand what kind of person I am, and then wait for you to decide whether I can live with you."
Wanwan withdrew her gaze and turned to look at me.
In the past, maybe I would avoid her gaze, but this time I didn't.
I also looked back at her quietly, waiting for her to speak to me.
"I don't know why, but it feels like I've been with you for a long time. I don't even feel scared when I wear pajamas in your house."
I reached out and gently touched Wanwan's head. She didn't hide, but instead looked up at my palm.
I took my hand back and placed it on my knees, and whispered to her, "Me too, it seems like I've known you for a long, long time, but you've made me forget it."
Wanwan leaned her back against my calves. "Now that you mention it, it seems like it is."
She closed her eyes as she spoke. "You said there might be a parallel world. We have known each other for many years and have even experienced many things. So when you came to me, I felt that you were very familiar. Is there any way to make you remember me?"
"I hope Wanwan will never remember it."
"Why."
"It will be tiring, Wanwan."
Wanwan shook her head. "It won't be tiring. If God gives me a chance to go back to the Ming Dynasty and have a life, I will definitely keep my current memories and go back to that era and the people of that era. I know it will be very tiring and painful, but I think I shouldn't be afraid. Although I'm a coward, I just want to be a courageous girl. I will study the abandoned topic and find the abandoned person."
She said she was right.
I am a person who has been abandoned by the times and history.
Even though I have a complete face now, I still have "incomplete" memories.
The existing historical materials record my torture in Nanhai. Just open it and read it, and all the details of my experience during the torture and after the torture will come to my mind. The History of Ming Dynasty has given a qualitative description of everything I did in the Ming Dynasty. Just as I expected back then, in the words, I finally became a person worse than pigs and dogs.
Now it’s a lifetime ago.
It was really embarrassing for me to be like that in front of her.
But just like back then, she is still the girl who has not given up on me. She wants to know about my childhood history. Although I cannot break the rules of time or affect the procedures and laws of academic research, I can tell her about my personal life.
"Wan Wan."
"Um?"
"If you return to Ming, what would you like to ask that person?"
Wanwan hugged her knees and sat up straight. "That depends on how many questions I ask him and what kind of questions I ask."
"You can ask anything."
Wanwan turned to me, hugged her knees and sat down, shaking her head and said, "You studied engineering, you don't understand. It's not too rash to look back on history. Even if I want to know what happened during the Zhenning period, if I really go to his side and face him, I can't ignore his feelings at the time and just satisfy my own desire for verification. So..."
She tucked her hair behind her ears. "So, if I really go to his side, I will definitely tell him that the injury on his leg cannot be delayed. He needs to be treated and taken care of, just like you did when you had the car accident before. Just lie down and don't move. As for... what questions should I ask him..."
She lowered her head and remained silent for a while, then laughed out loud unconsciously.
"I really want to get to know him as a person."
"Is it really true that we don't ask about history?"
"No, I won't ask. Now I can try my best to restore my life. I will do more detailed research on the me in the Ming Dynasty."
I nodded, "So what would you ask him?"
Wanwan lifted her chin and asked, "First question, does he like anyone?"
"He has."
"What did you say."
"I said he likes someone."
Wanwan let go of her hand that was supporting her chin, slowly sat up straight, looked into my eyes, and after a while she said from behind, "Are you making it up?"
I nodded. "Yes, I made it up. You can treat it as a drill."
The candle flame flickered for a while, and the figure exuded a cool and ancient feeling.
Wanwan's voice softened a bit, but her emotions were stronger and more complex than before.
"The second question is who does he like?"
I looked at her and answered, "It's Yang Lun's younger sister, a young lady from an official family. She's very pretty and very smart."
"Whatever he likes to eat."
The question suddenly changed, but I still blurted out, "He likes plain noodles, nuts and apples."
"What does he like to do usually?"
"He likes reading, soaking his feet, eating fruits, and making boxes for the young ladies of the official family. In his spare time, he would cook for the young ladies."
"How could he be such a person?"
"Because the young lady from the official family wants him to live a good life."
“Do they have sex?”
"have."
"How did he learn that?"
"He asked his colleague to borrow a book, but the lady didn't allow him to read it at first. It was only later that he slowly learned how to read it."
"Is he happy with that young lady?"
"He was very happy. Although he initially thought he would desecrate the young lady, the young lady made him swear that no matter how much he hated her, as long as the young lady liked him, he would live well."
"Did he live with that young lady?"
"They lived together in a courtyard in the capital for ten years."
"No, he was executed by slow slicing in the first year of Jinghe."
I laughed and lowered my head and replied, "Yes, I can't make up a story..."
"Deng Ying."
"you say."
"If you were asked to write it, how would you write it?"
"I can make up a story. The young lady saved his life and brought him back home from the rack. Then he obediently recuperated and ate soft rice at home for many years."
After listening to what I said, Wanwan suddenly laughed out loud. However, as she laughed, she suddenly pursed her lips and her eyes became a little red.
"What's wrong, Wanwan?"
Wanwan avoided my gaze and said, "I originally thought your story was so outrageous. How could such serious history be so funny? But when you mentioned that he was a gigolo, I suddenly thought, if he really was a gigolo, how great it would be. At least he didn't die tragically, right..."
"Um."
Wanwan smiled, wiped away her tears, and looked up at me.
"I have one last question."
"You ask."
The candle on the table was almost burned out, and the shadow of the leaves fell on her.
She reached out her hand towards my wrist, and just when it was about to touch my skin, she paused.
She coughed and suddenly asked me, "Are you Deng Ying?"
I raised my wrist and looked back at her: "Yes, Wanwan, I am Deng Ying."
**
Wanwan, whether I fall in love with you again or not, I will always remember the "gratitude" and "love" between us.
Your great humility comes from my humility.
My courage in this world comes from your courage.
I am not afraid of becoming a villain in the torrent of history, and being cursed for all eternity.
I am also willing to be an ordinary young man here, walk into your life, and live with you.
You spared me out of kindness.
(End of the modern chapter)