He refused to turn around, so Yang Wan couldn't see the meaning of his words.
So far, she still cannot fully understand how cruel castration is to an adult man, but she sees the fragile corner of Deng Ying's spirit, like the essence of "frost melts easily, but the full moon is seldom permanent". He is like the weather in winter, not afraid of the cold, but also humble because of his silence.
As a descendant, the only humility Yang Wan had left towards this era came from Deng Ying's humility.
He respected the punishment that humiliated him, understood the teacher who abandoned him, and protected the old friend who misunderstood him.
His forbearance is a kind of vitality that belongs only to him.
Yang Wan understood all this, but she didn't want to see Deng Ying show humility in front of her at all.
That's not humility, that's real humility.
This made her wonder, in the history where she did not appear, had Deng Ying ever loved anyone
Does the person he loves know how to eliminate his humility
"Deng Ying."
"Um."
Yang Wan pulled the quilt over her shoulders and used one hand to tidy up the messy hair on her forehead. "I also want to ask the same question as you."
"What?"
How can I deserve you to treat me like this
She said this to herself with all her heart.
He changed the subject and pointed at the mooncakes on the table and said, "Go get some mooncakes. I want some too."
Yang Wan brought three mooncakes wrapped in oil paper. The crust was different from the mooncakes Deng Ying had eaten before. It seemed to be made of glutinous rice.
Deng Ying placed the oil paper on her knees, took out one and handed it to Yang Wan.
Yang Wan retracted her hands and pried it open, and the icy flesh spilled out.
"Try it."
Deng Ying took the half mooncake and said, "This is so delicious..."
"Peanuts, dried fruits, mixed with ice, crushed together. Originally I taught Heyu and the others to make it, and gave it to the little prince. The little prince likes it very much. It would be a bit rude to give it to you. You should try it for something new. My throat is uncomfortable, so I can't eat this. I want to eat something with meat filling. Give me the one with the red heart."
After she finished speaking, she pointed to the one with a plum blossom imprint and said, "And that one, it's for Mr. Zhang."
Deng Ying was stunned when he heard this.
Yang Wan retracted her hand into the quilt, "I didn't go to visit Mr. Zhang last time, but I have always wanted to do my best for him."
Deng Ying held the mooncake in his hand without saying a word. The icy flesh melted and flowed down his wrist into his sleeve. He lowered his head and took a bite.
Yang Wan looked at him eating and smiled unconsciously.
"Deng Ying, no matter Mr. Zhang or the people from Tongjia Academy, their deaths will not be in vain."
Deng Ying swallowed the icy sweetness in her mouth and replied, "But I'm afraid no one knows how they died."
"some."
Deng Ying listened to her firm voice and couldn't help but turn back, "Yang Wan, I am a person whose life and death are not in my own hands. If one day, I become like my teacher, I hope you don't write me down and don't let anyone know how I died."
Yang Wan was stunned for a moment and asked, "Why?"
"I don't want anyone in the future to suffer doubts and humiliation like the people from Tongjia Academy just because they want to prove something for me, and end up like that."
As he spoke, he looked up at Yang Wan, "I am living a miserable life because it is impossible to live a clean life. In this case, I want to listen to the teacher, remember my own identity, and continue to do what I can."
Yang Wan looked at Deng Ying, "I've always wanted to ask you, have you made up your mind?"
Deng Ying looked at the half mooncake in his hand and said, "I've thought it through. The previous emperor had established the East Factory to monitor the Jinyiwei, but after Your Majesty ascended the throne, he trusted the Zhang father and son, so the East Factory became in name only. Now, although Zheng Bingbi is the eunuch commander of the East Factory, he cannot interfere in the affairs of the Northern Pacification Office."
“You want this position.”
Deng Ying nodded at her.
"This time, the Northern Pacification Office executed more than 80 people from Tongjia Academy. Although it did shock the six departments and the Imperial Censorate, it also shocked Your Majesty. Zheng Bingbi told me that He Zhangyin went to see Zhang Luo, and then Zhang Luo reported the crimes of Tongjia Academy to Your Majesty. It seems that the Imperial Household Department must have made two moves in this matter. First, it made the officials silent, and second, it also forced Your Majesty to hand over power to the East Factory."
Yang Wan nodded. "But, since He Yixian has made this move, he will definitely leave the position of the East Factory to his own people."
Deng Ying smiled and said, "This is his idea, but your majesty thinks that maybe I am more suitable."
"Why."
"Because I'm alone."
After he said this, Yang Wan's heart felt like it was stabbed by a cold thorn.
She had to bend down and bring her knees to her chest.
Deng Ying's voice did not stop, and she simply and clearly sorted out the current situation.
"With my current status, I can neither be recognized by the cabinet nor fully accepted by the Imperial Household Department. If I am employed, the cabinet will not criticize Your Majesty for favoring He Yixian. Your Majesty does not need to worry about the Imperial Household Department colluding with the Northern Pacification Department, so that the current situation is as good as nothing."
Yang Wan coughed despite the pain and continued, "That's why you've been desperately trying to finish the reconstruction of the Hall of Supreme Harmony these past few days."
"Well, it has to be finished before the frost falls."
Yang Wan was a little angry, "You know, once you step into that position, you will tear yourself in half."
Deng Ying looked at Yang Wan and her eyes softened.
"I can no longer be a complete person."
After he said this, Yang Wanzhang was speechless.
Deng Ying stayed silent with her for a long time, and finally said, "Yang Wan, I am afraid that I will be punished for blaspheming you, but I am also afraid that you will not want to see me."
He bowed his head and said, "Please give me the mercy you would show to a slave, but don't give me anything else. I can't bear it in my lifetime."
Yang Wan felt a choke in her throat after hearing what he said.
But she did not speak immediately. She kept telling herself that she must be smarter and not use overly modern thinking to discipline Deng Ying in front of her, not teach him to be confident without restraint, and not do things that would destroy him with the idea of protecting him.
But even so, she was still very sad.
He was Yang Wan's only belief in the past ten years, and what he dared to ask Yang Wan for was pity.
Yang Wan raised her head and took a big bite of the mooncake. The aroma of minced meat filled her mouth. She chewed it desperately twice, forcing herself not to think too much.
That night, Yang Wan did not return to Chengqian Palace.
She was lying on her side on the bed wrapped in Deng Ying's quilt, while Deng Ying was leaning against the bed with her clothes on.
Yang Wan didn't sleep all night. She thought back to that night in Nanhaizi when he sat in front of her in prison clothes. At that time, Yang Wan could still appreciate his temperament that was generated by brokenness, but now she was completely unwilling to think about the feeling of brokenness.
Deng Ying was really hurt by that torture. The damage was irreversible and difficult to repair. Although he concealed it well from Yang Lun, Bai Huan, and even himself, when the weather was cold and her clothes were thin, and she tried to get close to him, the truth he revealed to Yang Wan, every word of it, was covered in blood.
In the past, Yang Wan could respect him but could not love him through the paper.
Now sitting on the same bed, she seemed to love him so much that she had to respect him first.
You see, God is always the one who is best at causing trouble.
Yang Wan opened her eyes in a daze. The sky outside the window was slightly bright. She had broken into a sweat and felt as if she had been fished out of the water. Her body was extremely hot.
Deng Ying sat beside her with his eyes closed. He must have been too tired from the visit to the Hall of Supreme Harmony yesterday, but even so, his breathing was still calm. His hands were lightly clasped on his legs, and he forgot to put down his half-rolled-up sleeves.
I don't know why, no matter what time it is, no matter what kind of clothes he wears, he always gives people a feeling of coldness, as if he has just returned from a heavy snowstorm, and he has no time to shake off the snow, so he dare not get close to people in the house.
**
After the Frost Descent, the greatest chill in the ten years of Zhenning crept into the spines of all the scholars.
Yang Wan walked alone on the street in front of the Meridian Gate. There were many people watching the execution in front of the Meridian Gate, and most of those standing in front were officials from the judicial department. In early autumn, the emperor had originally issued an order to all officials in the capital who were above the eighth rank to gather and watch the execution, but later after hearing about the tragic news in the imperial prison, he withdrew the order.
However, most of the officials in the capital still gathered in front of the Meridian Gate to see Zhou Congshan and the other ten students off.
Zhou Congshan was an old Hanlin who had retired ten years ago and was now in his eighties. When he was taken down from the prison van, there was no flesh left on his knees, and his white chin (1) was exposed. The torture instruments could not be held on his ankles. His eyes were glued shut by his own blood and he could not open them at all. When the criminals from the Ministry of Justice pushed him onto the execution platform, he could only rely on the voices of the people below the platform to tell which way was which.
The officials in the audience saw an old Hanlin being tortured like this, and some of them couldn't help but whispered: "The late emperor established the Northern Pacification Prison as a public tool for the whole country. This Zhang Luo, as the envoy of the Northern Pacification Prison, is torturing people outside the law and torturing them to this extent. This is really against the original intention of the late emperor to establish the prison."
"Don't you understand? He is using these people to reprimand the ministers on behalf of the emperor. You and I should keep our voices down. The Northern Pacification Office has too many eyes and ears."
Yang Wan listened to the voice beside her and looked up at Zhang Luo on the execution platform.
He was wearing the official robes of the Northern Pacification Commissioner today, sitting behind the executioner, listening to the sorrowful cries in his ears, and not moving a muscle.
Zhou Congshan on the execution platform could not kneel down. The officers tried many ways to make him hold on, but they could not find a way to make him hold on, so they simply made him lie on the ground. Unexpectedly, he raised his head and shouted to the crowd with his throat tearing: "Your Majesty and Father are so blind... You trusted the eunuchs... You condoned lynching and tortured me... You are more than 80 young people in Tongjia... Although I am dead today, my soul is unwilling to leave. I hope my flesh and blood will fall to the ground and pave a good path for future generations... I hope my bones will become trees to support the crowns of successors..."
I hope my flesh and blood will fall to the ground and pave the way for future generations.
I hope my bones can grow into a tree, to provide support and shelter for future generations.
Yang Wan stood in the crowd, repeating these two sentences silently, trembling all over.
The only historical record about the scene before Zhou Congshan's death was "vomiting blood and even seeing pieces of decay."
Yang Wan only found out today that he had said such a last-ditch statement that would move young people to their core.
Not only Yang Wan, but all the officials present showed sorrowful expressions.
They all glared at Zhang Luo.
However, the person behind the execution seat only coldly uttered two words, "Cut off the tongue."
Two Jinyiweis carried Zhou Congshan up in response. A weak and shrill scream was heard from the execution platform. Yang Wan pinched her own hands and turned around suddenly.
The crowd was silent, but her scalp was throbbing.