When Wei Zhiyuan left from Old Xiong, it was already the beginning of the night.
When he found the bus along the quiet and deserted road, the sparse street lights dragged his shadow long, and a gust of wind blew away the thin clouds, revealing the stars all over the sky. There was no sound.
Since the temple is a tourist attraction, tickets will no longer be sold after 4:30 pm, and the reception time is limited, so in order to save resources, after 5:30 every day, the interval between the last few buses to the city is 45 minutes. trip.
On the lonely bus, Wei Zhiyuan was the only one leaning on the pillar of the bus, looking down at the first-class bus.
Maybe some places are really suitable for thinking, such as the prison to Weil's Riemann conjecture, and the great bodhi tree to Sakyamuni's Buddha. In Lao Xiong's small Buddhist monastery, Wei Zhiyuan's inner pain, entanglement and occasional vicious unwillingness all slowly settled down after ups and downs.
At the beginning, Wei Zhiyuan couldn't help but think of Wei Qian countless times, that is the person he thinks about day and night, he even felt that he could describe every strand of Wei Qian's hair.
Wei Zhiyuan didn't suppress it, he let go of his desire to blaspheme that person, because he might soon lose the right to miss him.
However, as the sun went down and the heat faded away, the smell of sandalwood came out from the gaps in the old wooden frame. His strong emotions rose and fell, and finally he calmed down tiredly. For some reason, Wei Zhiyuan suddenly remembered that People who died in cold storage.
For many years, Wei Zhiyuan has never repented, never thought that he was at fault, and after the incident subsided, he seldom thought of it.
#
Now, it is difficult for him to recall the image of that person, only the feelings at that time are still clearly imprinted in his heart. Wei Zhiyuan still remembered that after knowing that Wei Qian might never come back, he came back from Lao Xiong's pharmacy alone, and when he put the car on the side and lay down, he encountered the cold handlebar and the faint smell of rust on it. .
Why kill that man
Hate
It's not that far, after all, that person is just a coward, and he didn't cause any real harm to him.
Is that for justice
Of course it's even more impossible - Wei Zhiyuan felt that if he had that thing in his heart, the first person he would kill would be himself.
His spiritual world is closed, selfish, indifferent and extreme. Maybe he will be in a good mood for a while, and he will lift the little boy he met in the alley into his car with little effort. This is already the limit.
If it hadn't been for his brother's accident, would he really have made that step
Thoughts of meditation brought him back to the summer when he was thirteen years old, and the replay of the vivid memory brought a certain familiar feeling, and Wei Zhiyuan suddenly understood it—that was what he could not get rid of for more than 20 years. Nightmare, that feeling of powerlessness that goes deep into the bones and blood.
All he did was to make up for his sense of powerlessness in his childhood, which made him constantly deliberate and exhaustive, and even to the extreme, he reached the point of murder.
But those things are like a black hole with its mouth wide open, it will only make people deeper and deeper, even if he becomes a serial killer in the end, he will never be able to make up for his heart.
Fortunately, that hopeless secret love immediately became his new pillar of strength. In retrospect, Wei Zhiyuan could knock on the doors of countless people countless times for his eldest brother, but only this time, until he revealed everything, he was shattered in the end. At the slightest illusion, that pillar collapses.
There has been a road in Huashan since ancient times, and he walked on this narrower and narrower road, never stopping, never turning back, even if there was a cliff in front of him, he would walk all the way until he fell to pieces.
It seemed that he could comfort himself by saying that he was a strong man.
At this moment, a block of car lights came on, Wei Zhiyuan thought it was a bus coming, but when he looked up, he saw Wei Qian's car.
He opened his mouth, not knowing what to say, his motion of standing still like a marionette made him look a bit reserved.
Wei Qian pulled down the car window and gestured "get in the car" to him.
Wei Zhiyuan hesitated for a moment, got into the co-pilot, turned his head to look at Wei Qian's indifferent profile, and asked tentatively, "Did Brother Xiong inform you?"
Wei Qian responded briefly: "En."
There is no more text.
He didn't want to talk, Wei Zhiyuan could see it.
He was willing to drive across most of the city to pick him up in the middle of the night, but he didn't want to have a few more words with him.
Wei Zhiyuan leaned on the back of the seat, the repeated sense of powerlessness permeated his whole body, he thought, what should I do
The next day, Wei Qian didn't go to the company and drove Wei Zhiyuan to the airport.
Wei Qian carried a suitcase for him, and sent Wei Zhiyuan to the customs gate silently all the way. He put the suitcase upright on the ground, took a rare look at Wei Zhiyuan, and said a word to him: "Let's go."
Said, he seemed to get rid of a heavy burden, turned around and left, as if he didn't even bother to look at it.
Wei Zhiyuan grabbed his arm.
"Brother, can you give me a hug?"
Wei Qian lowered his eyes, and his eyes fell on the almost convulsive hand pinching his arm, then he slowly stretched out his hand, pulled Wei Zhiyuan's hand away, turned around and left without a word.
He is so hard-hearted, as long as he refuses, there is no room for turning back.
When Wei Zhiyuan walked through the customs alone, he seemed to feel that the entire country was closed behind him, and the indescribable loneliness was reflected from the bright floor tiles, making his eyes hurt.
But he didn't know that Wei Qian didn't go far.
Wei Qian wandered alone outside the waiting hall for a while, smoked a cigarette, then walked back, found a fast food restaurant and sat in, ordered a drink, kept looking at his watch, and waited for Wei Zhiyuan's flight to take off smoothly.
When he was alone, the expression of indifference finally broke.
In Wei Qian's memory, Wei Zhiyuan will always be the little boy with slender arms and legs who will snuggle into his arms. When he closes his eyes, he can still think of the little boy who lost his first tooth, crying He begged himself to sell his appearance.
Wei Qian even participated in Wei Zhiyuan's parents' meetings a few times, which was a good job, because as long as he sat upright and pretended to be serious, and waited for the teacher to praise him, it would be fine, and he would never have to be ready to be scolded at any time like when he was Xiaobao's parent.
what a boy.
But what is going on in this situation now? Wei Qian didn't know how to face Wei Zhiyuan, so he could only look at each other indifferently.
He also knew that this kind of treatment was inappropriate. Wei Zhiyuan was such a sensitive child since he was a child. Every time he frowned slightly, the child would immediately fall silent. No matter who the reason was, Wei Zhiyuan would be careful first. Do some self-reflection.
Wei Qian can imagine how hurtful he is like this, but what else can he do
The airport was full of people, and there were people rushing back and forth with their suitcases everywhere. A foreign song accompanied by a guitar was played in the fast food restaurant, like a farewell that no one knew about.
The kid just went away.
Wei Qian sighed, pushed away the empty drink cup, got up and left.
Xiaobao was admitted to an art school in the south, and went to live there. Now, Xiaoyuan has also left.
Mazi's mother's house next door was always vacant, and he asked someone to clean it regularly, as if she would come back. And San Pang and Lin Qing got married and moved out from their parents.
His home, his neighbors, seemed empty.
Many years ago, Wei Qian and San Pang cobbled together their savings and compensation to buy a house, and they still vividly remember the excitement of leaving the shanty town forever and moving into their new home.
now
Wei Qian shook his head vigorously, forcing himself not to think anymore. If he would also be sad for spring and autumn, he would have no time to do other things.
In the blink of an eye, Wei Zhiyuan had been gone for more than half a year.
Wei Zhiyuan quickly adapted to life abroad - he can adapt to any life very quickly.
He attends classes, does papers, goes to the library every day, wears wooden prayer beads around his wrists, and attends church regularly.
Like Old Xiong, he doesn't believe in the East or the West. He doesn't even want to find salvation from it. He just wants to find a place where he can settle down and face himself quietly.
Wei Zhiyuan always remembers the words that Old Xiong gave him before leaving: "Everyone loves, hates, hates, hates, hates, and ignorance is just a thought."
Thousands of people have different attitudes, but in fact, they choose to amplify and suppress different thoughts. Let go of the ridiculous self-esteem and arrogance, peel off the flesh, and study the filthy self thoroughly, and you will have a sword that can penetrate the world. .
Wei Zhiyuan would regularly call his landline at home, wanting to hear that person's voice, but he didn't dare to call Wei Qian's cell phone for fear of disturbing Wei Qian's work.
But if Xiaobao didn't go home on vacation, basically no one would answer the phone at home. Wei Zhiyuan didn't know if Wei Qian deliberately avoided him when he heard the caller ID, or if he was too busy to return home.
Oh, by the way, Wei Qian picked it up once.
At that time, before Wei Zhiyuan could make a sound, he heard the sound of something falling to the ground from the other side of the ocean. There was a loud crash, and then there seemed to be the sound of something heavy hitting the ground. After that, he said "Hello" several times, There was no more movement.
Wei Zhiyuan didn't dare to hang up, he guessed that Wei Qian probably dropped the phone, and after hanging up, he couldn't make calls anymore. He quickly changed the phone and called Wei Qian's cell phone, but no one answered.
Xiaobao was too far away, just as far away as he was. In the end, Wei Zhiyuan had no choice but to find San Pang.
He hung up the earphones on the phone for more than an hour before Sanpang arrived at his house and answered his phone: "Brother, are you still there? It's okay. Your brother just drank too much. When he answered the phone I tripped over the phone line and didn’t get up, it’ll be fine after I wake up, don’t worry.”
Is this all right
What kind of life did he spend there
Wei Zhiyuan wished he could book a plane ticket to go back immediately, but then he thought that there was nothing he could do when he went back, his brother might not even bother to talk to him, let alone let himself dictate his life.
Until the Chinese New Year—Chinese New Year in the Lunar Calendar.
There is a time difference of 13 hours between Wei Zhiyuan and China. He calculated the time and dialed his home phone half an hour before the New Year's bell rang. This time, to his surprise, there was only one ring, and the other party answered. , a familiar voice came from the phone: "Xiao Yuan?"
Wei Zhiyuan thought that he was mentally prepared, but he was still defeated by these simple three words, almost unable to control himself.
He didn't know how long he hadn't heard his elder brother talk to him so calmly.
Wei Qian chatted with him for a long time that day, just like when he was a child, he patiently listened to how he lived there, what he learned in school, and whether he made new friends, until the conversation was overwhelmed by Wei Qian's world war. The sound of firecrackers interrupted.
Wei Qian lowered his head and glanced at his watch—his watch had long been replaced with a dual time zone model, which would always display the time in another time zone.
He said, "Shouldn't you have lunch soon? It's Chinese New Year today, so find a place with a lot of Chinese people and eat something good."
Wei Zhiyuan was so shaken by the loud background sound that he couldn't hear clearly: "Brother, what did you say?"
Wei Qian laughed at himself, raised his voice and said loudly to the other side: "It's nothing, you go to school, I can't hear you, I'm hanging up."
In the living room, neither the lights nor the TV was turned on. Wei Qian just sat on the sofa, as if he was just waiting for someone's call.
The big house that I bought specially to let the family members have their own rooms and live comfortably was terribly empty—Xiao Bao was picked by a film crew because of his dancing skills, and he couldn’t come back for the Spring Festival. Wei Qian didn’t tell her, In fact, I invested in the film myself.
Wei Qian put down the phone, pressed his uncomfortable stomach, and planned to cook himself a bowl of millet porridge on New Year's Eve.
After Lao Xiong left, Wei Qian became the legitimate core of the company. In just one or two years, the company expanded several times in his hands. It was not easy for private enterprises to survive. Hundreds of employees followed him. He has to come forward in person and rack his brains to clear up various relationships. He is always on the road, always has endless entertainment, and drinks more than a catty of white wine at every turn.
Wei Qian didn't know how many more years he would be able to play with his life like this, but time is not forgiving. With the growth of age, he was finally no longer the boy who was hit in the stomach by a heavy punch and could live like a tiger after two days of rest. Smoking, alcohol and hard work are emptying his body bit by bit, Wei Qian can feel this process.
At the beginning of winter, once Wei Qian came home after drinking too much, he heard Wei Zhiyuan's phone call in a daze as soon as he entered the door.
At that time, he fell into a coma on the spot, and finally dragged him to the bed when San Pang rushed over. Who would have thought that he would get pneumonia again because of the cold.
But San Pang was so worried, the look in his eyes almost made Wei Qian feel that his life was not long.
Wei Qian contacted Feng Ning several times in a neutral manner, but in the end nothing happened. What Feng Ning likes is the kind of man who is "lovely on the surface, but deep in friendship", not the type of Wei Qian who is "polite on the surface, but dispensable on the inside".
Later, San Pang introduced several girls to him. There were quite a few girls who liked Wei Qian, but among them, those who were superficial, those who were for money, those who were full of fantasies, etc. who were unreliable, were all given by San Pang, a professional matchmaker. After filtering out, he carefully selected, looking for good girls who are willing to live a good life and really like Wei Qian.
But this kind of good girl who doesn't ask for money and is not very vain, most of them pursue pure and beautiful love, who is willing to deal with herself like a man's task
Finally, Wei Qian got used to the days when he was alone.
He himself is fine, San Pang always frowns every time he sees him, as if this matchmaker is unprofessional, how sorry he is for his brother, later San Pang volunteered to become his professional bartender, and used to lie down alone , this time the two of them often lie down together, nothing else, but made Lin Qing very opinionated.
Just as Wei Qian put the porridge pot on the stove, there was a knock at the door, and before he had time to turn around, he heard Xiao Bao's bluffing voice: "Ouch, I stumbled over my head, bro, are you home? Why don't you open the door?" lamp?"
Wei Qian couldn't believe it: "Why are you back?"
"I can't let you celebrate the New Year alone, so I took half a day off and flew back. I will leave at four o'clock tomorrow morning, and I will rush back when the plane arrives at six o'clock." Song Xiaobao ran into the kitchen bouncing around, "What do you want to do?" What to eat? Oh ancestor! You don’t want to drink this stuff, do you? Dodge and dodge, I want noodles, I want dumplings!”
Fortunately, there is another girl.
In this way, it was another four years in a blink of an eye.
Four years later, Wei Qian never thought that he would meet Wei Zhiyuan under such circumstances.
Support: Please share with your friends!