After coming to Huaicheng No. 1 Middle School for a month, Lin Yu was startled to feel that something was wrong with him.
She began to suffer from frequent insomnia.
Lin Yujing felt that she was quite calm now. She really didn't think about anything. Her mind was so full of papers and classes every day that she had no time to think about anything else.
I don't know why, but I can't sleep.
Insomnia is a very painful thing. It’s different from staying up late. It’s the feeling of lying dry, closing your eyes and trying to empty your brain but tossing and turning, waiting for the time to pass and dawn. Very anxious.
She put Shen Juan's book under her pillow, and it actually had some effect, I don't know if it was a psychological effect.
It's just that I don't feel at ease after falling asleep. I often have a lot of messy dreams. When I wake up in the morning, I don't remember a minute. I just feel bored and panicked.
Anorexia ensues.
I didn't want to eat anything, my stomach was overwhelmed, and I forced myself to retch for a long time after eating, until I couldn't vomit anything.
In this way, I slept an average of two or three hours a day and anorexia lasted for almost half a month, and even the little soft girl at the same table noticed it and asked her: "Have you lost weight too quickly recently? "
Lin Yujing sometimes felt that her unbelievably big-hearted little deskmate was simply a blooming sunflower in such an oppressive learning environment. Listening to her talk made her feel a little more relaxed.
She lowered her head and wrote the English paper, her eyes followed the tip of the pen and quickly scanned the lines to read the questions, without stopping: "I don't know, I haven't weighed myself for a long time."
Sometimes she feels that she is very powerful now. No matter how poor the quality of sleep at night, how many hours of sleep, or how upset her stomach is, as long as she sits in the classroom during the day and opens the test paper with a pen in her hand, her spirit and concentration can be fully recovered. Concentrate on it.
Little Ruanmei sighed: "Aren't you looking in the mirror? I think your complexion is not very good. Here—" She pinched her chubby face, "It's all gone."
Lin Yu raised his head in surprise and looked at her: "Next English class."
Little soft girl: "I know."
Lin Yu asked in surprise, "Have you finished memorizing the words?"
The little soft girl was quiet for a second, then yelled and went to flip through the English book, muttering "It's over, it's over, it's over, it's over, it's over."
After studying in the evening and returning to the dormitory, Lin Yujing took a shower, wiped the mirror full of water vapor, and looked at himself in the mirror seriously.
It seems that she has lost a lot of weight, her eyes seem to be a little bigger than before, the fundus of her eyes is dark and dark, and her chin is as sharp as a face-lifting injection.
Haggard, like a street child who never stops.
Lin Yu heaved a sigh of relief, went to the cafeteria to buy a bowl of raw porridge, and forced himself to eat half a bowl. Within two minutes, he dropped the spoon and rushed to the toilet, hugging the toilet and started a new round of vomiting.
In the second year of high school, she can go home once a week. When she reaches the third year of high school, she will have classes on Saturdays and Sundays. She will have a day off for half a month. On weekends, Lin Zhi will come to pick her up.
Lin Zhi's face has been very ugly for the past two weeks, today especially, she would ask her about her study situation this week in the car, how was her weekly test result, and how many points she scored, but today she didn't say a word, and the two of them were silent all the way .
Until almost home.
Lin Zhi suddenly turned her hand on the steering wheel, and the car made a "thud" sound, and stopped abruptly on the side of the road.
Lin Yu was still looking out of the car window. It took more than ten seconds before he came back to his senses and turned his head slowly.
Lin Zhi looked at her from the rear-view mirror, her eyes were cold: "Who are you doing this for?"
Lin Yujing looked at her blankly, as if she didn't understand.
"Look at what you've made yourself into now? What do you mean? Take revenge on me?" Lin Zhi sneered and said, "You don't think this will work, do you? You know my temper, and you think you can do it like this Affecting me? Let me tell you Lin Yujing, you don’t have to do this, it’s useless to me.”
Lin Yujing understood.
She turned her head indifferently and looked out the car window.
Outside the car window is Huaicheng in winter, and people on the street are wrapped in thick coats against the wall, walking forward with their heads bowed.
She didn't know what city A was like at this time, but the winter temperature in Huaicheng was much higher than that in the imperial capital, but it was still cold.
That kind of damp coldness can be felt through a thick layer of car doors, the coldness that cannot be touched.
"Mom," Lin Yu said, looking out of the window in surprise, "I can't eat or sleep."
Lin Zhi didn't speak, she pursed her lips, her eyes were a little red, as if she was trying to restrain her anger or something.
"It's like this every day. I try my best to make myself better, but it doesn't work," Lin Yu said calmly, "You can find me a psychiatrist."
The psychiatrist Lin Zhi found opened a private psychiatric clinic called Yan Heng. He looked about forty years old, wearing glasses, handsome and gentle, and spoke very slowly.
The clinic is on the top floor of an office building. Lin Yujing opened the door and went in. The man put down the book in his hand and raised his head: "Lin Yujing?"
Lin Yujing greeted politely, "Hello."
Yan Heng smiled: "You look a lot like your mother."
"Ah," Lin Yu was startled, "Ah..."
"When she was sixteen or seventeen, she looked exactly like you," Yan Heng said, closing the book and standing up, "Is your mother annoying?"
Lin Yujing: ...
Lin Yu was surprised to find that this man's speech sounded a little inexplicably subtle.
She cleared her throat, not knowing what to say.
Yan Heng pointed to the single sofa in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows: "Sit down."
Lin Yu walked over in surprise, sat down, and watched him take out a cup from the cabinet by the wall: "Do you drink coffee? I have Geisha coffee that was given to me before, and I just made a pot," he said. Turning around, she winked at her, "I've never had such an expensive coffee, it's said that it tastes like fruit."
Lin Yu laughed in surprise, feeling a little more relaxed. Seeing him coming over with two cups of coffee, he couldn't help but said, "High calcium tablet, fruit flavor."
Yan Heng was stunned for a moment, then smiled and sat down opposite her: "You are more interesting than your mother. When she was your age, she was a conceited young lady with princess disease."
Lin Yujing finally couldn't hold back: "You and my mother..."
"High school classmate," Yan Heng sat down opposite her, "but don't worry, I won't tell her a word about what you said to me today, I still have this bit of professionalism, and I hate it too she."
Lin Yujing remained silent, and took a sip of the supposedly expensive coffee.
It seems to have a fruity taste.
"Your mother briefly told me about your situation. You were in City A before, weren't you?" Yan Heng put the coffee cup on the table and said something in dialect.
Lin Yu was stunned and raised his head.
"I'm from city A," Yan Heng smiled, "I studied in the imperial capital in high school, and then I came back."
Lin Yu was shocked and didn't hear what he said after that. When she heard that familiar dialect, her mind was a little confused.
Shen Juan would say it sometimes.
He has a nice voice, he is more sexy than his peers, and his dialect is a little softer than Mandarin, deep and gentle.
He also taught her a few words that are often used in daily life before, and she didn't speak standard, so he leaned his back against the wall and smiled, listening to her crappy pronunciation, lazily teasing: "You are from Xinjiang. City people?"
The little girl stared at him: "School bully, you are so arrogant, I have a hundred ways to make you unable to stay in No. 8 Middle School, do you believe it?"
Lin Yu quickly lowered his head in shock, and raised his hand to rub his nose.
Yan Heng is a person who is very easy to feel close to. Perhaps all psychiatrists are like this. They have their own methods to build trust in them in a short period of time.
After Lin Yujing finished speaking briefly, Yan Heng didn't interrupt much, and occasionally asked two questions, until finally, he looked at Lin Yujing, and asked softly, "Do you want to call that little friend of yours?"
Lin Yu was shocked and did not speak.
think.
When I first went to No. 1 Middle School, I went crazy thinking.
What now
Although there is no telephone in the dormitory, in fact, there is a landline in the room of the social management aunt on the first floor of each dormitory building, and students usually call their parents.
Lin Yujing only found out about this half a month ago, but she didn't call it either.
Yan Heng stared at her: "You must be afraid."
Lin Yu lowered his eyes in shock: "I don't know, I think I might not be able to hold on when I hear his voice."
When I didn't hear his voice, I thought it would be nice to just listen to the voice and make a phone call.
But desires can swell.
When I really hear it, will I start to want to see him.
Will you desperately want to escape from this prison-like place
"I still hope you can tell me the truth," Yan Heng said, "This is not the only thing you are afraid of."
Lin Yu was shocked and did not speak.
"You are also afraid of your little friend's attitude, aren't you?" Yan Heng said, "You haven't met or contacted since then, and you think this time is long enough for a person to undergo some changes. From the beginning to the end, you have no confidence in your relationship. Coupled with the depressive environment in your school, the combination of pressure from several parties has led to your current state of anxiety. You are under too much pressure gone."
Lin Yu pursed his lips silently, but still didn't speak.
Yan Heng leaned back on the sofa, but finally couldn't hold back and said, "What the hell did Lin Zhi do? She made a good child like this."
Lin Yu took a sip of his coffee in surprise, and even smiled happily when he heard this sentence: "I just don't believe in this, I can't believe that there are people in this world who... always like me, and people will always love me." changing."
People who can't even get the love of their parents.
How can I expect others to love me.
"It's rare for me to see a child at your age who thinks so... rational and negative," Yan Heng said with a sigh, "Do you want to hear my advice?"
Lin Yujing took a deep breath: "Speak."
"On the contrary, I think it's actually good for you to be separated for a year and a half."
"Have you noticed that the main conflict in the relationship between you and your little friend is not your mother, or whether you are separated now, but you. Even if you don't transfer schools now, you still hold With this kind of thinking, the problems between you will always exist, and sooner or later it will explode."
"You don't feel safe. He keeps pulling you, but you refuse to move. After a long time, he will definitely feel tired."
"So you can't be timid and expect him to pull you all the time until one day he finally pulls you out. He can pull you, but you still have to be willing to come out in the end."
Yan Heng spoke very slowly, and looked at her with gentle eyes: "Little friend, you have to try to believe that you can be loved forever."
The post bar and forum of No. 8 Middle School have been very exciting for some time. On average, a new post will appear every few minutes, and the topic of discussion is still the love story of the school bully.
In fact, there is nothing else, the main reason is that the incident of a school bully cheating on someone with the surname Shen cannot be revealed.
The reason is that the poor heroine was betrayed, heartbroken, lonely and transferred to another school.
No. 8 Middle School lost a seedling who could hit the provincial champion—or at least the city champion. The dean and other teachers have been missing for a long time.
Especially Liu Fujiang, the head teacher of Class 10, can be described as distraught.
He had always liked Lin Yujing, and his favorite student left as soon as he said it, which was not a big blow to this old and brand new head teacher.
But he still decided to believe in Shen Juan. Since the Shenlin CP fancier incident last time, Mr. Liu Fujiang learned to read post bars and forums. He came to the office and said in a daze, "Shen Juan, you don't need to be stressed, the teacher believes in you."
Shen Juan lowered his eyes, didn't speak, and was a little distracted.
Angrily, Liu Fujiang continued: "You and Lin Yujing are both good boys, you don't have to listen to those people, they are just looking for trouble, they just want to make up nonsense when they are idle and not studying. I didn't see any invisible relationship between you and Lin Yujing!"
Liu Fujiang patted the table: "What a good and pure tablemate relationship you two have! Huh? Help each other learn every day! These people know how to spread rumors every day!"
Shen Juan: "..."
He Songnan is one of the few people with a brain. He began to wonder if his brother had gotten something unclean. It seems that he has been too unlucky these days.
"Look at you." During lunch break, He Songnan ate two mouthfuls of fried rice with a spoon in his hand, then raised his head, "My girlfriend is leaving now, her whereabouts are unknown, and it directly confirms the fact that you cheated on me."
Song Zhiming tapped his left hand on his right hand: "Real hammer, pull the brakes."
The restaurant is small and smoking is not allowed. Shen Juan sits inside leaning against the wall, with a cigarette in his mouth, and the fried rice in front of him does not move.
A piece of cigarette ash hung on it, but Shen Juan didn't care, he lowered his eyes and didn't know what he was thinking.
He has often been in this state recently. Although he has not shown too obvious emotions of decadence, he basically doesn't speak much. He looks cold and indifferent, and there seems to be something sinking in his eyes.
He Songnan and Song Zhiming looked at each other, and He Songnan sighed: "Master Tired, let's eat first, we can't meditate like this every day without a girlfriend."
Shen Juan raised his eyes: "Who told you I'm gone."
"Then tell me where she is," He Songnan said, "in your mind?"
Shen Juan squeezed the cigarette in his mouth to take it out, knocked the ash into the plastic ashtray beside it, which had already piled up four or five cigarette butts, and extinguished it again: "I'm fucking talking to my heartless girlfriend about a different place. Love, can't you?"
Song Zhiming: "..."
He Songnan cupped his fists: "That's great."
More than a month after Lin Yu's shocking departure, Shen Juan started running between the studio and the hospital every day during the eighth middle school winter vacation.
Luo Qinghe's condition was still not optimistic, Shen's mother pushed back all the overseas work, and returned to City A.
After all, it was his own mother, Shen's mother could tell something was wrong with Shen Juan almost at a glance.
The hospital was quiet, Shen's mother sat by the bed, looked at Shen Juan who was standing by the window, and asked in a low voice: "Apart from your uncle, has anything else happened to you recently?"
Shen Juan didn't speak, leaned against the window sill, slammed his head on the snow-white wall, looked at Luo Qinghe lying on the bed, with a calm expression, and said after a while: "It's nothing, a cat ran away."
Shen's mother was stunned: "You have a cat?"
"Well, I picked it up." Shen Juan straightened his body, bowed his head, thinking of the girl standing at the door of the studio with a blank face that afternoon, "I rushed into the studio by myself."
"If you run away, just run away. If you like it, you can go to the cattery and pick one," Shen's mother said, "Most wild cats are unfamiliar, so it's normal to run away."
Not familiar with it
Shen Juan squinted his eyes: "If you don't know how to raise it, you can catch it later and tie it up."
Three months after Lin Yujing left, eight years later, the eighth middle school started.
Shen Juan left most of his last semester's things in school and did not take them away. With new books for the new semester, he pulled out the unused books from last semester from his desk.
Books and papers were piled up in a thick pile, and Shen Juan was all piled up on the table in a tall pile.
Wang Yiyang rushed in from the classroom door like the wind, the first thing he did was to come over, trying to give him a hug: "Dad! Dad! Long time no see! Ah!"
He bumped upwards, and several books on the tall pile of books on Shen Juan's desk were knocked down, clattered, some fell to the ground, and one fell on the empty desk next to it, and the pages of the books were flipped .
Shen Juan sighed, and glanced at Wang Yiyang: "When will you save Dad?"
Wang Yiyang pouted his buttocks to pick up the book that fell on the floor, and Shen Juan picked up the book that fell on Lin Yujing's desk. The pages were folded up, revealing the first page without his name on it.
After a tired meal.
He will definitely write his name on his books, and there is no other reason, but his things, he has to mark them habitually.
Shen Juan lowered his eyes, flipping through the book that was obviously not his, and there were words on it, which occasionally appeared in the margins of the book, in lazy, familiar fonts.
Shen Juan was startled, stood there and flipped through two pages, and a white note paper fell out.
Shen Juan lowered his eyes, picked up the paper while pinching it.
A poem was silent on it, the handwriting was a bit scribbled and floated, it could be seen that it was written in a hurry.
——I first saw you before the Doucao steps, and met you upstairs when you threaded a needle. Luo skirt fragrant dew jade hairpin wind. The eyebrows are green with beautiful makeup, and the face is red with embarrassment.
—The flowing water will follow the spring, and the cloud will end up with whoever it is. Sober up and hate Jinping Kong forever. Looking for the road in the dream, flying rain and falling flowers.
"Linjiang Fairy" by Yan Jidao.
Shen Juan felt that Lin Yujing's first year of single science in Chinese language must have been copied out of it, and he dared to leave such a thing that does not convey the meaning.
He looked at the paper for a long time, and his shoulders suddenly collapsed.
The fire in my heart just keeps burning like this, and it gets hotter and hotter, but it can't come out, it's suffocated.
As soon as he closed his eyes, all that appeared in his mind was the face of the girl looking at him with red eyes.
"You can let me go away for a while, but you will bring me back."
"You can't abandon me, you won't let go."
Even the eyelashes are fucking clear.
Shen Juan leaned back, slumped in the chair, raised his head, put the back of his hand on his eyes and smiled: "I owe you my fucking life."
Angry and helpless.
What else can I do.
wait.