"Huh?" Shu Nian's reaction was slow, and he didn't quite understand the meaning of his words for a while, so he just followed his words, "Yes, yes..."
As soon as these words fell, the two of them fell silent.
It didn't look awkward either.
Narrow stairwell.
The distance between Xie Ruhe and her was less than half a meter. He stood on the lower step, but he still looked a step taller than her. Warm light casts on him, a fine velvet halo, and a light shadow under the eyes.
His face was not as indifferent as it was in front of other people, but a little more gentle.
Sensing Shu Nian's sluggishness, Xie Ruhe lowered his eyes and grabbed her wrist.
His fingertips were slightly cold, like a piece of ice suddenly sticking to his skin, Shu Nian shrank subconsciously. Xie Ruhe's movements paused, without increasing his strength, he lightly rubbed his fingertips against her hand.
Like a small careless movement, but also like a deliberate touch.
Afterwards, Xie Ruhe put back the key he just took from her back into her hand.
"You come to open the door."
Shu Nian didn't know why things developed like this.
She went to the kitchen to wash two cups, feeling a little confused. His eyes drifted to his wrist, the wrist that Xie Ruhe had just touched seemed to be hot, scorching hot, continuous.
Shu Nian felt a little uncomfortable, and foolishly rinsed his wrist with cold water.
The living room is very quiet, and the sound of the kettle boiling can be faintly heard from here. Other than that, there was no other movement. But she somehow felt that his presence was particularly obvious, as if he was watching her nearby.
It is an existence that makes people feel stable, but also so nervous that they don't know where to put their hands and feet.
Shu Nian adjusted his mood, and returned to the living room with the washed cup.
Xie Ruhe was sitting on the sofa, currently flipping through a novel she put on the coffee table. Seeing her back, he put down what he was holding and took the cup from her.
Shu Nian hesitated and sat down beside him.
Watching him pick up the kettle, pour boiling water into the cup, and then add some cold water.
Xie Ruhe put one of the cups in front of Shu Nian.
He glanced around and asked casually, "You live alone?"
"Yeah." Shu Nian said softly, "My mother remarried, and it happened that I... I was sick during that time, so I moved here. I didn't live with them."
Xie Ruhe hummed, and didn't ask any more questions.
Shu Nian didn't know what to say, silently waiting for his answer.
There was a long silence.
As if thinking about it seriously, Xie Ruhe kept silent.
This delayed answer made Shu Nian feel inexplicably anxious. She hung her head and played with her fingers, and couldn't help but ask, "Have you considered it?"
Xie Ruhe's voice was lazy: "I'm still thinking about it."
"..." Even though he knew that he had his own considerations, and it was her own initiative. But he didn't come up with an answer after thinking about it for so long, probably because he was really embarrassed.
Shu Nian said sullenly: "Okay, think about it slowly."
The next second, Xie Ruhe suddenly said: "Why don't you think about it."
"Ah?" Shu Nian opened his mouth blankly, "What am I thinking about..."
Xie Ruhe withdrew his gaze expressionlessly, his eyes were not natural: "Consider whether to let me confess to you now, or let me continue to chase you until you agree."
His tone was extremely serious, as if he was really asking for her opinion seriously.
No joke at all.
Shu Nian swallowed, with a timid expression: "You mean, don't you mind?"
"What do I mind?"
Hearing this, Shu Nian was silent for a while, then stood up suddenly, ran to the bookcase with bare feet, and took out several books. She walked back and stuffed the book into Xie Ruhe's arms like giving a gift.
Dazed by her sudden action, Xie Ruhe said in a daze, "What is this?"
Shunian opened one of them: "It's a book about PTSD, with symptoms." She flipped to a certain place, and read to him in a low voice: "There will be psychological reactions of depression, often manifested as despair, helplessness, guilt, Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem, insecurity, etc. In severe cases, suicide attempts or behaviors... ”
Her speech speed accelerated, as if she was a little anxious.
Xie Ruhe interrupted her suddenly, and said seriously: "Shu Nian, I will find out."
Shu Nian lowered his eyes and said in a low voice: "I have been seeing a psychiatrist. I took medicine for more than a year before, and then gradually stopped under the doctor's advice. Now I don't take medicine."
"..."
Shu Nian emphasized without confidence: "The doctor also said that my condition is quite good..."
Xie Ruhe said: "I know."
"Exactly." Hearing what he said, Shu Nian's eyes were sore, and he suddenly wanted to cry, "I'm much better now, it's not that serious, and it won't be as scary as it said..."
I want him to understand clearly.
But I was worried that he would retreat after he understood it.
There will always be something that he particularly wants, and if he wants it, he tries his best to explain it, trying to make his own defects smaller in his eyes, but he has no confidence and dare not speak too much.
Xie Ruhe pursed his lips, and said bluntly, "I don't mind."
Shunian's voice paused for a few seconds, and then he spoke quickly, with a trembling ending: "I think if you say this, you might not have so many worries..."
"Even if you don't say that." Xie Ruhe said calmly, "I don't have any worries."
In this instant.
All worries and fears were completely dissipated, leaving only the joy of the rest of my life. Shu Nian blushed, immediately lowered his head, whimpered and said, "I want to wait until the illness is completely cured..."
But it may not be possible to wait until the day when it is completely good.
Mental illness is difficult to cure completely, Shu Nian knows it.
"Do you want to wait?" Xie Ruhe leaned over, wiped away her tears with his fingertips, and stared at her with lowered eyes, "I was like you before, I also wanted to wait until my legs were completely healed before thinking about this matter."
"..."
"But now I think." Xie Ruhe's lips curled up, "It's really unnecessary."
There should be no prerequisites for liking someone and wanting to be with him. This is anyone's right, where are there so many rules and regulations, and where are so many unnecessary waiting.
Those desires to be better, to be more perfect, are the motivating force, not the limiting obstacle. Because these things can be done with that person, and completed with that person's company.
Love is not just a request, but a gift that does not expect anything in return.
Shu Nian's voice was nasal: "This is different."
Xie Ruhe was very patient: "It's different."
"You're almost healed." Shu Nian said with inferiority, "But I'm not sure."
Xie Ruhe tilted his head and asked in a low voice: "Then why don't I stay with you?"
Shu Nian said, "Isn't this fair to you?"
If I knew that one day I would like him so much.
Shu Nian really wanted to go back to half a year ago, to the day when he reunited with Xie Ruhe, tell him at that time that he liked him, and then accompany him to slowly get better.
She also wanted to accompany him through that difficult time.
"Then you're being unfair to me."
"..." Because of his calm and indifferent appearance, Shunian's inner anxiety became more and more intense, and he couldn't help losing his temper, "You shouldn't be like this, you have to think seriously."
Xie Ruhe was taken aback: "What?"
Shu Nian was in a depressed mood, and felt that the things he had been nervous about for so long seemed to him to be just a trivial matter: "You have to think about it carefully, this is a major event in life."
"..." Because of her last four words, Xie Ruhe paused for several seconds, then suddenly laughed.
Shu Nian's eyes were still red, he suddenly raised his head, and said angrily, "Why are you laughing at me?"
Like a bunny with fried fur.
Xie Ruhe didn't speak, the corners of his mouth were still raised, without restraint.
Shu Nian didn't want to talk to him anymore: "I'm not wrong."
"Yeah. I'm sorry." Xie Ruhe said with a smile, "I shouldn't have laughed."
He was quick to admit his mistake without apologizing.
Shu Nian was still angry and didn't make a sound.
Xie Ruhe didn't speak any more, just stared at her quietly, his eyes were deep and affectionate with crow-feather eyelashes. His gaze seemed to be warm, focused and burning.
She lost her temper in an instant, and looked away unnaturally: "Don't look at me."
Xie Ruhe raised his eyebrows: "Can't you watch it?"
"It's not that I can't watch..." Shu Nian was so nervous that he couldn't breathe smoothly, and his voice was soft and sticky, "Just, just don't keep watching, it will make me feel..."
"What do you think?"
Shu Nian didn't know how to describe this feeling.
She raised her head cautiously, and glanced in Xie Ruhe's direction. Seeing his sparkling peach eyes and his overly gorgeous lips, she couldn't help but say what was in her heart: "You seem to be seducing me."
She said the word "seduce" in an extremely low voice.
But Xie Ruhe still heard clearly. His face froze, and his appearance became extremely unnatural, as if she had pierced his mind.
He didn't know how to respond for a moment.
The topic was suddenly pulled away.
Shu Nian felt that what he said just now was inappropriate, and his mind was confused and blank. Fearing that he would be angry, she stumbled and changed the topic: "It seems to be very late..."
"..."
Shu Nian touched the water glass and said, "The water is cold, I'll boil some more water."
She picked up the kettle and went to the water dispenser to fill it.
Only the sound of running water can be heard in the small room.
The sudden silence made the scene seem awkward.
Shu Nian hesitated for a while what to say to him.
Almost at the same time as she let go of the button of the water machine, Xie Ruhe's voice suddenly sounded behind her.
"Shu Nian. I don't know if you know, the second time I saw you in the hospital, I threw the phone on purpose because I saw you with other men."
Shu Nian paused and looked back at him.
"Let me tell you, it will take a while for Fang Wencheng to drive over, but he is actually in the nearby parking lot. My hands are not uncomfortable, I just want to find a reason to stay with you."
"In the later audition, I also deliberately asked Li Hong to find a new actor to audition. Because I want to see you."
"I called you on your birthday because I saw you talking with Xu Zeyuan when I was looking for you."
He spoke very slowly, as if he was remembering, and also as if he was a little embarrassed because of his behavior. But the whole time he said these words, Xie Ruhe's eyes were on her, without a trace of dodge.
Shu Nian looked at him, falling into his deep eyes.
"You said we've known each other for ten years, time flies." Xie Ruhe licked the corners of his lips, and said hoarsely, "But I didn't tell you, I like you for ten years."
"..."
"From the time we met, to the time we separated, and then we met again. I never liked anyone, and I never thought of forgetting you and liking someone else."
"It's not what you think. I like you because I've been with you for a long time. It's because I like you that I try my best to stay with you."
"It's not that I didn't take your concerns seriously, but I don't think it's necessary. Other things are very unnecessary to me, because I just want to be with you."
"I want to be with you forever."
He's not very expressive.
When he said these words, he seemed extremely nervous, and his face turned red. It's like turning into a teenage boy who doesn't understand anything and just wants to dedicate his whole heart to the girl he likes.
I don't want to hide myself anymore.
I just want to tell her how much he loves her.
Let her be completely at ease.
Shu Nian stayed where he was, moved his lips, but didn't speak.
After saying these words, Xie Ruhe stood up with an extremely uncomfortable expression, "I like you, you can think about whether you want to be with me."
"..."
He added softly: "I will treat you well."
Seeing that Shunian did not speak for a long time, Xie Ruhe was not in a hurry to ask for an answer, but said: "You can tell me after you have considered it. It is very late, I will go back first."
Shu Nian stared at him, looking a little dazed.
Xie Ruhe touched the back of his neck: "Go to bed early."
He lifted his foot and walked towards the entrance, just as he was about to open the door.
Behind him came the sound of the hot water pot being placed on the table, and the crisp sound of feet being slapped on the ground. Accompanied by Shu Nian's voice: "Xie Ruhe."
Xie Ruhe turned around.
Shunian's eyes were bright, as if he was very nervous, his cheeks were flushed, and his breathing seemed to be short of breath. She walked up to him, put her hand into his palm, lowered her eyes and said solemnly: "Okay."
"..."
"I'll be nice to you too." She whispered.