Shu Nian raised his hand to cover the cheek that was kissed by him, sniffed, and retorted nonchalantly: "It's not this..."
Her eyes and nose are red, like a wronged little rabbit. Because of this sudden kiss, Shu Nian's sad mood was transferred in an instant, and he didn't know what to say, so after holding back for a long time, he only said one sentence: "Why did you kiss me."
Xie Ruhe tilted his head and asked, "Can't we kiss?"
"No..." Shu Nian pursed his lips, a little dazed, and immediately couldn't remember what he wanted to say to him just now. She looked away, thought about it seriously, and said softly after a long while, "It's ok."
Then, she added sullenly: "But I'm too ugly now, don't kiss now."
When she woke up, she felt pain in her face and neck. When she touched it herself, she could clearly find that half of her face was swollen. Even without a mirror, Shu Nian can still imagine himself.
Hearing this, Xie Ruhe stared down at her, his facial features were softened by the light, looking focused and gentle.
Shu Nian avoided his sight.
In the next second, Xie Ruhe leaned over, lowered his head, and met her timid and inferior eyes. He paused, kissed her eyes lightly, and asked, "Didn't you just say it's okay? Why did you go back on your word so quickly?"
"..."
"Don't go back on your word." His tone seemed to be scolding the child, but it was not harsh, more like coaxing and inducing. Xie Ruhe's lips moved down, touching hers, and said vaguely, "I want to kiss now."
Shu Nian didn't want to sleep, Xie Ruhe didn't coax her to sleep either.
Because of that intimate act, she no longer felt that inferiority complex, and she no longer asked Xie Ruhe not to fall in love with her as before, but just sat quietly on the bedside without making a sound.
He kept listening to Xie Ruhe talking to her.
Xie Ruhe is not a person who talks a lot, he doesn't know what to say, the content he told her at this time is also what happened when he was in France, most of them are boring, and what's more, they are the ideas and inspirations for composing songs.
These contents are probably boring to her.
But he just wanted to divert her attention and stop thinking about those things.
This sudden encounter damaged Shunian's energy. At this moment, her eyelids were drooping, and she was listening to Xie Ruhe's words seriously, but she seemed to be extremely sleepy. She didn't want to fall asleep, so she sat up straighter again.
After thinking about it, Shu Nian stared at a certain place in the sky, his eyes were a little empty, and suddenly interrupted Xie Ruhe's words, and opened his mouth.
"If, you feel that you can't stand it anymore."
Xie Ruhe was stunned, his Adam's apple slipped, and he didn't speak.
Shunian finished speaking: "You can tell me directly."
"..."
"No matter what your decision is." Shu Nian stopped crying, rubbed his eyes vigorously, and said hoarsely, "I will thank you very much."
Xie Ruhe immediately understood the meaning of her words, and said seriously: "I won't."
Hearing this answer, Shu Nian was silent for a while, then suddenly mentioned something: "I should have told you, I was in love once before, it was with Xu Zeyuan."
Xie Ruhe's lips straightened, and he hummed lightly.
I know it's not good to mention Xu Zeyuan to him, but because of exhaustion, Shu Nian's thoughts are not very clear. At this moment, she just wanted to express all her thoughts, thoughts that she had held back for a long time, and tell him all of them.
"I was rescued by the police and I didn't go to school for a while."
"..."
"I'm recuperating in the hospital." Shu Nian spoke very slowly, pausing for a few seconds after saying a few words, as if thinking, "Also, I have to take notes. They will come to me repeatedly and ask me, am I How did I get arrested, what happened this week, what Zeng Yuanxue did to me."
Xie Ruhe held her hand and listened quietly.
"A lot of people came to ask." Thinking of what happened at that time, Shu Nian suddenly lost his temper, and said sullenly, "Why do I have to say it so many times? I've told them all. Why do I keep asking."
Xie Ruhe said: "They are wrong."
"Then." Shu Nian continued to think, "During this period of time, Xu Zeyuan came to see me once."
Xie Ruhe asked: "Come to comfort you?"
Shu Nian sniffed: "He saw that I was hurt and felt unhappy. It seemed to be comforting me. I don't remember much. I only remember that he came here once."
"..."
"Later, I recovered from my injury and went back to school." Shunian said, "I didn't know until I went back that during the time I disappeared, my classmates in the school were forwarding about me. People who knew me Basically everyone knows, and those who don’t know, also know that there is a girl who has been missing from the broadcasting host for a week.”
"They all thought I was miserable, thought I was pitiful. Been missing for a week, got caught by a man, thought I must have been raped."
Shu Nian explained calmly: "Then Xu Zeyuan came to break up with me."
"He told me that he knew I was brave and didn't care about these things. He said that I could face the police's problems calmly, and I would probably go to court without changing my face in the future. It didn't matter if I heard other people's gossip. A layer of mist appeared in Shu Nian's eyes again, "He said he couldn't do it, he admitted that he was cowardly and couldn't stand other people's eyes."
"But I'm not very brave." Shu Nian held back his tears, "I'm scared every day."
Every time she recalls it, she feels terrified.
Thinking of going to court and meeting Zeng Yuanxue, Shu Nian could not sleep peacefully one day.
But she suppressed her fear and cooperated with the police and lawyers again and again because she hoped that Zeng Yuanxue would be sentenced to death. She cannot accept death reprieve or indefinite period.
It was the first time in Shu Nian's life that he hated someone so much.
As long as he still exists in this world, she will not be able to sleep peacefully every day and night, and will be awakened when she falls asleep. I was afraid that he would come back and drag her back into that dark house again, tormenting her in every possible way.
As long as he dies.
Those fears should all go away.
Shu Nian thought so.
But no.
Although she escaped from hell, for a long time later, because of mental problems, she lived by Zeng Yuanxue's side every day, and lived in the week of trauma.
Those memories reappeared repeatedly, imprisoning her like shackles.
"Why did they say this about me?" Shu Nian really couldn't understand, "I was not raped, and I still feel very uncomfortable hearing such words. But what if I was really treated like this."
"Do they think I should feel ashamed? But I am a victim, why should I feel ashamed." She said with red eyes, "I was hurt, it's not my fault."
Why
The ones who should be ashamed are the perpetrators, those who rub salt on the victim's scars.
not her.
After saying such a long series of words, Shunian's strength was completely exhausted, and his voice became more and more sluggish and softer: "It was terrible when I got sick, if you want to separate from me in the future, you can tell me. "
The corners of Xie Ruhe's eyes were red, and the corners of his mouth were reluctantly pursed.
"That's it."
"I used to get better on my own." Shu Nian seemed to be hypnotizing himself, "So you don't have to worry, I don't feel ashamed, and I won't be hit hard just because you broke up with me. I will Get better."
Xie Ruhe kissed the back of her hand: "This time I will accompany you to get better."
She didn't respond again.
His eyelids were closed, and he fell asleep frowning.
Xie Ruhe didn't say another word, and smoothed her brows.
He sat beside her and looked at her quietly.
The Shunian in the memories, she was always brave.
She is not afraid of being scolded by adults, teased by classmates, weird-shaped insects, or walking alone at night. She has nothing to fear except the ghost that doesn't exist.
In the classroom, when she heard the female students screaming in horror because of the bees that flew in suddenly, she never felt that they made a fuss, and she never felt that their fear was incomprehensible just because she was not afraid.
She will take the initiative to help them drive away the source of fear, and then comfort them softly.
Let them not be afraid.
After seeing the wound Xie Ji smashed with a cup, she wanted to tell Xie Ji that it was wrong to do so, even though she knew that he might be hurt.
She still has no hesitation.
But she is also timid and timid.
Will cry in fear of a pervert, lose his temper with him, tempt him with candy to send her to school. She will be afraid of being hurt, carefully avoiding the dark places of this world.
That period of fear only occupied a small period of time in her long life.
But now, it has become her daily routine.
The Shunem who loves the world.
From fearless to fearless.
Fearing that she would wake up in the middle of the night, Xie Ruhe didn't dare to leave, so he sat on the sofa next to her and stayed with her all night.
At dawn the next day, Shu Nian woke up. She sat up, still in a bad mood, as if she hadn't reacted, she looked around blankly.
Xie Ruhe was awakened by her movement and opened his eyes. He has long hands and long legs, and it is not very comfortable to sit on this small sofa all night. At this moment, he stretched subconsciously.
Shu Nian paused, and asked softly, "Why are you sleeping here?"
Xie Ruhe didn't answer, but brought up another topic: "What do you want for breakfast?"
Shu Nian shook his head: "I'm going to wash up."
She got up, and suddenly noticed the clothes she was wearing. After a long period of time, she stared blankly at Xie Ruhe. Shu Nian's face turned red in an instant, and he murmured, "You can't change my clothes..."
Xie Ruhe was also stunned for a moment, his ears burning instantly: "No, I asked my aunt to change it for you."
Shu Nian pulled down the clothes on his body, his expression was a little embarrassed. But she was afraid that Xie Ruhe might misunderstand what she meant, so she explained embarrassingly: "I didn't mean to resist you... I just think it's not good if you're not married yet."
"..." Xie Ruhe looked away, "I understand."
One of them was standing on the ground, and the other half-kneeled on the bed.
There was a stalemate for a while.
Shu Nian felt that something was wrong, and added in a low voice: "I didn't hint that I want you to marry me..."