"So, you are not completely desperate, and you still think that one day, you can be with them..."
"No." A San shook his head and interrupted me, saying, "They can't accept me. Although my father loves my mother, but my mother is also in love with him, and the enmity is offset by him. As for me It’s an extra debt. They don’t want to add this burden to themselves, and they don’t want to see me and think of the painful past. So, I didn’t report any expectations about this incident. But after I wanted to understand it, I felt that , After all, it matters. If it is completely cut off like this, it will always feel bad."
"Actually, if you picked this out in front of them before, it might be more effective." I said.
"Maybe, but it's more likely to make them fall into the guilt of the past." Asan said: "I don't want to treat them like that. Although I haven't lived together for so many years, I don't have any feelings at all, but it is a mother after all. She’s relatives. Although her mother is dead, the place in East Jiuzhai is the village she used to save and cannot be destroyed because of me."
I looked at Ah San quietly, and I never felt that she was so empathetic.
No, it should be said that she has always been like this, but she has not met anyone who can treat her like this.
Seeing her long eyelashes blinking on her gradually enlightened eyes, I suddenly couldn't help but laugh. Ah San turned his head to look at me in a daze, and asked, "Why do you suddenly laugh?"
I smiled and shook my head and said, "I don't know, I just feel very relaxed in my heart. If I want to laugh, I laugh naturally."
Ah San looked at me blankly, then turned his head and said, "Insane!"
I was even happier to be scolded by her like this. San who can scold people, is the real San, and the living San. That sick person, like Sister Lin, doesn't match her in my heart.
Speaking of this, I suddenly remembered one more thing, and asked her: "Ah San is a fake name, right? You haven't told me my real name for so long?"
"It's not fake." Asan said, "In the orphanage, I slept in the third bed since nap, so my aunt named me Asan. However, this is a nickname, as for the real name... I won't tell you. "
Seeing Ah Sanyi's arrogant face, I sighed helplessly and said, "To accompany you all the hardships, risking your life, going up the sword mountain, down the sea of fire, without even telling me your real name."
"How can there be so many dangers, you will brag..." Asan said.
I screamed, made an angry look, and deliberately said coldly: "If you say there is no, then there will be no. Anyway, like those people, I can never be trusted by you."
Although I was pretending to look like this before, when I said this, I really had such an idea, and naturally I also had some resentment in my heart.
Asan turned her head to look at me. I was cold and kept silent. She looked at it for a while and asked, "So stingy, so angry?"
I said: "I'm not angry, what's so angry, isn't it just a name. I haven't done enough for you, you don't want to say, I don't force it."
This is of course an irony. From the trip to Wushan to the present, although I have not really gone to the sword mountain and down the sea of fire for Ah San, it is by no means a fake because she wandered around the ghost gate several times. Fighting against those black people, going deep into Chishui in the Peach Blossom Spring, fleeing Miaojiang with her, fighting against Bai Human, these things are vivid. In terms of details, my care, love, and affection for her, even Monk Jueming can smell it, and naturally it won't be fake.
Asan blinked, her little nose wrinkled slightly, and said, "What a petty man, okay, okay, for the sake of you running around for me so many days, and asking questions so sincerely, I I will tell you kindly and compassionately."
"I'm not rare to listen!"
"Really?"
"It's more real than pearls!"
"Well, then I won't talk about it."
I got anxious when I heard it, and jumped up on the spot, saying, "Does your words count? Just now you said you want to tell me, if you don't tell me, you won't tell me, why don't you be so obedient? !"
Ah San laughed out loud and said, "Why are you embarrassed to say this?"
I also feel that this is really a bit weak for my manhood, but if I say it, I can't take it back. I simply play a rogue and say: "You are embarrassed to say nothing, what am I embarrassed about." "
"Okay, okay." Asan smiled and waved at me, and said, "Seeing you blushing, your face is really thin. Actually, my name is nothing special. The reason why I don’t say it is just because it belongs to my father. I only found out before the grave. He had named me a long time ago, but he never had time to call out in person."
I looked at her in amazement. I didn't expect that there was such a thing hidden in a name. Ah San sighed, motioned me to sit down, don't block the flames. After I sat next to her, she said, "I heard people say that in order to give me a name, Dad consulted many people, and even went to fortune-telling or something. At that time, many people laughed and scolded him for a name. The king is the king, but my father is still happy and he is happy. It's just that my mother walked so fast that he didn't even leave him the opportunity to come and decide the name. My father once told a friend before sending me to the orphanage , If I can find my mother, my name is Si Ai Ye. Do you know which word Ai Ye is?"
"Love of love, leaves of white leaves?" I guessed.
"No." Asan stretched out his hand for a piece of firewood, made a few strokes on the ground, and said, "It's these two characters."
I looked through the firelight and realized that it was "Ai Ye".
Ah San looked at the words on the ground and asked, "Do you know what Ai Ye is?"
I shook my head and said, "I don't know."
Asan explained: "Artemisia argyi is a kind of grass, which is inserted in the door during the Dragon Boat Festival. It tastes bitter and has a small poison. I think that my father gave me this name, which should have two meanings."
I understood what Asan meant by the two things, but didn't interrupt, waiting for her to say it herself. Asan said: "The first meaning is that he loves Bai Ye. The second meaning is that this relationship is like Ai Ye, a bit bitter and a bit poisonous."
I opened my mouth, and Asan glanced over, smiled and shook his head, and said, "Don't worry, I didn't think much, just said that. Moreover, this is actually not my name, because my father didn't find my mother back. "
"What about the second name?" I asked along the way.
"The second..." Ah San was silent for a while, and then slowly said, "The second name is also very simple. Dad said, if he can't find his mother, then I will be Si Baili. A very simple name. , Isn't it very unpleasant?"
I shook my head, sighed slightly, and said, "It sounds good, but I don't know why, I think the name Asan sounds better."
"I think so too." Asan laughed and said, "That's why I don't want to tell you."
Although she is smiling, the sadness hidden in her eyes cannot be completely concealed. Her appearance makes me feel very heavy inside, and the sad emotions spread to each other through the air.
I didn't speak, and she didn't speak, our conversation stopped abruptly.
We can only sit there together, quietly looking at the fire in front of us.
Monk Jueming sat cross-legged behind the fire. He kept listening to our conversation, but never spoke. At this moment, after we fell silent, the great monk was finally willing to chant the Buddha's name. His voice was heavy and slow, but it could easily dispel the sentimental and heavy atmosphere.
Listening to his voice, I couldn't help but exhale heavily. At the same time, I heard Ah San exhaling.
We looked at each other at the same time, and after a short moment, we all burst into laughter.
No one knows why we laughed, but we all laughed.
The baby corpse grabbed a burning firewood, looked at us stupidly, looking up with a small face, thinking with a confused look on his face.
We laughed for a long time, and we almost got out of breath before we came down. I was choked with saliva, swallowed hard, and then asked Asan, "Starting to go to Fengdu tomorrow?"
"Yeah." Ah San nodded.
I thought for a while, and then asked: "Will you come here after returning from Fengdu?"
Asan shook his head and said, "I won't come for the time being, it's meaningless. I thought I was here to eat delicious food and have fun. Who would have thought that I would be chopped off on the first day of arrival, so unfortunate."
I know she was joking on purpose, but at the same time I was very thankful that she shook her head, but then it occurred to me that Ah San is the same person as Lien Daozhen. I can't say it, but one day, it will come.
Miao Jiang is not her home, but her roots exist. How can we not come
Moreover, Miao Jiang is tracking down the thing that exploded. If there is news, they may find us or notify us. In this way, the two sides will inevitably have contact. Ah San shook his head, but his body didn't want to set foot again, but fate never paid attention to your body, and even your thoughts would be ignored.
What I should come, I will always come, and I can’t leave even if I want to. This is what I have experienced the most so far.
And the whole trip to Miaojiang, by that night, was also considered to have come to an end. Although we did not get any substantive results in the end, it was a worthwhile trip.
First, I had a fight with Bai Human, knowing my shortcomings, and at the same time I saw and understood the terrible Miaojiang. Although it is a pity not to see that Wu Yiman take action, it is a pity not to see Monk Jue Ming's phantom Buddha showing his power, but if I only take risks, I have been very fulfilled these days.
And Asan, got a lot of things.
The importance of Naduo Lao Si, the elimination of the hostility of the Miao people, and the answers to questions about her life experience are all important to her. It's just that compared to these gains, the death of Lord Lordin and the emotional past of his parents have dealt a series of heavy blows to Ah San.
There were gains and losses, she really couldn't say whether she made a profit or lost this trip.
But in life, we can't always think about surplus and loss. After all, we are not in business. I believe that Ah San should not be disappointed, because she has already got what she wants most. (End of this chapter)