When I was 18 years old, I traveled far away for you. When I was 21 years old, I killed people for you. When I was 31 years old, I walked out of prison after many vicissitudes of life. The first thing I saw was you standing under the tree.
I want to say to you:
I have been deviant all my life for you.
I love you and I want us to be together.
—Inscription by Song Nan Tomb
…
December 24th.
It was snowing heavily in New York today and the ground was very slippery. Song Nan Tomb slipped when he came out of the company. Fortunately, he was wearing a down jacket and it didn't hurt.
There were not many people on the spacious pedestrian avenue, which passed through a European-style arcade. It was the current home of him and Jiang Beize.
The house is rented and is very close to the store. There are two huge Christmas trees on both sides of the store. Song Nan Tomb, who came out with two bags of ingredients, suddenly remembered that tomorrow is Christmas.
When he opened the door and went in, he saw Jiang Beize leaning on the sofa and talking on the phone with a smile.
He was wearing a cream-white sweater with a blue shirt underneath. The collar of the shirt was turned out, making him look clean.
Song Nan Tomb looked at him for a few times, then threw the ingredients in front of him, making a loud noise, like a childish child trying to attract the attention of adults.
Before hanging up the phone, Jiang Beize said "Happy birthday, second brother", and Song Nan Tomb heard it clearly.
"You're back."
Jiang Beize took up the thread and opened the plastic bag in front of him. There were potato chips, beef, curry, green peppers...
This is their ration for a week.
"I'm going to cook. Let's have beef curry tonight?"
"Yeah, whatever."
Song Nan Tomb was leaning on the single sofa on the other side, scrolling through his cell phone out of boredom.
Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Jiang Beize enter the kitchen. He quickly took his mobile phone on the table and looked at the call history.
Well, as expected, I had a phone call with Jiang Beiyuan.
But the call lasted only one minute, not long. It was probably just to say "Happy Birthday" to his second brother.
He cleared his throat and pretended to put the phone back.
…
Jiang Beize was cooking in the kitchen and was burned by the rice cooker. He didn't take it seriously. He rinsed it under cold water and then washed the beef.
Song Nan Tomb came in, took out a can of Coke from the refrigerator next to him, leaned against the refrigerator door, and looked at Jiang Beize lazily.
"What do you see me doing?"
Jiang Beize lowered his eyebrows. His fingers were delicate and the joints were slender.
Song Nan Tomb walked over, lifted the bangs from his forehead in a natural movement, and then kissed him.
"Hurry up, I'm starving."
After saying that, he walked out casually.
Jiang Beize was left standing there with a big red face and coughed several times...
Yes, he is with Song Nan Tomb.
Two years ago, he finished high school. The first person he saw at the gate of the university was Song Nan's tomb.
Jiang Beize could vaguely remember that Song Nan Tomb wore a black jacket and a pair of brown Martin boots that day, with a heroic appearance and a cold aura.
"My love will never be lost."
At that time, my mind was filled with these four words he wrote.
I never expected that he would come all the way and appear in front of him in such a real way.
The first thing Song Nan Tomb said to him was:
"I don't wait for you anymore, I'm here to find you myself."
His nose was sore and his heart was extremely moved.
Then a year ago, they got together, dated, and confirmed their relationship.
He and Song Nanmu are both people with strong learning ability. They have completed all the courses in three years. He is 20 years old this year. He rented a house with him and they lived together. Song Nanmu worked in finance in a company. Working in a coffee shop, Song Nan Tomb made a lot of money, but he cooked delicious food.
neutralize.
…
The 20-year-old Song Nan Tomb is very handsome.
He has always liked to have a square, neat hairstyle, and it has been the same in the past few years. The 16-year-old young man has become much more refined after 4 years of polishing. He has thick black eyebrows, a high bridge of nose, and an aggressive look. Full of energy.
When those eyes looked at Jiang Beize, they looked like a wolf, wild and aggressive again.
When Jiang Beize saw this face every day, he felt flushed and couldn't help but cough a few times while eating.
Song Nan Tomb glanced at him: "You have a cold?"
"Huh? No, no, I choked while cooking."
"Bring it with your right hand."
"oh oh."
He handed over his hand, not knowing why, but the latter took his thumb and looked it up and down repeatedly, frowning slightly and rubbing his fingertips, "Have you sprayed any scalding medicine?"
"...No, it's so pretentious."
Embarrassed, he took his hand back and scratched his hair.
Song Nan Tomb glanced at him, then kicked away the stool and left.
Just when Jiang Beize was wondering if he was full, the man came back, took a bottle of scalding medicine, sprayed it twice on his hand, and blew on it like he was coaxing a child.
Jiang Beize found it funny, "You are making a fuss out of a molehill."
"You are so delicate and pretentious than women, why should I know?"
As soon as he finished speaking, the phone rang suddenly, breaking the warmth.
It's from Song Nan Tomb.
Jiang Beize's right eyelid twitched, and for some reason, he had a very bad feeling in his heart.
I don't know who the call was from, but the moment the call was answered, Song Nan Tomb's expression gradually became solemn.
I haven't seen him so solemn in two years.
"What's wrong?"
After he put down the phone, Jiang Beize dared to ask.
Song Nan Tomb: "My grandma is critically ill... I have to go back to Ningcheng."
…
Jiang Beize has always known that Song Nan Tomb was a child of a single-parent family.
His parents divorced when he was very young, and he lived with his brother Song Yikai.
But in the countryside, there is an old grandmother in Song Nan's tomb. Song Yikai has always said that he would take the old woman to live there, but the old woman likes the quiet and simple environment in the countryside and is not willing to live in a big city.
On the day Song Nan Tomb left, Jiang Beize went to see him off at the airport.
He was wearing a white down jacket without a big fur collar on the back. He thought the fur collar was irritating his neck, so he took it off.
But there was no scarf at home, so Jiang Beize wrapped the fur collar around Song Nan Tomb's neck several times.
"The temperature in Ningcheng is about the same as here. Just take it easy."
"Um."
Song Nan Tomb took his hand and squeezed it tightly.
In fact, he wanted to kiss him twice, but there were too many people around, and he knew Jiang Beize would be shy and unhappy.
"I'll be back as soon as possible. If you need anything, call me."
"I know, I'll call you if I miss you." Jiang Beize answered quickly.
Song Nan Tomb liked hearing this and touched his soft head before retracting his hand.
"My brother is pretty good at it."
Then Jiang Beize blushed again.
When at home, Song Nan Tomb especially liked Jiang Beize to call him brother, Nan brother.
But Jiang Beize rarely barks.
After dating, the names became casual, either "Hey" or "Hey", or you, you, you. When he got interested, he would call him "Master".
but now…
Jiang Beize pursed his lips and helped Song Nan Tomb straighten his collar.
"Brother Nan, come back soon."
Song Nan's heart shrank!
I really want to kiss him!
Hold it!
…
It also snowed in Ningcheng today. After Song Nan Tomb got off the plane, he took a taxi to the countryside without stopping. The taxi driver was still chattering along the way, saying that the road was slippery in the snow and that he had to pay more.
Song Nantou raised his head twice, then said nothing and turned to look out the window.
The snow outside was falling heavily, making people feel cold all the way to the bottom of their hearts.
When he arrived at his grandma's house, the first thing Song Nan Tomb saw was Song Yikai squatting beside the bed.
In his memory, his brother was always like a child. He liked to grin with his teeth bared, and sometimes liked to flatter his boss. Song Nan Tomb couldn't stand that look on him.
But now, he seems to be getting older, with a few white hairs sprouting from the top of his head, which is very eye-catching to Song Nan Tomb.
"You're here."
As soon as he turned his head, Song Yikai saw Song Nan's tomb, wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes, stood up and smiled at him.
"Come here quickly, grandma has been waiting for you for a long time."
Song Nan Tomb walked over. He was 186cm tall, squatted down and held the old man's hand.
Grandma looked at him very tenderly: "My Xiaoye is finally back... Xiaoye is back..."
"Well, I'm back. I'm sorry, grandma."
Sorry, I always thought that there would be a lot of time to fulfill my filial piety in the future, so I never thought that parting would come so soon.
The old man's dark palm touched his face.
"Silly boy, I'm sorry for you, and our Song family is sorry for you... Your parents divorced when you were still so young. I know you've had a hard time these years..."
“…”
"Grandma really hopes to live a few more years to see you get married... to see you have children... then I can hold my great-grandson... "
The hand Song Nan Tomb was holding suddenly relaxed, and he didn't dare to look into the old man's eyes.
He felt very sad, so sad that he frowned tightly and felt like there was a hole in his heart.
He wanted to say, Grandma, I may never get married in this life.
He wanted to say, I may never have children in this life, I'm sorry.
But in the end he said nothing.
Until the old man closed his eyes peacefully, he lay on the bedside, his eyes red.
…
After settling grandma's funeral arrangements, Song Yikai hoped that Song Nan Tomb could come back to Ningcheng.
He has studied abroad for three years. It would be easier to find a job in Ningcheng.
Song Nan Tomb didn't want to come back.
"I am living well abroad. I found a financial job and can support myself for a month."
He squatted on the ground and packed his luggage while talking.
"You have to make plans for the future. You are a man, and you don't just have to support yourself!"
"You don't have to worry, I can support the people I love."
Hearing the strange tone of his voice, Song Yikai looked at Song Nan's tomb and felt that something was different about him.
"Hey, boy, did you find a foreign girl abroad behind my back?"
"roll."
The luggage was packed, and the moment he stood up, a photo fell out from the wallet in his pocket.
It was a photo of him and Jiang Beize.
Taken in Chinatown.
He picked it up expressionlessly, pretending to be casual. Song Yikai's sharp eyes saw the person in the photo.
"Hey, isn't this my boss's brother? Are you two still in contact?"
"Huh? Ang."
“…”
Song Yikai pursed his lips.
"My colleague has a sister who is about the same age as you. She is very honest and quiet. She also has a stable job now. You finally come back, so you are not in a hurry to go back. How about having a meal with her on the weekend?"
"No, I'll leave tomorrow."
He quickly picked up the suitcase on the floor and walked to the room.
Song Yikai looked at his back and smiled jokingly, "Haha, my brother must be gay!"
The walking boy's steps faltered, and his back became three-quarters stiff.
The smile on Song Yikai's lips gradually solidified.
Time was frozen together.
Until Song Nan Tomb returned to his room, he was still in a petrified state and did not come back to his senses for a long time.
…
Song Yikai's life has been very regular these years.
I go to work and get off work every day, and then cook for my brother, wash clothes, and check homework.
He doesn't smoke or drink, doesn't go to bars, doesn't go to discos, and lives a Buddhist-style life.
The job of assistant to the president is very lucrative, and some female employees in the company have secretly expressed their love for him, but Song Yikai rejected them all.
He wanted to save more money in the past few years, buy a house for Song Nan Tomb, equip him with a good car, and then get married himself.
Because he owed Song Nan Tomb very much.
Growing up, he, as his elder brother, was careless and ignored his feelings many times. The scars and shadows caused by his parents' divorce to Song Nan's heart were something Song Yikai could not compensate him for.
But my brother actually...
Song Yikai smoked a lot today, locked himself in the study, and smoked one cigarette after another.
The entire study was filled with smoke and smoke, and there were many empty wine bottles scattered around on the floor.
Song Yikai put his hands in his hair, lowered his head, and his brain turned to mush. He couldn't figure out why Song Nan's tomb was bent.
When I think of that photo in my mind, the person should be the boss's younger brother.
Does his boss know about this
Okay, even if Jiangbeiyuan knew about it, Jiangbeiyuan would also acquiesce, but as an elder brother, he couldn't accept it!
He couldn't accept it at all!
There was a photo of him and Song Nan's tomb on the desk. Song Yikai took the photo, rubbed the face of the young man on it, and smiled bitterly.
"Xiaoye, don't blame me, I'm doing this all for your own good..."
…
The next afternoon, Song Nan Tomb had already arrived at the airport. He called Jiang Beize and said that he would go back in the evening.
Jiang Beize: "You don't have to come back. I have already vacated my house in New York. I plan to pack my things and go back to Ningcheng."
"What's wrong?"
"It's nothing. I just feel that I have to come back and live there. I have a property in Ningcheng. My second brother left it to me. I can live there."
"Okay, send me the address and I'll come find you when you come back."
"Um… "
After hanging up the phone, Jiang Beize looked at Song Yikai sitting opposite.
He received a call from Song Yikai in the middle of the night yesterday, saying that he wanted to have a good talk with him. Jiang Beize was not stupid and knew that Song Yikai should know something.
So five minutes ago, he came to this coffee shop. Song Yikai booked a box and sat across from Jiang Beize.
Jiang Beize discovered that Song Yikai had gone through a lot of changes. He was wearing a wrinkled suit. He had not shaved today, and a green stubble appeared on his chin.
Song Yikai was silent for a long time, and after drinking his third cup of coffee, he spoke.
"I'm going to use the bathroom."
"Assistant Song, if you have something to say, just say it!"
"..." Song Yikai finally looked at Jiang Beize.
The boss's younger brother is a very handsome boy with fair skin and big eyes. If it weren't for his short hair, he would be even more handsome than girls.
But no matter how handsome he looks, it can't change the fact that he is a boy!
"I'm really surprised... I didn't know you two could be together... My brother had a girlfriend when he was in middle school, so I always thought his sexual orientation was normal... I didn't expect..."
Jiang Beize listened quietly and said nothing.
Song Yikai sighed heavily and stared at him.
"When he was 16 years old, he changed his name smoothly. He was no longer called Song Nanye, but had to be called Song Nan Tomb. Why is there a tomb in his heart that hides the widow? Is it because of you?"
"..." Jiang Beize did not answer and acquiesced.
Song Yikai felt as if his chest was going to explode.
He thought he was in two parallel worlds, but they happened to intersect!
Parallel lines will eventually return to a parallel state!
"I don't think this is love. Maybe you are both in a foreign country, and you are all the same age. Your parents have divorced, so you are relatively similar and familiar with each other, and you have developed a sense of dependence."
"But have you ever thought about it, you two have no future. Just like mice, you have to hide wherever you go. Getting married is even less possible, and having children is even less possible."
"Before Grandma Xiaoye died, she held Xiaoye's hand and told him that she most wanted to see him get married and have children. I don't know where you two have developed, but in our old Song family, there has never been anything like this. People!"
Saying that, Song Yikai paused and suddenly pulled Jiang Beize's hand.
Both men's hands were shaking.
But Song Yikai's hands shook even more.
Song Yikai was about to cry, "Beize, please, please let my brother go and let him live a normal life!"
(End of chapter)