After hanging up the phone, 061 asked him: "… Do you want to go and see?"
Chi Xiaochi: "Of course."
No matter how many doubts there are, the identity of this "uncle" has been verified by Dongge's mother, so there should be no difference.
Half an hour later, Chi Xiaochi, wrapped in a pure black long down jacket, sat by the half-frozen viewing pool at the entrance of the sports school, waiting for the unnamed uncle to arrive.
Dongge's hair had been undressed for a long time, reaching her shoulders, and was simply tied behind her head by a black hair tie.
Chi Xiaochi was idle and had nothing to do, so he disbanded the hair tie and pulled a small ball's head.
This is the hairstyle that Lou Sifan used to help Dongge comb.
Dongge doesn't like to cut his hair. In order not to affect the game, Lou Sifan will always go to his dormitory before the game and give him a haircut.
From the age of 19 to 24, he and Lou Sifan talked about an underground relationship for five years.
During this period, Dongge felt that she was quite happy, but occasionally there would be dissatisfaction.
In addition to He Changsheng, who has always been between them, he still has one thing on his mind.
- Winter Song actually doesn't like being down there.
But every time I mentioned it to Lou Sifan, Lou Sifan said with a smile, next time, I'll let you.
That tone was to coax him like a child, and when the so-called "next time" will come, God knows.
Winter Song has been mentioned a few times, and he will not say it again.
He explained to himself, forget it, it hurts anyway, and Lou Sifan might not be able to endure the pain.
However, over time, Dongge's mentality slowly changed.
He always suspected that he was too sensitive, but the "friendship" between Lou Sifan and He Changsheng really lasted for a long time. Even after Lou Sifan and him were secretly together, most of the time, Lou Sifan and He Changsheng would go out and go out together. .
Dong Ge always followed behind Lou Sifan like a little follower, staring at He Changsheng in a trance.
Why doesn't he know how to avoid suspicion
Does he have no other friends? Why do you have to occupy Brother Lou's time
However, their behavior did not violate the norm at all. They were really a pair of friends who respected each other. Dongge couldn't find it even if he tried to find a point of attack.
What makes Dongge even more unbearable is that Lou Sifan always compares him with He Changsheng, nothing but the skating skills that are of great significance to Dongge. The final conclusion is that you are not as good as Changsheng. Still work hard.
He Changsheng was like a needle, wedged in Dongge's flesh, causing him to sting and feel uncomfortable from time to time.
Later, even if Lou Sifanti was not used, Dongge would unconsciously regard He Changsheng as the object of comparison and competition.
Obviously, one is pair skating and the other is single skating, and their majors do not conflict at all, but Dong Ge just couldn't help but want to compare with He Changsheng.
This kind of negative emotion keeps growing in the petri dish made by Lou Sifan himself.
Dongge hated He Changsheng more and more. And that sentiment peaked one day.
It was a weekend.
Lou Sifan, as usual, went to the pair skating training ground to find He Changsheng to practice and chat with, and Dongge followed Lou Sifan as usual.
Since yesterday, Lou Sifan's mood has been inexplicably bad, and he didn't even eat a few bites in the morning.
Dongge was afraid that he would not have enough calories, so he got up and left after skating for a while, slid to the vending machine, bought a can of hot coffee, and was afraid that the coffee would be cold, so he held it in his hand and slid back quickly.
As soon as he walked to the sidelines, he saw that Lou Sifan rarely turned black on He Changsheng, and put on a questioning posture: "I came to you yesterday, who is the man with you?"
Dongge stopped and listened carefully.
Chang He had a very indifferent attitude: "Introduced by a friend, I'm just having a meal with him."
Lou Sifan chased after him: "Just to eat?"
He Changsheng said calmly: "I haven't been in a relationship for so many years, so I'll try dating. I'm just staying together, and I didn't say that we must be together. ... What are you doing so nervous?"
Lou Sifan took away his emotions and smiled softly, but how stiff the smile looked: "I don't care if I don't take care of it."
He asked again, "Since it's a date, why are you looking for a man?"
He Changsheng glanced at him: "You discriminate against homosexuals."
Lou Sifan said: "... I didn't. I just didn't expect you to be... "
He Changsheng: "... 'also'?"
Lou Sifan: "I only know two or three pairs in our team. It's not unusual."
He Changsheng: "Oh."
Lou Sifan paused and asked tentatively, "Would you like to be above or below?"
He Changsheng: "... I haven't started writing the eight characters yet, but you are planning for me in the long run."
As a friend for many years, this question was not an offense to He Changsheng.
A smile appeared on He Changsheng's Wannian Bingshan face: "I didn't think about it, and I didn't plan to try it easily. Maybe I would prefer to be on the top. If I like it enough, it's not bad for the bottom."
Lou Sifan said: "If you are good with others, it is better to be on the top."
He Changsheng said, "Why?"
Lou Sifan said jokingly: "It's so embarrassing to be down there, it still hurts. Even if you want to be down there, you have to find someone who will hurt people."
The coffee Dongge was holding seemed to have turned into a soldering iron, sticking to his palm, causing him to shiver all over.
… "What a shame to be down there."
... "It still hurts."
He actually knew it.
Dongge suddenly felt like a fool for taking that kind of pain and treating him as happiness.
Because of this, he quarreled with Lou Sifan.
After learning the reason why he was angry, Lou Sifan patiently coaxed him, admitted his mistake, and said that he was just saying it casually, not serious, and it was really impossible.
Although they were reconciled in the end, jealousy and a sense of crisis had already crept into Dongge's heart.
He was blamed by his parents since he was a child, so that there is a deep-rooted concept imprinted in his heart.
- Not likable because you are not good enough.
As long as you are good enough, someone will like you.
Even though he has won numerous domestic and foreign grand prix championships at a young age and set a domestic record, Dongge still feels that it is not enough.
Shortly after this, Winter Song ushered in an important international competition.
While he was preparing for the game, something happened: Lou Sifan took him to find He Changsheng to play.
Since the last conversation, Lou Sifan's frequency of going to He Changsheng has increased significantly, and his reasons are also very good.
Lou Sifan said softly to Dongge: "Changsheng is good at choreography. Let his senior give you more pointers, and your grades will be greatly improved."
During this practice, He Changsheng played a set of 4T 3A jumps on a whim.
Because it was just practice, He Changsheng completed this set of difficult single-player movements quite easily.
Lou Sifan was also very cheering, and said with a smile, "Changsheng, your score in this set of moves can break the Asian record."
He Changsheng said, "Don't talk nonsense. Just jump around in private, I might not be able to play so well on the spot."
Lou Sifan smiled, turned to Dongge and said, "Look at you, Senior He, you have to study hard."
Dong Ge, who was sitting on the sidelines, lowered her head to tie the shoelaces of her skates: "… Well, I know."
A few days later, when the coach discussed tactics with him, Dongge did not hesitate: "4lz 3T."
The coach advised him not to take risks. Although Dongge's jumping level has reached the top level, this action is too difficult. For Dongge, stability should be the first priority to pursue.
Dongge stubbornly said: "I can do it."
Since He Changsheng can do it, he can definitely do it himself.
… It was a decision that Dongge regretted for the rest of her life.
As He Changsheng said, playing on the spot and playing in private are two different things.
Under the pressure of the away game and the atmosphere of the game, Dongge resisted and completed the most difficult 4lz action perfectly.
The problem is with the second action.
Because he couldn't control it when he landed, he lost his center of gravity, and the ice blade crooked, and he fell heavily on the ice.
Dongge's coach sighed bitterly, regretting that he was about to miss out on the trophy this time.
But soon, he realized that something was wrong.
Winter Song was lying on the ice, and even if the accompaniment music played, she couldn't get up.
He exclaimed, signaled to the referee team, and rushed into the arena.
Dong Ge shivered with pain, curled up into a ball, and the hot sweat melted into the ice, whispering: "…My feet, my feet."
… The final diagnosis was a severe Achilles tendon tear.
The coach comforted him, it doesn't matter, take a year off, regroup, and practice this line, no one has any injuries.
But Dongge saw deep regret in the eyes of the coach.
This regret defeated Winter Song.
In the next few days, he would not talk much who came to visit him, even Lou Sifan came.
Facing Dong Ge's cold face, Lou Sifan said very gently: "I know you are not feeling well. If you don't want to see me, I will come back in two days."
Maybe it's because of being particularly sensitive to injuries, in getting along with Lou Sifan, Dong Ge realized many details that he hadn't noticed before.
- Lou Sifan is too gentle.
He was so gentle that it was almost false, as if he could tolerate all the bad behaviors of Winter Song, self-willed, proud, and silent.
In the past, Dongge believed that gentleness was an extremely beautiful character.
He was never angry with Dongge, never accused Dongge of his faults, never bickered or quarreled with him, he was simply a perfect lover.
However, if you think about it carefully, are lovers who don't bicker, get jealous, and don't lose their temper, are they really lovers
Even at this time, Lou Sifan still comforted him in a tepid, unhurried manner, as if pushing him away coldly with gentleness, and drew a line of "we are not familiar with" between them. Chu River and Han world.
Three days after Dongge was admitted to the hospital, He Changsheng, who had just finished his game, came to see him.
There was dissatisfaction in He Changsheng's tone: "How did you make yourself like this."
Dong Ge looked at him and asked in a hoarse voice, "Where's Brother Lou, didn't you come with you?"
He Changsheng was cold, and he was really angry when he heard his voice: "Can he walk with you all the time? Think about what you should do yourself."
Hearing this sentence, Dong Ge was suddenly filled with grievances and sourness.
He whispered, "He can."
After saying these two words, he asked himself again to himself: "… Can he do it?"
He Changsheng frowned two beautiful willow-leaf eyebrows: "Huh?"
That was the first time Dong Ge opened up and said so many things to He Changsheng.
He talked about his love with Lou Sifan, and confessed his jealousy towards He Changsheng. In the end, he couldn't hold back his emotions and sobbed softly while twisting the corner of his bed.
… I’m jealous, I’m guilty, I’m impulsive, but am I really so guilty
After He Changsheng heard it, his expression was a little unusual: "Is that so?... He didn't tell me."
Dongge didn't react for a while: "... what?"
He Changsheng said, "I have always regarded him as a friend, and I thought you were the younger generation he took care of."
He asked again: "When did you start? Brother Lou never mentioned it to me, you and him... "
Winter Song froze in place.
… not mentioned.
What is "not mentioned"
Isn't He Changsheng a good friend of Brother Lou
Brother Lou doesn't let Dongge announce their relationship, well, Dongge doesn't say or do it, and doesn't even have any intimate behavior with Lou Sifan outside.
After all, in this social context, homosexuality is still a minority and cannot be freely discussed under the sun.
And Dong Ge's character is introverted, and she is not someone who is willing to show affection in front of others.
But he always thought that He Changsheng knew.
If Lou Sifan hadn't mentioned it, what was his five years
If he didn't mention it, why would he hate He Changsheng who knew nothing
Seeing that Dong Ge didn't answer, He Changsheng exhaled and said simply: "I see. I will keep my distance from Brother Lou in the future, I hope you don't mind."
He Changsheng left, leaving Dong Ge alone in the ward in a daze.
About half an hour later, Lou Sifan's phone came in.
Dongge struggled to pick up the phone.
The mobile phone is still the one that Dongge bought over the wall back then. The quality is very good.
Lou Sifan's phone number used to be the first and only number in it.
He answered the phone: "Hello."
The popularity on the other end was fading: "Why did you say that to him? Didn't I tell you not to say it? Are you going to destroy me?"
Dongge paused: "...Who are you?"
For a while, Dong Ge couldn't hear whose voice it was.
Next, Lou Sifan said a lot, as if he concentrated the anger that had not been vented for five years in this one hour, turned it into a transparent bullet, and called Dongge in the face.
On the phone, Lou Sifan said with sincerity and heartache: "You should thank Changsheng, he was bullied when he was a child and had psychological shadows, so I only protect you for him. What about you? Is that how you pay me back?"
Dongge always thought that Lou Sifan just didn't like him enough.
But he didn't expect that Lou Sifan didn't even regard him as a person, but just a useful tool.
- When he was young, he was a poor baby that he used to please He Changsheng and show his kindness and compassion.
- When he grows up, he is a useful and free blow-up doll.
According to Lou Sifan's accusation, Dongge really ruined Lou Sifan and the "friendship" he had carefully maintained for so many years.
Lou Sifan liked He Changsheng so much, he tried his best to please him.
Due to emotional projection, He Changsheng noticed Dongge who was being bullied, and Lou Sifan also began to pay attention to him.
He originally just wanted to be a good older brother and take good care of Dongge, the "little brother", but he didn't expect that drunkenness that night made him ride a tiger in a daze.
It was Dong Ge that made Lou Sifan make such a difficult choice, and Dong Ge forced him to choose between morality and He Changsheng.
For "responsibility", he "made sacrifices", and with Dongge, "made up for his faults".
He also knew that this "wouldn't give Dongge happiness", but he didn't want to be Chen Shimei, and he couldn't if he wanted to break up. He could only keep passing "kind reminders" to let him know how good He Changsheng was and signal him to retreat despite difficulties.
Only a fool like Dongge would go forward despite difficulties and never retreat.
Hearing his righteous accusations, Dongge didn't even have the strength to get angry.
He was lying on the bed, and his tone was so calm that he surprised himself: "Since you don't like me, why didn't you say it earlier."
Lou Sifan on the other side of the phone said, "Didn't I keep reminding you?"
Immediately, he said with pain: "I have already taken responsibility for you, isn't that enough? You should also consider my feelings."
Dongge said weakly: "But you are so good to me... You have been praising me, saying that I am good here and there... "
Are these even fake
Lou Sifan said: "I said it, but it's just an ordinary compliment. You think too much. Think about it, from the beginning to the end, did I ever say 'I love you' to you?"
Winter Song was silent.
After a while, he whispered, "Okay. I see."
He hung up the phone politely.
From the age of 11 to now, 12 years of anticipation and worship turned into a dream bubble in one hour.
12 years is half a lifetime for Dongge.
Now that the words have been spoken, Dongge has no intention of begging for reconciliation.
He's not that mean. If you don't mind, I will leave.
He comforted himself like this, lying on the pillow, big drops of tears wet the pillowcase to a dark color.
... why it hurts so much.
… It never hurt so much when I tore my Achilles tendon.
Dong Ge was so painful that she couldn't breathe, she tugged at the chest of her hospital gown, and whispered to comfort herself.
… It’s okay, it’s okay, I still have skates without him.
After a year, Dongge, who has suffered from severe anxiety, returned to the ice rink.
But the sequelae of the severe torn Achilles tendon, and the lack of calmness, made him unable to return to the state at this time last year.
He jumped six moves in a row, and all failed.
He knelt on the ice, crying like a child.
The team members who had mocked his arrogance were all silent, but Lou Sifan was not among them.
… He didn't even look at Dongge again.
After half a year, Dongge, who was admitted to the psychiatry department, found an ice rink that belonged to him in the confusion, broke the thin ice and fell into the viewing lake.
Chi Xiaochi pulled himself out of the memory of the moment before Dongge died, and looked back at the viewing pool behind him.
Like this pond, the ornamental lake where Dongge was buried was not very deep. If Dongge still had a little desire to survive at that time, she could just put a little strength in her legs and stand up.
He loosened the tied ball head, and his thick black hair was blown up by the wind. The hair was black, and his skin was white, making him look like a little girl.
Chi Xiaochi wiped his face and said earnestly, "I'll fuck his uncle."
061 agrees very much: "Well."
At this moment, a pair of leather shoes entered Chi Xiaochi's field of vision.
Someone asked softly, "Winter Song? Is that you?"
Chi Xiaochi entered the state in seconds.
He raised his head, his eyes were the same as those of Winter Song when he was a child, melancholy and vigilant.
The person in front of him is a good-looking young man, very pretty, with red lips and phoenix eyes, but he has a unique uprightness and elegance, which makes people feel comfortable.
Noticing Dong Ge's inquiring eyes, the visitor stretched out his palm and said politely, "My name is Dong Feihong. If you don't mind, you can call me uncle."