Cheng Sunian had a dream in his drowsiness.
In the dream, he went back to many years ago, it seems to be six years, seven years, or even longer.
He lives in a small room of more than ten square meters, the room is very simple, only a bed, a computer desk, and an old computer. He had a fever that day and woke up in the morning and almost couldn't get out of bed.
But there is no fever-reducing medicine at home, and he lives alone. If he doesn’t get up, it may take a long time for him to get sick and die here before being discovered by his neighbors, and then it will be published on the social news—a young man suspected of being addicted to online games and staying up late playing games suddenly died.
Cheng Sunian got up from bed, unsteadily boiled a pot of hot water for himself, holding the cup of hot water, sat on the edge of the bed and drank it blankly.
Only at this time, did he have to admit that he was indeed pitiful.
There are probably not many peers who are more pitiful than him in the whole world.
However, a person like him, who can't even compete in the professional arena, is still fantasizing about himself lifting the world championship trophy—this fantasy, which is played repeatedly in his mind and the details are becoming more and more realistic, is like spiritual opium, making him more and more excited. The more addicted you are, the more you have no way to retreat, and you don't want to retreat any further.
Compared with failure, denying the past self is more painful, and denying the self who has been battered and bleeding in the past few years, and the dream for which he gave up everything, is as painful as killing him.
Cheng Sunian was caught in such a predicament, as if he was about to drown in the middle of the fast-flowing river, unable to move forward or go back, and no one offered a helping hand to him, and he couldn't even hold a piece of driftwood by his side.
However, such deep pain did not knock him down. An ordinary fever this morning made him sit by the bed alone, holding a water glass and crying silently for a long time.
In fact, he didn't even realize that he was crying, and he didn't remember when he finished crying. Maybe "drinking more hot water" is really effective. He didn't know how much water he drank while sitting there. With a broken heart, he put on his coat and went out to buy medicine for himself.
This dream only had a few vague fragments, and Cheng Sunian slipped into another dream before he woke up.
The time this time is relatively close to now, and it happened in the base after he came to SP.
At that time, the SP headquarters building was not as big as it is now, nor as luxurious. He was still alone in the dream. He had just finished a game, and his teammates went to eat together after the game. He didn't go with him because he was in a bad mood, so he went back to the base alone and walked into the empty training room. Man sitting in front of computer in a daze.
He lit a cigarette and thought about the past while smoking.
That day was his father's memorial day, and due to the impact of the race schedule, he couldn't go back that day, so he went back to his hometown early to worship. In fact, he doesn't remember every year, he often can't remember the date when he is busy, but he went back that year when his mother was still alive.
Going there by plane and returning by plane again, the hasty journey left him with a heavy heart for several days.
At that time, he had already been called "Nian God", but this title did not bring Cheng Su Nian a sense of honor, nor did it make him feel particularly happy.
It is said that there is a kind of people, no matter how high they climb or how far they go, it is difficult for them to feel happy, because they don't know what "satisfaction" is, and they are always chasing what they haven't got on the road, or they can't let go. What has been missed, has been unable to stop and enjoy the present with peace of mind.
Cheng Sunian suspected that he might be this kind of person.
He smoked a few cigarettes one after another, sat in front of the computer, and looked at the priest of Shenyue on the screen.
Cheng Su Nian didn't know why he dreamed of this scene, maybe it was because this hero was his favorite in the whole game, and it had a special meaning to him.
And he likes the priest because of a game voice, the line of the priest: "Sacrifice? I never sacrifice for others, I only do it for myself."
In the official background story, this priest of light who guards the entire continent, everyone thought that the reason why he sacrificed himself was to save the continent and everyone, but when he was resurrected many years later, he said to a junior magician , "for myself".
Cheng Su Nian is not a plot guy, and he doesn't have the energy to seriously dig and analyze the game plot with so many important characters and the background story is so complicated that it is almost chaotic, but the strange thing is that sometimes, resonance comes very easily, and he doesn't need to study it specially , I understood what this line meant as soon as I heard it.
Probably everything one does in one’s life is to fulfill one’s own pursuits. In these pursuits, some are happy and some are painful, some are great and some are ordinary, but in the final analysis, they are choices made by oneself, regardless of the outcome Bad, no one needs to be responsible for this except yourself.
When Cheng Su was eighteen years old, he relied on this second line to instill strength, telling himself not to regret it, but to work hard for himself and just get through it. But after he really grew up, and then carefully recalled this sentence, he had a deeper feeling.
It is precisely because of his understanding that he is always lonely, and it is difficult to have spiritual ties with other people.
The scene in the dream changed rapidly, and countless past events flashed past his eyes like a movie scene.
He was in a daze, stumbled, he didn't know which gray memory he fell into, and there was a figure in the dream.
Cheng Sunian tried to see who that person was—
"Captain!" A familiar voice called him, "Are you awake? You scared me to death..."
"..."
He opened his eyes and met Feng Can's worried gaze.
This is not a place he is familiar with, Cheng Sunian didn't recognize where he was for a while, and his expression was a little dazed.
Feng Can said: "This is a hospital, you just passed out after the game - don't move, you're getting an injection."
Cheng Sunian was about to sit up from the sick bed, Feng Can pushed him back: "It will be over soon, don't worry. By the way, are you hungry? I bought porridge, here, let me feed you, do you want to eat?" "
"..."
Cheng Sunian hadn't escaped from the pessimistic mood in the dream, and Feng Can suddenly muttered something into his ears, but he was actually a little dazed and didn't hear a word clearly.
But Feng Can, as his name suggests, was full of vigor and spirit, so brilliant that he washed away his negative emotions like a thick fog, and when the dazzling sun shone down in the sky, Cheng Suinian narrowed his eyes slightly.
"I'm talking to you, don't you feel stupid, Captain?" Feng Can took advantage of Cheng Su Nian's daze, bowed his head and kissed him, and said with a smile, "Do you want to eat? If you don't want porridge, I'll buy you something else. But you are a patient now, my real name suggests that you should drink porridge obediently."
"..."
Cheng Suqing coughed, motioned Feng Can to pass over the porridge bowl, and asked, "Where are they?"
"Back to the base, I was sent away." Feng Can said, "We won the WSND just now, do you remember this?"
"Of course, you won't lose your memory if you have a fever." Cheng Sunian glanced at him.
"That's good." Feng Can blinked and said suddenly, "Just now you were talking in your sleep."
"Is there?"
"Yes, you called me by my name." Feng Can didn't know if it was true or not, and Cheng Sunian couldn't judge, he just heard him say, "You called me several times, what did you dream about? A nightmare, or...?"
"I don't remember." Cheng Sunian glanced at the needle stuck in the back of his hand, "Can I be discharged from the hospital after the injection? I feel much better."
Feng Can: "..."
The high fever has not subsided yet, and I feel "much better". No wonder he can say "it's okay" when he has a bad cold. This man is really talented. SP picked up a treasure.
I also picked up the treasure, Feng Can complained in his heart, and said to Cheng Su Nian: "I can't leave the hospital, we'll wait until your fever subsides."
He stared at Cheng Sunian seriously, laughed at Cheng Sunian, and said helplessly, "Okay, I'll listen to you."
"It's more or less the same." Feng Can felt the joy of being the master of the house. While feeding Cheng Su Nian porridge, he told him today's post-match gossip, to the effect that after the WSND lost, how the forum would hold a split-pot meeting for them, and SP reached the top Afterwards, the fans were so happy that they drew a lottery to celebrate, and some people gave SP flower baskets with the words "Happy New Year and Hundred Years of Harmony" on the card and so on.
Feng Can's storytelling skills are top-notch, and he coaxed Cheng Sunian into almost falling asleep again. When the nurse came in to remove the needle, he hadn't finished speaking. The female nurse might have sensed the gay air between them and looked at him several times.
Cheng Sunian yawned and really fell asleep.
Feng Can finally felt that the groundwork was almost done, and said reservedly: "Do you feel that today I am different from before, do you have anything to say to me, captain?"
"What?" Cheng Sunian pretended not to understand.
Feng Can was a little anxious: "Did I behave badly? Why don't you know how to compliment me!"
"..." The pale sickness on Cheng Sunian's face hadn't disappeared, but he laughed, "You can boast, come here, and I'll tell you."
He hooked his fingers at Feng Can.
Feng Can stood up from the bed, and leaned over suspiciously.
Cheng Sunian hooked his neck with a smile, pulled him into his arms, kissed his ear lightly, and said in a low voice: "My AD is really powerful."
"..."
Feng Can's ears felt hot, and his face turned red.
But he is no longer the kid who blushed but didn't move when Cheng Suinian hugged him back then. He pressed up with his teeth and claws, held Cheng Suinian down, and kissed him back hard. (end of this chapter)