Enduring the Winter

Chapter 43

Views:

She turned her head and cried out happily the moment she saw Bai Lu.

"Bai Lu!"

Having not seen each other for a long time, she was a little excited, stood up and hugged her.

Obviously he is also a foreigner, but he still does his best to be a landlord.

"Sit and sit."

Bai Lu looked at her, and slowly sat across from her.

Jiang Ru was still saying: "I arrived last night, are you tired? I said I would go to the airport to pick you up and you still didn't agree. How is it? Is the school easy to find?"

She talked excitedly for a long time before she noticed Bai Lu's expression, "Hey? Why is your face so pale, and the dark circles under your eyes are so heavy." She said worriedly, "Did you not rest well?"

Bai Lu shook her head slowly, "No...no."

Jiang Ru called the waiter and showed Bai Lu the drink list, "What do you want to drink? I'll treat you."

Bai Lu's mind was still a little empty, she glanced at the list, and ordered one without knowing what it was.

"Kiwi fruit smoothie." The waiter wrote it down. Jiang Ru didn't look at the menu, and ordered the three-color juice directly. She seemed to be a regular customer of this store.

Sure enough, after the waiter left, Jiang Ru said, "I have a membership card in the store, and the food here is delicious."

She blinked, and found that Bai Lu was still talking very little, just staring at herself.

Raising her hand and shaking it in front of her eyes, Jiang Ru smiled involuntarily and said:

"Bai Lu, why are you still so dumb?"

This sentence pushed her to the past and brought her back to reality.

Bai Lu finally found a topic to talk about: "How are you doing?"

"It's okay." Jiang Ru said, "Didn't I take a year off from school, and I'm only a sophomore this year. You are my senior."

"What major did you study?"

"math."

"so tough?"

"It's okay. Originally, my family asked me to apply for finance and kept persuading me, but I didn't like it. I thought it was too messy. I still prefer basic subjects. What about you, what did you study?"

"Media."

"Huh?" Jiang Ru opened her eyes wide and said in surprise, "Media? You like this?"

"False report."

Jiang Ru grinned, "You are still the same."

The waiter brought up two glasses of iced drinks, Jiang Ru shook the straw and took two sips.

"Ah... It's so cool, so cool, you can drink it too."

Jiang Ru bit the straw and looked at Bai Lu, and said strangely, "Why are you staring at me?" Jokingly said, "You want to drink me?"

Bai Lu shook her head and said softly, "I see you because you are beautiful."

The sun was shining, and the girl on the opposite side had her hair coiled, with light bangs, her skin was delicate and rosy, her big eyes were smiling, she was cute, sweet, and full of vitality.

The childishness has faded away, the once thin cheeks are now plump, and the broad forehead is white and pleasant.

Jiang Ru blocked her blushing face and said, "Sichuan food is so delicious! I've gained seven catties after coming here for more than a year."

"No..." Bai Lu still looked at her, her voice was very soft, "It's really beautiful."

Jiang Ru took a sip of her drink, calmed down, and said shyly, "I know, you might feel a little... After all, there have been such things before."

She mentioned the past, took a breath, and said, "It scared you at that time, but it's really not a big deal, it's just that my parents were very angry. I was really ignorant during that time."

Jiang Ru's voice was a little softer, "I wanted to contact you, but I never got up the courage. I feel so ashamed about this matter..."

Bai Lu listened silently, Jiang Ru cheered herself up again, rubbed her hands together and said, "But it doesn't matter, it's all over, people still have to look forward."

"Ok."

"By the way, I'll show you this." Jiang Ru took out her phone, found something, and showed it to Bai Lu shyly.

In the photo was a group photo of her and a boy. The boy looked like a good student, wearing wide-rimmed glasses. He was not handsome, but he had a strong bookish air.

Ken shared it, explaining that this relationship really made her feel happy. When she just met her former friend, she couldn't wait to let him know.

"Is this a member of our class, a native of Chengdu, stupid?"

Bai Lu shook her head, "No."

"It's just that they have a good temper. I don't know if all the boys in Chengdu are like this. They are lazy every day."

She looked disgusted, but she couldn't hide her joy. She kept telling Bai Lu about her current life, studies, love... as if she wanted to tell her all the things she had accumulated over the past few years.

She is very happy.

After talking for a long time, her throat was almost dry, Jiang Ru held the drink and looked at Bai Lu slyly.

"And you, have you made any progress?"

"Oh, I..." Bai Lu smiled, "I'm still the same. I'm studying in Hangzhou, and the weather in the south is a bit uncomfortable."

She still looked at Jiang Ru's rosy cheeks, and her voice didn't feel like her own.

"The sun is too bright and the air is too stuffy."

"On the way here, I felt a little uncomfortable..."

"It's not the same as back home..."

She was a little incoherent. She didn't know what she was talking about, and she found that she couldn't think about what words to use to deal with the conversation at this time.

All the strength was used to block the door in the brain, and there were countless memory fragments outside the door, screaming at her through the crack of the door—

you see what you did

When she couldn't hold it any longer, Bai Lu's throat choked up, and she couldn't speak anymore.

She lowered her head and held her fingers tightly to the edge of the table.

Look now and think about what you've done.

What have you all done.

He died, she left, she forgot...

Everyone entangled with him for their own sake, and then left them clean, walking towards their own established path and ending.

He was the only one left in that innocent and cruel time, stumbled and lost.

Maybe one day in the future, she will throw away all of this, and then wait for an opportunity to be asked so that her heart trembles.

Eh-

You, remember Xu Hui

Jiang Ru: "What?"

She actually asked it out.

Bai Lu raised her head, and Jiang Ru was startled by her expression, "Bai Lu, are you feeling unwell? Why, why—"

She was so embarrassed that she spoke the following words with difficulty.

"Jiang Ru, I want to tell you something. This matter may seem a little strange to you, or even a little scary, but you promise me, you must listen to it."

Jiang Ru stared blankly: "Oh."

The sun rises from the east to the middle.

The doorbell rang again and again.

The ice in the cup had all melted, and no one took another sip.

The table was silent for a long time.

After Bai Lu said the whole thing, the string in her heart finally let go, like an old man who has finished explaining his last words.

Jiang Ru was stunned.

Gibran once said that forgetting is a form of freedom, and memory is a form of meeting.

Bai Lu's words made her reunite with that pale boy at the corner of a certain alley with dim street lights and faint flowers.

"Xu Hui."

When she pronounced the name, her expression was not cheerful, but it was not painful either. It was a look that belonged only to memories.

After saying the name, a pair of thin white hands involuntarily put it on his mouth.

His eyebrows were slightly frowned, and his voice was choked and trembling.

"Xu Hui..."

She looked at Bai Lu, "Why did you do this..."

Bai Lu replied: "I don't know. I used to find many reasons for myself, but now... none of them work."

She stared into Bai Lu's eyes, and after a long time, she hummed.

Bai Lu raised her eyes, "Do you hate him?"

Jiang Ru said almost immediately, "Hate."

The hatred is so light, like water droplets under the ice, it will disappear immediately after dripping.

Bai Lu lowered her eyes, and after Jiang Ru finished speaking, her brows tightened even more. She bit her lip, a little uncomfortable and aggrieved, as if she was trying to persuade herself.

"Just hate him..."

Bai Lu still didn't speak.

Jiang Ru endured it for a long time, and finally asked, "How is his health? Is he in danger?"

"I don't know. I came the day after his accident."

"Then why did you come to me?"

Bai Lu's head was lowered, and anyone who came and went could feel the fatigue from her body.

She didn't answer Jiang Ru's words right away, but talked about what happened when she was in the hospital.

"That night... I was in the hospital, and I saw him lying on the bed, very quiet, like a dead person. I don't know what I thought at that moment, I just felt that he couldn't die like this."

Jiang Ru pursed her lips, seeming to understand, "You want him to be forgiven once before leaving, no matter who it comes from, so that he can feel at ease."

Bai Lu shook her head, her voice low and hoarse.

"I want you to tell him the truth."

Jiang Ru: "What is true?"

Bai Lu paused, then said in a low voice:

"Jiang Ru, do you know... cowards are best at disguising two looks, one is casual and the other is bluff. He has tried both, but he doesn't look like one."

Her voice was infinitely tired, but also infinitely decisive.

"He never really looked back, never...he has been running away, and now there is no way to run away, so he just wants to run away."

She shook her head slowly, "He can't die in such an unclear way. He doesn't know anything... he doesn't know you, he doesn't know himself... he can't die like this."

Jiang Ru was suppressed by an inexplicable emotion, and asked subconsciously: "Why..."

Bai Lu was given another pause by her question, and in a daze, she said in a tentative tone, "Do you think that Xu Hui is actually not very bad?"

As soon as the words came out, the corners of his eyes turned red.

Do you feel that he is not very bad, do you feel that he is actually a very gentle person.

Jiang Ru recalled the distant place, she was recalled and bowed her head deeply.

Bai Lu's eyes follow her everywhere.

"I never wanted to be forgiven, whether it was you to him or him to me. There is no real forgiveness in the world..."

Bai Lu's voice was low and hoarse.

"But Jiang Ru, he has a good heart...at least he deserves a chance to face it."

Jiang Ru lowered her head, her bangs covered her eyes, and said softly, "If I don't forgive, I'll say I hate him when I see him."

"Then hate."

There was a kind of fierce persistence in Bai Lu's voice, which made Jiang Ru's palm shake slightly.

"Love is love, hate is hate. Whether you pity him or hate him, let him know the truth."

"He has never really met the person he hurt, and everything is his own guess. He dare not ask, and he dare not contact. If he dies now, he will be scared to death by himself. In his next life, he will still A coward."

Opening her palms on the table, Bai Lu moved her body forward, more firm than usual, falling into his story, falling into obstinate madness.

"You can never find yourself in avoiding and guessing."

"He has to face it."

"If there is no forgiveness, then let him die with definite hatred, and come back clearly in the next life!"

The light and shadow of time, reflected on the glass with water droplets, reflected a dazzling light.

During this long pause, Jiang Ru remembered something.

"Do you still remember?"

Jiang Ru said softly, "When you persuaded me before, you once said that my feelings for Xu Hui are not love. You said that your understanding of love should be stronger."

Either save or kill.

"I never understood what you meant then, but now I seem to understand."

Jiang Ru raised her head, it turned out that she had already cried.

Bai Lu let go of her heart, "Follow me to Hangzhou once."

Jiang Ru wiped away her tears, "I might have to prepare, something..."

Bai Lu picked up her bag, "Let's go now."

Jiang Ru: "You are like this now, let's rest for a while. And the ticket is still—"

"It doesn't matter to me, the tickets have been sold out, the plane in the afternoon will arrive in the evening."

She pulled her and walked to the door. Jiang Ru asked, "Why did you buy the ticket in advance? How did you know I would go with you?"

Bai Lu stopped and said in a low voice, "Guess."

They all knew that it was impossible to guess, but the topic did not continue.

Walking in the lazy streets of Chengdu, Bai Lu answered her silently from the bottom of her heart.

Because I recalled last night that at the beginning of the whole story, when you introduced your beloved honeysuckle to me, you just picked it up from the ground and couldn't bear to pick it.

You will definitely go, because your heart is too soft.

Your hearts are too soft.

The long hospital corridors smell of disinfectant.

He was transferred to the inpatient unit.

The night was quiet, and Sun Yuhe was smoking outside with the waiter who went to the hospital with him that day.

Bai Lu led Jiang Ru over, but Sun Yuhe didn't recognize Jiang Ru.

They will all forget each other.

"you… "

Bai Lu looked at him, "Give me some time."

Sun Yuhe looked at her, didn't ask any more questions, nodded, and said, "It's in the first room inside, he woke up this morning."

Jiang Ru became nervous again, pulled Bai Lu, and whispered, "Aren't you coming with me?"

Bai Lu shook her head. Seeing Bai Lu's face, Jiang Ru restrained herself no matter how nervous she was.

After just chatting all morning, Jiang Ru was already feeling exhausted after another flight to arrive here.

One can imagine what Bai Lu looks like now.

When Jiang Ru entered the ward, Bai Lu was standing at the door against the wall.

Her head seemed to be filled with lead, and it was hard to open her eyes.

She sweated too much, dried up, dried up again, and finally turned into a thin film, tightly wrapped around her body.

Difficulty breathing.

Slowly squatting down along the wall, Bai Lu rested her head on her knees.

After an unknown amount of time, someone stroked her head. Bai Lu opened her eyes and saw Jiang Ru in front of her.

She was so tired that she couldn't hear what she said, maybe she didn't say anything at all, but just leaned over and hugged her gently.

Bai Lu felt that she should say something to her, at least thank her, thank her for agreeing to her request, and thank her for being so gentle to her.

But she was so emaciated that she couldn't open her mouth, she was a little anxious, Jiang Ru raised her hand and touched her head, her heart strangely settled down.

After Jiang Ru left, Bai Lu lowered her head again.

He opened his eyes again because he realized something.

Xu Hui was wearing a light blue hospital gown. There will always be some differences when people have passed the outlook on life and death, but she really doesn't have the strength to analyze it now, she can only see his face is still pale, and his thin body is like a dead branch.

They are extremely embarrassed in each other's eyes.

Xu Hui leaned against the opposite wall, and there was only a few steps between them.

"Bai Lu..." With just that one sentence, he couldn't speak anymore, all the words welled up in his dark and clear eyes.

can you understand

Bai Lu nodded, she can.

He apologized silently.

On the eve of his breakdown, he subconsciously looks for someone to vent to.

He is cowardly, confused, painful...

And unwilling.

But in this situation, he regretted dragging others to bear it together.

Xu Hui was too weak, he leaned against the wall and sat down slowly.

I had a dream last night.

What did you dream about.

I dreamed about Xiaoheng.

and then

Xu Hui's slender fingers inserted into the ends of his hair, blocking his face.

When Jiang Ru came here just now, guess what she said to me at the end.

I have no idea.

She cried, and she told me she was sorry and that everyone was at fault.

Clutching her hair tightly, Xu Hui's thin white knuckles protruded from the pitch-black hair.

Bai Lu watched quietly.

Did your brother say the same thing to you

She couldn't hear his answer.

In the slightly pungent corridor, there was his suppressed cry.

Bai Lu was silent.

She came to Jiang Ru just on impulse, she didn't want him to evade in such a vague way, she didn't think about anything else.

She thought that Jiang Ru might tell him that she didn't blame him, but she didn't expect that she would apologize to him.

But if you think about it, it's not that difficult to understand.

After all, she, they, all loved him that way.

Bai Lu grasped her arms tightly.

She suddenly felt a contempt from the depths of her soul.

She was overwhelmed by the simplest kindness in the world that does not require thinking and calculation.

I really loved you.

So as long as there is a chance, I will definitely be willing to help you.

Whether in reality or in a dream.

Both of them lowered their heads.

They are equally vulnerable, equally silent, equally exhausted.

It seems that if you touch it, it will be wiped out.

The two chicks drew out their wings and struggled to break open the hard shell.

Face the colorful and bloody world.

The corridor is quiet, and God is merciful to the new students.

There is no real forgiveness in the world, and all the roads will leave marks if you step on them.

But I am still grateful.

Because on the most difficult road in life, good drags evil along, and love moves forward with sin behind.

When I pass through this thorny forest and look back, true, false, good and evil are all in my heart.