Excretion in front of one person is no different to me than excretion in front of a group of people.
Emotionally I want him to let me go and get out right away. But rationality told me to be patient and let go, I couldn't do this alone.
Emotion and reason are entangled and torn, and my brain is messed up.
Those days when I was unable to move in the hospital bed are the most unwilling memories in my life. Now, I seem to be going back again. Back to the time when it was not "human" but "living meat".
Self-esteem and shame are things that "living flesh" does not need, and only "living" is his full value.
I stiffened for a while, and said to Shang Muxiao in a very weak voice, "Don't look..."
Don't look at me in such distress and embarrassment.
Shang Muxiao may also think that I am a little hypocritical, sneered, and turned his head to the side.
"Oh, don't look at it if you don't see it."
It's a really tormenting thing, but it's not as good as short-term pain, and I need to address my physical needs as soon as possible before he gets more impatient.
The injured hand was not very flexible, and it took a few tries to unzip it with difficulty.
When the sound of running water echoed throughout the bathroom and my body felt relaxed, I began to tremble uncontrollably.
I tried blocking but to no avail. Like a stressed cat, I have absolutely no control over my body.
The hand on his waist tightened, Shang Muxiao didn't turn his head, just asked me in confusion, "Why are you shaking?"
As soon as he spoke, I shook even more, and accidentally got a few drops of yellowish liquid on the toilet seat.
This is really, what to be afraid of.
I stared blankly at the few drops of liquid, feeling as if my body was disintegrating inch by inch, and my pale soul rose into the air, watching all this blankly. Looking at this ridiculous man who was struggling to keep the last trace of dignity, but it backfired.
I bit my lower lip, trying to distract myself with pain to save my precariously fragile nerve.
Because of the trembling, after stuffing the organs that have completed the excretion task back, zipping them has become a big project. It has never been able to close smoothly, as if sincerely wanting to be right with me.
I gradually lost patience and began to tug at the disobedient zipper violently, wanting to tear it off instantly and hammer it into the mud.
The palm was aching, and it seemed that the wound had opened again.
"Isn't it okay?" Shang Muxiao never got a response from me, so he couldn't help turning his head, just in time to see me fighting with the zipper.
"I..." I stopped, lowered my eyes, looked at the few drops of urine on the toilet seat, and said calmly, "I can't close the zipper."
Shang Muxiao was silent for a moment, and sighed very lightly and briefly, and my eyelids trembled.
I am familiar with this sigh, which is usually the case when one's patience runs out.
A bitter taste spread in my mouth. I was still waiting to try again. Shang Muxiao suddenly picked me up, walked out of the bathroom and put me on the bed outside.
After putting me down, he went back to the bathroom.
I huddled on the bed, leaning on my hands to finally zip the zipper that I couldn't close.
The overhead lights were a little dazzling. I don't know what Shang Muxiao did when he went back, and whether I saw the "criminal evidence" left behind, I just wanted to hide myself.
I regret it, I shouldn't let Shang Muxiao approach, and I shouldn't think this is just a harmless gamble for children to pass away boredom.
I should stay away from him, I should stay away from everyone.
I wrapped myself in a quilt to form a giant cocoon. The dark and airtight environment is a bit suffocating, but it can calm me down a little.
Can't escape, can't escape. I can only paralyze myself like this, deceiving myself that this fort is safe and no one can get in.
The sound of footsteps approached, and Shang Muxiao came out of the bathroom.
"Aren't you bored?" Seeing me like this, he smiled and pulled my quilt. I held on tight and didn't let him succeed.
"Cancel the bet, I admit defeat." I told him through the quilt.
There was silence outside, and after a while, Shang Muxiao's somewhat amusing voice sounded: "Just because you urinated in front of me, you urinated outside?"
I closed my eyes and wrapped myself even tighter.
"Are you going to never come out?"
I didn't answer, I felt safe hiding in the fort.
"No one will know, what the hell do you care about? I thought you wouldn't mind what others think of you." He ripped off the quilt above my head with brute force, exposing my face.
I glared at him and said in a hoarse voice, "Go away."
I don't care what other people think, but I have my own feelings, and I feel bad right now.
He was stunned, as if he didn't expect me to be like this.
"Are you crying?"
I'm sure I'm not crying, but I do get red eyes when I'm emotional, and it looks like I'm about to cry, which often leads to misunderstandings.
"No." Away my face, I don't look at him.
Shang Muxiao sat down beside the bed and didn't speak for two minutes. After two minutes, he suddenly gave in.
"Okay, don't bet anymore. Can you stop betting? We're in a draw, we didn't win or lose." He dragged his tone, reluctantly.
I looked back at him and asked, "Where's the car key?"
He took out his pocket and threw the car keys on the bedside table.
"Wash your hands yourself." He threw the wet towel in his hand to me, and then entered the bathroom for the third time, listening to the movement, he should have gone to wash.
After breakfast, Shang Muxiao and I set off for Qingwan. I didn't want to talk on the way, and he wisely didn't come to provoke me.
The wound on his hand was re-bandaged, and the wound was glued to the gauze, and there was a lot of blood when it was torn off.
When the second piece of gauze was pasted on me, Shang Muxiao suddenly said sorry to me.
If I hadn't watched his mouth move, I would have wondered if I was hallucinating.
"Forgive me." He looked up at me and blew on my wound. "Blow it once, it won't hurt so much."
There was gauze there, so I couldn't feel his breath, but when he blew, my muscles seemed to feel pain, and they spasmed involuntarily.
I withdrew my hand, fearing that I might have injured my nerve, but it never happened again after that.
Shang Muxiao was still asking, "Do you forgive me? Professor Bei."
The world of children always likes to get to the bottom of things and ask to understand, but the world of adults has too many scruples and cannot act recklessly.
Although he was really hateful, with the generosity of an adult, I finally accepted his apology. Even when I said "um" it was very reluctant.
When I got back downstairs to my house, it was almost noon. Shang Muxiao's blue and white heavy machine was still parked in the same place, like a quiet and beautiful man, passers-by passing by it couldn't help but take a look.
"Then I'm leaving, let's play together next time." Putting on the helmet, turning the accelerator, Shang Muxiao told me the first sentence since the return trip.
Does he still want a next time
"Let's go." I bid him farewell falsely, and I got into the elevator without looking back.
When I returned to my familiar home, I had only been away for one night, but I felt like a lifetime away.
After a quiet stay in the living room for a while, I went to the bathroom to take a shower. I didn't take special care of the wound on my leg, because I couldn't feel it, and I let it wash away white.
After taking a shower, I lay comfortably on the bed and was about to catch up on sleep, when I suddenly remembered that there was still a psychological support group activity to participate in at night.
I took out my phone, and I called Sister Liao and told her that I was feeling a little ill and that I couldn't go to the event this week.
Sister Liao expressed her understanding and cared about me very much. I finally hung up the phone, feeling even more tired.
I slept through the night and woke up at 5pm.
It was too late to cook, so I opened the software and wanted to order a takeaway for myself.
It was at this time that Beiyan's phone came in.
With a crying voice, he asked me to pick him up, saying that he had quarreled with his parents and never wanted to go home again.
He has been placed on high expectations since he was a child, and he has always been strictly controlled. He has three meals a day, and takes supplementary lessons. Even his spare time is clearly arranged, and even making friends has to be reviewed.
Looking at him is like looking at me when I was a kid.
When one son fails, they raise another in the same way. As if we are not real people, just dolls coming down the factory assembly line.
I told him to stay where he was, told him I'd be looking for him right away, and after making sure he'd do what I told him to do, I lifted the covers and got out of bed. Then he was startled by his injured leg hanging outside.
In just a few hours, it started to become inflamed and purulent.
When I was in a hurry, I couldn’t take care of that much. I hurriedly wiped away the pus and blood with a tissue, put gauze on it, and drove to the location of Beiyan.
When I got there, I found out that it was a pet hospital.
As soon as I entered the door, everyone looked at me, only Bei Yan got up from his chair and ran towards me.
"Brother, you're finally here." Bei Yan grew up in the past two years and ate a lot, but he didn't keep up with his development, and developed a bit laterally.
A short, stocky one with full cheeks.
"What are you doing in a place like this?" I asked.
He twitched for a while, not daring to look at me.
"North Rock." I sank my face.
He got scared, flinched, and finally told the truth.
It turned out that he saw a stray dog that was hit by a car on the road, and he felt pity for it. He took the dog to the hospital, and because he had no money, he dared not tell his parents, so he could only call me for help. The so-called quarrel with my parents is all a lie to me.
As soon as he finished speaking, a young veterinarian wearing a green surgical gown and a face mask just happened to come out of the room and asked who the little dog who was involved in the car accident belonged to.
"I am me, mine." Bei Yan moved up excitedly.
I followed, and when I saw the name on the other side's badge was "He Weizhou", I called him "Doctor He".
"How is the dog?"
He Weizhou took off his mask, revealing a pair of sparse but attractive facial features.
"Both hind limbs are fractured, and both legs have been cast, but they still need an infusion." He took us to see the sleeping puppy before the anesthesia passed.
The puppy is an authentic local dog, about three months old, lying there pitifully, with its tongue drooping, as if it were dead.
This dog can't be brought back, neither with me nor with my parents, there is no place for him.
For now, I have to temporarily put it in a pet hospital and find another owner when it recovers.
Yu Xixi seems to have always wanted to raise a dog for self-defense, so let's ask her when the time comes.
For the convenience of contact, before leaving, He Weizhou left my mobile phone number and said that he would send me pictures of the puppy regularly.
After dealing with one cub, there is another.
I got Beiyan into the car and sent him home.
"If you have something to say in the future, don't lie to me. Go ahead. Let's just say that the cram school is late today, and there is still traffic jam on the road."
Beiyan dawdled out of the car and asked, "Brother, aren't you going up?"
I glanced at the familiar and unfamiliar green iron door and shook my head: "No, I have something else to do later."
"Oh." He looked a little lost, "Then I'll go up."
He took out the key and opened the iron door. He went upstairs a few times and disappeared from my sight.
Every family in this restaurant is cooking, and the food in the neighborhood is fragrant. Parents should be waiting for him to go back to eat.
Pressing the shriveled stomach, I clicked on the take-out software, and then ordered a bowl of rice bowls from the previous operation. When I got home, it was left at the door. The rice has already risen, it's cold, and it's hard to eat.
It is tasteless to eat, and it is a pity to abandon it.
After taking a few bites, I couldn't eat it, and finally I gave it to the trash can.