The green number on the signal indicator started counting down from "90". I wanted to ask someone for help, but everyone was either in a hurry, or was attracted by an accident not far away, and they sped away without waiting for me to speak.
There are people coming and going on the zebra crossing, time is clearly flowing, but I seem to be still there, out of tune with the surrounding.
"Hello, can you..." I reached out and tried to stop a young man passing by me, but the other party didn't even look at me, just focused on the phone.
"It seems that someone has an accident ahead, there are many people, I'll go take a look."
I tightened my fingers, and my heart was gradually filled with the anxiety that spread out. It is clearly in front of you, but there is nothing you can do. This feeling of powerlessness is really disgusting.
Twelve years have passed, and nothing has changed, I still can only watch the misfortune happen, and I can't do anything.
My friend's screams were ringing in my ears, and the countdown to the green light of "ta-ta-ta" was like a mourning song from hell, which made me very confused.
"Can anyone help me?"
"… please help me!"
"Help… "
He had already tried his best to roar, but as soon as the voice came out, something seemed to block his throat, making him weak and vague.
After my rehabilitation failed, I gave up on myself completely and didn't want to try any more. One day, I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night, and vaguely heard the voice of my parents talking outside the door.
The mother said sadly: "What will he do in the future? What will we do in the future? I shouldn't let him go out with those people. I have done something wrong. The children who have been raised so hard have not enjoyed the blessings. , this happened."
After a long silence, the father sighed and said, "Life is saved, and people are completely useless."
"It's not as good as..."
"What nonsense!"
Before the mother could finish, she was severely interrupted by her father, who obviously knew what she was going to say next.
Not as good as... not as much as what? Why not die with the other three? Wouldn't it be better to end the pain all at once, than to be a waste? Wouldn't it be better to be disabled from the start, so they don't have to expect anything
That was the first time I clearly realized that even if I was still alive, even if I still had a clear language organization, I could do a lot by myself, but in the eyes of most people, I had no future in sight.
The originally splendid Avenue of Stars has been replaced by complete darkness. I can't see my fingers when I stretch out my hand, like a sinister and deep mouth, waiting for the opportunity to devour me anytime, anywhere.
Why can't you even do this well
Growing up, the words I heard the most were my mother's words. I didn't feel anything before, I just blamed myself for not meeting her expectations. But ever since I heard her conversation with her father, for some reason, these words appeared more and more in my dreams.
Yeah, why can't I even do this well
How can I... not even do this well
"North mustard?" With the last ten seconds left in the green light countdown, Shang Muxiao's voice suddenly sounded in front of him.
I turned around abruptly and found that he was standing right in front of me, looking down at me, his limbs intact and painless.
The turbulent emotions hit me. One moment, my heart was still gloomy, as if the end of the world. The next moment, it was raining and cloudy, and the sky was full of stars.
"Great..." The voice was still weak, revealing the good fortune of the rest of his life.
"What?" He didn't hear clearly, and bent down slightly.
I didn't answer, I just stretched my arms around him, ignoring the surroundings and the eyes around me. He was unprepared, and he almost fell when I was taking him. He hurriedly grabbed the armrest of the wheelchair, and only then did he maintain his balance.
The human body is a representation of the world, controlled by inner desires. Desire is driven by the will. The will communicates desires through the body and governs our world.
When your world becomes dazzling and shining like never before because of the arrival of a person, you should be alert, it is the fall of will.
Reason is dead, instinct is king, my city is still, it is indestructible. But once the will falls, that's another story.
That means, in the confrontation with Shang Muxiao, I was completely defeated. He captured me, occupied my world, captured my will, and made me a prisoner of love.
"I just left for a while, and you miss me that much?" He smiled, a little surprised.
I didn't speak, I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him silently for a while, feeling more and more eyes on my body, and then let go.
The signal light has turned red, and we have to wait for one more green light.
"Didn't you go buy balloons?" I glanced at Shang Muxiao's hand, except for the gift bag, there was no trace of the hydrogen balloon.
"Oh, I just bought it, and another child came over and said it was the same as me, but the boss only had the last Shiba Inu left, and the child's mother begged me to give the balloon to her son. I think the child is very cute, Give him the balloon." He looked at the noisy place behind him and said, "There seems to be an accident over there, I don't know if anyone was injured."
I couldn't help holding his hand and whispered, "I hope no one gets hurt."
Hope everyone is just a false alarm.
Shang Muxiao found a restaurant to eat western food. The environment was elegant and dim. In order to create an atmosphere, each table lit an electronic candle with shaking candles.
At the end of the meal, a melodious dance music suddenly sounded from a vinyl record player not far away, and two dancers slowly entered the venue, shaking gently to the sound of saxophone.
The waiter came to explain that this is a special Christmas event. If guests are interested, they can dance together and enjoy discounts when paying.
As soon as he finished explaining, many table couples walked onto the dance floor holding each other's hands.
"The one with glasses dances pretty well..." Shang Muxiao took a sip of lemonade, keeping his eyes on the couple on the dance floor, "Ah, that fat man stepped on his girlfriend's feet three times, and once again his girlfriend should get angry. already."
Sure enough, as soon as he finished speaking, the girl in the couple shoved her boyfriend, turned around and limped back to her seat, her face as black as the bottom of a pot.
Shang Muxiao laughed with some schadenfreude: "Let me tell you."
It's not good to laugh at others like this, but when I saw him laugh, I couldn't help but want to laugh too, so I could only lower my face to make it less obvious.
Shang Muxiao and I finished dinner together, took me to the parking lot, and left, saying that he was going to the bar to pick up the car, and asked me to meet at school on Monday.
From yesterday to today, making out, giving gifts, dating, celebrating Christmas, as far as couples are concerned, we have done almost everything we can do, and the process is perfect and complete. But I don't know why, at the moment of separation, my heart is still empty.
It was not until the car drove halfway, waiting for the signal light, that I stared at the dazzling bright red in the distance.
I'm starting to resent having him only briefly. After "jealousy" I got "possessive".
On the Sunday morning after Christmas, I called my physical therapist to make an appointment for rehab.
He repeatedly confirmed with me three times, and after getting my 100% affirmative answer, his voice sounded even more excited than me.
"It's great that you can change your mind!" he wondered. "How did you suddenly figure it out?"
I know that even if I do my best to rehabilitate now, I won't be able to get out of my wheelchair for the rest of my life. I've missed the best time to rehabilitate, and it's impossible to get good results. but…
"One minute is enough."
"what?"
"I want to... do a dance with my lover, a minute, as long as I can last a minute."
One minute is not enough, thirty seconds is enough, thirty seconds is not enough, even ten seconds... I want to stand and dance with Shang Muxiao.
The physical therapist was stunned for two seconds before reacting, and said with emotion: "It turns out to be the magic of love, no wonder."
All incredible changes, if named in the name of love, often become easier to understand. This can be said to be the magic of love, but I prefer to see it as the starlight that dispels the haze and illuminates the way forward for me.
On New Year's Day, it rained very hard, and I went to Shen Luoyu's house for dinner. When my aunt heard that I was going to try rehab again, she burst into tears with joy.
After drinking an ear of chicken soup for the soul, she didn't let me leave until nine o'clock in the evening, when the old man was going to rest.
Shen Luoyu escorted me downstairs and asked when I planned to bring the object to them.
"He's... a little different." I hesitated. "Give me a little more time."
Shen Luoyu nodded with a smile: "Okay, it's up to you."
When I got home, it started to rain at eleven o'clock. Not big, but it looks like it will take a long time.
Winter rain is the most annoying. The rain in summer is like cotton falling from the sky, harmless, but also a little warm; the rain in winter is like a knife from the sky.
Thinking of the embarrassed appearance of Shang Muxiao the last time it rained, he turned from a feisty wolf cub to a dog, and he was sick for several days.
I was a little worried about his state this time, so I couldn't help calling him. He didn't pick up the first one. After about half an hour, I called the second one. After a long beep, he finally picked up.
"Hello?" His voice was a little hoarse, as if he had just woken up from sleep, and he was still breathing.
"How are you?"
There was silence, and after a while, Shang Muxiao said with a low smile, "Are you calling me in the middle of the night on purpose?"
When he said that, I also felt a little stupid.
After pursing my lips, I said, "It's raining outside."
He seemed to have listened to the movement outside for a while: "It turned out to be raining, so I said why I was so tired and couldn't sleep."
"Anyone with you?" I asked.
"Does the ugly dog count? It sleeps at my feet." He yawned, "I, my sister, my dad, and his concubine had a rare reunion dinner at night. I drank some wine, and at ten o'clock I'm asleep, I don't know if my sister is gone, but my dad and the others should still be there."
I felt relieved: "Sorry, I woke you up. Go back to sleep, I'm hanging up."
"and many more… "
I slowed down: "What?"
"Turn your phone on, put it aside, I want to sleep with you."
His words were a bit ambiguous to hear, but they couldn't pick out any faults when they examined them carefully, which made people blush.
"Okay." I turned on the speakerphone and put my phone on the pillow.
"Teacher, I want to hear a bedtime story, can you tell me one?"
Maybe the relationship of the rainy day made him look more squeamish than usual.
After turning off the light, I lay on my back on the pillow, stared at the dark ceiling for a while without focus, closed my eyes and said, "Once upon a time there was a philosopher named Schopenhauer, who was born rich and talented. At the age of 21 , he studied medicine at the University of Göttingen, suddenly felt more interested in philosophy, and moved to Berlin. In the following years, he published several books, through a book "The World as Will and Representation", he Got a Philosophy Chair at the University of Berlin…”
"At that time, there was a philosopher named Hegel, who was a leading figure in the field of philosophy, and everyone followed him. Schopenhauer was arrogant and arrogant. He had never suffered any setbacks in his life. He felt that he was no worse than Hegel. The lecture was scheduled with Hegel. As a result, his lecture was cancelled because there were too few people."
"In the end, he left the university in anger, settled in Frankfort, and lived a happy life with huge wealth."
After reciting the life of Schopenhauer dryly, I turned my ear and listened carefully to the other end of the phone. Shang Muxiao's breathing was gentle and he was already asleep.