Afraid of being discovered by Shang Muxiao and the others, which would make the situation even more embarrassing, I originally wanted to return to the previous guest room, but in a panic, I went further and further and lost my way in the house.
After wandering around for a long time, I found that there was a half-open door in front of me, and the magnificent sound of the organ playing came out from the door.
There is music that can't say someone, someone... No matter who it is, it can show me a way.
I gently pushed open the door, didn't go in, just looked inside.
"anyone there?"
The interior is well-lit, with a whole wall of white diamond lattice windows. The clean and bright window glass reveals the snow-covered world outside. Oil paintings are piled up in a messy manner in the room. Audio equipment.
Behind the tall oil painting board, the long-haired "beauty" wearing overalls and overalls heard the movement and stuck her head out. When she saw me, she picked up the remote control and pressed the pause button.
"Why did you come here?" After the night passed, Shang Lu came back, Fang Qinian changed into women's clothes again and became "Si Ying".
"Sorry, I seem to be lost."
"Come in and talk to me." He didn't show me the way, and he retracted his drawing board. "If you leave today, we don't know when we will meet again."
I hesitated for a moment, and finally entered the studio.
There are two large oil paintings hanging on the wall, one depicting autumn and the other depicting winter. The style is quite similar to Mei Zixun, but the use of colors is slightly inferior, making it look a bit dark.
"I don't actually know how to draw, and I'm not good at drawing, but Mr. Shang likes to see how I paint, so when he's at home, I'll dress up like this and paint." Fang Qinian smiled, "Painting. The painting has become what it is now. Facts have proved that no matter how bad things are, after years and months, more than ten years, it is enough to be real."
I came to him and glanced at his drawing board. In the rectangular canvas, on the white wool carpet lies a naive yellow puppy, which is the egg yolk.
"You draw very well..." Vivid and expressive, anyone who sees it can't help laughing.
"Mr. Shang doesn't like me painting these things. He likes me to paint flowers and plants, painting style, painting snow, and painting all the elegant things that Mrs. Shang can paint." Saying this, Fang Qinian still paints the egg yolk with a brushstroke. The image is fuller.
He called Shang Lu "Mr. Shang" and Mei Zixun "Mrs. Shang". I don't know if he found out, but he didn't seem to regard himself as the owner of the family. He always looked up at them in a low stance.
"You must be curious about my identity." Maybe my eyes showed too much emotion, and he could see through my thoughts at a glance, "I am an orphan. I lived in an orphanage until I was fourteen, and then I couldn't stand the oppression there. life and escaped.”
"But after I escaped, the world outside was not beautiful. I wandered around, worked undercover, lived on flyovers, and picked up trash. Can you imagine the days when you have to pick up other people's leftovers when picking up trash?"
At this time, nothing seems appropriate. I didn't say anything, just shook my head.
Although he had a smile on his face and seemed to have forgotten the pain of the past, I could still feel it from his few words—he did not forget, he was still haunted by those experiences, and his memory was still fresh.
I was born in an ordinary family, with both parents and harmonious relatives. I am not rich, but I am not poor either. Before the age of 20, I was just the most ordinary group of people in this world. What he said was something I would never think about, involve in, or encounter.
"One day, I was so hungry that I couldn't take it anymore, so I thought, arrest me. Even if I go to jail, it's better to have somewhere to sleep and eat than to be outside." He mixed the two colors together. , looked at the canvas for a moment, and made a stroke after deliberation, "Then I smashed the glass of a car. The car was very expensive at first glance. After smashing it, it kept calling, and the driver was soon attracted. "
"I didn't want to run away, so I just stood there waiting to be caught by him. The driver saw that I was young and didn't know what to do with me, so he turned around and asked the boss. You should be able to guess who the boss is?"
"… Mr. Shang?" I guessed.
Fang Qinian nodded: "I was seventeen at that time. I was shorter than I am now, very thin, and I haven't cut my hair for a long time, so I look like a girl."
"He didn't call the police. Instead, he took me home, gave me something to eat, gave me a room to live in, and corrupted my heart with everything that seemed out of my reach in the past. Three days later, he asked me if I wanted to stay. Down? He can continue to let me live this life, or even a better life, for a small price."
When he said this, I have a vague hunch that this may be the reason why he is now disguised as a woman.
"He gave me a set of women's clothes and made me appear as a woman in front of him from now on. I thought he was very perverted and wanted to sleep with me. But he said he would not ask me to do anything else, to men I'm not interested either, it's just because I look like his deceased wife that I make such a request. If I'm not interested, I can leave."
He tilted his head and stepped back to look at his painting. He seemed quite satisfied. He threw the palette and paintbrush aside, and stood up lazily.
"But look, how can I leave?" He pressed the remote again, and the paused "Fugue in G Minor" played again. He opened his arms and danced like a light bird to Bach's music.
"I've been chasing this kind of life all my life, not to mention pretending to be a woman, I'm willing to pretend to be a dog or a pig." The smile on his face was even thicker, but it was from the heart and never forced, "So, just It's what you see now. You're the first 'outsider' to know about this, and I'm so glad I can tell you this, I've held it back for too long."
"Then your wedding is..." It's just a stand-in, why risk a wedding? And what about that movie he made when he was nineteen
Looking at it now, the stage name Si Ying should have another meaning. Si Ying, Si Ying, whose shadow is it? Is he really... willing
Fang Qinian stopped dancing and was a little surprised that I hit the point like this, but he still answered me: "He and I 'married' just because he owed his wife a wedding, and he wanted to make up for it. You know, they were more than a dozen of them. We have been together since the age of two, and the day Mr. Shang was revealed to be married was also the day he quit the entertainment industry."
Of course I know, that was the big news of the year, and even if you are not familiar with the entertainment industry, you must have heard a little about it.
"He loves her like crazy. It's his moonlight, his goddess, the most beautiful red rose in his heart. He and I, we each get what we need. It's normal, just get used to it." The last sentence was like a warning, but also like a relief.
This family is indeed abnormal, and the depression makes people breathless. Shang Yunrou may be the most normal existence among them.
But is the "normal" born out of "abnormal" really normal
I rubbed the bridge of my nose, I was going to be driven crazy by this family.
"North mustard, are you in there?"
Just when I was having a headache over all this, Shang Muxiao's voice sounded outside the door.
I moved slightly, looking towards the studio door.
There was no fully closed wooden door, only a small gap left, but Shang Muxiao did not push the door in.
"He doesn't like it here and will never come in." Fang Qinian pointed to a French imperial concubine in the corner covered with a blanket and filled with various paint pots, "Mrs. Shang committed suicide there."
The room was clearly as warm and bright as before, but I suddenly felt so cold, and my skin had tiny goose bumps.
"I... I'll go first, we'll talk next time." I nodded slightly towards Fang Qinian and quickly left the studio.
When Shang Muxiao saw that I really came out from the inside, his long eyebrows were tightened, and he looked extremely unhappy.
"I've been looking for you for a long time, why didn't you answer the phone?"
I glanced at my phone, and the night passed. After receiving a large number of blessing text messages, it finally drained the last bit of power and turned off automatically.
"No power." I held up my phone to show him, "I got lost and came here by accident."
His expression was loose, but he was still not comfortable: "stay away from him, I feel sick when I see him."
I lowered my eyes: "Can we go?"
"You haven't eaten yet, why don't you leave after eating..."
"No, take me back now." I interrupted him firmly. "Or you call a car for me and I'll go by myself."
He closed his mouth, said no more, turned and walked straight forward.
I followed him, and walked, to the kitchen.
I stopped, a little anxious, thinking he was going to force me to stay for dinner again against my will.
Now the situation is worse than yesterday, it's snowing outside, I don't have an umbrella, I don't have money, and my phone isn't charged. I can't walk alone.
But I don't want to be at his mercy either, I'm fed up with his arrogance, and I'm fed up with their family.
I turn around and find a direction that looks like a gate and head over.
"What are you wandering about? That's not a garage." Shang Muxiao behind him found my intention, and hurriedly grabbed my wheelchair and stuffed the things he took from the refrigerator into my arms.
I looked down and saw a bag of milk and a sandwich wrapped in paper.
"Don't you like it?" He looked at me in a daze, thinking it didn't suit my taste.
"No." I shook my head and inserted the straw into the milk carton to fill the empty stomach.
On the return journey, because of the heavy snow, Shang Muxiao drove very slowly. After eating the sandwich, the warm air in the car blew me. I suddenly felt sleepy and fell into a drowsy sleep amid the bumps.
When I woke up again, the car had entered the parking garage. As the car stopped, I gradually became awake.
"North mustard, here we are."
There was a familiar temperature on my face, and I resisted the urge to rub it up and avoided his touch.
Shang Muxiao slowly withdrew his hand, his eyes were a little hurt: "Teacher, are you still angry with me?"
Angry? Of course angry. But the main thing is not to be angry, and he may never understand that.
"You don't think I should be angry?"
"But I've already apologized."
Nor could he understand that not all apologies would be accepted.
I nodded and asked, "If Shang Yunrou told you to break up with me, would you do it?"
He was startled and stopped by my question.
"Why do you ask?"
He didn't give an answer right away, but asked about my motives. From the subconscious, he was avoiding making choices. Because he himself knew very well that he could not give me a satisfactory answer.
I sighed lightly and said, "It's nothing, drop me off."
I'm a little chagrined at why I'm asking such an obvious question.
This question is meaningless and only makes me more unwilling.
Shang Muxiao may also be a little guilty, but after that, he seems to be very well-behaved.
"Let's go back."
I got in the elevator, and he stood outside, confirming to me again and again: "We're reconciled, right?"
I opened my mouth, but couldn't speak, just smiled at him.
He seemed to have received an affirmative answer, with a bright smile on his face, so bright that one could not take his eyes off it.
My reason was not killed by instinct, my reason was killed by Shang Muxiao. I can't let this happen anymore. If it goes on like this, sooner or later... sooner or later, he will eat all the scum left.
Arabidopsis, are you going to make a decision, move on, or stop here
To move on, you must have enormous patience, a heart that has been tempered, and endless love. But you may not get good results, just like rehabilitation, you won't get results if you don't work hard.
At this point, your life will return to the way it was, peaceful, lonely, and the same thing every day. Nothing will light up your life anymore, you'll have to endure the gloom forever.
The elevator slowly closed, and I was lost in what to do. It's really hard.
Suddenly, Shang Muxiao strode into the elevator without warning, leaned over to hold my face, and gave me a short and hasty kiss.
After the kiss, he quickly exited the elevator again and waved goodbye to me.
I stared at him blankly, the balance in my heart tilted completely to one side again.
Instinctively holding the banner high, eager to try the difficulties and obstacles ahead. It is like a two-deficient hero who wears simple grass armor and has no self-knowledge. He has no brains and no skills, and he dares to fight dragons with his blood.
Rationality should be above all else.
Because when reason doesn't work, human beings become foolish and foolish and make themselves miserable.
I know it, I know it. But I also know that no matter how hard I struggle, I can't help.
Maybe he is not mature enough to cherish this relationship, and he is arrogant and domineering, and has a lot of bad things...
But no matter how it ends, as long as there is a silver lining, as long as he doesn't like me falsely, I still... want to give it a try, try to make a future for the two of us.
When I got home, my phone was recharged, and many text messages and emails popped up again.
Some students don't have my mobile phone number, so they will send greetings via email during Chinese New Year and holidays.
I clicked it one by one and went back to it. Some will come with a card, and some will simply upload a New Year's greeting video.
When I clicked on an email from an unfamiliar mailbox, I didn't think much about it. After all, there are not a few students who change their mailboxes every year.
The email has a fairly large video file, I downloaded it and opened it, but the content of the video is very different from what I thought.