Shang Muxiao and I attended Dad Lu's funeral. In fact, I can do it alone, but he was afraid that it would be dangerous for me to drive when I was emotionally unstable, so he insisted on accompany me.
Not even emotionally unstable. Death is the inevitable destiny of everyone. From birth, we are living towards death. Everyone will play the leading role in a TV series called "My Life", and finally go to this inevitable ending.
When Dad Lu was alive, I may have some regrets that he failed to fight for himself a chance to live. But he has passed away now, and I have said goodbye to him, so I can say that I have no regrets.
Father Lu was buried in the cemetery where Lu Feiheng was located. On the day of the burial, Shang Muxiao and I left home early in the morning. When he arrived, the time was right, and Shang Muxiao also bought a bunch of white chrysanthemums at the gate.
Those who attended the funeral wore solemn black clothes. Mother Lu was supported by Lu Yue and kept wiping her tears with a tissue. Seeing me coming, Mama Lu took the initiative to come over and give me a hug, thanking me for being able to send Dad Lu the last ride.
"Old Lu will be happy to know that you are here, and Feiheng will be happy too..." She found that Shang Muxiao, who was silent on the side, probably couldn't remember who he was, so she could only ask me for help with her eyes.
"This is mine..." The word "student" was about to be blurted out, but when it came to the mouth, I changed my mind and changed it to the word that I liked better, which can better reflect the relationship between Shang Muxiao and me, "... lover ."
Mother Lu was startled, apparently not expecting me to answer like this.
"You..." She couldn't get back to her senses at all. She had a lot of questions, but she didn't know what to ask. If Lu Yue hadn't quietly pulled her twice, she might have stayed in front of me.
At this time, other people came, and Lu Yue nodded to me and Shang Muxiao, and took Lu's mother to greet each other.
"Is it okay?" Shang Muxiao leaned behind me and asked in a low voice.
I shook my head, took the chrysanthemum in his hand, and sent it to Papa Lu's tomb, and the tombstone of Lu Feiheng was not far away.
In the photo, he has a hearty smile and gentle eyes, which is the one I see most often. In the blink of an eye, more than ten years have passed, and I am already in my thirties, but they will always stay in their twenties.
"Is this your roommate?" Shang Muxiao softly read out the epitaph on the tombstone, "Don't be sad, I was finally able to find out the truth of my will."
I smiled and said, "This is probably the truth that everyone who studies philosophy wants to know."
It is also an age-old mystery that has yet to be solved.
Feeling that Shang Muxiao kept looking at me and didn't speak, I turned my head strangely and asked, "What?"
He didn't speak, looked at me for a long time, looked away, stared at Lu Feiheng in the photo and said, "It's nothing."
After the funeral, Mother Lu was a little excited, and everyone gathered around to comfort her. With so many people, it's not my turn. Seeing that I can't be of much help, I talked to Lu Yue and prepared to leave.
She said goodbye to me in a hurry while watching her mother, and when Shang Muxiao and I walked more than ten meters, she heard her calling me from behind.
"North mustard." She panted and ran over, took my arm, glanced at Shang Muxiao, and asked in a low voice, "Actually, I've wanted to ask before, but I've never been sure. Is my brother... also Just like you?"
I was a little surprised and didn't know how to answer.
"This matter has been on my mind for more than ten years. I... I have no other intention, but I want to know more about my brother. I don't want to see him in the future, and I don't even know what kind of person he is." She just After crying, the circles of his eyes are still red, but when he talks about Lu Feiheng, tears fall into his eyes again.
I hurriedly touched my pocket with my free hand, only to find that today, unfortunately, I didn't bring a tissue.
At this time, an arm stretched out from one side, holding a tissue in his hand, and handed it to Lu Yue.
Lu Yue thanked and took it, and after wiping away her tears, her mood stabilized.
After Shang Muxiao finished delivering the tissues, he told me to wait for me outside, and then walked towards the gate of the cemetery.
I always feel that he has been weird since the beginning. Could it be that the weather was bad, and he came to the funeral, reminding him of his childhood
Hesitantly withdrew my gaze and faced Lu Yue again, thinking of her question, I couldn't help sighing deeply.
"I don't know." Her question was also my question. "I also really want to tell you what kind of person he is, but he never mentioned it to me, and I have no way of knowing."
Lu Yue looked a little lost: "I'm sorry, thank you... Thank you."
I shook my head: "Take care of auntie and yourself, so that uncle and Feiheng can rest assured."
"You too, take care of yourself." Lu Yue struggled a little, but maybe she felt that she had already said a lot today, so she just said it, "For a long time, my parents were actually very They care about your current situation, but they are afraid of contacting you. They are afraid that you will be burdened, and they are afraid that you will think of Feiheng and the car accident when you see them. "
I opened my mouth, feeling like a choked stone in my throat. I never knew they had such concerns about me.
"My mother was just too surprised for a while, and she'll be happy for you in retrospect. You're standing up now, and you have a lover. It's really nice." Lu Yue patted my shoulder and told me Be careful and safe on the road, then turn around and walk back.
I looked at her back for a long time, and when she returned to Mama Lu, I moved my steps and went in the opposite direction.
When I returned to the parking lot, I saw Shang Muxiao smoking a cigarette by the side of a garbage can.
He knew I didn't like it, and now he doesn't smoke much in front of me. But the craving for cigarettes is hard to dissipate, and sometimes they will smoke secretly. Can't see, but can smell.
He just put the cigarette to his mouth, and when he saw me coming back, he immediately put the cigarette out and threw it into the trash can.
"Have we chatted so soon?" Xiao ran over, with his hands in his pockets, and he walked to the parking space with me.
"Yeah." He looked at him as usual, and I just thought it was my overheartedness just now.
He didn't ask me about Lu Feiheng all the way. I thought he didn't care, so I didn't explain it. I talked about the school, he talked about the training, and the topics were easy to talk about.
After returning to Qingwan and entering the community, he said that he wanted to rest, and came to me at night, said goodbye to me and returned to his side.
I also have to read the students' papers in the afternoon, and give them suggestions for revisions.
When I read the paper and saw that it was almost four o'clock, I turned off the computer and got up to prepare for cooking. When I passed the gate, I happened to hear someone pressing the password outside. I knew it was Shang Muxiao, so I went over to help him open the door.
Shang Muxiao maintained the action of pressing the password, froze for a while, then lowered his head and came in to change his shoes.
"How's your rest?" He didn't know how he fell asleep, and he still looked uninspired, but it was also possible that he was drowsy and not fully awake.
"good."
I turned around and walked towards the kitchen: "You play games for a while, and I'll cook."
First, he smelled the strong smell of smoke, and then he was suddenly hugged from behind. Shang Muxiao rested his chin on my shoulder, his lips pressed against my neck.
"I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I can't help it... I spent an afternoon, an entire afternoon trying to suppress this emotion, to no avail."
All his breaths hit behind my ears, numb and itchy, making me want to avoid them subconsciously.
He felt it and held me tighter, preventing me from going anywhere.
I held his hand and asked, "I thought you were wrong this morning, what's wrong?"
He was silent for a long time without speaking, but kept rubbing against my neck with the tip of his nose, which made my heart beat faster.
"What happened?" I asked again.
This time he finally spoke.
"Why do so many people like you? I really want to hide you in a cave where no one can find you, so that you can only be my treasure." He was wronged and reluctant, "You can't ...is it just me?"
Sure enough, it was because of Lu Feiheng. He must have misunderstood my relationship with Lu Feiheng.
It took a whole afternoon to endure the attack, which is considered an improvement. In the past, he was afraid that he couldn't bear to go home.
"You mean Lu Feiheng? How do you know he likes me?"
"Because if even her sister doubts whether he is gay, then he must be. A man with a male sexuality has been with you for three years. Unless he has any special hobbies, he will never be indifferent to you." Shang Muxiao plausibly said , "And the way you look at his tombstone is different, you know he likes you, right?" After that, he grabbed my earlobe and bit it lightly.
I shivered, my body was getting hot from him.
"It's just... just my guess. Until he dies, we're all just friends." I said unsteadily.
Even if Lu Feiheng really likes me, it doesn't mean anything. He's gone, and I don't make assumptions about things that haven't happened and things that can't be changed.
"If he's still alive, you're his." But obviously Shang Muxiao didn't think so. Sometimes he was more pessimistic than me, and always liked to think things in a direction that was not good for him.
Very nerve-racking.
"No ifs," I said.
He dropped a series of soft kisses on my neck, his embrace was looser than before, and his voice sounded less urgent.
"real?"
"Really." I followed his hair and said, "There is no if, I only like you. I only like Shang Muxiao."
He was very happy with me, and finally laughed.
"Say it again."
I satisfied him: "I only like Shang Muxiao."
"Say it again."
"I only like Shang Muxiao..."
In the end, I didn't know how many times I said it, until I said it was dry and the sky was going to get dark, and he let me go.
Seeing that his mood had recovered, I told him that if he had any problems in the future, he should speak up as soon as possible and not hold it in his heart.
He thought about it and said, "But I'm afraid you think I'm ignorant."
When he was acting arrogantly, I had a headache and he was unreasonable. Now that he is obedient, I feel bad for him for being too sensible.
Human beings have a hard time finding satisfaction.
"It doesn't matter, at your age, you don't need to be very sensible." I kissed the corner of his lips.