Shang Muxiao didn't wake up until the middle of the night, and at that time my rationality and sensibility were fighting each other fiercely in my mind.
Reason said: "Don't take things so seriously, today is just an accident, there are many accidents in the world every day. Will it be okay if you don't be a racing driver?"
Perceptual retort: "There are many accidents in the world, but dangerous occupations are more likely to encounter accidents than ordinary occupations. You cannot deny this."
"It's not necessarily. How many racers have died in the race over the years when you go to Soso? That's a very small probability, and it's much safer than most professions in the world."
"There are only a few racers in the world? One in a hundred has an accident in 1%, isn't that enough?"
"You're giving up eating because of choking. Would you never drink water because you choked on it?"
Sensibility let it die.
"What are you thinking?"
I suddenly came back to my senses.
Shang Muxiao woke up at some point, raised the hand with the indwelling needle inserted, and tapped the corner of my lips: "So serious."
I stared at him blankly, carefully held his hand, and asked him if he was thirsty or hungry.
His face was still pale, and he seemed to have little energy to speak: "A little hungry."
The ward has its own pantry with microwave and refrigerator. I was afraid that he would wake up in the middle of the night and be hungry. Earlier, he accidentally sold light vegetable porridge and stored it in the refrigerator. Now, just take it out and warm it up.
I raised Shang Muxiao's pillow, I asked him to wait for a while, and then I went to warm him up.
When the microwave oven was running, I maintained my composure all night, forced myself to be calm all night, and suddenly collapsed without warning.
I slowly leaned over and pressed my forehead against the cold table. Tears could not be restrained from overflowing from the lacrimal glands one by one, scrambling to slide down the corners of my eyes.
His fingers gripped the marble countertop so hard that his fingernails throbbed. I bit my lip, careful not to make any sound until the huge, turbulent emotion was finished.
The porridge in the microwave was hot, and when I let go of my teeth, I actually tasted a faint bloody taste in my mouth.
He washed his face in the sink next to him, and rinsed his mouth by the way. While wiping his face with a tissue, he looked up at himself in the mirror. Except for the redness in his eyes, he shouldn't be able to see anything if he didn't look carefully.
Throwing the tissue into the trash can, I took out the warm porridge from the microwave and returned to Shang Muxiao's side. Set up the table, put the porridge on it, and let him eat it himself.
He guessed that he was really hungry, so he ate two mouthfuls with a spoon. It was too slow, so he simply lifted the bowl and raised his head to pour it down, and he drank the whole bowl of porridge in just a while.
After eating, he rubbed his stomach contentedly, then took the hot water I handed him and drank it. After a few sips, he glanced at me, and suddenly he moved, put down the cup and asked, "Why are your hair wet? ?"
I touched my damp temples and lied casually, "I just felt a little sleepy, so I washed my face."
He reached out and stroked my face, his fingertips resting on the end of my eyes.
"I woke up in a daze and saw you beside my bed, looking... I was very sad." His fingertips were slightly cold, with a slight medicinal smell, "I thought you were crying."
I rubbed his palm and denied, "No, I didn't cry."
Arabidopsis, why can't you be selfish? Why can't you just tell him out loud, yes, you're just so sad, you don't want him to continue racing at all
When are you going to be rational? You are obviously so afraid.
Shang Muxiao was full of food and drink. He lay down and talked to me for a while. Knowing that Shang Lu had been here, he watched him for a long time, sneered, and declined to comment.
No matter how minor the concussion was, it still belongs to the category of brain injury. As he spoke, his face became more and more pale, and finally he closed his eyes and lay on the bed, saying that he was dizzy. I was busy calling a nurse, but he wouldn't let me. He patted his hospital bed and asked me to go up and lie down with him.
"… "
For a moment I didn't know if he was really dizzy or pretending to be dizzy.
I glanced at the door of the eye ward: "It's not good to be seen by the nurse and doctor..."
He turned to his side, vacating the seat next to him, leaning on the pillow and looking at me like a puppy.
I sighed inwardly, knowing that I could not refuse, so I stretched out my hand to him and asked him to pull me up.
He smiled and hugged me, put his hands under my armpits and dragged me onto the bed.
Taking off my shoes, Shang Muxiao and I squeezed sideways on the small hospital bed. I leaned against the head of the bed and didn't lie down completely, but Shang Muxiao lay down completely, hugging my waist and burying his face in my stomach.
I patted his back lightly, coaxing him like a child.
He breathed slowly and didn't make a sound for a long time. I thought he was asleep, so I closed my eyes and took a break.
"Teacher, they all thought it was slipping on rainy days. In fact, it wasn't. I was afraid. I was afraid of rain..." He suddenly spoke, his arms wrapped tightly around me, "I'm afraid of the feeling of raindrops hitting me, afraid of being thrown away In the rain, the day my mother died. Teacher, what if I'm afraid for the rest of my life? What if they know I can't play in the rain?"
I opened my eyes and looked at the hill-like bulge under the quilt on my waist and abdomen. He held me so tightly that I could clearly feel the slight trembling of his body.
There was no way I could get him to quit racing, it wasn't a rational victory, it wasn't that I wasn't selfish enough, on the contrary, I couldn't say it out of a different kind of fear of losing him.
I'm afraid he will hate me one day. Hate me for ruining his life. Just like his mother, he lost his dream, lost the career he loved, no matter how much love there is, he will eventually go to a dead end.
There is not only love in this world.
At my age now, and having read philosophy for more than ten years, I have been able to fully understand this truth.
The death of the body is not the real death, the annihilation of the soul is the real death.
"No." I reassured him and patted his head, "We'll go to a psychiatrist, go for psychological counseling, and you can join a mutual aid group with me. It'll be fine, you can definitely compete... "
He didn't speak for a while, and just held me quietly, as if immersed in his own world.
I stopped talking, just quietly accompanied him.
After a few minutes, he muttered: "Beida, will you stay by my side all the time?"
I didn't pay much attention to it before, but today I suddenly had an epiphany and figured out the rules for him to call me "Teacher" and "North mustard".
When you call me teacher, he is about to act like a spoiled child; when you call me Beibei, it is he who needs love.
"Yes, I will."
With my assurance, he gradually let go of his embrace, as if he had finally come out of his emotions.
"I will definitely give you more and more trophies..." His voice was drowsy and turned a little bit softer, "Let you... be proud of me."
"Okay." I responded to him, and he responded to everything he said.
I fell asleep unconsciously, but because of the awkward posture, I didn't sleep much, so I woke up at about six o'clock.
It's not that I haven't tried to go back to the wheelchair, but Shang Muxiao kept holding me and didn't let go, and I couldn't bear to wake him up, thinking about waiting, waiting... Just like that, Shang Yunrou and Yang Haiyang came.
The two entered the ward one after the other, and when Shang Yunrou saw me, she immediately stopped, staring at the lump in the quilt with a particularly wonderful expression. Yang Haiyang followed behind her, holding a big bag and a small bag in her hand, because she stood still and almost bumped into it, but fortunately she stopped in time and took two steps back.
"Why are you standing here? Fortunately, I didn't bump into..." He saw me in a blink of an eye, the last word stuck in his throat, and it took a long time to spit it out with difficulty, "...you."
The three of them stared at each other, and no one spoke for a long time.
Yang Haiyang still has a trace of fantasy at this moment, and his expression is very naive: "Beida, why are you... Why are you here? What a coincidence."
I sighed secretly, and lifted the quilt, revealing Shang Muxiao's messy head, so that he could wake up and not make unnecessary struggles.
Yang Haiyang stared at the man stuck on me, the fruit drink in his hand suddenly fell to the ground, and the corners of his mouth were twitching.
"Ah, Shang Muxiao... This guy is here too." It seemed that he had completely forgotten who he was visiting today.