"What else, I'm so anxious, you kid."
"... For more than a month, I would receive a glass of milk at noon. I always thought it was a gift from a friend..." Speaking of this, my body couldn't stop shaking, "I started to sleep less, and I couldn't control it. Control my emotions, become moody, often quarrel with colleagues and friends, always regret it afterwards, have good temper and bad temper, uncontrollable anger, sometimes wish to kill, I thought I had a psychological problem, I went to see it Psychiatrist, I..." I was a little incoherent, getting more and more flustered.
The soft and melodious music still floated in the coffee shop, and people in twos and threes sat together smiling and talking softly, while the air around me fell into a brief silence.
My hands were shaking badly, I looked up at them blankly, and asked with some difficulty, "Why is it milk?"
Feng Xiaoman seemed to turn his face away a little unbearably: "Because the medicine is slightly bitter, only milk in the drink can neutralize the taste of the medicine..."
My head felt like a heavy blow, and my brain went black for bursts, as if slowly... gradually erasing the last light of my vitality.
Isn't all of this predestined
Qin Xi held his breath and scolded: "You are stupid, you don't even know who gave you something--" Feng Xiaoman kicked him before he finished speaking.
"Is it useful to say this now? I'll let you see what you think of Qin Fu. You still dare to speak of a child. Now think about how to remedy it. I promise the child that it's okay. Now that it's like this, you Why are you so unreliable, do you take it seriously, you..." Feng Xiaoman became more and more angry at the end, and finally gave Qin Xi a few times directly.
I felt a buzzing pain in my head, and I couldn't stop the resentment in my heart. If they could take good care of Qin Fu, I wouldn't be like this now. Are they acting for me now? If he hadn't met Feng Xiaoman back then, would Qin Fu have died, then he would never be able to harm me again.
No, it's not this. How could Qin Fu do this? After killing my mother, he came to hurt me again. I didn't take revenge on him, but he deliberately used such low-handed means to deal with me. How can people's hearts be so terrible? How can it be so vicious
Qin Xi's complexion was very bad when he was trained, he frowned and pondered for a while, and after a while, he said: "Don't panic, I'll go and ask my second brother about the doctor and address of his treatment in the United States, you should do a checkup first , my second brother was just like you at that time, and he is still fine now, at worst, it will take some time for treatment, the doctor is also experienced, hiss..." Qin Xi, who was hit again, became angry, "Aren't I comforting people? ? Is this also wrong?"
I closed my eyes, tried to calm myself down, and said in a deep voice, "Where is Qin Fu now?"
The two people on the opposite side were stunned for a moment, Qin Xi said seriously: "He has already been locked up by the second brother, Shi Shan, don't think about revenge, with the second brother's method, Qin Fu will only be worse than you now, the Qin family It is not allowed to expose such a scandal, otherwise my second brother's past will be exposed, you are not calm now, please don't do anything irrational, the most urgent thing is your current treatment."
What do you mean, the Qin family's face, what they think about is the Qin family's face, what about me, I have become a lunatic, but what they care about is the Qin family's face, what does the Qin family think of others
Bang—I slammed my fist on the table, and Feng Xiaoman screamed, which attracted the attention of people around me.
"What are you doing?" Qin Xi shouted angrily.
I stood up, stared at them for a moment, and said word by word, "It's all you, and it's because of your Qin family that I'm like this now." I walked towards Feng Xiaoman and looked at her with dark eyes, "If It wasn't you, Qin Fu was already dead, it was you who told me that Qin Xi would take good care of him, but in the end I was drugged, it was you, it was all your fault."
Qin Xi pulled Feng Xiaoman behind him: "How do you talk? If you hadn't accidentally made a mistake, would Qin Fu still be able to force you? No one here owes you anything—"
My heart was full of hatred and hostility, "If Qin Fu hadn't relied on the power of the Qin family back then, my mother wouldn't have been suffocated to death, my grandparents wouldn't have died because of old age and the loss of their daughter, and I wouldn't have become what I am now, you Tell me what do I owe your Qin family?" I felt like I was in a state of madness, and I couldn't restrain the deep hatred in my chest: "You tell me, you tell me—what do I owe your Qin family?"
"Shishan, calm down."
"Tell him to stop, he's... sick"
I have no memory of everything that followed, and I fell into the darkness with hatred and unwillingness in my heart.
In a daze, I was awakened by bursts of sobbing.
"Qin Xi, did I do something wrong, such a good child, what should I do... what should I do?"
"It's not your responsibility, you are kind, don't worry, my second brother is well now, we can send him to the United States to see a doctor, he will be fine after he is cured."
"But they said that the disease will not be cured. Qin Mu almost died in the United States, and now he can't be stimulated. It's all my fault. If he hadn't stopped him—"
"Do you want him to be a murderer? How much better can it be than now, it doesn't matter, it will be cured—"
I just feel so tired and have no one to blame. Wen Yang said that if that person's original intention is good, he shouldn't blame the other person, and I shouldn't blame others.
I'm just venting my anger. I don't want to believe my stupidity. Even if I lived a new life, I didn't realize that I followed someone else's way in the previous life. After rebirth, I should be decisive and indecisive when dealing with Qin Fu. I didn't kill him at the beginning , What's even more stupid is to accept milk from unknown sources presumptuously without asking clearly.
I obviously had a chance to escape all of this, but in the end I didn't. I thought that I would live a better life if I was not greedy, but in the end I was the same as the last life, still turned into a lunatic.
I can't blame anyone, I can't blame anyone, I'm so stupid! I am stupid!
…
I sat on the bed and looked out of the window without focus. This is the fourth courtyard. Although I knew that I would come back when I left in the morning, I didn't expect it to be so soon. In just a few hours, my life has experienced things that I can't Tolerated changes.
"Actually, your situation is better than my second brother's. At least you didn't come into contact with drugs when you were resting on weekends. That's why you noticed that your emotions were wrong so quickly. It didn't reach a month in terms of time. You need to Go abroad for a comprehensive examination to confirm the final diagnosis." It is rare for Qin Xi to have such a good temper, but I know that he is not because of any guilt, but because he is afraid that Feng Xiaoman will blame himself for it.
The doctor surnamed Han also did psychological work for me: "Lance is my teacher. He was also responsible for Qin Mu's treatment at the beginning. He is an expert in pharmacology and neurology. After so many years, he is here. There may have been new breakthroughs in this regard, you listen to Mr. Qin and go to the United States to see it first."
I turned my head and fixed my eyes on Qin Xi: "Murderer pays for his life and pays for his debts. Qin Fu drugged me and ruined my life. I won't let it go."
Qin Xi looked at me indifferently: "How do you want revenge? Kill him and become a murderer? Call the police, what evidence do you have? The identification of this kind of medicine will go abroad. If he bites you back and is mentally abnormal, you will be locked up in prison." Mental hospital, at that time, who do you think can stand up and help you, me? Or her?" Qin Xi pointed at Feng Xiaoman and said to me, "As long as the members of the Qin family, including me, still rely on the Qin family, they will have nothing to do. People will speak for you."
I looked at Qin Xi with hatred, oppressing others with power, threatening and intimidating, this is the Qin family, a world where the weak prey on the strong, and I can only live a new life at the mercy of others.
I know that according to the past, I will accept this suggestion in a timely manner, but now I am very angry, and there is a raging hatred in my heart. I think I have worked very hard to change it. Why is it still powerless in the face of reality and cannot change the ending.
Feng Xiaoman held Qin Xi tightly, wanted to speak several times, but finally gave up.
Qin Xi patted her hand, and said to me in a slow voice: "Even if it's what you want, whether it's sending Qin Fu to prison or killing him, it's not necessarily better than now. If you take out the medicine, you can only bear the anger of my second brother. He probably has no excuse to deal with people. When he broke Qin Yuan's leg back then, he might not have no intention of revenge. Back then, my second brother was worse than you are now Too many, can hardly see people, and when he is sober, he feels that others are hurting him, not only the Qin family was almost tortured, but even the eldest sister who has the best relationship with him... "
Qin Xi paused for a moment, and then said, "You still have a great life to go, you don't have to sacrifice yourself for this kind of person, if you don't think about yourself, you have to think about the people around you."
"I'll make arrangements for the United States. You can go there with peace of mind. You don't have to worry about the follow-up treatment and expenses. Whatever happened to Qin Fu, whether you are from the Qin family or not, we will take responsibility. If the old man knows , I guess it's the same idea."
It seemed to be raining outside, and fine raindrops hung on the windows of the building. I moved my eyes from the men and women in front of me to the window, and looked outside as if out of focus, but my heart was filled with darkness and despair.
...
When I got home, Wen Yang hadn't come back yet, the empty room was silent, I stood at the door for a while, a puddle of water slowly accumulated under my feet, I lowered my head and moved my feet, and walked to my bedroom to change my wet clothes. Clothes, I opened the wardrobe and started to pack things.
Carrying my luggage and walking to the door, I looked back at everything here, remembering that when I first moved here, my heart seemed to be pinched in an instant, and suddenly it was so painful that it was difficult to breathe, from the pain in the heart to the trembling fingertips. I used to think that as long as I did well, I could only leave because Wen Yang had his own family. At that time, I would retire, sacrifice myself to help others, and silently atone for my sins. Even if I only touched myself in the end, That is also my own active choice, and I can also get psychological comfort.
But now, I am like a complete loser, passively accepting the arrangement of fate.
Everything originated from my blind self-confidence. It turns out that there is no chance to make up for all the regrets. I used to be so proud. I thought I could live my life as much as I want. I don’t want the happiness in this life to be so short. Although there is an ambitious start, it cannot be a perfect and happy end.
I will no longer be able to participate in Wen Yang's future life, or this is fine, my unbearable thoughts will never be discovered by him, and there will be no chance to hurt him again.
fair enough…