When I woke up in the morning, besides the usual headache, my whole body was sore. I opened my eyes, dazed for a while, rubbed my temples and wanted to sit up, but the sudden pain made me turn back.
what happened? I couldn't react for a while.
... Last night I went to Wen Yang to say goodbye, we went to eat, and then I seemed to be drunk, and my consciousness slowly sobered up, and broken pictures appeared in my mind bit by bit.
I stood up abruptly, although my memory was blurred and I was the only one on the bed, but the marks on my body could not be covered up, and the shame of pain also told me that everything yesterday was not a dream.
I got out of bed in a panic, picked up my clothes tremblingly, my heart was full of frustration and remorse, Wen Yang and I were both drunk in the end, he mistook me for Yang Xuan, we...
How could such absurd thing happen? I can imagine how much Wen Yang was shocked. He was a straight man who just got a beautiful girlfriend, and ended up sleeping with a man after drinking. If it was me, I don't know what to do. How to face it, I am very glad that Wen Yang left, otherwise how would I face this embarrassing situation? !
If it affects his relationship with Yang Xuan, then I will be a sinner in both lives.
You obviously only drank a few cups, how could you get drunk? If I had been sober at the time, none of this would have happened.
Yang Xuan clearly told Wen Yang not to drink alcohol, but I didn't stop him. Even though he was drunk, I... felt annoyed and remorseful all over my body.
I shivered and put on my shirt, but I didn't even bother to put on my coat. I picked up my clothes and left in a panic.
Unexpectedly, I ran into Yang Xuan outside the door, I bowed my head in shame, hurriedly staggered away and quickly abandoned the elevator and went downstairs instead.
"Shishan, where are you going?" Yang Xuan's voice came from behind, and I quickened my pace, ignoring my own embarrassment, as if I was running away.
Ever since I knew that Qin Fu had drugged me, I felt that everything I experienced was like a dream. Every time I woke up in the morning, I hoped that this was a dream countless times, but the truth is, I was doing worse and worse things. Dream, I am afraid to go through the nightmares of the previous life again after falling asleep, and I am afraid to face the cruelty of reality after waking up.
I was sitting on the plane, my clenched hands were trembling uncontrollably, I kept telling myself to be calm, as long as I leave, Wen Yang will soon forget all of this, he will start a normal family with Yang Xuan, I won't affect them.
If there is a God, then I beg you to help me. I don’t want to be a sinner in this life. I have already redeemed my sins. Why did this happen in the end
Why did I go to Wen Yang to say goodbye, why did I let him drink? I regret it.
I am a failure, even if I have lived two lives, I am still the same. In this life, I came here to atone for my sins. Even if I can't help Wen Yang, I must not allow myself to commit another serious sin.
Thinking about it, I was Wen Yang's disaster, always dragging him down, if I had chosen to stay away from Wen Yang, would it have been a different result
if…
I feel that my mind is so messed up, I kept imagining every choice I made after my rebirth, and found that a good chess game made me get into the current dead game, and every step I took was extremely bad. The more I think about it, the more regretful I feel. The blood surged up, his mind became more and more dizzy, and he felt that the breath he exhaled was hot.
Maybe it was because my complexion was really not very good. The flight attendant came over several times and asked me if I was not feeling well. I shook my head and said I was fine.
The compatriot beside me said: "Maybe I have a fever, my face is so red." The next second his hand was on it, and he said exaggeratedly, "Dude, you are going to be steamed!"
"Miss, do you have antipyretics?"
After taking the medicine, I fell into a drowsy sleep all the way, and left the airport hall listlessly.
Walking with strange faces of different skin colors, my heart still can't be realized, and I feel like a world away.
In the future, I will completely fade out of the gentle life, and actually cut off the fetters that have invaded the soul, and start an unknown life.
But I don't know if I can really start a new life.
The nursing home is located in the northernmost Bronx district of New York, where the scenery is beautiful, adjacent to the coast and parks, it is a very suitable place for vacation.
It's just that no matter how good the scenery is, it can't beat the bad weather. The dark clouds in the sky are very heavy. It's just after noon, and the sky is already scary. It's raining outside the car, and the dark clouds are spreading in the sky. A huge black hole, a black car driving alone on the wide road, like the entrance to hell.
When Lance came to see me, I had just returned to my room to change when the door slammed open, and he looked out of breath.
Then he yelled at me: "Shi, do you know what you have done? You are so crazy that you didn't listen to my advice and ran back. If you are not afraid of death, I can't cure you." of."
I took off my wet coat, turned my head and looked at him and said, "Lance, no one is not afraid of death, but there are always more important things in life."
"The more important thing you call is killing people? I thought you were saying goodbye to your lover."
"Not lovers."
"I know, but that makes no difference, you don't have to correct me."
I threw my clothes on the sofa and said in a deep voice, "Do you want me to quarrel with me?"
"Oh." Lance raised his hand in compromise, "Sure enough, you've become even more irritable."
I let out a breath and sat on the sofa tiredly, "I don't want to talk about this now, I want to take a good rest, I'm very tired."
"If you don't even want to communicate with people normally, it will make it difficult for me."
I looked up at Lance, I tried my best to suppress the rising anger in my chest, and said word by word in Chinese: "I said I am very tired!"
At this time, Lance didn't compromise because of my uncooperative attitude, and looked at me very seriously in his blue eyes: "How much of that medicine have you taken? You today... no, did you take it yesterday? So you Even though you are angry, you can control your anger! God, tell me how much you ate in total?"
I sat on the sofa, put my hands into my hair violently, and said: "I will tell you everything tomorrow, and now I want to be alone, this is not a prison!"
"You're right, it's not true, but Shi, I said no more than three times, it will not only make your condition worse, but you also need to be isolated and rehabilitated, give me the rest of the medicine, I want to see if I want to take action against you special measures."
I took the white plastic vial out of my pocket and threw it at him.
"?" Lance exclaimed, "igaveyoufive! crazy?"
I was lying on the sofa, with a headache that was killing me. This is not a cure, but a reminder: "I lost one pill, but I only ate three." Lance said at the beginning that there should be no more than three pills, but he was afraid that I would be angry with the people around me. No matter what harm someone caused, I still gave me two more pills. I opened them separately at the time, and only carried three pills with me. I lost one pill when Wen He kidnapped me.
"Are you sure? Three pills, you didn't lie to me?"
"No." I sank into the sofa and said weakly.
I repeatedly assured him that I only ate three times, three pills!
I sat up suddenly, and suddenly thought of a possibility: "What side effects will there be if I drink alcohol after taking this medicine?"
"Ah? I don't know about this yet. This is a new drug, and the clinical report has not yet been released. It is considered a prohibited drug. God, do you have any adverse reactions? I will cancel my medical qualifications."
I covered my forehead and thought about the hangovers these few times. I should have discovered it after I finished taking the medicine.
I don't know what Lance said afterwards, I just felt exhausted physically and mentally, and fell asleep again.
When I woke up again and saw the familiar infusion bottle, I realized that I was not asleep, but passed out. When Lance saw me again, he looked a little strange, but he didn’t say anything else, just told me to take care of him. rest.
But a good rest is just a hope. Not long after, I fell ill again, injuring the medical staff and myself. In Lance's words, the backlash from the medicine was very serious.
There are several more medicines that I often take, which also forces my appetite to decrease more and more, and I even often vomit.
But I would rather not eat, and take medicine as prescribed by the doctor. At least the medicine can keep me awake, instead of being isolated in a lunatic asylum in my previous life.
Two days later, I was sitting in Lance's consulting room. The room was very comfortably furnished, with soft reclining chairs, soothing music, and soft light, which made people feel relaxed physically and mentally.
Lance said abruptly: "Let's talk about your homosexuals today."
I frowned: "I said that he is not my lover. Lance, no matter how you look at it, you don't look like a professional psychologist."
"You are right. My main focus is pharmacology. The reason why I have several jobs is also due to you. Roy said that you are always distracted and very uncooperative. He can't give you psychological treatment. "
I looked up at him and said, "I don't think it's my fault. Although I can understand English, English is not my mother tongue. I have to concentrate to understand what the other party is saying, which is very tiring." Tired, whether it’s mentally or physically, but they don’t understand me, and at most they say I have to overcome it by myself, it’s all nonsense, if I can overcome it myself, why should I come here!
"So let's talk about something that can arouse your interest, dear Shi, do you know why you fainted that day? Does it have anything to do with your crush—or your crush?"
I felt my face heat up, and finally understood the meaningful look in Lance's eyes. I held back for a while before saying, "I don't want to say that."
"Then tell me what you want to say, how do you know each other, whatever you want, you can say it in Chinese, I may not understand it completely, you can treat me as a listener, or you can ignore my existence, no matter what Treatment requires the patient's cooperation."
I closed my eyes, and some images appeared in my mind unconsciously. It seemed that it was a long time ago. Although it was a lifetime away, every detail was forever fresh.
At that time, I had just finished my grandfather's funeral, and by the time the university reported, I was already a week late.
"Fuck, here comes another handsome guy." A high-pitched voice exploded in the dormitory, I turned my head and looked over, Yu Mingjie was shirtless, waving his big paws and greeted me, "Hey, buddy, you're late enough for this episode Already!" I frowned slightly, and said "Yeah", I had a lot of problems at the time, and I judged people by their appearance, and I saw people who had to trim their appearance.
At that time, thinking about being a roommate with such a person, he was filled with displeasure, and when he looked up again, he saw Wen Yang.
He was wearing a neat black sports t-shirt, sitting on a stool and swinging a basketball in his hands. He had a faint smile on his young and handsome face. He was a clean master. I was in a better mood. Smile at him.
Then I saw the basketball slip from his fingertips to the floor and roll toward me. I let go of the trolley and bent over to pick it up.