I don't want to think about what happened that day again, I tried my best to regard it as an accident, but I can't forget Wen Yang's eyes at that time, looking at me coldly and cruelly, he kept asking me why.
Why do you want to do that
I begged him for mercy, but I still couldn't stop him.
It was the first time that I was treated like this by Wen Yang. I was not afraid that he would hurt me. I almost couldn't control it that day. After persisting for so long, I didn't want to fail and become a lunatic again.
These days, I dare not sleep too hard at night.
I sometimes think that maybe one day I will just die in my sleep.
At night, I woke up from a nightmare, and I dreamed that Wen Yang stabbed a knife into his chest in front of me, and bid farewell to me tragically.
Maybe it's because I'm too nervous these days, since I'm with Wen Yang, I rarely have this kind of dream again.
I exhaled, wiped the cold sweat off my head, turned to look at Wen Yang, the temperature around me had already dropped.
Wen Yang is not there.
I sat quietly on the bed for a while, the autumn night was cool, I put on my coat and left the bedroom.
I found Wen Yang on the balcony, he was leaning on the cat climbing frame, his whole body was shrouded in darkness, I couldn't see his expression clearly, only the burning cigarette butt in his hand was aroused by his movements. The flickering arc slowly spread around with the cold and silent aura around him.
I couldn't help clenching my fingers, suppressed my fear, and walked forward: "Why don't you sleep?"
Wen Yang turned his head, the fireworks printed a flickering light on his face, he looked at me, and said in a calm tone: "Don't worry about me, you go to sleep first."
I lowered my eyes, and everything seemed familiar. He also said the same thing to me in such a cold tone a few days ago, but I knew that this time he would not pull me over like last time, and then tell me that he was talking to me. I'm joking.
I stood there motionless, didn't want to go, but didn't know what to say, maybe in the bottom of my heart I still hoped that he would suddenly smile at me and tell me that he was joking with me.
I don't know what to do to restore all this. Some things are fine when you haven't got them, but when you have them and then lose them, it will be as painful as cutting out the bones.
The sky outside the window was gloomy, and the night wind blew slowly. It seemed that something was blown away by the night wind. I turned around and left slowly.
"I'm going on a business trip tomorrow, and I may be away for a while. If you have anything to do, you can contact Li Zheng."
I paused for a moment, grasped my trembling hands, and replied, "Got it."
"Remember to drink the traditional Chinese medicine prescribed for you."
"it is good."
I lay back on the bed again, my limbs contracted together involuntarily, and my body trembled uncontrollably.
I know, I just know... God won't let me go on like this. Everything that is important to me will be taken away in the end, and nothing will be left for me.
First, I let my mother, grandfather, and grandmother leave me one after another, and then I was drugged, became manic, and lost my health. Now even Wen Yang wants to take it away, and I still can't keep anything.
How I wish everything was my overthinking, my neurotic madness.
These days we are trying our best to ensure that it is the same as before, but I know it is different.
The tenderness in Wen Yang's eyes was gradually replaced by coldness, and Wen Yang's approach would also make me subconsciously feel fear and trembling. No one of us would talk about such a change, and no one would ask about it. will be disillusioned.
Now Wen Yang finally couldn't help but wanted to leave. He knew that I had been hiding those ugly scars that I didn't want him to know. Finally, I was completely peeled off and exposed to the sun. He knew that I had been He was deceiving him, the feelings he once thought were all fake, and the person he liked was also fake——
My whole body was cold, my hands and feet were weak, and my heart was beating violently. I tightly grasped the bed sheet at hand, trying to draw a little strength from it.
How I wish there was someone beside me who could comfort me and say that he just left for a while, and he didn't say he couldn't come back, so don't always scare yourself.
Instead of just curling up with a cold body like this, trying to increase the temperature of myself, but Wen Yang is not around, so there is no warmth at all.
…
I don't know when I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, Wen Yang was no longer there, and breakfast was on the dining table as usual.
The porridge in the mouth was still warm, and water droplets slid down the cheeks, sank into the bowl, and disappeared in an instant.
The phone rang, I hurriedly wiped my face and answered the phone.
…
During the 11th Golden Week, I got on the car back to my hometown. I originally planned to go out with Wen Yang at this time, but now I can only run aground.
People from my hometown called to say that my mother's tomb was going to be moved due to the county planning. After four years, I returned to my hometown again.
I didn't realize it before, but now I realize that I am an extremely cold person. The three years in the United States are not counted. After returning to China, I failed to come back to see them. I think they will definitely scold me for being unfilial.
Like my mother, I always locked myself in the cover and couldn't get out.
After finishing my mother's work, it was already night.
I live in a distant relative's house. The relative is engaged in flower cultivation and has contracted a large flower field and a huge flower shed, which is quite large.
I called him Uncle Li, and said he was a relative, but I don’t have a deep memory of him. The only thing I remember was their children who were a few years older than me. They bullied me a lot when I was young, but this kind of bullying ended when Ah Huang grew up.
Get up for a run early in the morning. This is on the edge of the county seat. The air is very good. Even in autumn, the mountains are still full of lush greenery. The occasional red leaves are also beautiful and eye-catching. I am used to the fast-paced city life. A back-to-basics feeling.
Accompanied by the morning light, with a body of fresh air, the depression in the heart can also be dispelled a lot.
When I came back from morning exercise, I saw Uncle Li carrying out some bulbous rhizome plants from the flower shed.
I walked over and rolled up my sleeves to help: "Uncle Li, is this also a flower?"
"That's right, it's a flower. This is a bulb of narcissus. It will be moved to the ground for planting in the next two days."
I said thoughtfully: "Narcissus? Shouldn't it be a scientific name?"
"Haha, that's right, they are educated. You know the hyacinth when I say it, they are all the same thing."
I froze for a moment, looked at these bulbs and said, "So the seeds of the hyacinth are like this, but it's autumn now, can it work?"
Seeing that I was interested, Uncle Li also talked to me with great interest: "The flowers are different from each other. Most flowers and plants are planted in spring, but this daffodil will be planted in autumn, and then it will be planted in March next year." flowering."
I nodded and said with a smile: "There are so many things to pay attention to in growing flowers. If you don't know, I'm afraid you will waste everything."
"Haha, that's right, there are too many things about growing flowers. You need to understand the habits of flowers. The more delicate flowers are, the more delicate they are. When I first started growing flowers, I planted a batch of orchids and suffered heavy losses. The days can’t slow down for a while.” Uncle Li said with emotion, “No flower can withstand too much wind and rain, it must be carefully tended, the flowers grow well and the color is bright, and finally they can be sold at a good price. "
I looked at these flower bulbs, and I was in a daze for a while. The autumn wind blew by, and I suddenly felt a little cold.
I have always felt unreal about Wen Yang liking me. In the last life, no matter how hard I tried, Wen Yang never liked me, so in this life, I thought that no matter what I did, Wen Yang would not like me. Will accept me, but don't want to get Wen Yang's love by accident.
Thinking about it now, maybe Wen Yang in the previous life was not completely unintentional, but I killed the seeds of love in the cradle, and beautiful flowers could not bloom in a dark and rotten environment.
In my previous life, I ruined all the possibilities between me and Wen Yang. No matter whether it was the effect of the medicine or not, no matter whether Qin Fu had done anything to me, Wen Yang was innocently implicated by me.
I owe Wen Yang a formal apology.
Before my death in my previous life, the reason why I desperately wanted to break out of the prison was just to have a chance to say sorry to him in person.
Now Wen Yang has already remembered everything from the past, so this is the opportunity God gave me to let me forget the regrets of my previous life.
Regardless of whether Wen Yang will forgive me in the end, even if the final result is not so satisfactory, it doesn't matter, I should apologize to Wen Yang.
This is what I owe him—
After a busy morning, I was a little exhausted, so I took a nap at noon, and after a rest, I got on the bus for the return trip.
Although I was apprehensive, no matter what the result was, I would accept it.
When I got home, Wen Yang hadn't returned from a business trip. I sat on the sofa, holding the phone, tossing and turning for a long time, and finally dialed the phone.
The phone rang for a while and got through.
"Heltwood—"
Listening to the long-lost voice, my nose felt a little sour unconsciously. I took a slow breath and said, "Wen Yang, is everything going well?"
"fine."
I smiled: "Then - when will I come back, I miss you a little bit."
There was no sound on the other side of the phone, and my hand holding the phone became tighter, and the palms of my hands were unconsciously sweating.
"I have important matters to deal with here, and I will go back in two days." He paused and said, "Don't forget to drink Chinese medicine in these two days."
I smiled: "I know, I've been drinking, but you're not here, I haven't slept well these two days."
"Don't think about it."
I felt the back of my hand burn, and a drop of water fell on it. I wiped my eyes and said with a smile, "Wen Yang, come back soon, I have a lot to say to you."