The room was dark, like stepping into another space, and my father was lying on the bed.
Lu Qingfan said in a low voice, "Father is not allowed to open the curtain."
I go to the bed.
Father said softly, "You are here." His expression was brisk.
He mistook me for my mother. In fact, I am not like my mother, but he misses her too much.
There is no one in this world who can comfort him.
I have a sore nose.
"Dad, it's me." I walked over and told him to see clearly.
His eyes finally recovered and he recognized who I was.
I saw the disappointment in his eyes.
Seeing me this time, his reaction was much better than last time. He didn't yell at me and tell me to get out, but just closed his eyes and stopped looking at me.
I hope to have a good talk with him.
I moved a chair, sat beside my father's bed, and gently held his hand.
"Dad, are you still mad at me?"
Father doesn't speak.
"When I was young, my mother said that marrying you was the best thing in her life. Dad, I just want to find someone who loves you like you." I said softly.
My father slowly opened his eyes, and he looked at me, "I'm just afraid that what you will encounter is not human, you are so ignorant of the world."
I seem to see my father when I was young again, he and my mother are holding my hand and walking on the long road towards the end of the sunset.
Mother said, "Jiyu, when you grow up and have someone you like, don't forget your parents."
Tears just fell like that.
Now, they are all leaving me.
I did not cherish it.
Lu Qingfan and I exited the room, and he closed the door gently.
"After you left, my father immediately regretted it. He has been sending people to look for you, but there has been no news of you." Lu Qingfan said to me, "We can't find you."
"I've been disappointing him."
I was too selfish, I only cared about myself, but I never considered my father's mood.
Lu Qingfan and I were walking side by side in the corridor, and he asked, "Are you still refusing to come back?"
I shook my head, "I'll come back tomorrow, and I'll try to persuade him to be hospitalized."
Father doesn't need me to be by his side, he just wants to be alone and miss his mother quietly.
"Where are you going back?"
"I'm staying at a friend's house now."
"Meng Siqi?" he asked.
"How do you know?" I was a little surprised.
"When you were at Qiao's house, he came to see you."
It turned out to be like this. Meng Siqi was probably very worried about my sudden disappearance.
Thinking of this, I feel a little anxious.
"I'm going back. Meng Siqi doesn't know that I've escaped yet."
I was in a hurry to leave, but Lu Qingfan suddenly pushed me against the wall, "Jiyu, how long are you going to be angry with me!"
I froze for a moment, he lost his composure like this.
"You clearly know that they won't be sincere to you, haven't you suffered enough from people like Qiao Lang and He Li?" His eyes were dark and he couldn't see the emotion in it, "Are you going to hurt yourself and get angry with me?"
My heart shrank like a needle prick.
"Don't have unrealistic dreams anymore, after so many years, you should know." He said slowly.
Pei Jiyu has had dreams for many years, always pursuing unattainable places in his dreams.
But I woke up early.
The person who was immersed in the dream and refused to wake up was Lu Qingfan.
I shook my head, "You and I are both adults, I have long since stopped being angry with you, now everything is my own choice, and has nothing to do with you."
He didn't believe my words, he said, "leave Meng Siqi, he won't make you happy."
"Meng Siqi is very good, he is not that kind of person."
He was angry, "Pei Jiyu, can you stop deceiving yourself like this! I just hope you won't be hurt again!"
I raised my head abruptly, and a burst of anger burst out of my heart, "I'm deceiving myself? Lu Qingfan, why do you say that! Don't pretend to know me well, you don't know anything about me! Please stop being so self-righteous teach me a lesson!"
"Huh? I don't know you, I think I'm self-righteous?" Lu Qingfan smiled instead of anger, "Then Pei Jiyu, do you understand me? Do you understand my feelings? You are the genuine young master of the Pei family, and I'm just your parents. A fatherless and motherless wild child adopted by the orphanage, your Pei family has raised me for eighteen years, and everything I own is alms from the Pei family. What is Lu Qingfan? Lu Qingfan is just a slave raised by the Pei family!"
"No one treats you as a slave of the Pei family, not even my parents, nor me, everything is your own imagination!" I was extremely angry at his words, what does he think of the Pei family, and what does he think of himself
"No? You are so naive. Do you know how I've lived all these years? Have you seen the eyes of those servants of the Pei family looking at me? Have you heard how my middle school classmates commented on me behind my back? They said I'm just a servant that the Pei family spent money to raise for you. Everyone thinks that I was lucky when I was adopted by the Pei family. I need to be grateful all the time and repay your family's kindness with my whole life! My success is all thanks to the help of the Pei family. , all the hard work I have put in is nothing more than a matter of course. Apart from serving Mrs. Pei for the rest of my life, it is ungrateful for me to expect anything else! In the past eighteen years, I have survived, Pei Jiyu, do you know all this?"
He stared at me fiercely, nailing me to the wall with his cold eyes like sharp nails, and said to me word by word without any emotion.
I was intimidated by the look in his eyes, I really didn't know he was ever looked at like that.
"But, Lu Qingfan, you know I've never looked at you like this before." After a while, I was finally able to speak.
"Yes, you like me." He smiled mockingly, without any warmth in his eyes, "You like me, so I should be grateful and kneel at your feet and kiss your toes?"
"You don't need to talk like that!" My body trembled slightly, "You clearly know that I won't be like other people."
"Then what do you want me to do? Accept you, tell those people to point behind their backs for the rest of their lives, saying that Lu Qingfan actually climbed into his brother's bed for money. He is still a man. He is really shameless. How can he be worthy of the second elder who adopted him?" He questioned me loudly, his eyes were as dark as ink, and he looked at me firmly.
I saw that stubborn and gloomy child more than ten years ago, he was standing opposite me, I stretched out my hand to touch it, and it was instantly shattered into pieces.
He is a fantasy in my memory.
In the end, his voice suddenly dropped, and he said, "Jiyu, you are the young master of the Pei family, and I, I am nothing, I can't just stand by your side like this."
I am the young master of the Pei family, this is why he rejected me.
He has always thought this way, the eyes of others, the pointing of irrelevant people, he looks forward and backward like this, step by step away from me.
In fact, I should have realized that I am the young master of the Pei family, and he is the adopted son of the Pei family. His self-esteem would not want me to feel pity and charity.
Lu Qingfan has his own pride, he sticks to the bottom line, even if I approach step by step, he will never cross the threshold.
There is a gap between me and him, I dare to sacrifice everything, but he dare not. I am like a person who has stepped into the air, ridiculously stretching out my arms to him for help, but he refused to stretch out a hand to pull me.
He was afraid of making a mistake and falling to the bottom of the cliff forever.
He tried in vain to build a bridge to my side while I teetered on the edge of a cliff for so many years.
He is too cautious, even if one day he finally has the same status as me, there will be no possibility for me and him. I have waited too long for a hand that can hold me, and my heart has already fallen into the abyss of darkness.
I think too little, he worries too much.
I was too naive and he was too worldly.
Nothing to do with others.
I figured it out for a split second, and I said to him, "Lu Qingfan, in fact, you just dare not admit that you like me."
Lu Qingfan's face changed instantly, but he just stared at me fiercely, with his lips tightly closed, and he didn't say anything, neither refuted nor admitted.
Even after all these years, he is still like this.
I only felt a desolation in my heart, neither sad nor happy, "Lu Qingfan, look at you coward, you don't even dare to say whether you like me or not."
The person who hurt me has always been you.
I broke free from him and strode out.
On the way back, I suddenly breathed a sigh of relief, as if a heavy burden disappeared in an instant.
For a long time, the shadow of Lu Qingfan in my heart has finally dissipated.
I finally no longer have the slightest expectation of him.
I was finally able to give up on him.