After dark, I don't want to go back.
Meng Siqi took me to see the sea.
The two of us walked on the beach with a bag of canned beer bought from the supermarket. There was no one else on the beach except me and Meng Siqi.
Also, besides throwing oneself into the sea to seek death, who would come here to blow the cold wind.
The sea wind was violent, almost blowing people away, the sea was dark, only the sound of waves could be heard.
I tightened my neck, choking with the cold.
But I don't want to go back, who wants to go back to that cold apartment.
It is almost possible to paste two couplets by the door, the first couplet - a lonely life, the second couplet - lonely to death, and the horizontal criticism - Pei Jiyu.
Not very neat, better than realistic.
Meng Siqi took off his long coat and put it on me.
His body temperature fell on my shoulder, and I looked at him.
In the darkness, his eyes were so soft that they almost seeped water.
I lowered my head and murmured, "Meng Siqi, if we had met one day sooner, I couldn't help falling in love with you."
"Why not now?" he asked in a low voice.
"Why not now?" I repeated his question and laughed at him, "Because my heart is full of holes and old."
I continued walking forward, my voice wandering in the fierce wind, "You came too late, and my heart is old."
He smiled and followed me.
"It's like reading a love poem." He grabbed my hand and wrapped it tightly in his palm, "But, Pei Jiyu, if I've fallen in love with you, what should I do?"
I curled up in a ball in the cold wind, pretending not to hear what he said.
I didn't promise Meng Siqi to take me back until I drank all the cans of beer.
I said goodbye to him downstairs in the apartment, "Thank you, really thank you."
I sincerely thank him. If there is no Meng Siqi in this miserable life, I would rather die immediately.
He shook his head and said, "Don't thank me, I'm doing it for myself."
His words are so nice, even if it is false, I am satisfied.
I was light and light along the way, I don’t know if it’s because I drank too much alcohol, or maybe today’s time made me drunk.
I am full of joy.
Walking to the door, I saw a man standing silently in the shadow of the door, tall and straight, like a tree.
I was taken aback.
But the man came out from the shadows, and he called me: "Pei Jiyu."
deja vu. Who is this blade-like face
I chuckled lightly, walked forward, leaned against the man and handed my sleeve to his nose, and said with a smile, "You smell it, it smells like the sea."
He pushed me away.
"Pei Jiyu, sober up," he said with a frown, "I'm Lu Qingfan."
Today I really sat on the Ferris wheel, every time I reached the clouds, the next moment I already landed.
I sat in a 24-hour fast food restaurant and looked at Lu Qingfan's expressionless face opposite me.
All that little bit of alcohol in me was sober.
I asked for a cup of hot drink, opened the lid and drank it in big gulps.
"How did you find me?" I asked.
"You use a landline." He answered very succinctly.
I understand right away. Damn telcos, no privacy at all.
"Have you stayed in this city for the past four years?" He asked me.
With my drink cup in my mouth, I hummed twice as an answer.
"Pei Jiyu, you are self-willed enough, it's time to come back." Lu Qingfan said in a bad tone.
I turned my head to look at the night scene outside the window.
From the reflective glass wall, I see a face of suppressed anger.
I sighed and pretended to be helpless and said, "Father will never forgive me."
"Thank you for remembering father." Lu Qingfan mocked coldly.
I didn't say a word, I raised the cup to my mouth.
Unexpectedly, his next sentence would shake the heavens and the earth, almost causing the earth to explode in an instant.
"Father was diagnosed with advanced liver cancer last month, and time is running out. I have been looking for you these days," he said.
I choked all the water into my throat and coughed while covering my neck.
I had no choice but to look at Lu Qingfan, he calmly handed me the tissue.
I really can't see a trace of joking from that indifferent face.
This is just right, father and son are both suffering from cancer, we can die together. There is no need to worry about him sending a white-haired person to a black-haired person.
Even the old stubborn is going to die.
I fully expected him to live to be one hundred and one years old, still strong-boned, hale and hearty, forever obstinate, and loudly berate anyone who made him angry.
I still remember him kicking me out of the house and yelling at me: "Pei Jiyu, get the hell out of Pei's house right now! I just pretend I never gave birth to a son like you!"
But even such a man would die.
There is really no one in the world who is willing to love me anymore.
After calming down, I said to Lu Qingfan, "I won't go back. The old man will be summoned by the Lord sooner after seeing me as an unfilial son. Please take care of everything."
Lu Qingfan stared at me firmly, "Pei Jiyu, what is your heart made of?"
Heart? What kind of heart do people who are dying need
"It's made of glass. It's crystal clear. It's high quality and cheap. If you want it, I'll give you one for free. Anyway, I have plenty, and it's not worth the money."
I stood up from my seat and never looked at Lu Qingfan who was irritated by me again.
When I got back to the apartment, the clothes I dug out yesterday were piled up in a mess in the room, as if I had been robbed.
I suddenly became patient, bent down to pick up one by one, folded them neatly, and put them away.
The empty suitcase has never been filled. It turns out that what I need is so little, just a few clothes and a few books.
The rest can be left behind.
I sat down against the edge of the bed, hugged my knees, and curled up into a ball.
Fatigue seemed to fall from the sky, making me sink physically and mentally, unable to recover after a setback.
Pei Jiyu, you are sentimental, weak, and naive, how do you deserve happiness.
It is better to die early and be reborn early, remember to learn to be smarter in the next life.
I said to myself silently in my heart.
Lu Qingfan was the first person I liked.
He is the adopted son of my parents.
At that time I was young, about seven or eight years old, my mother was still alive, and my father had not yet become strict and harsh.
The years are still good, and the sun and the moon are growing.
Lu Qingfan was about ten years old. He wore worn-out shorts and shorts. There were black and blue scars on his exposed arms and legs, and his hair looked like it had been bitten by a donkey.
My mother stood behind him and said to me, "Jiyu, he will be your elder brother from now on, and his name is Lu Qingfan."
I was playing in the room, and when I turned around and saw him, I laughed happily.
I liked him the first time I met him.
But he lowered his face, pursed his lips tightly, and stared at me fiercely.
He thought I looked down on him!
Lu Qingfan has been sensitive and suspicious since childhood, with low self-esteem and self-esteem, but never confident. He always has a cold face, his emotions and anger are indistinct, but I just like him.
After the death of his gentle mother, he became more silent, his face seemed to be covered with a plaster mask, and his emotions were fake.
He tried his best to bear it because he was dependent on others, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him, so I treated him better.
Unexpectedly, he pushed him further away, I took a step forward, and he took a step back, which is really frustrating.