Before going to university, Tong Qiu never thought that he would become a teacher. At that time, this was the profession he feared and rejected the most. For him, the title of "teacher" was too heavy a responsibility.
However, after the college entrance examination, he applied to the Normal University in a daze, and finished his graduate studies in a daze. He thought about changing his career until he graduated, but a sentence from his tutor changed his thinking all the time.
The teacher said: "I have been eating fast and praying to Buddha for thirty years, but I always feel that the most accumulated merit is to be a teacher."
Tong Qiu had a heart-to-heart talk with his mentor before starting his internship, and told him about his long-standing troubles. The mentor said, "Do you know what the happiest thing in my life is? One day when I was walking on the road, someone suddenly called me. When I turned around, it was me. The student I taught twenty years ago, I can’t even recognize him, but he still remembers me. Life is vast and intertwined for a short time. I can help some people build their own life stage in their lives. This is my Supreme luck."
Yes, life is endless, intertwined and short, and human life is also short.
However, he failed to seize the life of his student.
When Huo Zhixing knocked on the door, Tong Qiu was standing by the window in a daze, he felt that he was about to be swallowed up by guilt.
After opening the door, Huo Zhixing asked him, "What are you doing?"
"Look at the scenery." Tong Qiu reluctantly smiled at him, "The view from this side is not as good as that from before."
He was talking about the absence of the house they used to live together.
Huo Zhixing patted him lightly, put the wine away, and took off his coat: "I've called out the May 1st shift, do you think we're leaving on the night of the 30th, or in the morning of the 1st?"
There is still more than half a month before the holiday, and fortunately there is still more than half a month to adjust his mood, otherwise it would be shameful to go to celebrate grandpa's birthday with a sad face.
"No. 1," Tong Qiu said, "Let's not bother at night."
"Row."
Huo Zhixing went to the bathroom for a while, and when he came back, Tong Qiu had already opened the wine and drank it by himself.
He went over, sat down next to the other party, squeezed Tong Qiu's leg hard and said, "Drink slowly."
Huo Zhixing couldn't drink, so he found a bottle of Coke in the refrigerator, Tong Qiu laughed at him: "You look like a minor."
"Nowadays, minors drink a lot." Huo Zhixing said, "Yesterday, Heyu and the others brought back a few people who fought and fought. They were all fifteen or sixteen-year-old boys, all reeking of alcohol."
Speaking of minors, Tong Qiu inevitably thought of his students.
He lowered his head and drank sullenly. Huo Zhixing felt distressed when he saw it, but he didn't know how to comfort him.
They sat on the carpet in the living room, the lights were not turned on, Tong Qiu lay on the coffee table, and drank a can of beer in a few sips.
"I'm too self-righteous, but in fact, I can't even protect my students." Tong Qiu's mind is full of Xiao Keran, a seventeen-year-old girl, very beautiful, very quiet, very hardworking, Tong Qiu sees It can be seen that Xiao Keran is a girl with a lot of worries, but he always feels that, girls, which girl has no worries, he is a male teacher, it is not good to ask too many questions, but now, he regrets it very much.
"Tong Qiu," Huo Zhixing watched him open another can of beer, held his hand, and said, "There are some things we can't do with our best efforts."
"I understand, but I didn't try my best at all." Tong Qiu felt guilty and drank heavily, but the wine couldn't relieve his sorrow, "Zhixing, I used to tell you that I was very proud because I was a teacher and my students liked it. I."
He put down his drink, and held Huo Zhixing's arm tightly: "But now I realize that I am not worthy to be a teacher at all, what should I do?"
Tong Qiu is a person who doesn't like to cry, there are very few things that can make him shed tears, the last time he and Huo Zhixing had sex for the first time, because this person made him hurt too much, he shed tears unconsciously.
But now, he couldn't stop crying, not because he felt wronged, he had nothing to be wronged about, but because he felt sorry for Xiao Keran, and also for his identity as a teacher.
"Xiao Keran chose to jump down from the unoccupied laboratory building during lunch break." Tong Qiu closed his eyes and drank half a can of wine in one breath, "You heard that when she jumped down, she happened to land on a passing at the feet of a student who has a heart attack and is still in the hospital."
Huo Zhixing hugged him and kissed his forehead lovingly.
He had never seen Tong Qiu like this, so fragile that it would break if touched.
In his impression, Tong Qiu has always been a person who is particularly able to take care of things. No matter what happens, Tong Qiu can deal with it calmly and rationally. Tong Qiu said that this is a necessary cultivation for a teacher.
But now, Tong Qiu has collapsed.
"I really feel that I am very useless." Tong Qiu held the beer can with one hand and Huo Zhixing's lapel with the other. He was so hard that the remaining half of the can of beer flowed out from the opening, causing a mess He has it all over his hands.
Huo Zhixing wiped his tears with his fingers, and said softly, "Cry, I'm here."
When he was most vulnerable, Huo Zhixing found that all he could give was a hug and a shoulder, a pair of hands that could comfort him and wipe his tears. As for the matter itself, he couldn't participate, and he didn't have much right to speak, but he At the same time, I also believe that Tong Qiu will not be depressed forever, he just needs to vent.
Tong Qiu didn't know how long he cried, but in the end, he just nestled in Huo Zhixing's arms and wept while drinking.
Later, he fell asleep lying on Huo Zhixing's lap. Huo Zhixing, who hadn't even touched a drop of alcohol, carefully carried the drunk back to the bedroom and stuffed him under the bed.
He tidied up the living room and called He Hongtao to ask about Zou Kai's news, but there was no progress.
He returned to the bedroom, stayed beside Tong Qiu, opened his eyes, and spent the night with the restless Tong Qiu.
When Tong Qiu woke up in the morning, his eyes were swollen like two walnuts. Huo Zhixing made him breakfast and tried to reduce the swelling for him.
"Headache." Tong Qiu said, "I have to find out if I still have painkillers at home."
"You can't drink like this in the future," Huo Zhixing said, looking at the miserable Tong Qiu in front of him, "After Feng Kaiwen sees you, he will be able to rape you for me again."
Tong Qiu smiled and said nothing.
After eating and changing their clothes, the two of them went out to work together. When they parted, Huo Zhixing said, "Call me anytime you need anything."
Tong Qiu nodded: "Don't worry, I can only embarrass myself in front of you."
When Tong Qiu entered the school gate, he was still a little apprehensive, not knowing how to face his students, but when he stood at the gate of the class, he found that everyone was quietly bowing their heads and studying before it was time for class.
I don't know if I have learned it or not, anyway, no one said anything.
Feng Kaiwen looked up at him, Tong Qiu said, "Feng Kaiwen, come here."
Tong Qiu took Feng Kaiwen to the end of the corridor to talk, and asked him, "How are you doing?"
The students are definitely different when the head teacher is present and when they are not. This has nothing to do with whether they have a good relationship with the teacher.
"Uh...that's" Feng Kaiwen said, "I'm sure I'm not in the mood to study."
This is what Tong Qiu is afraid of.
"Brother Tong, I heard that Xiao Keran couldn't stand her father beating her, right?" When Feng Kaiwen said this, a young man's eyes turned red, "Actually, I saw it once, at school. At the door, we came back from dinner during the break before evening self-study, and saw her father dragging her into the corridor next to her by her hair, and then Kan Yue and I ran over to fight. I don’t know why, but her father scolded her Very ugly."
Tong Qiu never knew about these things, but when Feng Kaiwen talked about it, the pain like a needle prick in his heart came again.
"The self-study class will start in the afternoon. Tell everyone." Tong Qiu said, "The school may not be peaceful during this time. As the class monitor, you should try to hold back when I'm not around, and don't let the class go out. what's up."
"Don't worry." Feng Kaiwen said, "Brother Tong, how about you? Are you okay?"
Tong Qiu looks at him suspiciously.
"What we are most afraid of is that you won't teach us." Feng Kaiwen said with his head drooping, "Yesterday, I heard other students say that the teacher will be responsible for what happened. We can't let you go. If someone makes things difficult for you, Is there anything we can do to help?"
Suddenly, Tong Qiu remembered the words his teacher said, the most proud thing is that after many years, there are still students who recognize him when he walks on the road, and the most proud thing is that his children are always standing by his side.
"What can I do," Tong Qiu said, "You guys are going to take the college entrance examination soon, and I still have to wait for you to convince me!"
Feng Kaiwen nodded vigorously: "Then don't worry, the grades of our class will definitely improve steadily under my leadership!"
Tong Qiu smiled: "That's best."
"Brother Tong, I still have a question." Feng Kaiwen asked, "Are you really free after death? But the college entrance examination is two months away, and if you hold on, will you pass it?"
When the incident happened, Tong Qiu was also thinking about this problem.
It seems that many things are "bear it and let it pass" for outsiders, but they don't know that every day in it is a painful torture for the person involved.
In addition, like Xiao Keran, she wrote in her suicide note: I don't look forward to the future at all, I just want to die passionately.
Between the lines, it was filled with Xiao Keran's disappointment with life and her desire for revenge. She wanted to give her family a heavy blow in this way, but who really received this heavy blow
"No one can truly empathize with another person, and maybe we don't know a hundredth of her real pain, understand?"
Feng Kaiwen nodded with a vague understanding.
"Go back. I'll go to the office. If you need anything, you must come to me immediately."
"Okay, brother Tong, don't blame yourself too much, it's not your fault." Feng Kaiwen bowed to Tong Qiu, turned and went back to the classroom.
Tong Qiu stood by the window in the corridor, looking outside.
It was already mid-April, spring came, the sun was just right, and the greenery was blooming, but his student chose to leave this spring in this way, and the girl didn't even wait for the first flower to bloom this year.
There are two peach blossom trees planted in the flower bed opposite. They are located in the north, and the peach blossom trees only bloom in May every year. The flowering period is very short. Once the peach blossoms bloom, the students rush to take pictures during the break, especially the third-year students. I even took it as a sign—the peach blossoms are blooming, the college entrance examination is not far away, and the day of their liberation is not far away.
Tong Qiu remembered that at the beginning of winter, he saw Xiao Keran standing in front of the bare peach blossom tree, so he went to chat with him. Xiao Keran said that he was looking forward to the new round of flowering of the peach blossom tree, because then spring would really come.
It's a pity that she didn't wait.
Why not wait
Tong Qiu didn't dare to continue thinking, he touched his pocket, and suddenly remembered that he didn't have any cigarettes at all.