Qi Jin has always avoided appearing in front of women at the same time as Shen Yan. Actually, he has his reasons.
-Because I don't know if there will be any flaws.
-Because I don't know how to explain the real relationship between them.
He had never confessed to a woman who he belonged to Shen Yan, and the first time he chatted, he was just connecting with Shen Yan as a "friend".
Women think so too.
So when she saw these two people hugging from a distance, a moment of confusion appeared on her face. Then, the confusion slowly changed to an expression between surprise and fear, and he stood in front of the door like a clay sculpture.
Qi Jin felt a slight numbness in her spine, and the coolness ran through all of a sudden, and she couldn't move at all.
The hand that had just attached to Shen Yan's back was released reflexively.
Even so, it's too late-
"woo..."
In a hurry, the on-the-spot adaptability he had cultivated at work forced him to react. He bent his knees again, and at the same time groaned in pain, grabbing Shen Yan's sleeves as if he stumbled and couldn't stand up.
"No, I'm still dizzy... It's so uncomfortable, sorry."
He said to confuse the hug by letting the woman hear what he said and making himself appear to be completely supported by Shen Yan.
From the corner of the eye, you can see that the woman was startled, followed by a look of sudden realization—there was an element of "reassurance" in it.
Qi Jin saw everything in his eyes, and slowly lowered his head between Shen Yan's arms.
"Are you all right?" the woman asked with concern, walking towards them. Qi Jin's face was indeed not very good, she was a little pale, and her actions and lines just now were very convincing.
When Shen Yan heard the word "dizzy", she was stunned for a while, until the woman's voice sounded behind her, and then she suddenly understood. He didn't say anything, he still helped him up, and silently cooperated with Qi Jin to finish the scene, but the fingers holding Qi Jin's arm tightened slightly.
Because Qi Jin was "unwell", the dinner was over in a hurry, and the three of them didn't chat much.
Women rarely speak up, Shen Yan doesn't speak at all, and Qi Gu dutifully plays a patient with "old troubles", sitting quietly and eating mechanically.
After the meal, the woman asked Qi Jin to go home and have a good rest, Qi Jin agreed and got up to leave.
Just as she was about to leave alone, Shen Yan stood up from her seat gently: "I'll see you off."
It seems strange to refuse at such a time. Qi Jin then smiled slightly, although the smile was a little bitter: "Okay, thank you..."
When they got out of the door, the two of them walked down the fire escape one after the other without using the elevator.
Qi Jin followed behind Shen Yan, keeping her eyes on his back.
After getting used to walking side by side, this angle made his chest tight and uncomfortable. But compared to this, what is more difficult is the long language gap between each other - there was such a gap before, but at that time it was because of tacit understanding, because you could enjoy the quiet flowing warmth, not because there was nothing to say Say.
Nothing to say.
Qi Jin smiled bitterly, not expecting that they would use this adjective one day.
He felt compelled to say, "I'm afraid."
Shen Yan paused and stopped on the steps.
Qi Jin finished her words slowly: "I'm afraid... When you turn your back on me, I'm afraid."
Shen Yan didn't say anything, just sighed softly. When she turned around, she saw Qi Jin standing motionless between the stairs with a pair of eyelids lowered, feeling a little distressed for a while. He turned around and took a few steps back until he took Qi Jin's hand: "I'm not angry, nor am I ignoring you."
Hearing this, Qi Jin suddenly felt sour in her heart, filled with what she wanted to say, but the only thing she really said was, "Don't worry."
Shen Yan seemed to be stunned for a while, and after a while, she seemed to understand what he meant, and she frowned.
"I don't want you to hide it forever, it's just that the time is not right now." Qi Qin said hoarsely, "Your mother will have surgery tomorrow, and now is the critical period, any psychological burden will become her physical burden. If you have three longs and two shorts, it's definitely not easy for you... So don't worry, you can take it one step at a time."
His hand slowly shook Shen Yan's hand, as if comforting. But in fact, the unease that exists in his own heart is no less than that of the other party.
"Well." After a long time, Shen Yan finally responded.
Hearing that he agreed, Qi Jin breathed a sigh of relief and smiled bitterly: "Your mother finally started to slowly repair the relationship with you, and her mood improved. I don't want to be at this time..."
The words are not finished, and there is no need to finish.
Shen Yan should understand.
Qi Jin leaned forward slightly and put her head on Shen Yan's shoulder. Shen Yan silently reached out and hugged him back, the kind of body temperature that was obviously normal but had a long-lost feeling that made him murmur: "There are some things you haven't experienced, but I have experienced... I don't want you to try it again."
"Well." Thinking of the situation at Qi Jin's house, Shen Yan's voice softened.
"To be honest, it doesn't matter what your mother's attitude is. What matters is the attitude of the two of us, because this is our relationship, maintained by us, not her." So he cares more about coming out of the closet. The impact of their future work trends on their relationship with each other.
"Ok."
At this moment, Qi Jin rubbed gently on his neck like a cat. Very subtle, but really coquettish.
"You said we were like this... is it a quarrel?"
Shen Yan heard the words and laughed in a low voice: "It doesn't count."
After a pause, he added, "I know you're thinking about the long term, so there's nothing to be angry about."
- So, refusing an internship is also a long-term plan.
Qi Jin found such a "justifiable reason" for herself, the guilt on her shoulders suddenly became less heavy, her eyebrows gradually relaxed, and she smiled at Shen Yan.
Shen Yan didn't know what Qi Wei was laughing at at the time.
Before Qi Jin was with him, he was a person who was used to carrying and enduring everything by himself. He knew this from the beginning.
It's just that these days, Qi Jin's reliance on him is getting deeper and deeper, and all kinds of trivial things in life are left to him to take care of, so that he almost forgets this characteristic of Qi Jin.
Had he slammed the door a little louder that night, he probably wouldn't have discovered that trait again.
When I got home from the hospital, it was completely dark. When Shen Yan opened the door, the living room was pitch black and no lights were on, which made him a little surprised. Usually, Qi Jin usually sits in front of the TV watching the news at this time, but now he's not here... Could it be that he was asleep
Thinking of this possibility, Shen Yan pulled the doorknob with her hand and gently closed the door.
If Qi Jin was really sleeping, it would be bad to wake him up.
But he was wrong.
Qi Jin didn't sleep because the light in the bedroom was still on. Shen Yan took off her coat and shoes, and walked over to open the bedroom door while wondering. There was no one in the room, only the faint voice of someone talking came in from the balcony, and the pacing sound that I was already familiar with and only appeared when I was contemplating - it turned out that Qi Jin was outside. Call up.
Shen Yan heard that the sound of his pacing was slightly different from the usual one, rather dull, as if he was in a difficult ideological struggle.
"I do not know what to do."
This is the first sentence I heard clearly.
Qi Jin's voice was also clearly heard, much lower than usual, and a little hoarse - that was a typical expression of suppressing his emotions.
Shen Yan's heart trembled slightly, and she listened again with a breath.
Qi Jin should have been listening to the answer from the person over the phone. He didn't speak for a long time, but only muffled "um" two or three times during the period, and finally sighed: "I understand everything you said. In fact, our director also said I was confused and said that I lost such a good development opportunity in vain, but... "
Here, another pause. There was only a three-second pause, but Shen Yan felt that after three hours, the auditory nerve was paralyzed, hanging up and down.
And the next sentence seemed to be slapped hard on the numb place, causing him to tremble.
"As soon as I think about going to Beijing for three years, I can't go on thinking about it. I... can't leave here, leave Shen Yan."
Shen Yan took a step back in a trance and stopped.
It took him a few seconds to silently digest the amount of information in Qi Jin's sentence, and when he realized what the other party might be saying, he didn't know how to accept it.
Qi Jin said that she did not want to leave her. So... should you be happy
It should have been like this, but when you contact the previous content, you can't be selfishly and peacefully happy.
Across the window, I could vaguely see Qi Jin standing under the clothes hanging on the balcony, standing in the position where he once said he would turn into an old man and sit there basking in the sun.
Shen Yan had mixed feelings for a while, and couldn't move for a long time.
The people outside the balcony didn't know that he was there, and continued to talk: "You can take your time after work or something, I'll try to get a local opportunity, but it's not good. It's not bad to apply for a transfer to another department first, but it's the salary. Won't go up... eh? What... Want me to ask him what he means? Well, I don't know how to speak..."
Why don't you speak up
Why not discuss
Shen Yan frowned, she couldn't help reaching for the handle of the door leading to the balcony, but she couldn't make up her mind to go out hastily.
And Qi Jin's next words made him unable to take this step.
"I know what he is most afraid of - what he is most afraid of is that I leave him. Even if he doesn't say it, I can probably guess that he wants me to stay. But he is too considerate, if I ask him for advice , he will definitely say 'don't worry about me, you go' and then silently endure the loneliness of three years of separation by himself, I don't want to cause this situation by myself."
Shen Yan's hand lost its balance, slowly wiped the doorknob, and returned to its original position.
"His home is here, and he is very family-friendly. I dare not and don't want to ask him if he will give up everything, including his house, work, memories, and come with me..."
Qi Jin's voice was hoarse when he spoke, which shows that this kind of psychological struggle has exhausted him.
"I don't have to go for this internship opportunity. Just wait. There is no rush for careers. For now, I just want to cherish the people in front of me, and leave the rest for the time being."
"fool."
Shen Yan whispered softly, no blame, only pity.
He didn't make a sound, silently pulled away from the bedroom from the wall, closed the door and went back to the living room. He took out the jacket and shoes he had packed and put them on simply.
Then he opened the door and slammed it shut again.
After doing this, he waited silently without saying a word. Sure enough, a hurry of footsteps sounded in the bedroom, getting closer and closer, so he made a gesture of taking off his jacket with both hands. At this time, Qi Jin opened the door and came out. He saw him standing at the door with a light smile. Blossoming lightly: "Are you back?"
"Well, just got back."
Shen Yan nodded, and put her coat on the hook for the second time tonight, and put her shoes back in the shoe cabinet for the second time.
He kept his tone in the most ordinary state, completely inaudible: "Have you eaten?"
"Well, just warm up the leftovers in the fridge and eat."
"What are you doing, dubbing?" he asked, his tone indifferent, he couldn't tell that he was actually asking.
"Ah, no, I was on the phone with my junior sister just now." Sure enough, the person on the call was Ning Xiaoxiao. That's right, in reality, she is basically the only one who knows their true relationship and is familiar with Qi Jin enough to discuss these things.
Shen Yan didn't ask them what they were talking about on the phone at all, so Qi Jin felt relieved, asked a few words about the woman's preparations before the operation, and what the doctor told Yunyun, and finally said thoughtfully: "You have been tired all day, first Go take a bath and warm yourself up. Tomorrow is a big day, rest early."
Everything is no different from the usual relationship between two people, if Shen Yan didn't have a heavy stone in his heart—
Shen Yan lowered her eyes silently, and went to take a bath as she said.
When he came out of the shower, he wiped his hair and walked into the room to get the hair dryer, only to see Qi Jin sitting on the ground, dragging out the suitcase he brought from the apartment at some point, and slowly using the light. Looking for something. A closer look reveals that he is looking for medicine.
Shen Yan was taken aback.
Those were stomach pills, painkillers, over-the-counter sleeping pills, etc.—things I thought I would never use again.
Qi Jin looked up and saw him standing there staring straight at the bottles and jars on the floor. The days are not far away. So it is better to find out these things in advance, so as not to forget them when they are there.”
No, Qi Jin.
That's not the point -
Shen Yan clenched her hand slightly, just as her heart was clenched by an invisible hand. He couldn't help but say, "What happened?"
Qi Jin paused when he heard the words, then lowered his head subconsciously to fiddle with the medicine bottle, avoiding the topic: "No."
Shen Yan looked at him without moving, and suddenly said in a low voice, "Qi Jin, do you know that you won't dare to look me in the eyes when you are guilty?"
Qi Jin's hand that was holding the medicine bottle trembled slightly at his words, so he had to bite the bullet and raise his eyes. Shen Yan's pair of eyes are dark and penetrating, and his eyes are straight, which can easily make him feel guilty, which is why he dare not look at each other.
Unexpectedly... Shen Yan had already figured out his habits and knew where his weakness was.
Qi Jin had to surrender with a wry smile: "Okay, you're right... I do have a guilty conscience."
Shen Yan didn't smile, she frowned and asked again, "What happened?"
Living under the same roof, the matter of continuing to be a reporter can be seen by just paying attention to the daily schedule. It can't be hidden at all. Shen Yan will know sooner or later. So Qi Jin decided to tell part of the truth frankly: "My application for a host... I didn't pass the above."
Shen Yan was stunned. He had heard about going to Beijing for three years, but this was the first time he had heard of it.
Qi Jin was stunned when he saw him, and comforted him in turn: "It doesn't matter, the reporter is the reporter. Anyway, I have accumulated a lot of experience, and it is relatively easy. The only bad thing is that the work schedule is destined to be very abusive. , but I will try my best to adjust my schedule.”
That being said, it's not the first day that a reporter is a reporter, and sometimes the task is so busy that it is completely force majeure.
Qi Jin's words lacked confidence, and she smiled reluctantly.
Shen Yan just looked at him silently, looking at his face under the light.
He had seen the face look thin and lifeless before. I have also seen the kind of eyes that seem to have no desires and no desires, and are almost world-weary.
After these days of recuperation, the food I eat is healthy and nutritious, and the quality of sleep has gradually improved. Qi Jin's physical and mental state are many times better than when he just moved here. Most of what he recalls is when he laughed. looks like. For example, now, when a thin layer of light surrounds the locks of black hair, the texture of the hair looks much shinier than before.
-It feels soft and comfortable. Thinking like this, I can't help but reach out and stroke it.
"What's wrong?" Qi Jin was stunned for a moment, then his surprise turned into a smile, and he bent the corners of his eyes to enjoy the tenderness flowing between his fingers.
"I miss you." Shen Yan said softly.
Qi Jin didn't expect him to be so straightforward, and his ears turned red all of a sudden.
"Isn't it right in front of you?" He lowered his head a little embarrassedly, but he slowly leaned over and touched the chest, "What's there to think about?"
Thinking of you in the past - Shen Yan thought.
I thought of Qi Jin, who had suffered from stomach problems two or three times not long after coming here. At that time, he had to endure not to speak, his face was pale, and he was curled up in a ball on the bed, only to be discovered at the end. While he was distressed, he cooked something to warm his stomach for Qi Jin to recuperate, and it took him a while to raise it.
I thought of Qi Jin who slept beside him every night. The sleep state is much more stable than before, but it is still relatively shallow. From time to time, he wakes up in the middle of the night and gently burrows back into his arms... He all knows.
That's when he knew what the decision was in his heart.