Many times in Shen Yan's life, others make decisions for him, decide his origin, decide his whereabouts, and decide his life. At that time he often accepted silently, and alone took the damage caused by these decisions.
Recently, he has found that he needs to make some of the most crucial decisions in his life.
He thinks about the "future" more actively and proactively than before.
Not because of being more selfish, but because he is no longer alone - what is in his hand is the "future" of two people, which has more weight than anything.
Even in the hours that his mother's surgery was going on, that thought didn't stop.
In other words, at such a critical turning point as surgery, it is easier for a person to sit down and think clearly about what he is after.
The red warning light of "surgery in progress" on the wall gives people a sense of oppression and depression. Many people are emotionally disturbed because they can't stand such pressure, but he is unexpectedly calm. During the three-hour operation, he did not get up from his seat once, nor did Qi Jin, who stayed beside him all the time and clenched his hand quietly.
- Are my hands shaking
-no.
Repeat this conversation.
Whether it makes sense or not, it doesn't matter whether Qi Jin's answer is true or false... As long as there is someone around him who is always listening and responding to what he says, his heart will be at peace.
The woman's surgery went on smoothly as expected. Because it is a benign tumor and it is discovered early, the excision is relatively clean, and drug conditioning in the later stage is the top priority.
After the operation, the woman was transferred to the special intensive care unit on the same day, and was cared for by nurses to prevent infection and intracranial hemorrhage. After one day and one night, all the indicators were normal before returning to the general ward. During this period, Shen Yan handled some chores in the hospital and prepared various supplements for postoperative recovery.
Qi Jin silently helped.
Of course, still in the name of "friends".
"December 3, Cage No. 2, Chinese garden dog, about three or four months old. The little guy was sent to the hospital because he was hit by a car, his internal organs were damaged, and there was a lot of internal bleeding. It has been nearly two weeks since the operation. , All the functions of the body have gradually recovered, but it will take some time to observe. The little guy has always had a bad appetite due to anesthesia in the early stage, and recently he can eat all the nutritious meals given to him by the nurse... "
Qi Jin likes to sit beside the hospital bed, holding a diary, and slowly read to the woman the small animal treatment diary that Shen Yan wrote when she was in the hospital.
On the one hand, he likes to read the content very much; on the other hand, for a person who is recovering from brain tumor surgery, listening to a few stories about "slow recovery" recorded by his son is more appropriate... However.
"You read really well, you have the temperament of a professional broadcaster." After Qi Jin finished reading a paragraph, the woman raised her head and smiled at him, "And the voice is nice."
"Thank you." Qi Jin closed the diary and smiled humbly at her.
Qi Jin's storytelling time is also the happiest time of a woman's day, not only because Shen Yan is the one who writes the diary, but also because the process of the animal being cured sounds very warm, and her own mood has changed a lot. Qi Jin was injured herself, and she accompanied Shen Yan to visit her every day. She couldn't do the work that required hands, so she encouraged her in this way. She was actually very moved.
"So then... the narrator in that episode was also Xiao Qi," the woman watched his recorded DVD on his laptop. "You're good at this, aren't you?"
"Haha, because I usually need it for work." Besides, he is often dubbed.
"It's not the same," the woman shook her head gently, "the narrators of some shows sound like they have no emotion at all, they are very rigid, but you can make people feel that you put your emotions in it - you really care about those little animals. , it shows that you have a good heart."
Kindhearted.
When Qi Jin heard this word, she couldn't help but smile slightly in her heart.
If you knew that such a "good-hearted" man was gay and had more than a friend's affection for your son, would you still think so - of course he couldn't ask.
"I'm sorry, I should go to the outpatient department to remove the plaster, and I'll be back in a while." The words that rushed to the throat were silently pressed back. Qi Jin kept a gentle and polite attitude and smiled at the woman, got up and said goodbye.
While the woman was recuperating, his own X-ray results and follow-up reports came out. Doctors believe his left hand has largely returned to pre-crash levels and the hardware can be removed. Anyway, I stayed in the hospital every day, so I made an appointment to go to the next building today to remove the plaster tube and sling.
Shen Yan was silently peeling apples for the woman at the table, and when she heard this, she fixed a look at Qi Jin, and then withdrew her gaze and nodded.
Every time Qi Jin heard a woman compliment him, he would shyly change the subject or find an excuse to go out for a while.
Women actually noticed.
It's just that she thinks Qi Jin has a modest temperament, and he will be embarrassed if someone praises him. Shen Yan knew that the reason was not here.
"Xiao Qi does have a good heart. This is what I have experienced."
After Qi Jin left, the woman quietly repeated this evaluation.
Shen Yan was silent, the knife in his hand was still gently slicing around the apple, and the language between the two was as still as the apple peeled under the knife, extending inch by inch.
He had a hunch that there should be another sentence behind the woman.
Sure enough, she murmured to herself, "It's great that you have such a friend..."
"Mom," at this moment, Shen Yan stopped the movement of her hands and slowly opened her mouth to correct, "He is not my 'friend'."
This sentence seems to hit a pause button. The sound in the ward stopped abruptly, and the surroundings were silent for a while.
Shen Yan waited silently for a few seconds.
Did not wait for any response. So he lowered his eyelids slightly, focused his eyes on the knife and the half-finished apple again, and continued to cut.
The blade is very sharp, and the peeling process needs to be very careful not to cut off the long skin.
However, he didn't want to withdraw the knife halfway—
"He's not my friend," Shen Yan's voice was low and firm, and he repeated it slowly, "You didn't ask me right away, I think... You should have felt it, but subconsciously didn't want to ask for proof."
no respond.
Shen Yan didn't lift her eyes, and the knife in her hand continued to advance forward, cutting out a coherent and even band, which showed that the knife was held firmly. Although his voice was not as steady as that of a knife: "He doesn't want me to confess to you because he thinks knowing these things...may make you sad and even angry. If he ruined the relationship we just repaired because of himself, he would Blame yourself to death."
Still no response.
"But I think that there is no way to tell others, no way to make it public, and in the end, you can only endure the painful feelings in silence... It's very similar to your feelings for your father back then."
Shen Yan stopped here for a while, her voice was hoarse, low and deep.
"You who have experienced this, even more than I... should understand his feelings at this moment, don't you?"
When the blade reached the end, his hand holding the knife tensed slightly, watching the apple peel that was connected from beginning to end falling, as if telling a story with a beginning and an end.
Their stories will also have a beginning and an end, not broken in the middle.
And they'll stick to the finish too—
"Mom, I want to give the person I like a name and accept him as my family." Even if he inherits the same surname, he will not embark on the same path. He raised his head and looked straight, "I will never be my father."
"I'm back."
Before the people from Qi Jin arrived, the voice came first, and before entering the door, he smiled and said hello.
The process of removing the plaster was actually very short, but the queue time was relatively long, and it had been about an hour since he came back. But when he stepped into the door, he found that the two people in the ward were still in their original positions, and they didn't even change their posture, and they didn't speak.
The woman still sat motionless against the head of the bed, her eyes narrowed.
Shen Yan was still silently peeling the apple - but it was a new apple, Qi Jin noticed that there was still a peeled apple in the fruit bowl on the table, but she didn't know why no one was eating it, and it was obviously already put away. After a while, the top layer turned dark brown.
Qi Jin was slightly startled when he noticed this detail, the intuition was wrong, and he blurted out subconsciously: "What's wrong?"
Hearing this, Shen Yan raised her head and smiled at him as before: "It's nothing—it's hard to remove the plaster, what does the doctor say?"
It seemed no different than usual. Qi Jin observed Shen Yan's expression, and couldn't see anything unnatural at all, perhaps because he was over-hearted, so he smiled and raised his free left hand: "The doctor said that I can use my left hand now, but it is not recommended to do strenuous exercises. Exercise, a general level of exercise is fine.”
Shen Yan looked at him quietly for a while, her eyes were very gentle, and she said softly: "That's good... Sit down, wait for me to cut this apple, everyone will share it together."
Since he mentioned apples, Qi Jin took up the topic involuntarily: "By the way, why don't you eat the cut one on the table? It's oxidized after sitting for so long."
Shen Yan's answer didn't seem to be saying the same thing at all: "It's okay, it's over."
After all, threw the discolored apple away.
what does it matter
what has passed
Qi Jin still looked at him blankly. He had finished peeling the apple, and cut a small piece with a knife, and handed it up smoothly: "Come, have a taste."
Shen Yan often does this when he is at home.
So Qi Jin didn't even think about it, bent down in a conditioned reflex, and gently closed his mouth.
"Well… "
At this time, he suddenly came back to his senses and realized that he was not at home, but in the ward. In a start, he hurriedly swallowed the apple and almost choked. When he finished eating in an embarrassing manner as if destroying evidence, Yu Guang couldn't help but quietly looked at the woman's face, hoping that she hadn't noticed.
The woman noticed.
Not only did he notice it, but he kept staring at himself. Only at this moment did Qi Jin realize that her eyes seemed to be a little red, but she was unexpectedly calm. When she saw Qi Jin naturally bite the apple that Shen Yan brought to him, her eyes blinked, and then their eyes met, she first lowered her head and silently looked at the ten fingers she twisted up for a while, and finally both hands He finally let go, and looked up at Qi Jin with a dry smile.
"Excellent," she began, "your hand is healed."
"Ah..." Qi Jin didn't return to her senses for a while, but she quickly smiled after she realized it, "Yes, thank you for your concern."
"As a celebration, why not go out for dinner," the woman said again.
This is the first time a woman has offered to eat out.
In her life, she was used to living in fear and trembling, escaping from the colored eyes of the society, like a yin-loving flower growing alone in the shadows. I was willing to appear outside with my son for others to see, but now I see it off.
And her expression was very serene—Qi Jin looked at her in astonishment.
"Okay." Qi Jin didn't answer yet, but Shen Yan answered him slowly. The woman nodded lightly.
"Did Xiao Qi also go?"
"Well, I'll go." Of course Qi Jin had no reason to refuse.
During the conversation, the taste of the apple I just ate had not completely dissipated. After the slight sour taste, a light sweetness slowly oozes out in my mouth.
Qi Jin suddenly became dazed for some reason.
Is it because the plaster was removed
Part of the heavy feeling on his shoulders seemed to have disappeared and it was empty - he thought, he roughly understood the feeling of "escape" that Shen Yan had said before.
"Today is so strange." After thinking about it for a while, he couldn't help but speak.
Shen Yan heard the words, turned her face slightly and looked at Qi Jin.
It was nearly ten o'clock when the two returned to the old city. The north wind was strong. The old-fashioned teahouses in the nearby streets and alleys closed early. Only the signboards were still waving in the wind, shaking coldly, and most of the residents also turned off the lights. Now, it was supposed to be so dark that you couldn't see anything carefully, but just happened to encounter a full moon quietly hanging among the treetops, silver everywhere, as if they had walked into a black and white print.
In the paintings, the emotions on the faces are written in the moonlight. Shen Yan also wanted to read out the emotions of the person beside him.
Qi Jin has been pondering since getting off the car, and has not opened the chat box along the way, so Shen Yan silently accompanies him and observes his expression. As he was walking through a narrow alley, Qi Jin suddenly came up with such a thoughtless sentence.
And there is a follow-up to this sentence: "I think Auntie is different today than usual."
Shen Yan asked in a low voice, "What's the difference?"
Qi Jin raised her head and smiled at the moon on the branch in confusion, as if she was laughing at her ignorant statement: "I can't say for sure... I just felt that my aunt took special care of me today, staring at me from time to time for a long time. , and gave me several dishes when I just ate. She is not the kind of person who is good at speaking beautifully, will she thank me in this form before she is discharged from the hospital? "
"Perhaps." Shen Yan replied softly after a long while, even though he knew the reason was not entirely true.
"Right? I've been thinking about it for a long time, but I can only think of this aspect." Although Qi Jin looked confused, he was very happy, and he was probably satisfied for this reason.
At this time, Shen Yan slowly stopped and stood on the spot, looking at the back of Qi Jin who was still moving forward.
"But it feels good, doesn't it?" he asked.
Hearing the other party's voice coming from behind instead of beside him, Qi Wei was stunned for a moment, then turned around and found that Shen Yan was stopped a few meters behind, and when she looked back, she couldn't help laughing: "Why did you stop silently? down?"
"It feels good, doesn't it?" Shen Yan just repeated this question over and over again.
"Ok… "
Qi Jin admitted.
I don't know why, but it feels good to be true.
When Shen Yan heard his reply, she suddenly smiled lightly. It was a smile, but it showed a kind of melancholy under the obscure moonlight.
He laughed to himself for a while, buried his hands in the pockets of his jacket, stood in a very calm and stable posture, and stared at Qi Jin in the middle of the alley for a long time. In front of me is the place where I grew up. Every street, every alley, and even every wall is very friendly. The former residence left by my grandfather is not far away. .
Everything he knew and cherished.
However, when there is a figure of that person in this picture, it is the most complete.
Everything here has taken on a new meaning since the rainy day he brought the man here. Different from his grandfather's meaning to him, but equally precious—
"It's not as scary as you think, is it?" The low voice was sent by the wind through the silent alley and reached the ear of the other party. Qi Jin suddenly trembled slightly.
"What are you talking about, I don't understand."
In fact, Qi Jin thought of a possibility. However, that possibility made his heart twitch heavily, and he didn't dare to think further, so he would rather be an ignorant fool and hope that Shen Yan's next sentence would deny it.
But Shen Yan's next sentence was not a denial, but an affirmation.
"You should guess what I'm talking about."
There was a buzzing sound in Qi Jin's mind, as if all characters were blank after the program was uninstalled, and no operations could be performed. The psychological response was completely unable to keep up, the physiological response had already taken a step forward, and there was no sense of the whole body, as if paralyzed, but two lines of tears flowed out of the eyes without warning, and fell to the ground one after another in a daze.
"woo..."
Hearing his choking sound was when Shen Yan walked in front of him.
He couldn't help the first sound, and the others behind him couldn't hold back even more. When Shen Yan stretched out his hand to support his pair of shoulders, he finally couldn't restrain himself from closing his eyes and letting the tears flow down, and embarrassedly tried to block it with his hands.
"Why, why..." He hadn't been so scared even when he came out of the closet, but now he was shaking all over, and the voice of questioning was shaking.
"Sorry."
Shen Yan opened her arms and rubbed the person tightly into her embrace, and apologized in a low voice. Just because the truth was concealed, not because of regretting his choice.
Qi Jin was hugged tightly by him, but he couldn't cry for a while, but he could only grit his teeth and watch the tears wet Shen Yan's collar one by two. He raised his right hand subconsciously. For a moment, he really wanted to punch the man in front of him, but he couldn't even blame him. He knew in his heart that he was the reason for the other person's speech, so how could he do it
"Why are you so stupid..." Qi Jin asked this sentence intermittently while leaning against his chest, her throat was hoarse.
"Because I'm not reconciled." Shen Yan smiled silently, buried half of her face in Qi Jin's hair, and kissed his cold auricle.
"Not reconciled...?"
"Yes, I'm not reconciled," Shen Yan whispered in his ear, "Because you sacrificed your future without saying anything and decided to stay with me, so I'm not reconciled... So I also decided to kill first and then play it again, so that we It's even."
Qi Jin's breath stagnated, and she said stunned, "You, how did you know?"
Shen Yan smiled and didn't answer.
After the shock, Qi Jin gradually came back to her senses, but her heart was still swayed by the impact just now, her knees were a little weak, and she could barely stand by leaning on Shen Yan.
"What leveling up... you idiot." The sharp pain was followed by a dull dull pain.
He grabbed Shen Yan's back with both hands, wrinkling the fabric of Shen Yan's coat. And Shen Yan just kissed his forehead patiently and quietly until the choked voices completely subsided in his arms: "Qi Jin, do you remember what I said, I want you to be my family?"
"Ok… "
"Then do you know what it means to be a family member?" he asked again.
Qi Jin was silent, holding his hands tighter and tighter on his back. The choking stopped, but there were no tears on his clothes. Shen Yan sighed softly.
"Becoming a family member means home is wherever you are." He whispered, "Qi Jin, you are already my family."