On the spade wood table in front of me, plates of fragrant home-cooked dishes were steaming hot.
So does the white rice in the bowl. The grains of rice are round, plump and firm, clustered together one by one, which is extraordinarily warm.
The feeling of a long lost home.
The long-lost feeling of being cared for—
Then the man across the table said to him: He should find someone to take care of himself.
If none of this is caring, what is caring
If... the person in front of you is not that person, then who is that person
A white chandelier hanging on the dining table emits a faint warm light, which falls on the table, and the black wood reflects a whitish halo, which gently circles the people at both ends of the table.
The old wall clock ticked on the wall, counting the time the silence stretched between them.
It was a long time and no one spoke.
Because he didn't get an answer for too long, Shen Yan's lowered eyes slowly raised again and looked at Qi Jin. Then, suddenly stunned.
Qi Jin was still holding chopsticks in his hand, and the tip of the chopsticks touched the fragrant rice in the bowl.
Just put it, without moving the chopsticks.
His hand remained in this position for a long time, motionless, but something dripped from the rice. One, two, more. There was no sound at all, it just slowly slipped down his cheek and quietly penetrated into the snow-white grains of rice.
The rain under the eaves seemed to synchronize with him tacitly, knocking on the windowsill one after another.
The room was warm, and the window glass was covered with a layer of fine and dense fog beads, coated with the thin light from the lamp.
Qi Jin's eyes looked down at the bowl, and saw the objects in her eyes fall one by one. At that moment, there was a flash of light, and then they disappeared between the fluffy and soft rice. So his fingers moved, and he picked up one of the balls with chopsticks and slowly put it into his mouth.
Really fragrant and sweet.
Although I added a little bitterness to it, the soft and warm taste overwhelmed everything.
It's completely different from the rice I ate in the ward that day - very happy taste. I thought it was out of reach, but now, it is really chewing and eating in my mouth.
He knew that his appearance at the moment must have frightened that person, but he didn't want to hide it. Because there is no way to hide it.
The things that rolled out of his eyes were no longer under his control, and it was useless to wipe them. He could only swallow the rice in the bowl and let the two light marks stay on his face. Every time it air-dries, it will be washed away again.
"delicious."
Qi Jin moved very slowly, her hands were shaking all the time, but she still insisted on putting the meal into her mouth.
Then, I picked up a little dish and delivered the meal.
"It's delicious." The same words were also chewed slowly.
"Qi Jin..." Shen Yan's slightly hoarse voice finally sounded on the opposite side not far away.
"I'm fine." Qi Jin let herself smile.
I don't know if the smile finally takes shape, but it doesn't matter. Tears could not be stopped, and one of the most embarrassing moments in my life was presented without reservation, without feeling ashamed, my heart was already filled with those full grains of rice, and there was no room for other emotions.
"I'm fine." repeated. The trembling on his shoulders became more and more intense, and he choked in a low voice, trying his best to hold it back.
He didn't want Shen Yan to feel too embarrassed.
He didn't want Shen Yan to worry - because he didn't look like this out of pain, but was touched by the words in the weakest corner of his heart, overflowing with emotion and overflowing his eyes.
It's a pity that the choked voice is getting clearer and clearer. In the silence, it rang again and again.
The wind and rain outside the window settled down, accompanied by the sound.
At this time, Shen Yan gently stood up from her seat, and it took a long time to say six words: "I, go downstairs to get the letter."
Qi Jin was silent and nodded.
Shen Yan stood still for a while, finally left the dining table, walked slowly past Qi Jin, opened the door and went out.
The sound of the door being gently closed was heard in my ears, and after that, the house was completely silent, leaving a blank space for Qi Jin to sort out her mood.
After Shen Yan left, Qi Jin raised her face that had been drooping a little, then put down the wooden chopsticks, wiped her eyes briefly with her sleeves, and sniffed crampedly while panting, her chest heaving finally Slow down a little. He was very grateful to Shen Yan for giving him time to be alone.
Looking down, I saw that I had eaten half a bowl of rice just now.
Then his eyes crossed the table and looked at the food placed in front of Shen Yan—all of which remained unmoved. This guest is really inauthentic, and he eats faster than the master. The corners of Qi Jin's slightly red eyes couldn't help bending downwards, and she put on a faint smile.
He sat for a while, then got up and scooped water under the faucet and washed his face, rinsing off all the remaining traces.
Just after wiping off the water droplets, the phone in my pocket suddenly rang.
is a text message.
In the sender's column, the word "geese" was written. At first, he entered "Yan Beixiang". After knowing the person's true identity, he wanted to change it to "Shen Yan", but in the end he only kept the word shared by the two names.
The message was only a short sentence.
【When you think you can, ask me to go upstairs. 】
Really... very considerate.
Qi Jin's eyes were slightly hot, and she took a deep breath, suppressing the pain in her throat that she managed to recede. In order to clean up his mood more thoroughly, he simply replied: [Wait a little longer. 】
After sending it, Shen Yan did not respond for a long time.
After about five minutes, Qi Jin was looking at the autumn rain outside the window in a trance, when suddenly the phone beeped again. Shen Yan's second text message came over: [I'm not going upstairs, but can I call you? 】
Seeing this, Qi Jin didn't reply to the text message, and directly dialed the other party's number.
"Hello?" After so long of calming down, his voice has stabilized and he no longer choked. There is even the kind of warm current that comes from the food on the table, "Where are you?"
"Just downstairs, where we came in in the first place."
Shen Yan's position at this time should be very close to the eaves. Because the rain in the background is very clear, crisp and pleasant.
Hearing this, Qi Jin stood up and walked to the window of the living room, looking towards the entrance of the corridor on the first floor.
Shen Yan was indeed there, leaning against the wall, standing silently under the eaves and waiting. From his angle and distance, he could vaguely see the other's body movements. If it wasn't for the fog covering the glass, he might even be able to see his expressions clearly.
However, Qi Jin didn't try to wipe it.
This is also good, you can see but don't have to see clearly. This way, I can focus more on his voice.
"I'm sorry, did I just scare you?" Qi Jin smiled apologetically.
"No... I just didn't know what to do for a while." Shen Yan's answer was unexpected.
"Actually, I was frightened." Qi Jin found a comfortable standing position, also leaned her back against the wall, leaned her head against the window, and looked sideways at the person who was talking to her downstairs, "Suddenly, naturally It just became like that. There was no sign of it, I couldn't help it."
Shen Yan said in a low voice, "Don't hold back, it's best to let it go."
Qi Qi made a "hmm" sound. The two kept quiet for a while, as they used to chat, letting the sound of rain fill the void.
After a long time, Qi Jin reopened the chat box: "Why do you remember to call?"
"Because I'm a little worried." When saying these six words, the people downstairs seemed to bow their heads and turn their backs to the direction of the light from the corridor entrance. The sound of rain accompanied his deep breathing, and the electric sound that distorted everything slightly, gave Qi Jin a feeling of being in a different world, "And... when we're not chatting face to face, I always feel that it's easier for you to tell the truth. ."
Qi Jin was stunned for a moment, then opened a melancholy smile: "What kind of truth do you want to hear?"
Shen Yan's deep breath came through the microphone: "Do you remember... that sentence I said in the kitchen?"
Remember.
- "I always thought you hated me". Shen Yan said so, but he did not reply.
"I..." How could I hate you. Even if he couldn't prove it, Qi Jin couldn't help but want to clarify.
But Shen Yan lightly interrupted his words. Very light, but very persistently interrupted.
"Before you answer, may I say a few words?"
"Well, you said."
After getting permission, Shen Yan remained silent for a while before really starting: "Because I had a speech barrier, I was not very good at communicating with people from the beginning. There are few people who are willing to talk to me, and they are willing to listen to me. people, and fewer."
Qi Jin heard him mention this, but this time the description added more emotional color.
Shen Yan lowered her voice: "Even my occupation. Although the symptoms are almost completely gone, I still can't adapt to the communication between strangers subconsciously, and when facing small animals, I feel much more relaxed and there is no pressure. . . So I love being with the little ones and want to share stories about them, but... don't know how."
Hearing this, Qi Jin was slightly startled.
He seemed to immediately understand the purpose of Shen Yan's words. Sure enough, the man mentioned himself: "When you asked me to write a diary, it was the first time someone offered to see me write about this."
Qi Jin had mixed feelings for a while, and couldn't help but emphasized in a hoarse voice: "Shen Yan, I want you to know that at first I made a suggestion for writing news, but after reading the diary, I really liked what you wrote, no Just for work."
The man on the other end of the phone seemed to smile slightly: "I know. Because you replied to every paragraph in your reply, I know you read it very seriously."
Not only was every paragraph answered, but no details were left out. Letters are like this, have been insisting.
It was the joy of getting a 100% response to what was said.
"Although I come into contact with sick animals every day and write medical records every day, this is the first time I can write it in a diary." I didn't know how to write, I just wrote whatever came to my mind. After sending the first email, actually... I was worried that you would resent these personal descriptions."
But Qi Jin did not.
Not only did he not, he smiled and told him that he liked it, and even read it out in his voice for more people to hear—
"Then I... Maybe, some, I'm reluctant to end like this." Shen Yan's voice was a little inaudible when he got here, and between the words, it was almost difficult to breathe, "Some... arrogant. So I wrote you the last email, Said something that was probably too personal."
Qi Qi held her breath.
This sentence paused several times in the middle, and every time the sound of dense rain came from the gap, it stabbed in his heart.
After a long while, Shen Yan finally finished speaking: "You haven't replied after waiting for a long time. I... I regret it. I'm very, afraid."
In fact, there are some things he did not mention together.
For example, during Qi Jin's business trip abroad, he once gave up hiding Yan Beixiang's identity and called the TV station to ask about it.
For example, when he saw the news of Qi Jin's car accident in the drama post, he was shocked and asked the puppet show for the QQ number for the first time ever.
For example, last night, he thought of going to visit a doctor in the rain for a moment, but finally gave up rationally.
Shen Yan's voice completely disappeared. So is the breath.
Qi Jin realized that the sound of rapid breathing that sounded in his ear was actually his own. When he came back to his senses, his consciousness became a little dizzy, and he had to frown and press his forehead against the window glass.
"Shen Yan." While breathing lightly, he called out in a low voice, "Shen Yan, I'm sorry. It's not because of my disgust... that I didn't reply to your last email."
His tone was as careful as he was coaxing a child.
For fear of saying the wrong word, it is an irreversible mistake.
"This is the truth—really." Qi Jin swore.
"Yeah." Shen Yan replied softly.
After that, neither of them continued to talk for a while. Qi Jin closed her eyes, listening to the patter of rain from the other end of the phone, while Shen Yan was still standing quietly in the shadows, adjusting her emotions.
From time to time, the earpiece emits a current sound, which proves that they are still talking to each other.
In the end, Shen Yan was the first to return to the starting point: "Qi Jin, next... Can you temporarily treat me as Yan Beixiang?"
His sudden words made Qi Jin laugh: "You are originally from Yanbeixiang."
"I mean, can you just think of me as Yan Beixiang and forget that I am Shen Yan." Through the mist on the glass window, Qi Wei saw Shen Yan take two steps, and was getting closer Stopped under a wall of the eaves. The sound of the rain became more and more dense, "Because... this way, you will be objective when answering my questions below."
Qi Jin smiled slightly.
Although it's only psychological comfort, it's okay to promise him: "Okay, I'll tell the truth. Just ask."
Shen Yan took a deep breath, as if the following was the most ridiculous question he had ever asked in his life, and his tone was a bit cramped.
"If... the favorability of a person is rated on a scale of 0 to 10, where 10 is a perfect score, and 0 is no feeling or even disgust - how many points would you give 'Shen Yan'?"
"Hey." Qi Jing lowered her head and smiled. The heart was warm, and filled with tenderness unconsciously, "This question of yours is like a questionnaire that was often filled out in student days."
"Don't laugh, I really want to ask that." Hearing his laughter, the voices of the people downstairs became even lower, but they didn't give up.
Qi Jin was still smiling, very lightly, until the place in his eyes looking at the figure was a little wet.
Then the laughter stopped, and a sincere answer: "11 points."
The other party was stunned unexpectedly.
"11 points, what do you mean?" It seemed to be said on the microphone, a low voice like a murmur.
"The extra 1 point is an extra point." Qi Jin smiled softly.
At this point, there was a brief silence.
However, Shen Yan was obsessed with a complete answer: "Additional points... What do you mean?"
Qi Jin lowered her eyes and stared at the figure standing under the eaves behind the glass for a long time. When the language stopped, she temporarily put down her right hand holding the phone, stretched out her fingers, and left and right where the figure was projected on the glass window. The thin layer of fog drew two arcs.
Merge left and right, exactly in the shape of a heart, and frame that person in the middle.
He smiled and picked up the phone again.
"Additional points means more than goodwill..."
What else could it be.
He couldn't think of any other answer—
"Qi Jin." At this time, a word suddenly sounded in the receiver, which made him unable to react, "I'm going upstairs."
It took a whole few seconds to recover, Qi Jin took a sharp breath, and hurriedly said: "Wait a minute! Shen Yan, wait a minute! I haven't—"
No mental preparation yet.
When he found that the phone had been hung up, and looked downstairs, the man was no longer where he was.
Qi Jin suddenly panicked.
After putting down the phone, my first reaction was to hurriedly wipe off what I just drew, and wiped it several times. The fog on the entire glass window was wiped away without a trace, but the violent heartbeat did not slow down.
He regretted that he took care of cleaning the windows and wasted time.
Because before he had time to get to the door, the door had already heard the sound of a key turning, opening a crack.
In a panic, he slammed the door and held it tightly to prevent people outside the door from coming in.
"Wait a minute, don't come in yet!"
"Qi Jin," I couldn't see the face of the person outside the door, but I could hear his voice. The heavier emotion than ever made Qi Jin a little dazed, "Let me see you."
"You... wait a second..."
Qi Jin gasped for breath, and even said such a simple sentence intermittently. His mind went blank, and the only lucid place commanded his right hand, pulling hard on the door to prevent it from going any further inch.
He can only use one hand at the moment, and to be honest, because he is so nervous, there is very little strength he can really exert from his entire body, and doing so is just a needless struggle. If Shen Yan wanted to, he could push the door open at once, but the force coming from the door was carefully considered, and it was just balanced. Enough to keep the door open, but not so hard to break in.
After the gradually regained consciousness realized this, Qi Jin took a breath and gasped in prostration.
However, the next moment he held his breath again, because his hand holding the door was lightly covered by that person's hand, and then clasped together—a very firm, longing grip.
The door stood still.
The crack of the door was less than twenty centimeters open, and a faint white light leaked from the outside to the inside.
When Qi Jin lowered his head, it was faintly visible that Shen Yan's shadow took up a corner of the light. But at this moment, in his heart, Shen Yan occupies everything.
The place where the ten fingers touched, was as hot as burning.
"Wait..." The panting was too rapid, and the sound of air flowing in and out of the throat was almost sharp. Can't finish talking.
Shen Yan was indeed waiting.
Although they were waiting, the two of them held hands but never let go.
When the heart raised to the throat, there was a sudden thump, and Qi Jin was dizzy at the deafening drumbeat. Thumping, thumping, thumping, thumping extremely urgently. The louder the voice, the more white flowers appeared in front of him, as if standing in a pile of cotton, with both knees weak.
"Qi Jin," compared to these, the murmur-like call was the most difficult for him to resist, "I can wait until you think you can."
"Hmm..." His lips trembled in response.
"But... can you let me stand beside you and wait?" Shen Yan asked in a low voice.
It's a foul to say such pleading words in such a humble tone. It was so easy to touch the organ that made him soft-hearted, remove his defenses, and make all struggles powerless.
The strength of the hand was only loosened, and the door had suddenly opened inward.
At that moment, Qi Jin lowered his head subconsciously, because he couldn't look directly into Shen Yan's eyes for the time being. The hand fell off the door, but the hand holding him did not leave, and followed him and put it down together.
Then, with a gentle pull, he fell into the warm embrace in front of him.