The fall of those three words is also the end of the curtain—
There is no score, because the official selection lines have not been completed, and even the score cannot be evaluated.
There is no ranking, because it is a direct abstention.
Obviously there is nothing left, but more than ever before. I have already drawn a full stop in my heart, and I don't need to add any more strokes, it is also complete.
Qi Jin's eyes blinked slightly, and the haze in front of him was clear for a moment, but soon became blurred again.
Every time he blinked, something wet and cool would fall out and drip down his cheeks.
But he laughed.
"hehe… "
The laughter was soft and low. The more you laugh, the more tears flow.
He took off his headphones slowly and calmly, separated the hustle and bustle on the field from reality, and returned to this quiet room.
On the night of early winter, it is easier to set off the warmth at the moment.
He silently adjusted his breathing and took the initiative to raise his hand to wipe away his tears. Before leaving the channel, the last thing I saw was the message from "Old Five" to myself.
【★Old Five★】 said to 【you】:…
【★Old Five★】 said to 【you】:…
【★Old 5★】 said to 【you】:... Really, totally unexpected...
[★Old Five★] said to [you]: I once said that no one can help him in this matter, it seems that I was wrong. Returning date, you are really amazing... Thank you.
- No, I'm not really that good. It was his own strength that brought him this far.
Qi Jin smiled and closed the computer.
Just then he heard the door open gently.
The door opened, but people stood behind the door and did not come in. The corners of Qi Qin's lips lifted, and her tone was deliberately flat to make herself sound very serious.
"come over."
There is no ups and downs in the tone, and it is impossible to judge whether the speaker is happy or angry.
The person behind the door seemed to be stunned for a while, and finally took the first step and started walking towards him slowly.
He didn't say anything, didn't look back, just sat quietly on the bedside and listened to the man's footsteps coming from the door to his side. Even if the person has stopped within reach, he still has no reaction, his face is expressionless, but there is a sweet smile that the other party can't see in his lowered eyes.
"...Qi Jin," the man finally called out in a suppressed voice, sounding very astringent, "Are you angry?"
"Of course I'm angry." Qi Jin didn't deny it.
Shen Yan's face turned pale for a moment.
However, before he even had time to step back, Qi Jin suddenly opened his arms and crossed over, hugging him tightly across his waist, almost greedily burying in his arms, breathing the reassuring smell, and laughing softly : "Do you know how many tears you made me shed tonight? - My eyes must be swollen, of course I'm angry."
Shen Yan was slightly shocked, as if someone who finally heard the verdict and was acquitted and released, his knees softened unconsciously, and he slowly knelt down on the bed as if he had collapsed.
His hands fumbled for a while on Qi Jin's back, until he was sure that he was touching the real Qi Jin, then he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and leaned over to hug the person in front of him.
The trembling in his voice did not disappear because of this: "I thought... you were angry because I hid such a horrible past from you... I can't forgive me."
The hand that was on Qi Jin's back tightened, his fingers grabbed into the shirt, and the fabric was tangled in embarrassment.
Qi Jin clearly felt the hesitation and fear in his heart.
Infected by this emotion, Qi Jin buried his head deeper and murmured in a hoarse voice: "Idiot... Only those who have done wrong need to be forgiven. What did you do wrong?"
"I… deceived you."
"You didn't deceive me."
"I didn't confess to you..."
"That's not called deception, deception must be a lie." Qi Jin slowly corrected him word by word, "You didn't say anything before... But when you say it, every sentence is the truth."
At this point, ask again.
"So, what did you do wrong?" Nothing.
Shen Yan couldn't say a word, her breath was a little short, her arms tightened and she knelt in front of him and didn't move.
Qi Jin didn't say a word, gently tugged at his arm, pulled him into the bed, snuggled up with himself, and patiently waited for his breathing to calm down.
"Qi Jin," he said dryly after a while, "I am a—"
"Don't say it," Qi Jin hurriedly pressed his fingers to his lips at this time, forbidding him to say that derogatory word. At least, it is still derogatory in today's society, "You don't have to say it, I already guessed it."
Shen Yan's eyelids moved slightly, and she blinked twice, as if she wanted to blink away the tingling in her eyes, but it didn't work.
Qi Jin's hand moved up, first covering his eyes lightly, making him close them, then quietly moving his fingers, leaning over and kissing each of his eyelids. Shen Yan quietly leaned on the head of the bed like a tired child, completely handing over the initiative to him and letting him move.
Qi Jin felt that his eyelids were gradually less twitching, so he lowered his head against his shoulder and sighed: "Actually, I was vaguely aware of it before."
Shen Yan trembled and asked in a low voice, "... When?"
Qi Jin smiled bitterly and said, "There are often clues, but the clues are very obscure. I... never thought about it deeply. I didn't realize it until I went to visit your grandfather's grave that day and saw that your name was not recorded on the tombstone. But at that time I thought you were the adopted son of this family, after listening to your performance just now—"
The talk stops here. Don't go down and don't have to go down.
"I'm sorry." This time, Qi Jin apologized in a low voice. If it's just an adopted son, some clues will not make sense if you think about it carefully, and you are too slow.
Shen Yan shook her head silently.
The two tacitly maintained a blank period of language, silently sticking together to keep warm.
Until Shen Yan said a word.
"...The 'auntie' I met in the hospital today...she is actually my biological mother."
Qi Jin suddenly opened his eyes and raised his head in amazement. Shen Yan just smiled bitterly: "Since she remarried, I haven't seen her for nearly ten years."
At this point, he paused for a moment and corrected his words in a dull voice.
"No, I shouldn't say 'remarrying'... Because she and my biological father have never been a couple in name for a day. Before I was adopted by my grandfather, I was only a dubious householder and had no relationship with the 'Shen family' except for my surname. A child of any real relationship."
Qi Jin frowned slightly, and silently pulled the corner of his clothes, pulling him closer.
Following this movement, Shen Yan's hands hugged him firmly, pressed against his head, and rubbed weakly and slowly a few times, filling the pain in her voice as much as possible into a straightforward tone similar to a statement: " I was born in a small town, which is my mother's hometown. It's a small place and people are very conservative, including her parents' family. She grew up in that environment... But because she studied more than others , I know more things, and I yearn for the world outside the town."
"My father is a local and grew up in the city. The family conditions are relatively good. After graduating from college, he was assigned to work in my mother's town for a while, so I met like this... Later, I had me. "
His voice became lower and lower, until it was too low to continue, and then interrupted for a moment.
Qi Jin never urged him, silently stroking his back, giving him peace of mind - even if only temporarily.
"When my mother had me, she was still unmarried. In those days, it would be a great shame to spread it out, and people would gossip and look down on her for a lifetime. But my father... I don't want to marry my mother, because he had already agreed to another marriage arranged by his leader at that time."
The men in my impression are always dressed in dark suits, with straight shirts and ironed collars with sharp edges and corners, as if they were cut with a knife.
The man's eyes are cold and his expression is rigid. He is a very realistic person from temperament to behavior.
When he was young when he was hidden behind a woman, and secretly looked at each other from behind her long skirt, the other party's eyes seemed to be thoughtful. But the thinking part is always the result, not the process—only the consequences of the event, without the emotional damage in the process.
Men come from a family with a good background in the provincial capital, while women come from small county towns.
A man works for a public institution and is a legitimate civil servant whose reputation and reputation are above all else.
Men are appreciated by their superiors, and marriage is only a means to pave the way for the future, and has nothing to do with feelings.
Men feel that women do not understand him.
Men feel that women do not understand him.
Men feel that women have done a superfluous thing, and the child is "the superfluous thing" and is a stupid thing.
"My mother was very simple when she was young. She felt that if I existed, he would come back one day." Shen Yan said this, and laughed poignantly, "But he didn't."
The forehead against Qi Jin slowly moved down, and after being completely staggered, it was silently buried beside the collarbone.
"Because he… doesn't want me at all."
The stress placed on the word "fundamental" made Qi Jin's heart twitch hard when he heard it.
Shen Yan continued to talk about the details of the year intermittently.
Most of the details are as old and blurry as they were, but the truth doesn't change the suffocating weight they weigh on the heart.
What Shen Yan said, Qi Jin had heard more or less elsewhere.
He is a news reporter, and to be honest, such cases come into contact with him almost every day, so they are not new, and some of the plot trends can be said to be the same. There are many people in the industry who can regard these stories as a thick pile of materials in a legal program, as a printed black and white letter, but he can't.
He knows that behind every record, there may be one, or even many irreparable injuries—
"Shen Yan. Shen Yan..."
Qi Jin called out his name from time to time, constantly reminding him of his own existence in the process of his memory, so as not to let him helplessly fall into the quagmire of memory and struggle alone.
And while Shen Yan was talking, he kept holding him, never letting go.
"Later my mother and I moved to this city, but my father still didn't come," he said, his eyes dimmed as if mixed with ashes. "My mother began to suffer from alcoholism, and when she was drunk, she often fell with her hands. Sometimes I would go crazy, and the worst one... almost suffocated me under the covers."
Qi Jin was startled, and the whole person bounced from his arms.
Shen Yan smiled wryly and shook her head, held his shoulders, and continued dully: "That time... I was so frightened that I escaped, but the neighbors found out about this and almost called the police. She was a relative, and she was unconscious at the time, so the neighbor didn't call the police, but got through my dad's phone."
He paused.
He seemed to be in a trance at that moment, but the tone of the statement sounded like a question, and he didn't quite believe what he said: "That time, my father came—"
At that time, men knew that they should let women despair, and women also knew that they should despair.
That time, the old man learned about his son for the first time, and about his grandson whom he had never met—it was a turning point in his life.
"After that accident, my mother broke down completely and took me back to the county town. Later... She married someone else under the arrangement of my grandparents. As for me, they planned to return me to the Shen family." He slowly sucked in In one breath, there was finally a bit of warmth in the sentence, "Although my father didn't take over, but the grandfather who knew about this... He is willing to take me in and raise me, and is my benefactor for life."
He lowered his eyes and smiled slightly.
"My mother gave me the surname Shen because the man she loved was named Shen, but that's not why I kept it. To me, 'Shen' is just 'my grandpa's surname', not 'my father's surname' surname'—isn't it ridiculous for me to think that?"
Qi Jin endured his grief and shook his head hastily.
No one would be able to laugh after hearing his recollections.
"I used to think that 'Shunyang Hou' was very similar to me, but I was wrong." Suddenly, Shen Yan mentioned the match just now and muttered to himself, "We are not the same. He can serve the world for the world. She Ji let go of her personal grudges, but I couldn't, I really... hated my father deeply."
Shen Yan let go of her hand a little, and she didn't let Qi Jin leave her arms completely, she just made a space between the two, took out the button, and held it in the palm of her hand.
"Although I'm not as broad-minded as him, I have something he doesn't have."
Qi Jin followed his gaze and looked down, the surface of the button jumped a little bit, and if he looked more closely, he saw that his face had shrunk into a small one, and it was reflected on it.
He hesitated, then raised his head again. Shen Yan didn't look at the buttons anymore, but looked at him quietly.
People are here, and substitutes lose their appeal—
"When the first act started, I kept telling myself not to touch this button, because I would think of you and how happy I am now," Shen Yan pulled Qi Jin's right hand over and put it in the palm of her own. When the two people crossed their hands, they pressed the button in the middle, like a ceremony of exchanging vows. Shen Yan smiled in a trance, "I even forgot that I was in pain."
In this way, it is impossible to reproduce the original mood.
Shunyang Hou's image was positive and bright at the beginning, but in the later stage of the original work, the plot development gradually became darker, and the negative emotions still overwhelmed him when the ending was approaching... It was a process of exhaustion.
"When my grandfather just passed away, I felt the same way. My mother gave birth to me and raised me, but she still chose to give up; my grandfather raised me and finally left... I thought my whole life was like this. In the process of sinking, the ending will always take away the beauty of the past.”
But when I hit the button, those thoughts were gone—only the sense of fulfillment that filled my heart and couldn’t help but overflow.
Just remember that you are loved and loved.
"So, I chose the exact opposite direction from him."
The last few lines had to be completely relieved and calm, so he picked up the button again, as if holding Qi Jin's hand tightly.
"Shen Yan..." Qi Jin found that her voice was trembling, and so were her fingers.
Instead, Shen Yan was very calm.
Even when she said this shocking remark, she kept her tone calm: "My mother... she was diagnosed with a brain tumor by the hospital. The pathology report will be out tomorrow, and I don't know if it's benign or malignant. ."
Qi Jin's face turned pale all of a sudden: "How come..."
Shen Yan lowered her head and said softly to the end: "When she told me about the diagnosis, I... completely forgot what she had done to me back then, and only thought of 'saving her'. Maybe it was Because I have grandfather and you, and I have feelings in my heart, and the part of her hurting me in my memories has no impact. I already… can’t hate it anymore.”
Then Shen Yan stopped talking.
Qi Jin looked at the man in front of him with mixed feelings, and did not speak, and sat quietly with him for ten minutes.
Probably starting to feel cold, Shen Yan changed his posture, his shoulders folded slightly to wrap him. This is a gesture of seeking warmth, Qi Jin certainly did not refuse, but the warmth brought by the embrace of two people is always only temporary, and cannot drive away the winter outside the house.
And he didn't want to be limited to that.
He wanted to really get to the end of winter.
"Can I talk to your mother?" Qi Jin said suddenly.
This sentence was even more sudden than the one he just told his mother's condition - Shen Yan suddenly raised her head and stared at Qi Jin. Qi Jin's eyes were very persistent and sincere.
"Can I talk to your mother?"
Unable to answer, he repeated it gently. Even the second question was not immediately answered by Shen Yan.
The two looked at each other, Shen Yan couldn't find the slightest sign of swaying in Qi Jin's eyes, but he frowned slightly, and the negative sentence produced by the first reaction seemed to be fixed by Qi Jin's eyes, and swallowed. Go back and stop talking.
"She..." She didn't want to communicate at all.
"Don't worry." Shen Yan didn't say anything, but Qi Jin knew what he meant, she slightly bent the corners of her eyes and leaned in, rubbed the tip of her nose against his cheek, and whispered, "Have you forgotten what I do? I'm a reporter, and I know what questions to ask and what not to ask. I'm still an award-winning guy in our newsgroup—"
There was a small sense of ridicule in his words, which washed away the gloomy air around him.
After listening to it silently, Shen Yan finally smiled helplessly and sighed deeply.
"Okay," If the people you care about the most don't care, then you don't need to be afraid anymore. However, prior reminders are still needed, "but she may not be willing to speak at all, don't be too reluctant."
"I will do what I can, but I will not give in easily. After all, interviews are my specialty."
Qi Jin smiled calmly and confidently.
Shen Yan looked at him intently, the light in her eyes streamed thinly, flickering in the silent place, like a peaceful sea sprinkled with winter sunshine - not as bright as summer sunshine, but making warmth more precious.
"You said that interviewing is your specialty." Shen Yan suddenly repeated what he just said.
"Ok?"
"Then when can you formally interview me once?"
I can't tell if this is true or just a joke. Their contact in reality started from a cooperative relationship, but in the news, Shen Yan has been behind the scenes, never appearing in the camera, and only the words "Doctor Shen" are used in the manuscript. Qi Jin did not interview him face to face.
Hearing his question, Qi Jin was stunned for a moment, and when he came back to his senses, he couldn't help but lower his head and laugh.
He turned his head sideways and took a light bite on Shen Yan's Adam's apple.
Shen Yan let out a low moan from the depths of her throat, which seemed both painful and happy, but when she lowered her head to kiss, she was gently pressed by Qi Jin's fingertips, deliberately using a finger to breathe with her lips against her lips: "I use I have interviewed a lot of people as a reporter, and if I interview you with the same identity, there is no commemorative value... If one day, I really become a host and have my own program, I will make you my first guest— "
At this point, I gently pulled my finger, and when I pasted it, the remaining words became blurred.
"But even if I get a promotion this time, it's only an assistant host... It may take two or three years to truly establish a business... You have to... wait for me."
"I'm waiting for you."
Shen Yan promised in a low voice. The length of three words can span countless days and nights.
Whether it is two or three years, or four or five years, or ten years, twenty years, thirty years... all waiting for you.
The next day, Qi Jin woke up early in the morning, and it seemed that nothing had changed, and it seemed that... everything was very unfamiliar.
He couldn't remember how many times he woke up in Shen Yan's arms.
What you see when you open your eyes isn't any different, it's just a different state of mind. A random little decoration in the room seems to have an indescribable kindness at this moment, and I really realize that I belong to this place, this home, and this person.
He smiled slightly, closed his eyes and went back to keep warm.
I don't know if it is because of the habit of hibernating overnight. He was clearly awake, but he was too lazy to move. The chest of the man in front of him is like a quilt with just the right temperature, and he is tightly rolled into a ball, and a person can sleep very comfortably by lying in it.
- If, the body is not sour and soft.
Qi Jin buried in front of Shen Yan's chest and gave a low smile. It seems that some of the descriptions in the novel are not made up, and they are quite well-founded.
Shen Yan didn't change either. At least, not on the surface.
Shen Yan used to kiss him gently before getting up, sometimes on the forehead, sometimes on the eyes, usually with affection. Desire is irrelevant. And today, the kiss fell on the lips, which doubled the time it takes for the two of them to get up.
Shen Yan got up first as usual and let him sleep for a while, but he also took a bath today. In winter morning, the water from the water pipe is not easy to warm, so the bath water can be warmed up first, and then he can continue to wash.
Shen Yan prepared breakfast for him as usual. Although I usually prepare like this, but today... the breakfast is obviously a bit too rich.
"It's almost like I just married a daughter-in-law" - Qi Jin almost opened her mouth to tease him with this sentence, but then she thought that the "daughter-in-law" was herself, her cheeks became hot, she coughed lightly and stopped talking.
The way the two of them get along is still a couple living together, but today it feels a bit more newly married.
And after confessing to each other, the conversation is easier and more natural than before.
During the meal together, they were still chatting slowly and comfortably about some daily trivial matters. When it was time to clean up the utensils and get ready to change clothes and go out, Shen Yan suddenly stopped talking.
He quietly put on his coat for Qi Jin, tidying up from the collar to the buttons, and finally couldn't help but ask, "...Are you really going?"
Before Qi Jin put all the extra breakfast in a small lunch box, put it in his satchel and raised his head with a smile: "What's the matter, are you still worried?"
Shen Yan neither admitted nor denied it.
Saying "I'm not worried" has no credibility when you hear it, so it's better not to say it. What's more, the person standing in front of him is Qi Jin who has been in the news channel for many years.
After a long time, he sighed lightly, raised Qi Jin's face with both hands, and leaned in to say in a deep voice, "Go. Don't crowd the bus, it's time for work, it's not safe to push around - remember to take a taxi. "
Qi Jin always smiled lightly, and finally pecked the corner of his lips, Quan Dang agreed.
Following Shen Yan's request, Qi Wei called a taxi to the Provincial People's Hospital, but he stopped the driver about a kilometer away from the hospital, intending to walk for a while.
This is not to save money on the car, but to give myself time to make a phone call before facing today's "interview" subject.
Qi Jin walked slowly along the long gray wall of the street. At the same time, he took out his mobile phone and slowly entered the number that he hadn't dialed for many years. He even stopped before pressing the dial button. , raised his head, and took a deep breath of the cold winter morning air.
With cold air as a bedding, there should be no frostbite at that time.
At this time, the phone was connected, and there was a sullen voice on the other end of the line.
"Hey?"
The tone is no different from normal.
She probably just woke up and didn't even look at the caller ID, so her tone was so normal—Qi Jin laughed a little at herself, but couldn't stop laughing.
"It's me," he said quietly.
The person who answered the phone was stunned, and suddenly woke up. The language was interrupted for four or five seconds, and the communication gap was so long that even I seemed to feel embarrassed, and finally I threw a sentence: "...What do you want?"
"Just calling home to ask about the situation." Qi Wei was also very surprised that she could have a conversation with such a normal heart.
"There's nothing to say." Brother Qi Zhe's tone was still as indifferent as before.
The meaning of this sentence is nothing more than asking him to take the initiative to hang up.
Qi Jin didn't hang up, but continued to pick up: "Then ask Dad to come over and answer the phone."
It was blurry, but he could vaguely hear the morning radio music in the background—it was his father's habit of getting up and turning the radio on, washing up to the radio's old-fashioned nostalgic songs, shaving, eating breakfast, putting on His black-framed reading glasses slowly read the newspaper delivered yesterday.
This habit has been maintained for many years, and it seems that it has not changed in the years he has been away from home.
Now that the radio is on, then, my father should have woken up—
But Qi Zhe coldly refused: "He doesn't want to talk to you."
This reaction was not unexpected, so Qi Wei's answer was also calm: "You haven't asked yet, how do you know?"
At this moment, his father's voice sounded faintly on the other end of the phone, as if asking "whose call is it". Qi Wei's breath stagnated, and before he could say the next sentence, Qi Zhe quickly interrupted what he was about to say: "We all know this—enough, don't call again!"
Then there was a sudden "click" sound in the microphone.
Then there was the very mechanical beep of "beep, beep, beep" after the disconnection, just like the trembling of his fingers, lightly tapping the surface of the phone's keyboard.
Indeed, he should have known that would be the outcome. Qi Jin slowly adjusted her almost chaotic breathing, closed her eyes, stood with her back against the wall for a while, shook her head, regained her energy and continued to walk to the hospital.
Just as he was about to put the phone back in his pocket, the phone suddenly started ringing.
-B.
He was slightly shocked, his hand hesitated at that moment, but in the end he slowly put the screen back in front of him, looked down and saw that the number displayed on it was the one he had just dialed.
It seems that he can predict who the caller is. His throat is a little dry, and his voice is a little trembling when he is connected: "... Hello?"
There was no sound from the other end of the phone.
Qi Jin didn't say a word, just waited.
What I waited for was the exact same sentence, but the speaker's voice was older, maybe because I didn't get drunk today, it sounded more sober than usual: "What do you want?"