As expected of a father and son, even the lines came out of the same mold - the thought came up in my heart, and the corners of my mouth turned up involuntarily, but they didn't complete all the actions.
After all, the action of "laughing" has not been completed in front of his father for a long time.
Qi Jin murmured back with that half-formed smile: "Just calling home... to ask about the situation..."
Mingming had the same reply to his younger brother, but his tone started to become sour and soft like his nose, like a crumpled piece of paper that couldn't be pressed back to its previous flatness. Qi Jin really hoped that his left hand was not injured, so that he could hold the phone with both hands, otherwise he didn't know if his hand would shake so badly that he accidentally dropped the phone on the ground.
The person on the other side of the phone was silent for ten seconds.
"nothing to say."
Sure enough, even the answer is the same. At this point, the conversation finally hit a dead end.
Sure enough, it still hangs up.
Qi Jin felt that the cold air he had inhaled before the phone call was not enough, because he could still feel the biting chill in his chest, which made both of his shoulders start to tremble slightly. He tried to keep his tone as poignant as possible: "Okay... I see."
The other party did not reply.
Qi Jin's thumb gently moved to the button for terminating the call, but he couldn't press it smartly for a while. Come on—he urged himself mentally, because the man must be waiting for him to hang up.
But the father suddenly spoke again at this time: "What happened?"
Qi Jin was taken aback.
The other party paused at this time, and added a sentence almost meanly: "Did he get dumped by some man again?"
My father's words are nothing more than alluding to the fact that he came out for his ex-boyfriend back then, but he chose to get married and have children, and left himself to bear the consequences. It was a sarcastic and hurtful remark, but Qi Jin actually had a kind of letting go. A sense of relief like a boulder in my heart.
I actually think... I can handle this kind of conversation.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm still as obsessive as ever," he said, borrowing his mother's catchphrase. When mentioning Shen Yan, he did not stop the gratification in his voice from being passed on directly, "And... I met a person who was very kind to me, and lived a very ordinary life every day."
"Humph."
The other party sneered coldly.
I can't tell if it's more contempt, more disappointment, or more surprise.
Another long silence.
During the silence, the background music from my father's radio station sounded clearer—it was an old tune that Qi Jin used to hear a lot. Familiar notes trickled into my ears one by one, as if someone had embedded fragments of memory into their minds, reminding me of how I would wake up every morning when I was still living in that house.
At that time, my sister, Qi Zhe, had just graduated and was working in her hometown. She helped her mother cook eggs and filter soy milk in the morning, while he put on his school uniform and kicked his younger brother Qi Zhe off the bed, rushing to take the bus to high school after breakfast. My father would usually sit in the old rattan rocking chair in the living room and tap the handle with his fingers along with the melody.
He even remembered where the rocking chair was, what direction it was facing, and the "squeaky" sound it made as it swayed back and forth.
He opened his lips slightly and blurted out: "I don't know why, recently... I always think of you."
"Changdi" was also on the way to the game.
He subconsciously turned up his past memories, imitating his father's drunken behavior in his memory. The more vivid the performance, the more it can prove that my impression of my father still exists in a certain drawer in my heart. And these days, the drawer seems to be opening more and more.
"Maybe I've been outside for a long time, and even if I can't go back, I'll still think about it."
The father is good, and the family is good.
After speaking, Qi Jin lowered his head and silently reviewed the tone of voice just now, hoping that his voice did not tremble, and that his tone was not much different from usual. But the cold air around was so strong that I couldn't help but sniff.
The other end of the phone seemed intent on being silent to the end, not answering a word.
After a while, Qi Jin took the initiative to divert the topic so that both parties would not go down the stairs: "Actually, I called today because I have an interview later, so I will practice it in advance."
"Practice? I've been a reporter for six years, and I'm still so useless." It turned out that my father still remembered how many years he had been working.
"Because the subject of the interview is a mother," Qi Jin paused, not sure whether it was wise for him to continue talking, but his decision was made. He took a deep breath and said slowly, "This mother... She abandoned her son back then. Today, I'm going to ask her a few questions on her behalf."
Without waiting for any response from the other party, Qi Jin paused for a while, and then smiled at himself.
"I'm thinking, if I can calmly face my parents who have abandoned me, then I can also calmly face her - if I can know what my parents think, I can probably also know what she thinks."
There was a slight rapid breathing sound from the microphone, which was obviously a prelude to rage.
Qi Jin secretly squeezed the phone tightly.
The heart felt like a whip had been slapped, making a thumping sound in his chest, and the huge impact was urging him to give up - but it had been many years since the father and son had talked to this point, so he had to force him. Hold on to it by yourself, don't click on the hanging line symbol on the screen.
The strange thing is that the other party didn't hang up.
As if this is a contest to see who can endure more than who, the atmosphere is tense, and emotions are on the verge of breaking out.
"Dad," Qi Jin called out this already unfamiliar title, each word with hardness, "Do you think that as a parent...why can they abandon their own flesh and blood? Let them not be able to return outside. Home, live alone?"
"That must be because her son has done something wrong." When the father answered, the heavy gasping sound jumped into the microphone again and again, and it was extremely loud.
"No," interrupted Qi Jin sharply, "her son did nothing wrong—never."
The two were in a stalemate for a while.
After a long while, the other party said coldly, "Maybe because her son didn't realize that he did something wrong."
Hearing this, Qi Jin smiled sadly, and took a few steps under the wall, finally convincing herself to hold back her swollen emotions, and asked in a slightly trembling voice, "... I can't choose my life experience, I can't choose some destined things. It turns out to be doing something wrong?"
The person on the other end of the call seemed to be shocked by his sharp tone and did not answer immediately.
Qi Jin couldn't stop.
"Dad, is it because I was born a gay, that I should have a car accident? I should have almost died in a car wreck? It should have been lying in the hospital alone with two broken bones without family visits? When I was most desperate When you are not able to go home, should you be able to work alone and travel non-stop to numb yourself?"
After enduring years of questioning and shouting, Qi Jin finally realized that she was out of control, shivered all over her body, cold sweat oozing out all at once, and returned to reality.
"I'm sorry," he gasped slightly and apologized in a low voice, "...I just digressed."
Even he himself was surprised that the call still continued, and neither party hung up halfway. If it was me a few months ago, I would have already pressed disconnection. Others have the impression of him as a very gentle and open-minded person, but only he himself knows that he is actually very stubborn in his bones.
Of course my father knew that too.
"Ah… "
He suddenly smiled bitterly.
"Actually, I know that having such an 'abnormal' son in the family makes you feel ashamed." He muttered to the microphone numbly, "My sister has been married for so long, she never dared to mention my story to my brother-in-law and their family. It's a matter of fact. Xiao Zhe used to be so close to me and ran behind me all day long, but now he doesn't even say 'brother'. And you and mother... "
— would rather not have my son.
Could not complete the sentence.
His throat was choked, and he couldn't make a sound.
Qi Jin's eyes wandered around the ground in a daze, lifted it up, and stopped on the limestone wall in front of her. He suddenly felt that after a person realized the thickness and height of the wall, standing under the wall seemed so powerless. Even if I wanted to go behind the wall, I couldn't do it.
"Actually, it doesn't matter what the reason is. The important thing is that you don't want me to go back, and I can't go back to the fact."
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"So when I interviewed later, I didn't want to beg the mother to accept her son again, to reunite the mother and son or something, because the damage has already been done, and it is impossible to pretend that everything has not happened. What did she think... It has no real meaning to her son. Today, I want to ask her what she thinks now, and whether she regrets the behavior of abandoning her own flesh and blood, that's all."
At this point, what has to be said is over.
"Thank you, after we talked, I think I probably know some of these parents' thoughts," Qi Jin's smile was dry, but her tone was frank. He moved his finger to the end call button, and finally said goodbye, "… Dad, I'm hanging up."
Unexpectedly, his father suddenly stopped him from performing this action immediately: "Wait."
Qi Jin was stunned, her thumb that almost touched the screen froze, and she didn't press it down.
He heard a weak cough coming from his father's microphone. As he got older, he sounded that his physical condition was not as tough as it used to be, and his voice, which was damaged by tobacco and alcohol, was hoarse when he spoke in a low voice: "After the interview, call Call back... tell me if she has it."
Do you have-
Is there any remorse? Do you mean this
Qi Jin was stunned for a moment, and the thought surprised him even more than his father asked him to make a second phone call home in the same day.
He blinked his eyes blankly, and subconsciously responded, "...Okay."
The lingering sound has not yet completely landed, and the phone has suddenly heard the "beep beep" sound after the disconnection. And he actually listened for a while before slowly letting go.
The inpatient department of the hospital is still very deserted at this time. Because the morning is the time for routine room inspections, family members are generally not allowed to visit the patient, and there are basically only medical staff walking back and forth in the corridor.
Fortunately, Qi Jin used to report to the Provincial People's Hospital and had a little contact with the leadership, and she was a TV reporter, so the hospital always had to show some face in front of the news media. It is not difficult for him to rely on this relationship to win the opportunity to enter the inpatient area.
Qi Jin found the ward where the woman was without much effort.
However, the woman was not in the ward.
The nurse in charge of the ward rounds told him that after waking up in the morning, women often walked to a secluded corner and sat down by themselves, staring silently at the glass window for two or three hours, and rarely communicated with nurses or other patients.
"I didn't see any family members coming to visit her," the nurse said.
Qi Jin was stunned for a moment, and then smiled bitterly in her heart—Mother Shen, I never thought that you and I would have had a similar experience.
"Good morning."
The woman was staring blankly at the half-cloudy, half-clear gray sky outside the window, when she suddenly heard a clear voice greeting her, she was startled, and turned her head in a hurry.
There are hardly any people coming to this place at this time, and there are very few doctors and nurses passing by.
At this moment, there was a young man standing quietly in the corridor.
The young man's clothes are simple and concise, a very simple white shirt, buttoned in a gentle way, both energetic and somewhat idle, looking very comfortable. In terms of appearance, it is not eye-catching, but his eyebrows are straight and generous, even his standing posture is polite, and the corners of his smiling lips are raised to give people an impression similar to the morning sun.
It's a pity that the left hand ruined the picture.
A sling held the thick layer of plaster on the left arm around the waist, only the right sleeve of the jacket was put in, and the left side only covered the shoulders lightly.
Anyone who sees this outfit will know that he has broken bones, and it does a good job of explaining why he is in a place like the hospital.
But it wasn't because of this that the woman's face suddenly turned pale.
It was because she recognized this person—when she met Shen Yan yesterday, it was this person standing beside her, who was obviously the one who was walking with Shen Yan.
"Ah..." The woman's face was pale, her whole body froze slightly, and she sat in the same position like a stone, unable to move.
"Auntie," of course Qi Jin noticed this, but she didn't change her expression and still smiled at her, "It's a coincidence that your ward is also on this floor."
After speaking, there was no excuse for the woman to get up and leave, and took the lead in pointing to the position beside her.
"If Auntie doesn't dislike it, can I sit here?"
The woman looked panicked, but she couldn't think of a reason to refuse, so she buried her head and moved slightly away. While Qi Jin sat down calmly, the soles of her shoes were being rubbed on the floor over and over again, as if she wanted to kill time as soon as possible.
On the surface, Qi Jin was lowering her head to brush off the dust on the bench, but in fact she kept her eyes fixed on her body language.
"Auntie," he called softly again, "Has Auntie had breakfast?"
The woman did not speak, and shook her head hastily.
"I know, the food in the cafeteria here is really bad." Qi Jin had the experience of being hospitalized, and she said everything as if she was really still in the hospital.
The woman still doesn't speak.
What Shen Yan said to the nurse was true. She didn't like talking, and it was even more difficult for her to speak to a stranger like herself.
At this time, Qi Jin lowered his eyelids slightly, and suddenly smiled "heh". Rather than laughing, it would be more appropriate to sigh. She was probably a little surprised by this kind of laughter. The woman looked at him a little sideways, only to see that he looked sad, stared at the floor for a long time without saying a word, and the time his eyes stopped unknowingly extended.
"However... a person like me who has no family to visit, can only swallow the unpalatable food by himself," he said in a low voice, "otherwise, what else can we do?"
When the woman heard this, the hand she held was released in a trance, and she no longer held her wrist tightly.
To let go also means to let go.
If people in the world who have the same disease can meet, then the place with the greatest chance may be the hospital. Resonance is often the first key to open the conversation box—
"You... family members don't want to come and visit you?"
Hearing the first sentence of the other party's initiative, Qi Jin's eyes lit up slightly, but buried in the shadows, not letting the other party notice.
"Well," he replied in a muffled voice, even raising his hand and wiping the underside of his nose lightly, "I was in a car accident and suffered a double fracture of the ulna and radius. The people who dealt with the scene said that I was lucky that I didn't die... And now, I am alone. In the hospital, no one at home came."
"Car accident..." The woman's face turned pale, and her voice trembled as she repeated it.
Obviously, to her, the car accident sounded like a rather terrifying experience, and since Qi Jin's injuries were so specific, it was hard to believe that no one came to visit.
Qi Jin glanced at her when she lowered her head and muttered.
While observing, he pointed out the most important piece of information without a trace: "Even my biological parents... didn't come."
The woman was shocked by the earthquake, and she was speechless for a long time.
Qi Jin didn't plan to go on, because he needed to wait. Waiting for the other party to ask him why—
This process is a test of a person's patience, especially when he is not sure whether he can really let the other party take the initiative to ask questions, such waiting is a kind of torture. Fortunately, this torture did not last long.
"Why?" the woman asked.
The voice betrayed the fierce struggle in her heart, trembling slightly.
Qi Jin was silent and took a deep breath.
After a long time, he finally confessed with a gloomy expression: "Because... they don't want me anymore. I was abandoned by my parents many years ago."