He finished writing subconsciously, but when he woke up and looked back, he was severely stung by what he had written. what is this? Why did he write this.
Pei Tingsong seemed to have crossed out the last sentence, scratched it a lot, and then simply tore off the page, crumpled it into a ball of paper, and threw it on the corner of the table.
Through the earphones, he heard the sound of something smashing outside the window. He stood up and looked out. There was a figure swaying on the balcony next door. Afraid that Fang Juexia would bump again, Pei Tingsong put down his things and went over there. This time he knocked on the door twice when he went in.
"Why are you making such a big move." He deliberately used a complaining tone, "It's noisy."
Walking over to see Fang Juexia picking up the debris on the ground, Pei Tingsong was taken aback again, and quickly pulled him away, "Hey, don't use your hands."
"It's okay. The edge of this flowerpot is not very sharp." Fang Juexia threw the last piece of clay into the trash can. Only then did Pei Tingsong discover that what he had broken was a pot of cactus.
"What are you doing?" He knelt down and pointed to the fallen cactus. "Take revenge."
"You have a lot of imagination." Fang Juexia swept the soil together and transferred it to a spare flower pot, but this cactus made him a little bit unable to start. So he started instructing Pei Tingsong to "pick this up."
"Why me?"
"Blind date of the same kind." Fang Juexia poked a hole in the soil, "put it here."
Pei Tingsong pinched the top long thorn with two fingers, and the cactus tremblingly fell into the trap that Fang Juexia had dug.
"You have been making these flowers and plants just now." Pei Tingsong glanced at him and accidentally saw the Sudoku book he was laying on the lazy couch, but the strange thing was that it didn't fill in the numbers, but it seemed to be written. Up a line of words.
"Hmm. What about you?" Fang Juexia blocked his vision, compacting the soil with both hands, "What were you doing just now?"
"Me?" Pei Tingsong didn't expect the topic to return to him, and he hesitated. Fang Juexia didn't intend to wait for him to give an answer, so she stood up and closed the Sudoku book. Unexpectedly, he suddenly heard Pei Tingsong say behind him, "I want to write the words for your demo."
Fang Juexia turned her head in doubt and saw Pei Tingsong sitting cross-legged on the ground, "But I have never been in love, and I don't know how to write the lyrics of love songs."
This is the first time he has learned from Pei Tingsong that he really has never been in love, and it still sounds very impactful. Fang Juexia sat back on the lazy couch and was silent for a while, "That song is not necessarily a love song."
Pei Tingsong raised his head and looked at him. Fang Juexia held the Sudoku book and said quietly, "After all, according to your statement, I shouldn't be able to write love songs."
What he means is... He has never been in love either? Pei Tingsong couldn't believe it. Few girls didn't like Fang Juexia's looks when she was a student, and her personality was gentle, except for being too indifferent when she treated him.
Pei Tingsong couldn't help but question, "It's true... I don't believe that there are no girls in your school chasing you."
"Yes, yes. But I don’t have time at all." Fang Juexia’s expression was very frank, and he leaned back, "I started learning to dance very early, and I was very tired every day. I had to study hard, and I had to go right away after school. Dance studio. Later, as you know, my dancer’s dream was soaked up. Who knew he was discovered by an Astar scout on the way to school and became a trainee. At that time, I was practicing while studying. It was very hard and sleepy every day. I don’t get enough sleep, so there is no energy left to fall in love."
"So you want to fall in love but don't have time?" After listening to Songli's thoughts, Pei still feels wrong. "If you really meet someone you like, you won't be able to squeeze out the time."
"I do not want."
Fang Juexia's answer came out suddenly, short and sure. Pei Tingsong was accidentally stung by a soft thorn of the cactus, and the thorn got stuck in the flesh.
He hesitated for a moment, and then asked, "Why?"
There was a pink-orange cloud floating in the sky, Fang Juexia stared still, "Because..."
He hesitated, not knowing how to talk to Pei Tingsong, or whether to talk about it. Fang Juexia hated the feeling of self-analysis, and once opened up, he risked an emotional burst.
Losing control was really scary, he was afraid that he would become the kind of person who would lose control.
Pei Tingsong noticed something, so he wanted to change the subject by himself, "Actually, I don't want to." He added, "At least I didn't want to. I have read a psychology paper, and there is a sentence in it-the child's emotional enlightenment is The reflection of parental feelings. As for me, I haven't seen my parents since I was a child. When I grew up, I realized that they didn't get married because of love."
Hearing this sentence, Fang Juexia turned around and looked at Pei Tingsong in a curled up position, "Then why marry?"
"It's ironic to say. My mother's ancestors are the first generation of overseas immigrants of Chinese descent. She was also very wealthy in China before. After immigrating, she has been doing business in the United States for many years, and her family is huge, which is what they call Old money. My grandfather is him. The youngest and only son of that generation, but he really has no business acumen and no interest. When he was young, his business always failed and several companies closed down."
Several companies. Fang Juexia thought, she was indeed rich and could afford it.
"It feels like that, your grandfather..." He paused in the middle of talking. He wanted to say that his grandfather looked gentle, but he accidentally saw the picture.
"What about my grandpa?"
Fang Juexia shook her head on the sofa, "I feel like you are."
"He is much better than me. He is very talented in literature, but his business failed but he wrote very good books. He published novels and poetry collections under a pseudonym. Later, he had no intention of doing business, and he just wanted to live his romantic life. Pei Tingsong took a deep breath, "He only has my mother and a child, so he is used to being like a princess, except for a pretty face. The elders of the family felt that their commercial building could not just collapse like this, so I chose an upstart to marry her business."
"My grandfather told me that he was very opposed to it at the time. Two people who don’t love each other can be very painful together. It turns out that it’s not wrong at all. Before I gave birth to me, my mother would barely live together. Traveling all over the world, enjoying life, and living the life she likes to be drunk and golden. My dad is busy earning money, and earning money that will never be spent in the next life."
It is hard for Fang Juexia to imagine what it would be like to grow up in such a family.
"Then you can't see your parents since you were young, don't you miss them?"
Pei Tingsong smiled, "I have forgotten how it feels to miss my parents." He continued, "I can't stay at home alone, so Grandpa came to live with me."
"I fell in love with hip-hop later, and felt that it was the most expressive vehicle in the world. So I didn't even bother to waste myself in fruitless relationships. I wanted to find an outlet and express."
Fang Juexia finally understood why Pei Tingsong would be so contradictory. He was placed in an unsuitable mold like his grandfather, but his choice was to resist fiercely, against his parents who had never accompanied him when he grew up, against this golden wire cage, to pursue what he really likes. No matter the cost. He suddenly wanted to hug him. He knew that his sympathy was overflowing, and he might be disgusted by Pei Tingsong, so he just sat up and didn't dare to go forward.
He knew why Pei Tingsong didn't believe in love anymore. How do people believe in things they haven't seen.
Pei Tingsong shook his hand with a relaxed tone, "In fact, many famous philosophers are unmarried all their lives, Plato, Descartes, Spinoza, Kant, Schopenhauer, Sartre... there are countless counts." He seemed to think of some pretty good argument, "Do you know the poet Lermontov? He said one thing-love and happiness make me lose my mind."
This is a very novel and realistic statement.
Fang Juexia repeated what he said in her heart, as if she felt that her memories didn't matter much. Although Pei Tingsong didn't ask, he still chose to cut himself apart, he didn't want to be just a person who listened to the story.
"Am I... never mentioned my father?"
Pei Tingsong didn't expect that he would say that he had noticed it a long time ago. The word "father" is like an obstacle to Fang Juexia. Every time he talks about it, he will habitually bypass it.
"right."
Fang Juexia hugged her knees, "He was a talented dancer before. My mother loved him very much. They love each other very much. Like I said last time, they are together desperately."
Such statements are like love stories in fairy tales and poems. But Pei Tingsong has already seen the end.
"Later with me, our family was very happy. When I recall now, I think it is not an exaggeration to describe my childhood with the word happiness. I was also a child who grew up in love." Fang Juexia's eyes drifted away. At the last moment of light, the Adam’s apple rolled, "I said later, I checked out night blindness, and then I lost the election. This is not really a big blow to a family. But my father, he got a particularly good opportunity. , A chance for him to change his life."
Fang Juexia looked at him, "A very famous dance drama asked him to take the lead. He practiced for this dance drama for four months. I look forward to the first performance every day. I count the days to go to school just to wait for that. One day. I remember it very clearly. At that time, I lay on the table and drew the last cross on the calendar. The phone rang. After hearing a few words, my mother slid down the wall and sat on the ground."
He tried to describe to Pei Tingsong, gesticulating with both hands, "The end of the dance drama was a falling motion, and it had to fall back into a net. My dad's last rehearsal before the opening, everything was perfect, and he ran at the end. Go up the high platform and fall down, but the net is not fixed." Fang Juexia's tone is still not too turbulent, she narrates flatly, as if to state something that is not related to him, "He fell from a few meters high. I broke my leg."
Pei Tingsong looked at Fang Juexia, trying to find a trace of sadness on his face, so as to comfort him. But he was too calm, his brows didn't even wrinkle.
"Not only did he miss the best opportunities and highlights of his career, he also couldn't continue dancing. The problem left by that leg was a big problem and it was ruining his career."
"What happened later? Did he change careers?"
Fang Juexia pulled her sleeves and felt a little cold, "Later... Later, he drank and smoked fiercely every day, so he smoked at home. My mother said it was not good for the child, and he didn't care. They quarreled every day, big. Most of the time it was for me. Once he was drunk and even told me that I would be like him in the future. He was teased by God, and I was born to be ineligible to dance on stage."
Fang Juexia's voice finally trembled. He sniffed, "I'm very afraid to see him, and also very afraid to see wine at home. He once quarreled with my mother, and couldn't help but move his hands, and then hugged again. She was crying. Isn't it contradictory? People would turn out to be like this." After speaking, he looked at Pei Tingsong, smiled, and shook his head.
"My mother still loves him very much, I hope he can cheer up. But it's no use. He tried again and again, failed again and again, and later even got contraband. One day I went home from school and found that the valuable electrical appliances at home were all It's gone. I thought it was a thief, so I checked what was missing." Fang Juexia poked the tip of his slippers with her index finger and buried her head. "I saw in the closet, all his clothes were gone. He never had anymore. return."
"Love is really fragile, and the shelf life is short. Sometimes you can't wait for it to change, and a straw can be overwhelmed." Fang Juexia was calm as an outsider, "My mother is still waiting for him now, she doesn't want to When I moved, I stayed in that small house in Guangzhou. When I was free, I could look at the door for a day. Just for those short years of happiness, she exchanged the pain of a lifetime."
Pei Tingsong got up, walked over and squatted in front of Fang Juexia, stretched out his hand and rubbed the top of his hair.
"The story I tell is very ordinary, right, not as vigorous as you expected."
The beginning of the love story is so beautiful that it burns at the touch of a touch, and the body and soul collide. I wish I could finish my life in one second and end my life in a kiss. However, the final chapters of the tragedy are different in their own way. I am most afraid of being plain and sloppy.
Pei Tingsong understood why Fang Juexia kept shutting himself up, and why he managed his emotions like a machine, because he felt that he had no choice.
For so many years, he has not only fumbled in the dark, but he regards his leaving father as a mirror for himself, a mirror that can only reflect the failure, hiding in his heart, taking pictures of him from time to time, restraining himself.
Pei Tingsong gently touched his head with a low and gentle voice, "So, this is the reason why you don't believe in love, because you are living in a failed case."
Fang Juexia felt scared after realizing it. He actually cut open all the things in his deepest place to Pei Tingsong, revealing his fragile life. He seemed to be talking to Pei Tingsong, and he seemed to be talking to himself.
Don't fall into a relationship casually.
Pointing his finger to the ground, Fang Juexia lowered his head, drew a horizontal line, and said to himself, "You can cite many examples of rational numbers. It is impossible to list them exhaustively, right?"
Pei Tingsong nodded, "Yes."
"But do you know? For a number axis, you can choose any point, and the probability that the selected point is a rational number is zero."
Fang Juexia raised her head, and the completely darkened sky was reflected in her cold eyes.
"This is the so-called true love."
The author has something to say: [About why the probability of taking a rational number at any point on the number line is zero. 】
The first is equal to zero.
This problem is a measurement problem, and the rational number measurement is zero. It is difficult for me to explain a mathematical problem in plain language because it is too rigorous. I suggest you search for it. There will be a lot of theoretical analysis, and there will be discussions about it. Measurement is a problem of functional analysis, and children in the mathematics department should learn it.
Let me explain to everyone that an event with zero probability is not equal to an impossible event. This is a problem of probability theory. You can also search for specific proofs and theories.
Finally confessed to each other completely, took a new big step, hearing is about to begin to heal each other.
Both of them are first love, and they are a little bit different from other children, so they will warm up a little bit, but they will be even more desperate when they really fall in love. [Zc has not saved the manuscript, but the memo on the phone is full of conversations after love...