Tao Huainan had already received a message from his brother when he was in class, saying that he had sent him away to the high-speed rail station. Tao Huainan asked his little brother if he said anything, but he didn't say anything.
But the voice Tao Huainan heard at this moment was actually Chi Cheng.
"You..." Tao Huainan's eyes widened in shock, "Brother, didn't you leave?"
Chi Cheng sat there, his posture was a little slumped, his shoulders were slumped, not straight. He rubbed his face and said, "Otherwise?"
Tao Huainan lowered the hand that was put behind him defensively just now, hesitantly took two steps forward, and asked hesitantly, "Why... didn't you leave?"
Chi Cheng didn't speak, Tao Huainan gradually regained his senses, needless to say a lot, his eyes were already red.
This is not Tao Huainan's own home, but the nest where he and Chi Cheng grew up together. They all flew out from here. This room contains Tao Huainan's tears when he was young, Chi Cheng's non-stop runny nose when he first arrived, their involuntary feelings when they were ambiguous and ignorant, and the annihilation pain when they finally broke up. and blood.
Tao Huainan looked in Chi Cheng's direction in disbelief, and the pain gradually began to rise in his heart, spreading to his limbs bit by bit.
"Yes," Chi Cheng bent over and lowered his head, leaning his elbows on his legs, and buried his face in his hands, repeating his words, "Why didn't I leave?"
Tao Huainan rested his fingers on the edge of the table and rubbed the edge vigorously.
"What do you think?" Chi Cheng asked in a low voice, "Why?"
Tao Huainan couldn't answer anything, he could only stand stiffly.
After five years, they stood together again in this room that had witnessed all their intimacy.
Chi Cheng has already left, why is he here now. Tao Huainan didn't dare to answer this question, or even think about it.
In addition to the irritability at the beginning of the Chicheng these days, most of the time is indifferent, like a hood that keeps the temperature away, and it is always cold.
However, Tao Huainan blocked him in this room and on this bed when he was supposed to be in the car at this time.
"I got in the car and came back here to sleep again," Chi Cheng said, "I don't know why."
Tao Huainan stared at him bewilderedly, unable to speak a word.
"Where is my pillow?" Chi Cheng asked.
Tao Huainan replied in a low voice, "I took it away."
Chi Cheng nodded and said, "Understood."
Now that both of them are standing here, no one needs to pretend anymore. Whether it is indifference or indifference, continuing to pretend in this room will only make everything look more embarrassing.
Chi Cheng sat up straight, glanced at Tao Huainan, and asked, "Crying?"
Tao Huainan rubbed his eyes and shook his head.
Chi Cheng stared at him fixedly, the boy in front of him had grown up completely, Chi Cheng asked, "Why are you crying?"
Tao Huainan said in a hoarse voice, "I didn't expect you... to come back."
Chi Cheng stopped talking again, just kept looking at Tao Huainan. Tao Huainan stood straight under his gaze, neither dodging nor dodging. The corners of his eyes were red, and under the fair skin, the red corners of his eyes made him look a little pitiful, as if he was very sad.
Time seemed to have stood still. In the not-so-warm room, the two people who were most familiar with each other faced each other a few steps away. Tao Huainan touched the end of his eyes with the back of his hand, and Chi Cheng said, "Don't touch your eyes."
Tao Huainan's eyes have become inflamed these days, Tang Suoyan forbade him to rub them with his hands. It's not a child anymore, this kind of thing needs to be watched and told.
Tao Huainan took off his hand after listening to his words, and continued to rub the edge of the table with his fingertips.
Chi Cheng sighed and said, "Come here."
Tao Huainan walked towards him and walked up to Chi Cheng. Chi Cheng raised his head to look at him, and wiped away the tears on his face with his hand.
"You're so old, I still can't see you cry." Chi Cheng wrapped Tao Huainan's face with one hand, and gently scratched his face with his thumb, "I can't see you scared, I don't like to see you cry."
This kind of Chi Cheng only appeared in Tao Huainan's dream, without the cold expression, his movements and tone were gentle. But instead of being indifferent, Tao Huainan cried harder, and the more Chi Cheng wiped his tears, the harder they fell.
"Don't cry." Chi Cheng held his wrist with the other hand and shook it gently, just like when he was a child coaxing him.
Tao Huainan nodded repeatedly, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, like a child.
Chi Cheng said, "Sit."
Tao Huainan did what he said, but he didn't sit next to him, but sat on the floor in front of Chi Cheng's legs.
Chi Cheng then looked down at him, patted his head, and said, "Let's talk for a while."
When we met again this year, it was Tao Huainan who had been talking unilaterally, and Chi Cheng was just listening, and what he said was very limited. Now he offered to speak for a while, and still use this tone, which is simply fatal.
"Okay." Tao Huainan nodded in response.
"I can't be ashamed of you here," Chi Cheng put his hand on top of Tao Huainan's head, and stroked it like he was stroking the back of a puppy. It is impossible for me to return this attitude to you after leaving this door."
Tao Huainan still nodded.
Chi Cheng said, "Since you're stuck here, I won't pretend anymore."
Tao Huainan put his face on Chi Cheng's lap, leaning against him.
"That's right, I still care." Chi Cheng spoke slowly, "I care about this, just like I care about you."
Tao Huainan raised his head after hearing his words, and Chi Cheng looked at his long eyelashes, which were wet with tears and twisted into pinches, and said, "Don't be surprised, it's impossible not to care."
"What are you to me, I can't tell." Chi Cheng touched his head and pinched his ears while speaking, his voice was calm and gentle, "I used to think that I lived only for you, and everything meant nothing. It's you."
"You are my flesh, my blood and my bones."
Tao Huainan took a light breath and did not interrupt Chi Cheng's words.
"But you are amazing, Tao Huainan." Chi Cheng's fingertips were warm, and all the heat was transmitted to Tao Huainan along the earlobe, "You have emptied my bones."
Tao Huainan shed tears again, leaving a small water circle on Chi Cheng's jeans.
"I really hate you. I hate you so much that I arouse all the dark thoughts in my heart. I want to kill you and then myself." Chi Cheng was still calm when he said this, but the fingers pinching Tao Huainan's earlobe were a little hard, He squeezed his ears very hot, "But I don't hate you that much, you gave me all the good things, except for the last one, you gave me all good things, you sacrificed your The whole world is given to me. Those good things make me not even hate you. While I want to destroy you, I still want to give you all the good things, let you pick and choose, and give you the rest Keep it, no one will give it to you."
"That's why people are so complicated, isn't it, kid." Chi Cheng let go of Tao Huainan's ears, held his face and wiped his tears, "I want to kill you, but also want to spoil you, my heart is so distorted that it is about to split , still pretending not to care."
Tao Huainan shook his head, and reached out to touch Chi Cheng's face.
Chi Cheng lightly bit his palm, and said, "So you make up your mind before you provoke me. It's true that you care about you, and it's true that you hate you."
"I'm not afraid of your hatred," Tao Huainan said tremblingly, "You can do anything to me, I'm not afraid."
"Brother is right, you can't gain anything by competing, you will only lose more. But if you don't compete, then it's not me." Chi Cheng continued, "I will never forgive you for what happened back then, regardless of your reasons. It can’t be changed, I’ve always had to wrestle with this. But you can talk about it when you want, let me hear what kind of reason makes you so desperate, you can’t care about anything.”
Tao Huainan was crying silently, his lips were tightly pressed, colorless.
"Even if you can give up on me, how dare you make me believe, Tao Huainan?" Chi Cheng finally rubbed Tao Huainan's hair, and laughed at himself, "That's you."
Chi Cheng bent down, set the distance between Tao Huainan's nose, clasped Tao Huainan's neck, gritted his teeth and said, "Aren't you mine, Tao Huainan?"
"It's yours..." Tao Huainan nodded vigorously, and said reverently, "It's always been yours."
"Do I still believe it?" Chi Cheng's eyes turned red at some point, so red that he couldn't hide any emotion, but Tao Huainan couldn't see it.
"Believe it..." Tao Huainan seemed to want to hug him, but he only dared to gently grab Chi Cheng's clothes when he stretched out his arms, "Believe it again."
Chi Cheng stopped talking, he took a bite on Tao Huainan's chin, and then fell silent for a long, long time.
Tao Huainan leaned down again, pillowing Chi Cheng's leg, like a well-behaved puppy.
Five years can indeed change a lot of people. For example, Chi Cheng, who used to be unable to speak so much before, can now express himself very clearly word by word; for example, Tao Huainan, who has completely forgotten the ability to act coquettishly and make people feel distressed, and now he only carefully expresses himself. Hugging each other and not saying anything.
Later that day, Chi Cheng hugged Tao Huainan, and the two of them shared a pillow and fell asleep on that bed together.
That sleep was long, and so was the dream. In the dream, there are old events from these years, mottled light spots, and warm yellow walls. Tao Huainan's back was pressed against Chi Cheng's chest, and Chi Cheng hugged his belly through his clothes.
Everything seems to go back with the old dream, time overlaps, and they are all in the dream and outside the dream.
Tao Huainan murmured "little brother" when he woke up.
Chi Cheng also just woke up, so he responded hoarsely, and kissed his neck.
However, it is a dream after all, when you wake up, you should wake up.
Before leaving, Chi Cheng said to Tao Huainan: "These words today are considered an accident. I didn't plan to meet you here. Since I met you, don't miss it. I said these things that shouldn't be said, and tomorrow I won't admit it."
Tao Huainan's eyes were swollen, they were already inflamed, and he cried again before going to bed.
Chi Cheng took his swollen eyelids with his lips and said, "Don't cry when you go back."
Tao Huainan responded with "good".
"You said you want to chase me, I don't need you to chase me, we don't want to do this between the two of us." Chi Cheng said, "But I can't get over it in my heart, as soon as I think about it, I wish I could destroy the world and you .”
Tao Huainan said "not afraid" again.
"So you have to let me go through this, you have to let me see that you don't want to bite you, so I want to kiss you." Chi Cheng touched his face, "Otherwise we can't go back, I can't let go You don't want you either."
Tao Huainan was reluctant to let go of him, and hugged Chi Cheng attached.
Chi Cheng hugged him for a while, and then sent him back to Tang Ge.
Tao Huainan asked Chi Cheng: "Then how can you want me again, little brother?"
"I can't think of it," Chi Cheng said lightly, "I don't know."
Tao Huainan nodded, Chi Cheng said, "Go up."
"What about you?" Tao Huainan asked him, his nose flushed from the cold.
Chi Cheng said, "I'm going back to Beijing, I really have something to do tomorrow."
Tao Huainan said "Okay", cried and fell asleep after crying violently during the day, and now he looks a little tired.
Chi Cheng watched him go in at the door of the unit, Tao Huainan turned around and called him "brother".
"Say."
Tao Huainan asked, "Do you want a puppy?"
Chi Cheng said, "No, I have a dog."