Tao Huainan's sleep was fragmented and long, and he hadn't fully woken up for nearly twenty hours. When he woke up, he felt that his bones were all out of place, and his reason returned to the cage immediately. There was no one around him, and his heart Called "little brother" over and over again.
This voice made him scream like a crow that couldn't sing, and his hoarse voice was broken and ugly.
Chi Cheng's voice was in the room, coming from the window: "Here."
Tao Huainan felt his heart drop when he heard his voice, and touched his throat, it was very dry.
Chi Cheng unscrewed the bottle of water for him and handed it to his mouth, but Tao Huainan didn't drink it, but opened his arms and hugged Chi Cheng sideways.
Chi Cheng was standing by the bed, but he lost his footing and took a step back.
Tao Huainan patted Chi Cheng's back through his clothes.
Chi Cheng was still holding water in one hand, looking down at Tao Huainan.
Tao Huainan was wearing an old pajamas, and the skin protruding from the neckline had many small wounds. His lips were bleeding and his eyes were swollen and red.
Every time his voice became hoarse, he was like a child who cried so hard that his voice was split. Last night he was in so much pain that he couldn't breathe smoothly, but he still hugged him desperately and kept saying "don't be sad, don't be sad".
"Sad" is the simplest two words.
But all negative emotions can be summed up in these two words. Fear, fear, pain, unwillingness, and deep-rooted hatred are mixed together. Every emotion is a knife inserted in the heart, but these are all sadness in the final analysis.
Chi Cheng stroked Tao Huainan's hair, and ran his fingers lightly between his hair.
Tao Huainan lifted his clothes and rubbed his face against Chi Cheng's stomach, like a puppy. After rubbing, he raised his head and smiled, and said, "I haven't washed my face yet."
Chi Cheng fed him a sip of water, then carried him to the bathroom. Except for the few times in Chicheng's dormitory before, Tao Huainan hadn't been hugged like this for a long time.
He didn't wear slippers, so Chi Cheng let him step on his feet.
Chi Cheng asked him if he was cold, Tao Huainan shook his head while brushing his teeth, his red and swollen eyes smiled gently.
Although after everything was over, Chi Cheng hugged him, washed and cleaned him, and took all the medicines. But Tao Huainan was still uncomfortable and felt a little hot.
Chi Cheng silently pressed his forehead to him, and Tao Huainan pushed his head forward to meet Chi Cheng's nose.
It was still dark, and everything was quiet. There was no sound of cars or people outside, and the lights in the community were dimly lit.
After Tao Huainan washed, he went back to lie down again. This time, Chi Cheng hugged him behind him, burying his face in his hair.
Brother called in the morning, Tao Huainan answered.
I cleared my throat in advance, but my brother still sensed something was wrong, and asked: "What's wrong with the voice? Are you hoarse?"
"I feel like I have a cold," Tao Huainan pinched Chi Cheng's fingers, and said to Xiaodong, "It's fine."
"It's fine if you have nothing to do. Are you coming back today?"
"I don't know," Tao Huainan said, "It's not decided yet."
"Did you two go out to play behind my back again?" Tao Xiaodong laughed on the phone, "Sneaky."
Tao Huainan also laughed, saying that he couldn't lose it and told him not to worry.
Xiaodong had nothing to worry about, he just asked.
Tao Huainan hung up the phone and put the phone aside. Chi Cheng was still holding him behind him, wrapping his arms around Tao Huainan, forming a safe circle.
After waking up from Tao Huainan, Chicheng was silent most of the time, doing many things in silence, cooking noodles for him in silence, and he was not so fierce.
"Brother." Tao Huainan called him.
Chi Cheng said "hmm" behind him.
"Shall we have sex?" Tao Huainan asked, tilting his head.
Chi Cheng said, "I won't do it."
"We made love, is it reconciled?" Tao Huainan asked.
Chi Cheng didn't speak, but still hugged him like that.
"No," Tao Huainan put his face on his knees, and sat in the small circle that Chi Cheng surrounded him, "You...don't be soft-hearted."
With Chi Cheng on his back, he said slowly: "I'm afraid that it will become a bargaining chip for me to threaten you, and I'm also afraid of turning your love for me into a means to lure you back."
"I want you to love me more purely," Tao Huainan whispered, "and hate me more purely."
Once there are complicated additional emotions in the relationship, love and hate will not be pure. There is regret in love, and distress in hate.
"Thinking too much, Tao Huainan." Chi Cheng said behind him, "I didn't want to forgive you."
"Then I'll continue coaxing you," Tao Huainan turned back to stick to him, and said sincerely, "Let you trust me."
Their lips touched and kissed quietly.
"I may want to kill you for a long time after this," Chi Cheng said, "You are too brave."
Tao Huainan nodded, saying that I have a long memory.
Chi Cheng turned his head and looked out of the window. There was a layer of frost on the bottom of the window, and it looked very cold.
After sitting for a while, Tao Huainan felt sleepy again. Leaning on Chi Cheng's body, following Chi Cheng's breathing, he slowly fell asleep.
The two children hadn't come back for several days after leaving. Tao Xiaodong would make phone calls from time to time to ask where he was and when he would be back.
For the first two days, Tao Huainan was perfunctory with a hoarse voice, saying hey don't ask, don't ask.
His voice is not so hoarse in the back, but he still doesn't go home, so if he asks, it means he will return the day after tomorrow.
Tao Xiaodong asked: "Did you two throw your brother away? Where did you go to play without leading me?"
"No fun!" Tao Huainan was wrapped in Chi Cheng's coat, and sat on a small bench in the kitchen to accompany him. Chi Cheng was making candied haws for him, and the room was filled with the smell of boiled sugar.
"You two went back to the house?" Tao Xiaodong asked.
Tao Huainan didn't lie, he admitted, "It's here."
In fact, Xiaodong had already guessed where the two of them could go, but he didn't say anything. Now deliberately teasing him, he asked: "Then Brother Tang and I will go for a walk?"
"Don't come," Tao Huainan touched his neck and chin subconsciously, "You two should be busy, we will go out later."
Xiaodong smiled and asked: "Then tomorrow? We will go tomorrow?"
"We're going back tomorrow!" Tao Huainan said immediately.
Xiaodong was playing tricks, and he kept laughing "haha" over there, and said after the music, "Okay, you two stay here."
Tao Huainan hung up the phone, clutched the phone in his hand and retracted it into his coat, and asked Chi Cheng, "Brother, are you done?"
"No." Chi Cheng stood in front of the stove, stirring sugar with chopsticks in one hand, and put the other in his trouser pocket.
"Have a taste?" Tao Huainan moved the small stool forward to Chi Cheng's legs, "Have a bite."
Chi Cheng passed the chopsticks to his mouth, Tao Huainan opened his mouth to hold his breath, and said, "Sweet."
Chi Cheng turned back and continued stirring the sugar: "Is the sugar still sweet?"
"It still smells good." Tao Huainan leaned his head on Chi Cheng's lap, like a flattering kitten.
Chi Cheng reached out and stroked his hair.
Tao Huainan hasn't been back to his brother's place for a week, and it's not that he doesn't want to go back, it's really that he can't. The child was in a bit of a mess, looking scary, and wondering what was wrong. Even if Xiaodong doesn't care about things and gets used to them, seeing Tao Huainan like this will definitely not work. Whether or not he usually doesn't mean that he really doesn't care about being a brother.
Moreover, Xiaodong who Chi Cheng bit out before had already seen it, and this time it was twice as much as before. If he really saw the two brothers, he should guess what happened. Tao Huainan hoped that the two elder brothers knew that he had told them about them himself, and not through such things. What's more, every time it happens like this, the brothers should think that Chi Cheng has some bad habits, Tao Huainan doesn't want him to be misunderstood.
The little brother is obviously very gentle.
So Tao Huainan went to the hospital wrapped up tightly for a few days if he had something to do, and he wouldn't go out if there was nothing to do. Fortunately, the chin is almost healed, now it looks blue and yellow, and the wound on the lip looks miserable, even if the chin or mouth is healed, Tao Huainan can go back to his brother.
"What's wrong, I can't go home anymore." In the evening, Tao Huainan held a small bowl and ate the candied haws that Chicheng dipped him. There were not many hawthorns, but there were more oranges, strawberries and candied dates. They were all wrapped in caramel and sticky with sesame seeds. Tao Huainan ate them with a spoon.
Chi Cheng looked at his chin and the corners of his mouth again, and asked, "Does it still hurt?"
"No pain, no feeling." Tao Huainan said.
If it doesn't hurt, I won't lick it anymore. Tao Huainan has always subconsciously licked the wound on his mouth these days, but it still feels painful. Chi Cheng lowered his head and kissed him near his mouth. Tao Huainan didn't expect him to kiss him suddenly, and was stunned for a while.
He smiled and asked, "Isn't it sweet?"
Just a kiss can have any sweetness, but when you get closer, you can really smell the sweetness of caramel and sesame. Chi Cheng scratched his face and said nothing.
Tao Huainan went over to take another bite, squinted his eyes and swept the tip of his tongue between Chi Cheng's lips, Chi Cheng bit it lightly and sucked it in.
Chi Cheng said that he didn't forgive, but these days they often kissed briefly like this, and often hugged each other, just like a pair of ordinary lovers.
He would also hold Tao Huainan tightly when sleeping at night, sometimes Tao Huainan would even be strangled awake by his arm, and Chi Cheng would always hug him when he fell asleep.
Tao Huainan woke up again that night, Chi Cheng's arm seemed to break his waist. Tao Huainan stretched out his hand to touch, Chi Cheng buried his head on Tao Huainan's chest, his upper body slightly arched, in a retracted posture.
"Brother..." Tao Huainan put his hands on his head, rubbed Chi Cheng's short hair, and gently scratched his scalp with his fingertips, "Brother."
Chi Cheng didn't wake up, Tao Huainan kissed the top of his head, he didn't move while being strangled by Chi Cheng, he just stroked his back gently.
Tao Huainan pulled back the quilt a little, afraid that Chi Cheng's face would be buried in the quilt and he would be bored. Under his constant pats, Chi Cheng slowly loosened his strength, and his arms were not so tight anymore.
Tao Huainan put his hand on his back and coaxed him softly, "Sleep well."
In his sleep, Chi Cheng put his face on Tao Huainan again. His nose bridge was very straight, and his nose was also very hard. Tao Huainan could feel Chi Cheng's nose pressing against his bones.
Pan Xiaozhuo was going to ask Tao Huainan to come out in these days, but Tao Huainan said he was not free. Pan Xiaozhuo thought he was angry, and kept sending small red envelopes to Tao Huainan on WeChat.
Tao Huainan didn't take it, he just asked: Are you rich
Pan Xiaozhuo: No!
Tao Huainan: Didn't you send out so many red envelopes
Pan Xiaozhuo: They are all six or eight yuan, I can still do this kind of thing!
Tao Huainan: No.
Pan Xiaozhuo: Take it! Come out and I'll treat you to dinner, okay
Tao Huainan: No.
Pan Xiaozhuo: I don't really want to hide it from you, I'm just embarrassed to say it... and it didn't last long, I want to tell you, but I don't know how to say it.
Pan Xiaozhuo explained seriously, but Tao Huainan was just teasing him, and asked Chi Cheng with a smile: "Did you know about Brother Kai and Xiao Zhuo before?"
Chi Cheng said he didn't know.
"Xiao Zhuo, I have always known that he doesn't like girls. I can tell, but I never asked him." Tao Huainan sat on the bed with a blanket wrapped around him and said, "Brother Kai, I really don't know. I really can't get in touch."
Chi Cheng is at work, so God can't do without him.
Pan Xiaozhuo also sent a message on WeChat: Don't ignore me, it's really really really really not that I don't want to tell you. I'm not social, you know.
Tao Huainan: Are you still socializing with me
Pan Xiaozhuo: No! that's not what it means!
Tao Huainan crossed his legs on the bed to play tricks on Xiao Zhuo, while Chi Cheng worked at the desk next to him. For a while, they overlapped with those in high school. At that time, Chi Cheng was often sitting at the desk studying, and Tao Huainan was playing with his mobile phone on the bed.
The phone buzzed and vibrated, Tao Huainan had been talking to Pan Xiaozhuo.
After a while, there will be another message, it is a voice.
Tao Huainan clicked on it, and heard Shi Kai smiling and saying: "Alright, Huainan, do Kai brother a face, the child is almost crying, Kai brother, can you please eat?"
"Did you hear that?" Tao Huainan moved forward, getting closer to Chi Cheng, put his hand on the table and asked Chi Cheng, "Brother, did you hear, Brother Kai, help me!"
Chi Cheng took a look at Tao Huainan's hand, there were still imprints on the fingers, and the slender white fingers were stained a little blue around the knuckles. Chi Cheng looked at it for two seconds, then grabbed his hand and put it to his mouth, and took another bite on his index finger.
Tao Huainan obediently gave way, as if nothing had happened, and continued to ask, "Brother Kai begged for mercy, do you think I will forgive you or not?"
Chi Cheng put his hand back after biting it, and continued to work.
Tao Huainan lowered his hair and said, "Pan Xiaozhuo, move Brother Kai out to suppress me!"
Pan Xiaozhuo: No!
Shi Kai used his mobile phone to send a voice message: "To save face, brother Kai will give you something in exchange."
When Tao Huainan heard it, he immediately asked, "What good thing?"
Shi Kai said, "I have Brother Chi's video here."
Tao Huainan thought for a while and said, "No change."
Shi Kai: "Isn't this going to be changed? With no regrets?"
Tao Huainan said quite firmly: "I will not go back on my word."
The relationship between him and Chi Cheng has reached this point, Tao Huainan doesn't need to rely on other confirmations, the words Chi Cheng himself said are more important than anything else.
Tao Huainan rested his chin on his arms, lying on the edge of the table, quietly listening to Chi Cheng's work.
Chi Cheng looked at him and asked, "Stop talking?"
Tao Huainan shook his head and said, "No."
Chi Cheng no longer cared about him.
Tao Huainan lay on his stomach for a while, then suddenly tore off the quilt and got out of bed.
Chi Cheng thought he was going to the bathroom, but Tao Huainan just stood beside him, hesitant to speak.
"What's wrong?" Chi Cheng asked.
Tao Huainan rested his fingers on the back of Chi Cheng's chair and asked softly, "Can I... sit?"
Chi Cheng didn't understand at first, then paused. Tao Huainan was a little nervous and blinked slowly.
Chi Cheng stepped on the ground, moved the chair back a little, to make room between the desk and the desk, and moved his arms away from the keyboard.
Tao Huainan pursed his lips, stepped up, and carefully sat on Chi Cheng's body, his chin lightly resting on his shoulder. Chi Cheng hugged him and moved forward, then returned to the computer.
"Blocking you?" Tao Huainan asked in a low voice.
Chi Cheng stroked his back with his left hand, and said in a deep voice, "It's okay."
It's a little tight for two adults to sit in one chair like this, but they seem to be used to it.
Tao Huainan closed his eyes, the current posture made him not want to move, he just wanted to sit on Chi Cheng's body all the time. Chi Cheng asked, "Is it cold?"
"It's not cold," Tao Huainan said, leaning on his shoulders, "If your legs feel numb, just let me know."
Chi Cheng turned his head to the side, and took his earlobe with his lips. Tao Huainan's Adam's apple slid up and down, silently touching Chi Cheng's neck.
It has been another two days since I was able to go out and see people, the scab on my lips has fallen off, and only a light yellow color remains on my chin, which looks like it was dirty from eating.
Tao Huainan went home in the morning and changed his clothes before going to the hospital in the afternoon. The two older brothers in the family left for work, Tao Huainan came back with a large box of candied haws that Chi Cheng made yesterday, and put them in the refrigerator as soon as he came back.
"Xiaodong has to feed me tonight." Tao Huainan said while taking off his clothes.
Chi Cheng is also changing clothes, he has to go out too.
"He and Brother Tang have one bite each, and I can't even save a single orange petal." Tao Huainan put on a sweater, rubbed his neck and asked Chi Cheng, "Brother, do you still have seals? Should I change to a high-necked one?"
Chi Cheng glanced at it and said no.
"There is a meeting in the hospital today, I have to be serious..." Tao Huainan was still a little uneasy, because he was always afraid that Chi Cheng would not tell the truth about what happened last time, so he turned his head left and right, "What's behind the ear? Is there?"
Chi Cheng said no.
Only then did Tao Huainan feel relieved, and then said: "Then make some more next time."
Chi Cheng flicked his forehead and said, "There will be no next time."
Tao Huainan was startled, and immediately grabbed his hand: "Why is it gone? Why?"
Chi Cheng looked cold and indifferent: "No reason."
Tao Huainan shook his head, and asked in surprise, "Aren't you going to do it with me again?"
Chi Cheng didn't make a sound, Tao Huainan couldn't accept it, he waved his hand flatteringly: "...don't."
In fact, Tao Huainan knew that Chi Cheng was teasing him, and he just wanted to coax him. Shaking his arms and kissing his face, he murmured nonchalant words until Chi Cheng patted his waist and said, "Let's go."
Tao Huainan smiled, tilted his head and bit Chi Cheng's Adam's apple, and then let go.