It was Tao Huainan's first drink since graduating from high school. He used to think he was a little alcoholic, but now he realized that he was nothing more than that.
Almost all the boys present that day were drunk, only a few were still sober.
Even Pan Xiaozhuo was drunk, and no one persuaded him to drink at all. He didn't know when he drank several glasses. He and Tao Huainan lay face to face at the table, Tao Huainan rested his arms on his side, his eyes were a little blank.
Pan Xiaozhuo's eyes fluttered and his face was flushed. The glasses were stuck crooked, so he simply took them off.
Tao Huainan pouted with his mouth slightly open, like a little chicken. With a thin crab claw between his fingers, he tapped lightly on the table, muttering "Xiao Zhuo".
Pan Xiaozhuo drank and took off his glasses. He couldn't see anything clearly, so he responded vaguely, "Huh?"
Tao Huainan said, "I miss my little brother."
Pan Xiaozhuo said, "I know."
"He has a date," Tao Huainan rubbed his face on his arm, his mouth was still like a chicken, "then he can be happier."
"No way," Pan Xiaozhuo said in confusion, "Your brother has a bad temper, and girls don't like it."
"You're talking nonsense..." Tao Huainan tapped the tip of the crab claw on the table again, and retorted, "He has no bad temper."
Pan Xiaozhuo said "oh", Tao Huainan said again, "And my little brother is very handsome."
Pan Xiaozhuo curled his lips: "It's like you've seen it before."
Tao Huainan also curled his lips, and turned around, not happy to talk to him anymore. Turning around, no one talked to him over there, and the person next to him went out to make a phone call, and Ji Nan didn't know who he was chatting with again. Tao Huainan felt lonely, so he turned back.
"Do you regret it?" Pan Xiaozhuo touched his arm, "I guess you regret it."
Tao Huainan was silent for a long time, as if he had fallen asleep, Pan Xiaozhuo had already closed his eyes and dozed off, Tao Huainan said: "It's... meaningless to think about it with the result and not regret it."
"Then don't think about it," Pan Xiaozhuo hiccupped, and said to Tao Huainan, "It's really meaningless."
Tao Huainan said "um", and the topic ended again.
Pan Xiaozhuo had never been in a relationship before, but when the boys talked about their feelings after drinking, he also sighed, looking very sad.
Tao Huainan asked him: "You have nothing to sigh about, you haven't even talked about it."
Pan Xiaozhuo moved closer mysteriously, and the two of them almost stuck together. Pan Xiaozhuo said, "Who can have a little secret."
"What secret? Who do you like?" Tao Huainan sat up and asked him in surprise.
Pan Xiaozhuo said "shh", "I'll tell you tomorrow."
Shi Kai sent the two of them home. Tao Huainan got out of the car and tapped his blind stick on the ground, making a "bang bang" sound when it touched the floor tiles. Shi Kai got off the car to see him off, and asked the driver and Pan Xiaozhuo to wait in the car.
Tao Huainan waved his hand and said, "I can go back by myself, so let's go, Brother Kai."
"Hurry up, I'll throw you." Shi Kai pinched his elbow and carried him home.
Brother is on a business trip again, and Brother Tang is still working overtime. Tao Huainan led the way by himself, and then used his fingers to unlock it. My hands are sweaty and I can't get rid of them.
"Password?" Shi Kai asked.
Tao Huainan said, "826826."
The door opened, Shi Kai sent Tao Huainan into the room, and asked, "Can I do it at home?"
"Okay, thank you Brother Kai." Tao Huainan leaned his blind stick by the door, walked over and sat on the sofa, sitting upright and honestly.
Seeing his serious sitting posture, Shi Kai couldn't help laughing, squatting beside him and asked, "Little Huainan, do you miss your little brother?"
After drinking too much wine, he couldn't hide any lies, his mind was so rigid, he nodded sharply, and said sincerely: "I... miss him every day."
Shi Kai laughed and said, "It's useless to think about it, is it?"
"It's useless." Tao Huainan nodded again, and asked him, "Is my little brother happier?"
"Then I don't know." Shi Kai patted his head, "Brother Kai can't tell."
After Shi Kai left, Tao Huainan washed his face and brushed his teeth, but didn't take a shower, fearing that he might lose his balance and fall. A person changed into pajamas and lay down in the room, burying his face in the pillow.
There is a recording on the phone, and Tao Huainan has listened to it hundreds of times in the past few years.
Every time I can't fall asleep, I will turn it out and listen to it over and over again. That recording broke Tao Huainan's heart every time he listened to it, but he couldn't stop like masochistic.
He sandwiched the phone between his ear and the pillow, and played the recording over and over for half the night.
Getting drunk this time let Tao Huainan know that he was not that good at drinking, and that he would feel uncomfortable if he drank too much.
After that, he didn't drink for a long time, and Jiang Ji and the others drank occasionally, but Tao Huainan excused himself on the grounds that he didn't know how to drink.
Jiang Ji likes to roar and sing after drinking, and Tao Huainan likes to hear him sing like this, so every time he actively helps persuade him to drink. Once, finally, a group of good people who usually only know "forget it" made Jiang Ji anxious, and no one escaped with a glass of wine. Tao Huainan kept shaking his head and said he didn't know how to drink, but Jiang Ji stood beside him and yelled at him: "Drink it!"
Tao Huainan didn't know why, so he stopped shaking his head, picked up the cup silently, raised his head and swallowed it all down.
There is less snow this year and the winter is not so cold.
The spring of the next year came very late. Before spring came, Tao Huainan wore a hooded sweater under his jacket every day, preparing for the retest with Pan Xiaozhuo. Xiao Zhuo drank too much last time and said that he told him the little secret the next day, but he refused to admit it when he sobered up, insisting that he didn't have it.
The two boys have been studying steadily for a year, and they both went to graduate school as they wished this year.
Tao Huainan failed to go to medical school, but the school was promoted to 985 from ordinary schools. He still often goes to Dr. Qi's hospital and knows everyone in the hospital very well. They call him "Little Tao".
Some consultants who need to be listened to will also name him. Xiao Tao has already started to earn a little money, and it seems that he has more value. In the restless or depressed life of others, he briefly let them relax for an hour.
Tao Huainan heard many secrets from many people, and he became someone else's secret box again. Those ugly, unknown distortions and darkness accumulated in people's hearts, or those unspeakable bewilderment and embarrassment, are shared by those who listen to them.
This year, Brother Tang set aside time ahead of time, saying that he would be able to do medical aid with Tao Xiaodong in the fall.
Director Tang is so busy that he has not participated in the medical aid for the past two years. Xiaodong goes with other doctors every year, and complains to Brother Tang that he is tired when he comes back.
Xiaodong became less and less shy. Of course, Brother Tang was not much better.
The two brothers were not shy, almost every morning when Tao Huainan got up, he could hear the two brothers struggling to get out of bed in the room, coaxing the other.
Tao Huainan asked, "Can I go too?"
"Of course," Tang Suoyan put the porridge bowl by his hand, "you can go together if you don't have class."
"It's still summer vacation at that time," Tao Huainan calculated the time and said, "Take me with you, brothers."
This medical assistance is a big project, not only the ophthalmology department, but also the cardiology department of the third hospital. A lot of medical personnel and doctors have come, and they have to go to three remote provinces in total. Tao Xiaodong is still an investor, and his investment is mainly concentrated in ophthalmic medical equipment. I heard that this time there is another group of public welfare investors, who are doing the popularization of technology products for the blind.
Everyone in the hospital knew that Director Tang and Tao were always a couple, and it was no secret in the hospital for a long time.
Familiar people also know that Mr. Tao has two excellent younger brothers, and Mr. Tao often talks about it.
Tao Huainan's first study was over, so he set aside time ahead of time, waiting to go out with his brother. My brother insisted on doing this for a long time. Tang Ge said that what they were doing was not a great thing but a very meaningful thing.
When he came out with his brother for the first time, Tao Huainan needed to be held by his brother all the time, because his brother didn't hold his hand, or failed to remind him in time when there was an obstacle, so he got injured all over his body.
This time Tao Huainan didn't need others to lead him, and now he could walk clearly by himself with his schoolbag on his back. He stumbled occasionally, but he hardly stumbled.
He sat in a commercial vehicle with his brothers, and he sat in the last row by himself. There were only five people in the car including him, besides the driver and two elder brothers, there was another director of the Third Hospital.
Tao Huainan was wearing earphones, facing the direction of the car window.
Tang Suoyan and Tao Xiaodong sat in the middle row, and Tao Xiaodong looked back at his brother.
"Go to sleep," Tang Suoyan told him, "get up early in the morning."
Tao Xiaodong smiled and asked, "Are you sleepy?"
"Why am I sleepy?" Tang Suoyan whispered, "I didn't take a nap at all."
Tao Huainan could hear a little of their voices through the earphones, but he couldn't hear them clearly, but he felt very comfortable.
"Why are you squinting and laughing?" Tao Xiaodong turned around and asked him.
Tao Huainan pulled off one earphone: "Huh?"
"Ask why you are laughing."
"Laughing at you two." Tao Huainan scratched his face with his fingers, signaling them not to be shy.
"Laugh." Tao Xiaodong turned around and said something, but Tao Huainan didn't catch it.
The rear of the car is a bit hot, the air conditioner in the front can't get through, and the air conditioner in the rear seems to be broken. Tao Huainan was a little hot sitting in the back row, and there was a little sweat on his forehead.
The weather in late summer and early autumn was still very dry. Tao Huainan took out his water glass from his schoolbag, drank some water, and asked the two brothers in front, "Are you thirsty?"
Tao Xiaodong reached for his cup and took a sip.
The car stopped at the expressway for a while, which reminded Tao Huainan of the experience when the car broke down on the way to the hospital with his brother, and it was hotter than now.
Tao Huainan asked, "What's wrong?"
Brother turned around and said to him: "Wait a minute, the convoy is driving too fast."
Tao Huainan nodded to show that he understood, and got out of the car with a water glass. I felt a little bored after sitting in the car for a long time, and wanted to get out of the car for a walk.
There is a lot of grass here, Tao Huainan can distinguish a little smell of grass from the air, with a faint fishy smell, but not unpleasant. He was wearing earphones again, and Jiang Ji's newly recorded song was playing in the earphones.
In the song, he yelled the repeated lyrics over and over again with a hoarse voice, and Tao Huainan was addicted to the little ending of each sentence.
Through the headphones, he heard his brother calling him to go back.
Tao Huainan raised his voice and agreed, turned around and walked back.
"I know how to go when I'm bored, and I'll throw it here for you later and forget whether you are blind or not." Tao Xiaodong said standing by the car.
"What's wrong with me, won't I call you?" Tao Huainan patted his trouser pocket, "Besides, you can't leave me, Brother Tang."
Tao Huainan supported the door and got into the car, returning to his seat in the back row just now.
Tao Huainan is wearing a white short-sleeved shirt today, which is simple and only has a small logo on his chest. Most of his clothes are basic like this, simple T-shirts and slacks, no matter how he feels about wearing them in the morning, he can't go wrong.
In the past few years, Tao Xiaodong has bought clothes for him according to this standard, because the two elder brothers are often busy and cannot watch him go out every morning.
White short-sleeved beige shorts, a thin, white and handsome boy, always looks fresh and clean.
Tao Huainan was wearing earphones all the time, and the stuffy air made him drowsy. There are a few shallow bruises and visible scars on the exposed calf, all of which are caused by walking and bumping over the years.
Just as Tao Huainan opened his mouth to yawn, he heard the car door being opened and someone got into the car.
Tang Suo said, "Here we come."
Tao Xiaodong laughed, Tao Huainan hadn't heard him speak yet, only someone called "Brother" with a little smile.
Tao Huainan didn't finish his yawn, his mouth was open and stopped in a strange and embarrassed state, and it was difficult to finish the yawn for a while, and it was embarrassing to retract it.