love is hurt
Liu Qianren set off for the United States, and Li Li was dragged by his mother to Hongqiao Airport to see him off. She hated Liu Qianren, but those engraved papers in the reference book could not be ignored, she couldn't tell how she felt about him, Li Li acted like an ostrich.
Liu Qianren packed his luggage at home and sold all the books before entering the university. She saw that the reference books she had returned to him were among them. Li Li's heart throbbed suddenly, and the pain lasted for a few seconds.
The night before he left, Li Li returned home from working in a market research company and saw Liu Qianren smoking a cigarette downstairs.
Ten meters away, she stopped. On a hot summer night, on a windless night, she seemed to come out of thick water, her whole body was sticky, and she just wanted to go upstairs to take a bath.
Between Liu Qianren's fingers was a faint star, which danced lightly in orange red in the night, with a trace of blurred loneliness.
He and she stared at each other ten meters apart, and finally had nothing to say. Li Li turned and went upstairs, while he continued to smoke downstairs. When she was taking out the key to open the door, she vaguely remembered that both Liu's father and son did not smoke.
Li Li shook her head, throwing the weird feeling to the back of her mind. She patted her face to wake herself up - she must be crazy to care about Liu Qianren.
At the airport, Li Li saw Liu Qianren's mother for the first time, a beautiful woman with noble temperament. It is said that the son resembles his mother, and from his appearance, one can infer that his mother must be a beauty. She not only has a good appearance, but also has a very pleasant voice, she speaks in a slow tone, and has the demeanor of a lady who is knowledgeable about books and etiquette. Li Li evaluated objectively and fairly: No matter how you look at it, Liu Qianren's mother and Liu Zhixian are a good match.
Perhaps this is not her own feeling, Li Li found that her mother's face became ugly, and then Liu Zhixian seemed to have no intention of holding Li Meiqing's hand, holding it tightly, so that the onlookers were inexplicably relieved.
She had never understood why Liu Zhixian fell in love with her mother before. As Li Meiqing's daughter, she couldn't find a reason to convince herself, but seeing this scene, Li Li was relieved. Liu Qianren saw it too, and an intriguing smile appeared on the corner of his mouth.
He didn't say goodbye to Li Li, but just glanced at her through the relatives who saw her off. This glance was so fast that Li Li couldn't catch the emotion in his eyes at all.
The Boeing 747 soared into the sky, and Ryu Cheon-in left the city. She looked at the silver plane passing overhead, like a giant bird flying.
Parting, will you come back
School starts in September, Li Li's third year in university. Pei Shangxuan invited her out for dinner during the summer vacation and introduced his girlfriend to Li Li. It wasn't the pretty girl he saw at the tea house that day, so he changed it to another one.
She remembered that one April, when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, Pei Shangxuan patted her on the shoulder and said domineeringly: "Li Li, you should also like the person I like."
Li Li smiled subtly, and politely chatted with his girlfriend, thinking ironically: He likes too many people, and she has no time to keep up with his speed.
Maybe he has already forgotten this sentence, but she remembers every moment, whether it is happy or heartbroken.
In 2005, Liu Qianren punched Pei Shangxuan severely, and commented contemptuously: "'I like the person, you should like too.' This is the cruelest sentence I have ever heard."
The corner of Pei Shangxuan's mouth was bleeding, and the bright red blood on Li Li's lips floated in front of his eyes, which was shocking.
He wasted so much time that even God couldn't stand it, and determined to take back his right to love her.
In 1997, Pei Shangxuan put his arms around Li Li's shoulders and introduced to his girlfriend, "Li Li, my best friend."
The girl's name is Cen Wenwen, and she has a pair of moving eyes. Not only is it clear and bright, but the vision is surprisingly good: 2.0. Li Li was wearing contact lenses, so she couldn't see clearly.
She took Li Li's hand, giggled and said, "Shang Xuan often mentions you, seeing is better than hearing a hundred times."
What's the meaning? Li Li looked at each other calmly, Cen Wenwen had a sweet smile, spoke very fast, and often had jumping thoughts. Before the last topic was over, she couldn't wait to switch to another one.
Li Li couldn't hate this girl. Among his previous girlfriends, there were many pretentious or high-spirited ones, and it was rare to meet such a hearty and generous one. While she was going to the bathroom, Li Li squinted at Pei Shangxuan, and said lightly: "Idiot, just choose her."
He kept smiling, noncommittal. When Cen Wenwen came back from the bathroom, they skipped the topic.
After leaving the black tea house, the three of them went to eat hot pot. The steaming hot sauerkraut and fish head pot was served at the bottom, and the first chopsticks he boiled was mutton for his girlfriend. For no reason, Li Li thought of the chicken wings that his uncle gave Yan Liming many years ago.
"Girl, you're welcome, just do it yourself." He raised the corners of his mouth and said coolly.
This is the difference between a girlfriend and a best friend.
Pei Shangxuan and Cen Wenwen behaved intimately as if no one was around, she sat opposite them, drinking frozen Coke. The icy liquid slid down the throat and seemed to pass through the heart at the same time. This hot pot meal made her whole body cold, Li Li was still unhappy, because she was not the one he liked.
"You like her very much?" Li Li talked with Pei Shangxuan at home at night. She called with the mentality of giving it a try, but she didn't expect him to be at home.
Pei Shangxuan was lying on the bed, holding the receiver and looking up at the ceiling, with an indifferent smile on his lips. He once liked a person very much. At that time, he was young and thought that the word "like" was the biggest reason in the world, but it turned out that it was a sarcasm. Now, liking is just a bland prologue to a movie, in order to go further into kissing or making love.
He twisted his fingers around the phone cord, tightening and loosening it as if it were a fun game. Li Li asked again, and he gave a faint "um", and replied easily: "Yeah, I like her very much. Didn't you just persuade me to choose her?" He teased, half-truth and half-false.
Hearing this exciting and sexy bass through the phone line, she could also guess his expression at the moment—the corners of his pretty mouth showed a faint smile, his gentleness without trace. She has always seen and thought that even if she is not the person he likes, at least she can enjoy a little pampering to herself. But he will dote on another person, just like the little uncle turned to the chopsticks of a beautiful woman that day, taking away the short-lived happiness. Li Li's unrealistic fantasies were torn into pieces, so broken that they couldn't be put together again. She was silent, taking long breaths.
Wake up, Li Li! She said to herself: You can't say you like him, so what right do you have to accuse him of betrayal
Crush, from the beginning is not a fair game.
"Li Li, do you have someone you like?" Pei Shangxuan continued to ask.
She laughed under her breath, and answered him quickly, in the negative.
In the past years, Li Li really liked Pei Shangxuan, but she already believed that it was her own matter.
Li Li joined the school's calligraphy club in the third year of college, but was also dragged there by Wang Xiaofeng. Pei Shangxuan read right, he wanted her to take the initiative to expand her social circle, unless the sun came out from the west. Li Li is a passive pessimist in his heart, coupled with the fact that he forced himself to be indifferent to everything since he was a child, and as he grew older, he was misunderstood as arrogant and disdained to be close to others.
It is true that she does not have many friends, four in total, not even enough for five fingers of one hand. Except for Wang Xiaofeng, whom she met by accident, Pei Shangxuan, Li Jun, and Cao Xuemei were all her classmates, and they all gradually evolved from tablemates to friends.
Wang Xiaofeng listened to her talking about the special treatment he had received, stroked his chin and took a step back, looked her up and down several times, shook his head and sighed, "Li Li, you are too withdrawn." What he said was the same as Pei Shangxuan .
"Lonely? Then why do you want to be friends with me?" Li Li categorically refuted his assertion, dissatisfied that his criticism was exactly the same as Pei Shangxuan's.
"That is God sent me to save you." He replied with a smile, separated
In a few days, she was dragged to the calligraphy club.
Li Li participated in a calligraphy interest group when he was in middle school. The group leader was Pei Shangxuan. Back then, his running script won the third prize in the district youth calligraphy competition. Li Li forgot the reason why she practiced calligraphy back then, anyway, it was definitely not to write better.
There are not many people in the calligraphy club, and practicing calligraphy is also practicing mental state. But Pei Shangxuan is an exception, he is back to practice, and his temper is still frizzy.
"Bring your girlfriend to visit?" Qiu Zian, the president of the Calligraphy Club, teased Wang Xiaofeng with a smile. Li Li knew this person, who was known as a German-language genius, a genius who received first-class scholarships every year.
"My brother." Wang Xiaofeng hooked Li Li's neck, with a look of haste to let go, "Don't talk nonsense, my market will be bearish."
"Do you have any quotations? Why don't I know?" Li Li put his elbow on his chest, turned to Qiu Zian and introduced himself, "Hello, my name is Li Li, and I want to join the calligraphy club." , she agreed to join the club, so she cheered up and showed a "positive" outlook.
Qiu Zian said "Welcome", and turned to introduce Li Li to other club members who were quietly practicing calligraphy behind him.
"There are not many people in the club, and everyone calls each other by nicknames, so don't be restrained." He pointed to the honest and honest boys in the first row and said, "You can call him Huang Tingjian, he has been practicing Lao Huang's calligraphy. That beauty is Chu Suiliang, the handsome guy next to her is Yan Zhenqing..." He introduced them one by one, and Li Li smiled implicitly.
At the end, Qiu Zian suddenly turned to her and asked, "Li Li, which copybook do you usually study?"
She was taken aback, smiled awkwardly, and said honestly, "I practiced calligraphy in junior high school, and I haven't touched a brush for a long time."
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"In other words, you are not a calligraphy lover?" The gentle man frowned, his attitude a little cold. Li Li didn't understand why he changed his face, and glanced at Wang Xiaofeng suspiciously.
Wang Xiaofeng hurried forward and rushed to speak, "Boss, hobbies need time to cultivate. We can't learn from the government to keep closed doors and shut out those who are interested. Do you agree or not?" The second monk Li Lizhang was puzzled and joined the club That's all, is there still qualifications to be recognized
Went to Zhou Huchen Bimozhuang on Fuzhou Road to buy the Four Treasures of the Study and copybooks. Li Li complained to Wang Xiaofeng that the threshold of the calligraphy club was too high, no wonder the number of people was small, and he moaned and asked him to pay for it.
"If it wasn't for you, I might as well read novels when I have time." She was holding a copybook of "Jiucheng Palace" by Ouyang Xun, flipping through it as she walked. Qiu Zian coldly suggested that a person like her who has no foundation should start with regular script. Although he felt that this talented man behaved strangely, he was an expert after all, and Li Li accepted it reluctantly.
"There is a reason." Wang Xiaofeng hugged the rice paper and shrugged, "There used to be a lot of members in the calligraphy club, and most of them came for the boss. You haven't seen that scene. Every time the club activities, everyone clamors for the boss. I read my own handwriting, so I completely reduced the number of staff."
She bit her lip and thought for a long time, but still couldn't remember what Qiu Zian looked like. But hearing that she joined the calligraphy club, Cao Xuemei was really envious of her being able to have close contact with one of the few handsome guys in the school. Li Li immediately got goosebumps when she heard that.
Li Li likes to look at handsome guys, but most of the time, she forgets after seeing them, and can't remember them clearly. The only face she remembers deeply is Pei Shangxuan's face.
Pei Shangxuan hadn't seen Li Li for a while, and he couldn't find anyone when he called the dormitory, saying that there was a club activity. Hearing the same reason two or three times in a row, the quick-tempered he took it for granted that Li Li was avoiding him.
The last time I met Li Li was when she just started school, eating hot pot with Cen Wenwen. Pei Shangxuan tried his best to recall and confirmed that he had not offended her in any way.
He was upset, and came to SISU to ask her face to face. Subconsciously, Pei Shangxuan felt inferior when facing Li Li. After all, she is a student of a famous university, a proud girl of heaven, and she is nothing.
Li Li was admitted to the university, and he felt that the gap between the two was getting bigger and bigger. He used to seem to understand what she said; now it gets worse, when she occasionally pops out a sentence or two in English, or talks enthusiastically about the classics and philosophy books he has finished reading, he can only roll his eyes and look at the sky. .
Pei Shangxuan was worried that one day Li Li would be estranged from him. Friendship is a fragile thing to say, and if they don't contact each other for a year or so, it will naturally fade away.
He overlooked one thing - during the two years of separation, Li Li has not changed. Later, he suddenly realized that he was a very selfish man who insisted on not letting go of Li Li's hand, in the name of keeping her warm, but in fact he was the one who really got the warmth.
Pei Shangxuan called Li Li's dormitory outside Building No. 4. She had just donated blood during the day and was lying on the bed weakly. When her grandmother was alive, she often said that she was short of energy and blood. Li Li always thought that she was slightly anemic and could not donate blood, but all the indicators of her were normal after examination. Suddenly lost 200 cc of blood, Li Li went back to the dormitory and slept for a whole afternoon.
"Li Li, call." Zhang Yuqin, who was on the lower bunk opposite, was the only person in the dormitory who was not required to donate blood because she was underweight.
Li Li buried her head in the quilt, lazily not wanting to move, "Say I'm not here."
"It's Pei Shangxuan, I've been looking for you several times." Everyone in the dormitory knows that Li Li and Pei Shangxuan are hard-core brothers, and they have joked about them before, but seeing that there is no progress, they agree that they are only limited to best friends .
Cao Xuemei once said to Li Li: "You guys are so strange, the relationship is so good, let's just be together." Li Li was drinking water at the time and choked.
Together, this is not something that one person can decide unilaterally. The most helpless feeling in the world is that you love someone, but he likes someone else, and your time will never match.
For fifteen years, she watched her long secret love indifferently and calmly, as if she was dancing solo on an empty stage with no one applauding. Li Li doesn't care if there is an audience, she just likes someone in her own way.
Hearing that it was Pei Shangxuan who was looking for her, Li Li lifted the quilt and got out of bed, and walked over slowly to answer the phone. His sneering voice came from the microphone, ridiculing that she hadn't seen her for a few days, so she was like a government official and never saw her on weekdays.
She was drowsy, and a thought turned in her mind: This guy, is he here to provoke? "Pei Shangxuan, I don't have the strength to play around with you, so I'll just tell you where I offend you." Over the years, she has also figured out his temper, and he is straightforward and expresses his emotions and anger. If one day the tone is very aggressive, it must be a fire in the heart.
Pei Shangxuan was at a loss for words for a moment, and suddenly felt that he was too impulsive to run over aggressively. Li Li has her own life, whether she is busy or not is her own business, why should he worry about it? He pondered for a few seconds, guessing that he must be worried that she would seem to have evaporated without saying a word, so he came here to visit on purpose.
He secretly hid these thoughts in his heart, fearing that she would laugh at her if he said them out. After a pause, the tone softened slightly, "I want to have dinner with you, but you are not here every time, I am very depressed."
"Dinner, go find your girlfriend." Li Li leaned against the wall and said angrily, "That one is called, what is it called Cen Wenwen?"
Pei Shangxuan was silent for a moment, and after a while he yelled angrily: "Li Li, did you do it on purpose? I'm broken in love, so why don't you open the pot and lift it!"
He is broken in love? Li Li straightened her body, when did this happen? The last time they met, the way Pei Shangxuan and Cen Wenwen were glued to each other made her secretly sad for a few days. How did it only take a few weeks to break up? Is she too conservative, or is love gradually reduced to fast-moving consumer goods
"I haven't heard you mention it." She thought shyly: I'm actually quite happy. On the lips, however, he was adhering to his duty as a friend, and tried his best to comfort him, "There is no grass anywhere in the world, why bother to love a single flower." As he spoke, Li Li's face showed a slightly tingly expression.
Bitter. What an unconvincing sentence!
"Come on, come on, these words sound hypocritical." Pei Shangxuan accidentally mentioned Li Li's thoughts purely to ease the atmosphere. She remained silent, reflecting on her schadenfreude at the previous moment.
She didn't speak, which made him mistakenly think that she was angry, and complained in her heart that she had lost her temper, and broke the silence by saying, "Girl, I'm outside your dormitory building, and I'm treating you to dinner." There was a pause of two seconds, as if recalling Recalling the past, "Bring money today, don't worry about 'Sanguang'."
When Li Li appeared, Pei Shangxuan was startled by her slightly paler face than usual, and felt that she was sick. Raising his hand to probe her forehead, the temperature was indeed high.
"Ill?" Pei Shangxuan was glad that he wanted to see her, this girl didn't know how to take good care of herself.
She shook her head, twisting her cheeks as if trying to get a little rosy. Before going out, she looked in the mirror and straightened her messy hair. She knew that she looked very bad at the moment. "Donating blood is no big deal." She wrote lightly.
"What do you mean 'no big deal'!" Pei Shangxuan was dissatisfied with her calm tone. A year ago, the aunt of the Propaganda Office of Qipu Road Street mobilized them, a group of individual owners, to actively participate in voluntary blood donation. During those days, he once said with a smile to Li Li that he was like confinement with a woman.
He took out his mobile phone and called home. He couldn't wait to tell his mother to buy a black fish and make soup at home. "Mom, Li Li is donating blood today. I think she is so weak that she is about to pass out." He called exaggeratedly, and seeing Li Li's disapproving expression in a blink of an eye, he stretched out his hand to stroke her hair, and then curled his fingers to flick it. On her forehead, "This girl doesn't know how to take care of herself. I'm teaching her a lesson. Okay, I'll bring her back later."
She stared at him blankly, her eyes gradually becoming misty. He mistakenly thought that the hard attack just now made her feel hurt, so he quickly apologized. Li Li shook her head, the pain came from deep inside her heart.
His kindness will make her miss him.
"I'm not your girlfriend, Pei Shangxuan." She bit her lip hard, biting blood hard, "Don't be so nice to me!" Pushing his hand away, she had to rely on deep breaths to calm down her excited mood.
Her refusal stabbed him, and he had the most sensitive ego. Pei Shangxuan took a small step back, his eyes were strange, as if looking at a stranger.
"I'm not qualified to be your friend, Li Li?" His voice was low, and the silver earrings were dazzlingly bright.
"Isn't caring for each other something that friends should do?" He then asked rhetorically.
Taking a deep breath was useless, Li Li almost suffocated with heartache, and almost blurted out - "I don't want to just be your best friend!" She remembered a certain morning in 1994, and swallowed it back forcefully. She is not qualified to love him, the shadow makes her unable to accept any intimate physical contact, and even feels disgusting when her hands touch sensitive parts, let alone men.
Just by his side, watching him be happy. Li Li warned herself again.
"I'm very tired today, so I don't know what I'm talking about." She stroked her forehead looking for an excuse, "I don't have the strength to go to your house for soup, thank you for your troubles." She raised her hand high and patted him on the shoulder, "Stupid , Said that we are good friends for the rest of our lives, this does not require qualifications."
He watched her slowly walk into the dormitory building, and suddenly a warm current surged in his heart. Friends for life, that's great!
At nine o'clock that night, Pei Shangxuan came downstairs to the girl again with a thermos, and brought black fish soup to Li Li. The whole dormitory benefits, and each person has a bowl of milky fish soup for supper.
While brushing her teeth in the bathroom, Cao Xuemei, who was full of toothpaste, suddenly turned her head to look at Li Li and said, "Pei Shangxuan likes you, doesn't he?"
Li Li slowly squeezed the white toothpaste onto the toothbrush, "Brothers are like siblings, you are talking about him and me." She easily denied it.
Li Li went to Pei's house to return the thermos, and by the way thanked Pei's mother for making soup for her. Pei Shangxuan's parents have always been kind to her, and they may even have thought about asking her to be their daughter-in-law, always creating opportunities for them to be alone.
Pei Shangxuan was not a fool either, he was aware of the deliberate arrangement of his parents, he laughed and said that they were a mess, it was outrageous.
Li Li is very grateful for the kindness of the two elders, but emotional matters can't be forced, if you don't feel it, you don't feel it, no matter how many opportunities you have, it's a waste. One day when I was watching Qiong Yao's TV series "Xue Ke" at Pei's house, taking advantage of the opportunity of Pei's mother wiping her tears, Li Li said calmly, "Twisted melons are not sweet, and happiness cannot be obtained by coercion"—she hinted euphemistically with.
Mother Pei blew her nose, sighed with red eyes that Li Li was too rational.
"You child, you have understood things since you were a child. Whoever married you is really a blessing."
Li Li had to laugh, using a smile to hide her sadness. She parted her mouth in a wide smile.
"Auntie, is it true? My mother always said that no one would want me."
"That's ignorance, and my brat is also blind." Pei's mother complained bitterly, secretly blaming her son for not chasing such a good girl, and fighting with girls who have nothing but pretty faces and good bodies all day long. Love scolding.
"Shang Xuan and I are just good friends." Li Li lied in good faith. In fact, this is a fact, at least a fact that he unilaterally and constantly emphasizes.
Mother Pei warmly greeted her to stay for dinner, took her hand and looked at her distressedly, saying that she had lost weight. Li Li couldn't help laughing, she just donated two hundred cc of blood, not for liposuction. But Mother Pei's nervousness was out of concern, she nodded her head in agreement, and said, "Yes, yes, I miss the dishes cooked by Auntie and Uncle so much, I've been thinking about making up for it all day." on flattery.
Sure enough, Pei Shangxuan's mother was grinning from ear to ear, and called her son to ask him to go home and have dinner immediately after cleaning up the shop, and he was not allowed to go anywhere.
"This kid, if you don't take care of him in advance, he might go out with some crazy girl." Pei's mother put down the phone and sighed, "A while ago there was a girl named Wenwen who was nice, I thought he could calm down. I didn't expect to fall out again."
This was the first time he heard the affirmation of his dating partner from Pei's mother, and Li Li couldn't describe the strange feeling in his heart. She has met Cen Wenwen, her hearty and generous personality is not annoying, and she is more likable than her own personality.
After dinner, Pei Shangxuan sent her back to school and got off the bus one stop earlier. Just after the A-League ended, Xu Shi Shenhua lost again, and fans outside the Hongkou Stadium continued to pass by them cursing.
"Next year's World Cup, will you still support Argentina?" 1998 is coming soon, and the four-year wait seems long, but in fact it is fleeting.
Li Li nodded without saying a word. From 1990 to 1998, such a long time has passed. He was also silent, as if thinking about where his former self was wandering in time.
Almost at the school gate, Li Li hesitated for a long time, and finally couldn't help asking: "Why did you and Cen Wenwen break up?"
The street lights shone on his face through the branches of street trees, casting mottled and scattered shadows. She wore contact lenses and could see clearly.
Pei Shangxuan smiled, with a casual look, "She said I have someone else in my heart. I couldn't bear it, so we broke up."
She stared at his face, and found clues from those eyes as deep as ancient wells—some kind of deja vu sadness. The person hidden in his heart is a beautiful girl with a beautiful smile.
She gave a faint "oh", bowed her head and walked.
He unconsciously took Han Yichen as a reference and used beautiful women to satisfy his vanity. He can't lose to Pei Shangxuan in the past years, especially the one who paid an unforgettable price for Han Yichen. He hoped to find a more beautiful face to replace her in memory.
Pei Shangxuan always thinks that he cares about Han Yichen, although he never admits it. It was only after many years that he discovered that the beautiful heart has already surpassed the weight of the appearance, and the person he really can't let go of is Li Li!