belated realization
Li Li broke up with her boyfriend who she met on a blind date for four months. She has no feelings for him, and she is even quite tired of dating every week like completing a task. She was relaxed, but Liu Zhixian felt worried again, and took two photos to ask Li Li's opinion during dinner on the weekend.
Liu Qianren and Li Li sent Liu Zhixian home and left together. In the company, except for their official business, they usually do not meet each other, and almost no one knows that they are a brother-sister relationship formed by the remarriage of their parents. Li Li was very satisfied with this, she had a general feeling for Liu Qianren, the "Diamond King of the whole company", if it wasn't for work requirements, she would probably regard him as a security guard at the gate.
His car was parked in the garage of the community, and he wanted to part ways with her at the intersection. Li Lizheng was secretly glad that Liu Qianren's voice came to his ears, "It's ridiculous, I have liked you for so many years."
The muscles all over her body tensed up, and she looked up nervously at the beautiful man. The wind blows his soft hair, and the street lights cast light on his handsome face. His facial features are even more beautiful than Pei Shangxuan. After discovering his secret in reference books and Milan Kundera's novels, Li Li was sure that Liu Qianren liked her, not to mention he said "I love you". But love is not a transaction where you will fall in love with someone who loves you, and reason is useless here.
He obviously understands this truth, and there is deep helplessness in his eyes, "If there is no such thing, is it possible for you to give me a chance?"
She has liked Pei Shangxuan for many years, and she has been physically and mentally exhausted all the way. She wanted to find someone to rely on, but she was tormented by guilt all the time. If she couldn't love her wholeheartedly, wouldn't it be unfair to others
Li Li lowered her head halfway, and admitted frankly, "I'm sorry, I still like him." She didn't need to mention his name, anyway, Liu Qianren knew who "he" was referring to.
He sighed melancholy, "Li Li, I met a very outstanding woman. She is beautiful, has a good figure, and her family is rich and powerful. I am considering whether to seize this opportunity." He said with a smile, "Since I can't get love, I have to choose reality."
She moved her lips and swallowed the words. When the cell phone rang in the purse, she looked up and smiled sheepishly, but she was secretly relieved, and couldn't help being grateful that the call came at the right time.
The caller ID was Pei Shangxuan's name, she pressed the call button, but what she heard was a shrill voice. She recognized this voice, it was Pei Shangxuan's mother. Strange to say, Mother Pei's voice is usually very normal, but once it is transmitted by electromagnetic waves, it becomes distorted and becomes shrill and thin. Pei Shangxuan joked with her, saying that his mother has scientific research value.
"Li Li, hurry up and persuade them, the two are quarreling again."
She hung up the phone and couldn't help sighing. It took ten years to cross the same boat, and it took a hundred years to sleep together. The couple wasted a lot of her saliva and finally reconciled, and they never got tired of it. They are tireless, and the spectators are as tired as she is.
"I'm sorry, my friend has something to do, I'm leaving first." Putting down the phone, she bid farewell to Liu Qianren, taking the opportunity to get out of the embarrassing situation.
He heard the content of her phone call. Mother Pei's high decibel made her have to move the phone two centimeters away from her ear. Liu Qianren's smile was playful, but what he said was very gentlemanly, "I'll take you there, it's hard to get a car here."
Li Li guessed that Liu Qianren would definitely laugh at her behind her back as an out-and-out fool. She likes Pei Shangxuan, but every time she helps him mediate conflicts between husband and wife, she sometimes thinks that she is really a fucking good person.
But this is liking, I always hope that he can be happy, even if it is not given by myself.
There was a traffic jam on the road, so Liu Qianren took her to the designated place by detour. After expressing her thanks in a hurry, Li Li rushed into the building. Pei Shangxuan lived on the upper floor, on the 30th floor.
She anxiously waited for the elevator to come down, guessing from Pei's mother's tone, it was estimated that the fiery couple was about to stage a full-scale martial arts. Sure enough, as Li Li expected, the room was in a mess, shards of glass and porcelain were everywhere, and two chairs were thrown upside down.
Li Li carefully looked for a foothold. Pei Shangxuan's mother came out from the kitchen with a broom and dustpan, and when she saw her, she sighed.
"Where is Shang Xuan?" She couldn't help but worry when she didn't see the male lead.
"I went to the hospital for stitches, and his wife." Pei's mother shook her head, holding Li Li's hand and suddenly broke down in tears, "Xiao Li, I really can't live this life. You said she married into our family, even if Thinking of your natal family, you can't move all the good things to your house all day long, right?"
Again for this question. Li Li had no choice but to recall her own rhetoric a few times ago, and was going to be a lobbyist again. Mother Pei tugged at her hand vigorously, and she realized that she was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't hear what Mother Pei said.
"Li Li, don't try to persuade them, just let them divorce. They won't be hanged on this tree." Pei's mother's tone was quite indignant.
She thought maybe she was too conservative and regarded love and marriage as a once-in-a-lifetime promise. In fact, the world has long been changed beyond recognition, and the returning migratory birds can no longer find their former habitats.
Pei Shangxuan has plans to divorce, but the two have disputes over the distribution of the husband and wife's property. It seems that the way to divorce by agreement is not feasible. He asked Li Li if he had any lawyer friends who were involved in divorce lawsuits.
Li Li didn't expect that his marriage would really come to an end, and he felt sorry for her. On the contrary, the person involved took it easy, and swore with a smile that he would never step into the siege of marriage again.
"Li Li, getting married is a mistake, and remarrying is obsessive." He teased with a popular joke on the Internet, and she forced a smile, which was not much better than crying. "Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't speak out in front of unmarried people. Don't have any psychological shadows." He misunderstood her expression and hurriedly encouraged her.
Li Li raised his hand and gave him a punch, curled his lips and said: "You idiot, whatever is fine, I want to marry someone wholeheartedly."
Pei Shangxuan slammed on the table as if remembering something, "Li Li, do you still remember what I told you in junior high?"
She rolled her eyes, laughed and teased him, "I don't bother to remember anything that is not constructive."
He didn't get angry, and continued on his own, "I said that when you are thirty years old and no one wants you, I will marry you..." Before he finished speaking, Li Li choked on the water. She never thought that after saying so many things, he actually mentioned this sentence.
"You are almost twenty-nine years old, and you will become psychotic if you become an old maid." When she calmed down, he deliberately warned with concern. Li Li almost blurted out "I'm not", but fortunately she stopped in time, she gave him an annoyed look, and whispered: "I think you are a bit perverted now."
What Pei Shangxuan really wanted to ask was whether he had sex with her that day. He had the impression of having sex with a woman in a trance, feeling very excited, and vaguely called her name. But afterwards, her reaction didn't seem like it happened at all, so he thought it was a ridiculous erotic dream.
Li Li hadn't had a close boyfriend for so many years, and he had an intuition that she would never follow the trend of having a one-night stand with her moral values, so he boldly speculated that she was still a virgin. He remembered seeing blood with Han Yichen for the first time, but this time he didn't find any blood on the bed sheet, Pei Shangxuan was relieved.
There is also faint fear, the name he called in the dream, could it be an expression of true feelings
He actually regards his best friend as the object of sexual fantasies, which is a great desecration of friendship, and he will keep his mouth shut even if he is killed.
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On the way home, I passed the disc store, and Li Li went in and picked out a British romance film Love Actually, hugging the sofa cushions to watch Hugh Grant play the British Prime Minister, watching a man who had a crush on his friend’s fiancée record his beloved woman’s wedding with the camera, watching The little boy ran to the airport to confess his love bravely...
True love lasts forever, even in today's ever-increasing divorce rate,
Still believable.
So, while despising that she is a hopelessly good person, Li Li picked up her mobile phone and sent a short message to Pei Shangxuan, advising him to seriously consider whether the marriage is really irretrievable.
He didn't sleep, and quickly replied: "True love is dead, remember to burn the paper."
Li Li felt lost. The movie arranged a perfect Christmas, but the self in 2005 was still alone.
She opened the drawer, and the fifteen locked diaries neatly arranged recorded Li Li's silent love. She never asked for fairness, secret love was always a matter of one person, Pei Shangxuan did nothing wrong.
He doesn't love her, but she only likes him, as simple as one plus one equals two. But emotion is not as easy as addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, and even the greatest mathematician can't figure it out.
So Li Li doesn't blame others, this is her willing choice, even if she gets to the Yellow River, she won't die.
Liu Qianren was about to get engaged, so he informed Liu Zhixian and Li Li at the biweekly family dinner. When he talked about his fiancée, his tone was purely casual, even if the other party was the jewel in the palm of the boss of a listed company, there were many men who wanted to save thirty years of hard work and tried to please her one after another.
Li Li, his fiancée, met twice when he was off work. She drove a BMW convertible to pick Liu Qianren off work. She watched the red BMW go away, and the words of Liu Qianren echoed in her ears - "Since I can't get love, then I have to choose reality", he is much smarter than her.
Pei Shangxuan's divorce case was scheduled to start on August 20th. On that day, the company arranged for Li Li to go to Beijing to participate in Microsoft's business activities. She regretted that she could not attend the court.
"You can't help me even if you come here." Pei Shangxuan retorted angrily, "It's not marriage, do you still need you to say congratulations?"
But this marriage is indeed my "congratulations"! She still remembered how hard she had to say those two words that day. Li Li swallowed back her stomach, and smiled awkwardly, thinking that a person who wants to divorce must be in a bad mood, so there is no need to argue with him.
Pei Shangxuan lit a cigarette, looked at the various building materials piled up in the store and said hesitantly: "Maybe, I really never loved her. Divorce is not a bad thing."
"Since you don't love, why do you want to get married?" Li Li sighed softly, faintly unwilling. The same is not in love, why don't you see that he is willing to marry yourself? In the past, he frequently changed girlfriends, and everyone said he was flirtatious, but only she knew that from the past to the present and even the future, the person he loves is called "Han Yichen". Others are just her substitutes. Thinking of this, Li Li felt sad for a while, it turned out that he was not even qualified to be a substitute.
This question made Pei Shangxuan stunned and remained silent for a long time. The official date with his current wife was in 2002, the exact time was after Li Li's mother passed away, after he saw her hugging another man. Pei Shangxuan stared at the woman in front of him with complicated emotions. She had neatly cut short hair and a plain face that he had seen for more than ten years, and there was a big gap between her and the adjective "good-looking". But he likes to see her, this person impresses him more than all the women with light makeup, including Han Yichen who thinks he is unforgettable.
Think of what every girlfriend has said - it is happier to be your best friend, and you care about her more than your own girlfriend. Those words that day were snorted by him, he regarded them as jealousy among women, and secretly made fun of them for their unfathomable levels of chasing rumors. Thinking about it now, he couldn't laugh anymore.
There was also a dream that was so real that it confused him. He remembered kissing the woman's palm and calling her "Li Li".
Could it be that the person he really loves has always been Li Li
Startled by this thought, she didn't realize that the cigarette was about to burn her finger. She kept thinking and didn't pay attention until he was so burned that he threw his hand and threw the cigarette butt away.
Pei Shangxuan in front of her never had to worry about the image of a handsome guy. She has known him for more than ten years, and she has long been used to seeing his various funny looks.
"Anyway, good luck." She hugged him and blessed him softly.
Pei Shangxuan's heart beat faster, he hesitated to speak, and watched Li Li turn and leave the shop. His mind was in turmoil at the moment, trying to figure out his true feelings for this woman.
Could it be that he mistook love for friendship and missed it for many years
"I made a wish on my fourteenth birthday. We will be good friends for the rest of our lives." It was this girl named Li Li who made her own decision and locked her life. From then on, no matter whether he was at the peak or the trough of life, she never strayed away from him.
At his most desperate moment, it was this woman named Li Li who cut open her palm with a sharp blade. She endured the pain and smiled and said: "Pei Shangxuan, I will always be your friend, and I will never betray you." She He used the most intense way to prove his oath of "never leave and never give up". The blood on his hand was shocking, which made him ashamed of his indiscriminate words.
"Hibiscus flowers at the end of the tree, red calyxes in the mountains. There is no one in Jianhu, and they bloom and fall." It was the girl named Li Li who said lonely after reciting the poem, "If someone appreciates it, who is really willing to open and fall?" fall?" At that time, even though he couldn't understand her words, he clearly saw the lonely shadow behind her.
The memory went back to the beginning, it turned out that Li Li's figure was everywhere in his memory, scenes of images rushed towards Pei Shangxuan, and he had nowhere to hide. Facts that have been neglected for a long time brushed off the dust of the years and gradually became clear.
Until this moment, he finally suddenly realized that for this woman whom he regarded as his confidante, he had already surpassed any kind of simple feelings that could be expressed in words, and contained friendship, love, family affection, and would be remembered forever.
But as for her, why did she define it as a "good friend" when she clearly promised "a lifetime" to be used by lovers? Pei Shangxuan couldn't confirm whether she was out of habit or because of her long-term companionship.
He took out his mobile phone to call Li Li, but he pressed the cancel button one second before the call was about to be made. I can't tell what the feeling of worrying about gains and losses is, it seems that once he proves whether he loves or not, the relationship between him and her will change from then on.
And he is obviously not ready to answer the multiple-choice question of "losing a friend" or "gaining a lover".
I'll think about it when I'm free again, we've got plenty of time anyway. Pei Shangxuan scratched his hair irritably, thinking like an ostrich, he threw the phone into the drawer. Pei Shangxuan can't predict the future, the time given to them by God has entered the countdown. If fifteen long years still can't let him see her heart clearly, then why waste time
Sometimes fate is just so cruel.
August 20th, Beijing. Li Li had just arrived at the hotel and before it was too late, Liu Qianren called and asked her to go back to Shanghai immediately. He had a tough attitude and didn't give her a chance to inquire at all. He just said "the company's decision" and hung up the phone.
She stared at the ultra-thin Motorola V3, and it took her a long time to realize that she was going to the airport again without stopping. Li Li suddenly remembered the cold joke that Wang Xiaofeng said that a colleague in his company was on a business trip, and his department was dismissed as soon as he got on the plane, thinking that he should not let himself catch up with such a bizarre experience. She called back to the department and asked her colleague what happened at the company.
"No." Hellen from the same department gave her a reassurance. Hearing the noisy voice at the other end, Li Li asked curiously.
"Oh, last month's medical report is back, and everyone is discussing their physical condition." Hellen's voice disappeared for a few seconds, and when it came back to her ear with some doubts, "Lilian, I didn't find you medical report."
Li Li's heart skipped a beat, feeling a bad premonition.
She returned to Shanghai and saw Liu Qianren waiting for her at the exit of the domestic flight at Hongqiao Airport. Handsome man takes her trolley case without saying a word
He took her arm and walked out.
This time she obediently cooperated and followed him to the parking lot. Before getting into the car, Li Li finally couldn't help asking: "Liu Qianren, is there something wrong with my blood test report?" During the physical examination last month, only the blood and urine test results could not be obtained on the spot, so she naturally thought of it.
"My doctor friend suggested that you'd better go to the hospital for a detailed examination." He didn't intend to hide it. With Li Li's intelligence, this kind of thing can't be hidden for long. "I'm sorry, I withheld your medical examination report." Liu Qianren couldn't lie to himself, the most important position in his heart still belonged to her, and he didn't even want to miss anything related to her. When he saw the thick stack of medical examination report envelopes from the marketing and sales departments in the personnel department, he offered to go upstairs to distribute them, and brought Li Li's copy back to the office by the way. He was terrified by the expert opinion on the first page, and searched for relevant information on Google, all of which pointed to the search result of "acute leukemia" without exception.
Li Li didn't have time to delve into the issue of his invasion of her privacy, so she looked at him strangely, trying to calm herself down.
"Liu Qianren, take me to the hospital."
She had a blood and bone marrow test, and the report won't be available until next Monday. Liu Qianren took her home and carried her luggage into the bedroom for her.
He walked back to the living room and saw Li Li sitting there with a confused expression. Liu Qianren stepped forward and sat down beside her.
"Li Li, you will be fine. A check-up is just to reassure everyone, it doesn't mean anything." He comforted her to relax and stop thinking about it, "Good people will be rewarded, and you will live a long and safe life."
"Perhaps God is reluctant to let good people stay in the world and continue to suffer, so this time he came to take me away." She forced a smile, working very hard.
Liu Qianren stretched out his hand and put his arm around Li Li's shoulder tentatively. Her body trembled slightly, but she didn't avoid his touch. This signal was interpreted by him as "forgive". He was a little excited and hugged her tightly, "You can't go. I haven't paid you back what I owed you in this life. You can't go."
With tears in Li Li's eyes, he was moved by Liu Qianren's infatuation. His love is bitter, entwined with inexplicable hatred, even more bitter than himself.
"Are you willing to accept the debt I owe you?" He held her face in his hands and asked earnestly—in the depths of his eyes was a love that had been accumulated for a long time and could not be seen.
Compared with himself, this man is even worse. Li Li admits that she is an ordinary woman, at a moment of life and death at a loss, it is difficult for her to resist his affection.
His lips dropped, covering those pale lips. She looked at her own reflection in those deep eyes, and couldn't bear to resist any longer. Since there is not much life left, it is better to fulfill his self-salvation. Li Li gave up struggling and let Liu Qianren gradually deepen the shallow kiss.
The ringing of the mobile phone broke the charming atmosphere and brought Li Li back to reality. It was Pei Shangxuan looking for her, she hesitated for a while, then connected under Liu Qianren's gaze.
"Li Li, I plan to settle out of court." He informed her of the progress of the divorce case, "dissolve the marriage as soon as possible."
Pei Shangxuan's voice was sincere, "You have to wait for me."
She didn't understand the last sentence, so she asked subconsciously. Pei Shangxuan seemed to take a deep breath, and told her loudly: "I love you, Li Li, the person I love is you! It has always been you!"
The sky and the earth were suddenly silent, and there was only the phrase "I love you" in her ears. Li Li bit her lip, licking the sweet blood with the tip of her tongue. Fifteen years of time, like an old movie about desolation, reached its climax, but the audience walked away because of their impatience.
"It's too late, Pei Shangxuan." She said word by word, "I don't have the strength to fly back." Whether he heard clearly or not, Li Li turned off the phone.
Liu Qianren listened silently, holding her sweaty hand, his palm was also sweaty.
Her eyes swept over their clasped hands, and the other raised hand gently stroked his cheek. A sad smile bloomed on her lips, but her eyes were so clear that there was no trace of fragility.
"Qian Ren, thank you." Li Li shook her head, and said no again within two minutes, "But, don't give your love to me who has no future."
After Li Li hung up the phone, Pei Shangxuan, who was still immersed in the joy of regaining freedom, was a little at a loss. At first he thought it was a network failure, but when he called her again, he heard "the user you dialed has turned off his phone" over and over again, so he calmed down and thought about what she had just said.
"I don't have the strength to fly back anymore."
This sentence sounded nonsensical at first, but the more he thought about it, the more uneasy he became. Pei Shangxuan couldn't contact Li Li, and didn't know what happened to her, but he heard her tone, besides helplessness, there was a hint of farewell in it. Pei Shangxuan's heart beat suddenly, because of all kinds of strange thoughts that appeared in his mind. While saying "Bah, bah, don't think about it", he raised his hand to hail a taxi, and went straight to Li Li's rented house.
The place where she lived was accompanied by him when she went to see the house. When she first moved in, he even invited his friends to play two or three times, and at night they simply laid the floor together in the living room, completely treating Li Li's place as his own home. After he got married, maybe both of them realized that they needed to avoid suspicion, and the place where they met was only outside. He hadn't been to her house for almost two years.
He gave directions to the driver, but he ignored that some roads in the city had changed from two-way traffic to one-way traffic, and taxis were forced to take a detour and make a big circle.
It's a pity that the woman he's looking for has known his temperament like the back of his hand in the past fifteen years, and has predicted his next move in advance. After hanging up the phone, Li Li clearly told Liu Qianren not to let Pei Shangxuan find her. She stared at him fixedly, with the determination in her deep pupils like a strong man cutting off his wrist.
There was a trace of sadness in his heart, and he asked in a muffled voice: "You don't want to see him, because you don't want him to feel sorry for you?"
She didn't answer his question, she got up by herself, and said to herself: "He will definitely come to me and make it clear to me face to face, we don't have much time." Then, she quickly walked into the bedroom and sorted out a few things. Put the change of clothes into the small travel bag, and walked out quickly.
He silently took her travel bag, watched her look left and right and silently scanned every place in the living room, as if saying goodbye to this place silently. Liu Qianren couldn't bear Li Li's pessimism anymore, he didn't care if he would hurt her, he pulled her to his side and shouted loudly: "Li Li, you will come back, you will come back here in good health and safety!"
She smiled lightly, not pursuing his rudeness.
"I didn't confess to the doctor just now. Recently, my teeth often bleed, and occasionally I also get nosebleeds. I thought it was because the weather was too hot..." She didn't continue. Liu Qianren was also present during the examination. Of course he understood these symptoms It means that the situation is not optimistic.
He held her hand with all his strength, as if he was afraid that he would accidentally lose her. Li Li felt his panic, patted him on the shoulder comfortingly, and said with a smile, "Let's go, we are going to play hide-and-seek with him."
Liu Qianren's car drove out of the gate of the community, and far away, a taxi carrying Pei Shangxuan was coming towards here. The difference of one step is like the tangled love lines between his and her palms, which can't find a common place.
What was waiting for Pei Shangxuan was a closed door, no matter how hard he tried to knock on the door, no one answered. Indignantly, he kicked the tightly locked iron door vigorously, and walked downstairs full of frustration.
When we got downstairs, the ground our feet stepped on was exuding the high heat that had accumulated throughout the day. He ran too hard just now, and now he was covered in sweat, as if he had just been fished out of the water. Pei Shangxuan looked at the window of Li Li's house unwillingly, and suddenly had a terrible hypothesis: Will Li Li avoid him on purpose
The August evening was still hot, but he shivered.