unspoken love
The weather is getting colder day by day, and all the migratory birds transiting through Shanghai have already flown south. Pei Shangxuan's fascination with migratory birds has finally come to an end—a young man at this age is unpredictable, his curiosity and enthusiasm come and go like the wind, and it is up to him whether he likes it or not. Between day and night. However, Li Li was influenced by him. She looked up at the narrow sky between the high-rise buildings every year during the season when migratory birds came and went. She sometimes wondered, among these free-flying elves, was there one she had seen in the late autumn of 1991? The bird that passed
In 2002 Shanghai International Film Festival, French director Jacques Perhan brought his four-year-long hard work—Le Peuple Migrateur. Li Li bought two expensive movie tickets and went to see it alone.
"The migration has only one single purpose: survival. For them, it is a promise, the promise for return." The narration subtitle is super cool—the migration of birds is a story about promises.
Li Li's tears fell quietly in the dark theater.
On New Year's Day in 1992, when the New Year's bell rang at twelve o'clock, Li Li yawned and opened the locked diary. On the first page, he wrote the eleven words "I don't like Pei Shangxuan any more this year".
She closed the diary, turned the key—and locked it. Putting the pink Hello Kitty-covered diary into the drawer, Li Li tiptoed to the kitchen to open the door, and threw the little golden key out forcefully. ——A young girl's heart, unless there is another same key in the world, no one will open it.
Every year since then, it has become Li Li's habit to buy a diary with a lock and write "I don't like Pei Shangxuan any more this year" when the bell rings on New Year's Day. Then she will open the window and throw away the key to complete the historical mission. go downstairs.
The mock test papers in the area were used in the final exam of the first semester, and this group of students was directly sent to the competition table before the entrance exam for the third year of junior high school. Using the most popular word in 2005 to describe it was "PK". Li Li's grades are good. Compared with other schools in Hongkou District, Li Fengzhu said that there is no problem with her grades to enter the market.
Pei Shangxuan did poorly in the exam, and Han Yichen was no better than him. These two people are busy going to the park, watching movies and having fun in their spare time. It is strange that they have good grades. It doesn't matter to Pei Shangxuan, when he plans to fill in the application form, he can just find a vocational school for two or three years before he can work, but Han Yichen's family's expectations for her are not low.
Han Yichen lost his temper at Pei Shangxuan, blaming him for the drop in his grades. Pei Shangxuan was not the kind of person who could suffer the slightest bit of grievance, and he immediately became angry, and the two of them almost didn't say the word "break up" directly.
During the winter vacation, Li Li went to Pei Shangxuan's house to make up lessons for him. With his grades, even graduating would be a problem. She volunteered to help him make up the gap, but she didn't expect that the students didn't know how to cooperate well. Seeing him scratching his head and scratching his head in deep thought, Li Li got angry, picked up a book and slammed it on his head.
"What are you doing?" He took a bite, yelling and asking her if she was crazy.
"I'm going crazy, how could I know such an idiot as you!" Li Li threw down the chemistry book, sat down opposite Pei Shangxuan angrily, pointed at his nose and scolded, "Pei Shangxuan, why did you memorize the formula yesterday? Don’t memorize? What are you thinking about all day long!” Seeing his sluggish and depressed look, Li Li’s fists were itchy and his heart felt like he was going to be flattened.
"Yi Chen quarreled with me." Pei Shangxuan said sullenly.
Rolling his eyes angrily, is it really because of her? Li Li sighed and said, "You said it the day before yesterday and yesterday, I don't have amnesia, so I don't need to repeat it again and again."
"I don't have amnesia either." Pei Shangxuan rested his cheeks and stared at the blue sky outside the window, with a distressed tone, "Li Li, I'm very sad, and I don't have any fun doing anything. Can you teach me how to not miss her?"
If I had my way, I wouldn't have to feel sorry for you—fool. Li Li answered him bitterly in his heart, but in reality he could only face each other in silence.
"Li Li, can you make up lessons for Yichen too?" Pei Shangxuan turned his head and his eyes stopped on Li Li. The eagerness in her eyes made her unable to utter the words of rejection, just like how many months ago, when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, he had a crush on Li Li. She said: "The person I like, you should like too."
Li Li nodded, opened the chemistry notebook seriously, pointed to the chemical equations she had compiled, and said, "You recite these two pages of equations, and I will help her make up lessons."
Because I like it, I am willing to do anything for that person without complaint or regret. Just like Li Li agreed to make up lessons for Han Yichen for Pei Shangxuan, and Pei Shangxuan memorized two full pages of chemical equations for Han Yichen in only half a day. Li Li watched Pei Shangxuan happily galloping on his bicycle to find Han Yichen. She sighed in the bitter north wind, and the air she exhaled condensed into white mist in contact with the cold air.
The little uncle kept forgetting to remind Li Li: In fact, liking someone is a very hard work. Especially when the person you like is in love with another person.
Going to Liu's house to pay New Year's greetings to his mother and stepfather during the Spring Festival, for Li Li, it was like putting a noose around his neck, waiting to tighten the noose and strangle himself to death when he saw Liu Qianren. She couldn't forget the boy's bad behavior towards her, and she always avoided meeting him with excuses. Every time she inevitably had to eat at the same table with him, she either ate quickly and quickly left the seat, or lowered her head and ate vigorously, often returning home with stomach pains due to indigestion.
After dawdling for a long time, Li Li reluctantly put on her new red overcoat and went out under her grandmother's urging. At the entrance of the alley, she met Pei Shangxuan who was going to a relative's house with her parents to pay New Year's greetings. She politely greeted the two elders first.
"Li Li, today is very beautiful." Mother Pei took her hand and looked at it carefully.
pretty? These two words have almost disappeared in Li Li's life. Regarding her appearance, the most kind evaluation is "good facial features". It's the same as saying nothing, people with improper facial features are relatively rare these days. She didn't want to disappoint Mother Pei's good intentions, so she tried her best to dispel the urge to laugh.
Pei Shangxuan's parents liked Li Li very much. This girl often came to find her incompetent son and spared no effort to help him improve his grades. They all saw it. Father Pei asked Pei Shangxuan in private if he liked Li Li, but the answer he got was "We are good friends" nonchalantly. At first they thought it was Shang Xuan trying to cover up, but later Han Yichen also joined the tutoring group, seeing his son's completely different attitude towards the two girls, they immediately understood.
Currently used, it is the most complete and best-used app for listening to books. It integrates 4 major speech synthesis engines, over 100 kinds of timbres, and is an artifact that supports offline reading. huanyuanapp.org
It's a pity that such a good girl, I don't know which family is so lucky to marry home as a daughter-in-law. Mother Pei nagged her husband more than once. Although Li Li was not good-looking at first glance, she was cute after getting along for a long time.
Li Li turned her head to look at Pei Shangxuan, who hadn't spoken to her since she met her, and nudged him, then asked him, "Have you memorized all of "Teacher's Watch" and "Yueyang Tower"? After the Spring Festival, I will I'm going to test you."
He didn't yell "My God" as usual, and the boy in a black coat was nearly 1.75 meters tall, looking like a tall tree.
Pei Shangxuan looked at Li Li, raised the corners of his mouth and smiled as acceptance. The handsome face and subtle smile all make Li Li's heartbeat speed up quietly.
Li Li suddenly had a feeling that the immature boy began to gradually shed his green shell and slowly mature—Pei Shangxuan, there is
Something is different.
Pei Shangxuan waved his hand to say goodbye to her - he didn't tell Li Li that the fiery red coat made her look really pretty. Mother was right, she is indeed very beautiful today, although this "beauty" is not the "beauty" he used to praise Han Yichen.
It was ten o'clock in the morning when Li Li arrived at her mother's place. She wandered downstairs for ten minutes, and finally persuaded herself to go upstairs and knock on the door. The person who opened the door for her was precisely Liu Qianren who she was most afraid of seeing.
Meeting each other suddenly, not to mention the relatively independent space without the presence of outsiders, the uncomfortable expressions on the faces of the two implied that they were invariably recalling the embarrassing situation of that night. But in just an instant, Liu Qianren had regained his composure.
He turned slightly to ask her to come in, Li Li took a deep breath and walked into the door without looking sideways. When she passed him, she couldn't help but quicken her pace.
"Don't worry, I'm not interested in you." Liu Qianren said in a low voice.
Li Li suddenly turned her head and caught the ephemeral and strange smile on the boy's pretty face. She is self-aware, and if she wants to attract the attention of a handsome guy based on her appearance, there is only a 0.1% possibility, and it is still in a situation of embarrassment. But Liu Qianren's malicious teasing is another matter.
She ignored him and walked towards the living room with her head down. Liu Zhixian and Li Meiqing were sitting on the sofa watching the rebroadcast of the Spring Festival Gala, Li Li immediately smiled and greeted them with clasped fists.
Liu Zhixian smiled and sealed a red envelope as lucky money and gave it to Li Li. She declined politely and put it in her pocket under Li Meiqing's signal. Sitting next to her mother, she pretended to be very interested in the sketches of the Spring Festival Gala, and stared at the TV without blinking. Li Li didn't dare to look at other places - being in the same space with Liu Qianren gave her too much pressure. She couldn't forget the hateful look in his eyes when he said he hated him that night, and his subsequent behavior of belittling himself.
Liu Qianren is a beautiful boy, Li Li, like most girls, likes to comment on handsome guys, but he is the only exception. Even if he is so handsome, she can only avoid him.
Liu Zhixian, who was cooking in the kitchen, found that the cooking wine was used up, so he went out of the kitchen and asked Liu Qianren to buy it. Li Meiqing didn't dare to bother this half-cold and eccentric stepson, she quickly pushed her daughter to imply that she offered to help.
Li Li stood up helplessly, "Uncle, let me go."
"That's right, this girl needs to exercise more." Li Meiqing compared Li Li's waistline, "You're getting fat again."
Li Li was speechless and asked the sky, before she had time to lament her mother's excessiveness, another blow followed. Liu Qianren stretched his long legs and got up from the sofa, and said lightly, "She doesn't know the way, so I'll go with her." Li Li regretted why she fell asleep when the grandmother was offering incense to the Bodhisattva.
Liu Qianren walked beside her, stepping on the red debris of firecrackers and firecrackers all over the floor. The Chinese people try to make it lively during the New Year. Although the city government has repeatedly ordered and drawn up a restricted area for fireworks, the citizens still do not miss it.
Li Li wrapped her coat tightly, always on guard against Liu Qianren's sudden attack like last time. Liu Qianren followed unhurriedly, staring ahead without saying a word.
They went to a nearby grocery store to buy cooking wine, and the two continued their return journey in silence. Seeing that Li Li was about to complete the task at the door of the house, her tense nerves relaxed.
"Li Li." Liu Qianren called her name suddenly, his voice was actually very soft and sweet, but every time she heard it, she felt gloomy and uncomfortable.
She stopped and turned to look at him.
Liu Qianren pulled out his hand from his pocket and reached for her hair. Li Li panicked and almost lost her balance and fell down the stairs. She couldn't avoid his touch, she opened her eyes like a lamb at his slaughter, and secretly decided in her heart that if he dared to belittle her again, the glass bottle in her hand would greet his head. She was thinking wildly with a guarded face, but Qian Ren just took a piece of firecracker debris that was blown by the wind and stuck to her hair from between her hair, and threw it away.
"Ah, thank you." She smiled shyly, feeling that she had made a fuss.
Liu Qianren stopped looking at her, passed Li Li and went upstairs. She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, guessing that Liu Qianren must have lost his mind just now - such a soft and friendly expression appeared on that delicate face for the first time, and she was not used to it.
Entering the second half of the third grade, the learning atmosphere in the class is unprecedentedly strong. The teachers of various subjects seize every minute and every second of the students' free time. Often, several teachers appear at the classroom door at the same time with test papers in hand. Whenever Pei Shangxuan saw such a situation, he would cover his mouth and laugh, as happy as if a gold ingot had fallen from the sky.
Pei Shangxuan has no great ambitions, and his parents who had hoped for their son Jackie Chan also gave up their expectations after being named and criticized in parent meetings for many years-as long as he can enter a vocational school and find a job to support himself.
Li Li had understood Pei Shangxuan's ambition since the trip to watch the birds last fall, and since then she has never mentioned the hope that he will work hard to improve his grades. The main reason why he and she can become friends is that Li Li respects his choice. She may not agree with his attitude towards life, but she will not interfere. As for why Li Li became friends with her diametrically opposite self, Pei Shangxuan never remembers to explore, it seems to be the most natural thing - he can always see her when he looks back.
She stood by silently, lending a helping hand when he needed it, without hesitation.
After more than ten years, Pei Shangxuan realized that Li Li was an indispensable part of his life. He can lose everything, but he can't live without her.
When he understood, she said to him, "I'm sorry, it's too late."
Li Li's myopia deepened, and he accompanied her to get another pair of glasses. Different from last time, Han Yichen was also present this time.
"Shang Xuan, do I look good in this pair?" Said to accompany Li Li, but Han Yichen occupied Pei Shangxuan's attention. She picked out a pair of thin silver metal frames, and turned her head to show Pei Shangxuan.
A pretty girl looks attractive even with glasses. Li Li looked at Han Yichen, lowered her head in shame, and pretended to carefully choose the spectacle frames.
To be honest, Li Li was reluctant to change this pair of glasses, because Pei Shangxuan helped her choose them. In her little mind, she always felt that wearing this pair of glasses seemed to be inexplicably closer to Pei Shangxuan—it was in reality. An impossible dream.
Li Li thought she was useless, the vow she wrote on New Year's Day was a dead letter, and she still kept this idiot in her heart every moment.
Fifteen-year-old Li Li was discouraged and couldn't find a way not to like Pei Shangxuan.
The clerk is still the middle-aged woman from more than a year ago, but she doesn't remember them anymore, she just looks at her, as if she is very interested in the beautiful boys and girls, staring at the two people intently, but she doesn't want to match her seriousness. Li Li with glasses was left out in the cold.
Li Li moved her lips to protest, but seeing Pei Shangxuan showing Han Yichen a doting smile, she became calm instead. Holding the glasses, she calmly asked to change only the lenses—she had worn this pair of silver-purple frames for a long time, and it was difficult to repair until she was accidentally knocked to the ground by a deskmate in her third year of high school. Later, Li Li went to get contact lenses, and she would only wear framed glasses when she was at home.
The result after the optometry shocked Pei Shangxuan. Her left eye was 500 degrees, and her right eye was 450 degrees. Before Li Li expressed his opinion, he had already pointed at her forehead and told her that she was such a nerd.
"Listen, starting from today, you are not allowed to lie on the table to write, and you are not allowed to spend the five minutes of eye exercises for reading, and you are not allowed to read books."
Lie in bed to review, and apply eye drops before going to bed. He shook the optometry sheet ferociously, with an expression of "how are you torturing yourself, girl?" "Also, recite the 'four dos and four don'ts' at the back of the exercise book for me every day. "
Li Li frowned, and Han Yichen next to him looked strange. The delicate thoughts of a fifteen-year-old girl are far beyond the comprehension of careless boys. She knows that Han Yichen secretly complains about their friendship, and she thinks about it too. After all, it is Han Yichen who holds the title of Pei Shangxuan's girlfriend, not her Li Li.
She twitched the corner of her mouth and smiled ironically, the first problem she had to face when being friends with Pei Shangxuan was how to get along with his girlfriend peacefully—she was his good friend and was asked to like the person he liked.
During the long years, Li Li kept asking herself: Does Pei Shangxuan really know his feelings for him? Later, she finally found a chance to ask. With the glass of red wine in her hand, she listened to Liu Yali sing with a magnetic voice on the TV: "...in a quiet place in the night, when I hear this queer and soft Saxophone, I think of you in a daze in the middle of the night..."
This is the theme song of a Hong Kong TV series that was popular in Shanghai back then. At the time of the play, she was in college. My roommate brought a 14-inch black and white TV set, and I had to adjust the antenna for half a day before watching TV every night, but I never got tired of it.
The story of four women, seven people in the dormitory watched their love and hate in front of the 14-inch screen. Li Li thought of Pei Shangxuan and the migratory birds she was waiting for, and she buried her face in the pillow and wept silently in the middle of the night.
Before getting married, Pei Shangxuan asked Li Li to go to the bar for a drink, and she ordered the song "I Have a Date with Spring" on the jukebox. Year after year, the migratory birds that flew away did not return as scheduled, but her crazily waiting came to an end.
"Have you ever thought that I might like you?" Li Li asked with a smile. Her facial features are still ordinary, but the well-manicured hair and natural light makeup make up for it. She is more beautiful than any moment in the long years .
Pei Shangxuan asked for a glass of Tequila. Looking at the colorless and transparent liquid, he smiled evilly, "Li Li, do you still remember the bet we made a long time ago?"
Li Li remained silent, she never forgot that she owed him a bet that was not fulfilled. In the 1990 World Cup in Italy, her favorite Argentina lost the final, and the dejected expression of "Son of the Wind" Caniggia made her unforgettable.
"Actually, you should support Germany. You are always a rational person." There was a trace of desolation and mockery in his eyes, "How could you like me who is worthless?"
She almost blurted out—"Who said I wouldn't like it?" But, after all, she blended her sigh into the bright red wine like a gemstone. Indeed, she is a calm and rational woman. She loved him for more than ten years, but she only used the word "possible" in her confession.
Li Li occasionally assumes that if she has the courage to say "like" to him, maybe the promise for return will be true—but life does not allow assumptions to exist, especially since he is about to get married, and there is no way for them to retreat.
Before Labor Day, May 1, 1992, Li Li got her own glasses—new prescription lenses and old frames.
The last time Li Li helped Han Yichen with homework was in the classroom. The students on duty left the keys after sweeping the floor and told them to remember to lock the door when they left. Pei Shangxuan was playing basketball on the playground downstairs, waiting for the tuition to be over to send Han Yichen home.
"Your first choice is Hongkou Middle School. As long as you perform normally, you should be fine." Li Li has done the direct entrance test paper of Hongkou Middle School, which is nothing compared to the city key of Fudan High School. She had participated in the entrance examination conducted by Fudan High School in advance, and that subject was truly terrifying.
Li Li's first choice was Fuxing Middle School. On the one hand, it was closer to home, and on the other hand, she felt that it was also a city center. Compared with Fudan Middle School, Fuxing was less aggressive.
Han Yichen tidied up his schoolbag, looked at Li Li and hesitated to speak. She noticed something strange, put down the test paper and looked up at the beautiful girl.
"You helped me like this because of Pei Shangxuan, right?" Han Yichen smiled like a flower, no different from usual. Li Li felt that there was something in her words, and waited for her to continue without saying a word.
"To be honest, I really don't want to owe you a favor." Graduating soon, Han Yichen felt that there was no need to pretend to be friendly. Two months ago, Pei Shangxuan's caring for Li Li in the optical shop made her feel uncomfortable and a little uneasy. I kept thinking about the opportunity to have a showdown with Li Li to declare ownership.
Li Li glanced at her calmly, and smiled ironically, "Then, what then?" She looked calm, and the idiom "Flying birds are gone, good bows are hidden" came to mind. Song Taizu's trick of "a cup of wine to release the military power" can be regarded as gentle and gentle, but Zhu Yuanzhang directly came to "burn the building of heroes". She was thinking about something and nothing in her mind, and then she couldn't help but burst out laughing.
Han Yichen is a smart person, not as unresponsive as Pei Shangxuan, so he naturally heard the mockery in Li Li's laughter. Her face remained unchanged, "I don't care what you mean about Shang Xuan, he is my boyfriend, and I won't let it to you."
When Han Yichen saw his thoughts, Li Li was startled. Could it be that his liking for Pei Shangxuan is already so obvious? She looked at the beautiful girl vigilantly, and quickly made a guess, judging how much Han Yichen knew about the inside story. "If you want it, I will definitely accept it?" Li Li gritted her teeth and placed a bet that Han Yichen was playing hard to get.
Han Yichen has no definite evidence that Li Li likes Pei Shangxuan. For example, when she finds a love letter or hears a confession, she just releases the bait and waits for the fish to take the bait automatically. If the other party really has this intention, she will inevitably feel guilty. Li Li's rhetorical question was beyond her expectation. Han Yichen prepared two sets of answers in advance, which were either affirmative or negative for her, but they were useless at the moment, leaving her speechless for a while.
Li Li didn't want to entangle with her anymore, so she packed her schoolbag and planned to go home. Han Yichen spoke again, "Ms. Li asked you for a question, didn't she?" , the head teacher talked to them respectively.
The teenage lovers were not fools either, they denied it confidently and even brought Li Li into it - claiming that the three of them were good friends.
Li Fengzhu was skeptical, and the question gradually faded away. Pei Shangxuan asked Li Li, but she never revealed to them whether the head teacher had ever confronted her.
"Is it important?" Li Li asked. Han Yichen was sitting opposite her, his beautiful face was close at hand. She suddenly had an urge to smash this face into pieces so that it would never be recognized again. Li Li's hands were placed under the table, she clenched her fists secretly, her nails were firmly embedded in her palms, she bit her lips subconsciously, and did the "self-abuse" behavior that Pei Shangxuan described.
"I just want to know, is it because you have concealed it for us that Mr. Li didn't pursue it later?" Han Yichen wanted to find out whether the reason for all these things was because of Pei Shangxuan.
In the dusk, Li Li's lips were broken. The tip of her tongue licked her lips, and the sweet blood stimulated her taste buds.
"Han Yichen, a smart woman had better remember one thing, don't ask so many questions." She picked up her schoolbag, got up and walked towards the door.
Li Li met Pei Shangxuan who was holding a basketball on the stairs, he patted her on the head, and said "thank you" instead of Han Yichen.
She didn't have to admit that all these things were for him, because it was simply the truth.