Xu Shiqi often wondered if she hadn't met Wen Jialuo, would her life be easier now? But it was meaningless to think about such a question. The trajectories of fate had already intersected, either overlapping or drifting apart, which was really hard to foresee.
Wen Baohua had a cold recently, so she hadn't come to the old house. Pregnant women nowadays are different from those in the past. They would like to be put in a golden cage and have spells to ward off diseases and prevent disasters posted around them to ensure that they can survive the October period. When she recovered from the cold, she returned to the old house and insisted on staying for a few days.
Xu Shiqi was very happy to have her company. The days were short in winter, and she would come back early sometimes, and would have nothing to do. The old lady sometimes had visitors; the adults in the house were away for a long time; the one called Wen Yu was always in a hurry; as for Wen Jialuo, she had not come alone since she didn't get into her car on the roadside.
There is a computer in the old house that can access the Internet, but she rarely uses it. When she was working, the office computer was often used by others to secretly read novels and play chess, but for her, the feel of paper and the scent of flowing ink are always more vivid than the cold screen.
Although I am just a temporary guest, I feel extremely lonely, which is increasing day by day.
Fortunately, Wen Baohua came at this time.
When she came, she was followed by a nanny and Xia Bang, who was carrying her pajamas and cotton shoes. The arrival of these people made the whole house more lively, especially Xia Bang, who was always making some noise.
That night, she and Xu Shiqi helped the old lady to bed.
After the two people left the room, they went to Xu Shiqi's room.
As if it was an appointment, Wen Baohua appeared and Wen Jialuo disappeared. Xu Shiqi fiddled with a few snacks, put them on a plate and sent them to Wen Baohua. He wanted to ask something, but the words came back to his lips.
"Oh, I can eat a lot now." Wen Baohua smiled as she ate snacks. She had gained some weight recently, and her face looked rounder and smoother.
"This is for my godson."
Wen Baohua laughed: "Why can't it be a daughter, Seventeen, you actually prefer boys to girls?"
"No." Xu Shiqi shook her head, a little absent-minded, "Boys are braver and more courageous." She looked at the pregnant woman opposite, "If I give birth to another daughter, she will have a brother to protect her, and she will be fearless."
"Tsk, you're dreaming." Wen Baohua had a frightened look on his face. "I heard that childbirth is extremely painful. It's okay to just endure it once..."
Xu Shiqi smiled. She thought that she would never have to endure this kind of pain. Thinking that there was a little regret, but it was only a small one, she immediately became more determined. A marriage without love will not be happy. A child born out of love will surely be branded with pain for the rest of his life.
While she was thinking, Wen Baohua's eyes fell on a pair of red shoes on the ground.
"These shoes are pretty." Wen Baohua pulled a chair and sat down to try them on. "I'm afraid of the heat now. My feet will be all sweaty after wearing cotton shoes for a while." Her feet were about the same size as Xu Shiqi's. After putting on the shoes, she turned around twice in front of the floor-length mirror and felt very energetic. "Seventeen, where did you buy the shoes?"
Xu Shiqi was silent for a moment. Although the old lady sounded like she was joking, the woman in front of her was a pregnant woman and was very sensitive. In order not to cause any burden to her as an outsider, she could only smile and say, "You can wear whatever suits you."
"Really?" Wen Baohua said without hesitation, "I was planning to take grandma out for a walk tomorrow. This time I found something that fits my feet."
"Yeah." Xu Shiqi responded. When he heard Xia Bang's voice outside the door, he went over to open the door and let the pregnant woman out.
The next day, if I just tell the old lady that pregnant women need to wear it, she probably won’t be angry.
The next day, she still didn't get up early. When she went downstairs, she saw Wen Jialuo and the old lady sitting on the big sofa.
Xu Shiqi stood at the corner holding the ladder handrail and was stunned. Looking down, the girl's face became thinner and thinner. She seemed to have eaten regularly recently, and there was no news of her stomach being uncomfortable again, but why did the girl just sit there, still looking ethereal
After she went downstairs, the two people on the sofa also saw her. The old lady smiled and waved at her, and then greeted behind her.
It turned out that Wen Baohua followed Xu Shiqi downstairs.
This time, the two people on the sofa lowered their eyes to Wen Baohua's shoes. Wen Baohua was wearing a pure white cashmere coat today, so the pair of red shoes on his feet became more conspicuous.
"Why are you wearing these shoes?" the old lady asked curiously.
"Because I have to go out with grandma today," Wen Baohua said with a smile, "I am afraid my feet will sweat, and these shoes are very breathable."
"I said these shoes are too thin and will make you cold." Xia Bang also followed behind.
"It's okay," Xu Shiqi explained, "Just take a walk and you'll be fine."
The old lady pushed her reading glasses without saying anything. She slowly turned around to look at her granddaughter, and then was startled by her granddaughter's sudden standing up.
"I'll go start the bus." Wen Jialuo said with a cold face.
Wen Baohua was puzzled, and waited until she left before asking, "What happened to her?"
"She," the old lady pointed at the shoes on her feet, "she bought these shoes for Shi Qi. Maybe you stole them from her."
"ah?"
"ah!"
Xu Shiqi and Wen Baohua spoke at the same time.
The former was shocked by this and couldn't help looking at the old lady. The old lady had to tell the truth: "Jia Luo said that it was very tiring for you to go back and forth every day. After all, we let you stay here, so she wanted to give you a pair of comfortable walking shoes. But she was afraid that you would not accept it, so she sold this favor to me." She smiled and asked, "You won't be angry, right?"
Xu Shiqi shook her head stiffly. There was an old lady in front of her, an old classmate on her right, and a pair of eyes watching from behind. She had to control her expression no matter what, not to reveal too much. Her eyes involuntarily fell on the pair of shoes, and she actually began to regret giving them to Baohua.
But it was wrong to be so stingy, so she could only say to Wen Baohua: "You wear it, you need it more than I do."
Until the Wen family members went out and she was slowly preparing to go to the store, she kept holding her cell phone, wanting to call the girl.
After missing the invitation on the road that day, they had less and less contact. Xu Shiqi always thought that she had a lot of patience, but now she was getting more and more impatient.
She finally dialed the number with a little trembling, and then held her breath for a moment when the other end said "Hello", feeling extremely nervous.
"Thank you for giving me the shoes," she said, still expressing her feelings very smoothly, and slightly showing her goodwill, "I like them very much."
There was silence for a while: "I'm driving."
"…" Xu Shiqi was at a loss for a moment before quickly responding, "Let's talk about it later. I'm hanging up now."
"goodbye."
Xu Shiqi held the phone with stiff fingers, unable to imagine that the girl who had hung up on her so decisively would give her shoes.
My heart was hanging in the air until the evening, when Wen Jialuo drove the two most important women in the Wen family back home. Today, the old lady asked Xu Shiqi to rest, and her two granddaughters were filial to her by her bed.
Xu Shiqi had been standing behind the door, listening to the noise outside until she heard familiar footsteps. She hurriedly opened the door, and Wen Jialuo was indeed walking to her door.
"Can we talk?" Xu Shiqi held the door tightly, as if trying to gain leverage, and spoke softly.
Wen Jialuo looked at her for a long time, and only nodded when she almost retreated under his gaze.
It was like a deliberate torture, Xu Shiqi's hand was about to lose control. At this moment, Wen Jialuo's hand covered her hand that wanted to open the door a little more to make way, and his voice rang in her ear: "Let's go out and talk."
Wen Baohua and his wife lived on the other side of the old lady's room. While walking in the corridor, Xu Shiqi had thought about how she would face Baohua if he suddenly came out and saw them dressed neatly. But now her mind was filled with the fact that she was going out with a girl, and she really had no time to think about anything else.
Fortunately, no one noticed them going out. While sitting in the girl's car, Xu Shiqi felt a little like sleepwalking. He didn't know how many times he had ridden in this car, but a strange feeling of tension still invaded his whole body.
Wen Jialuo drove the car to the riverside park again. In the deep winter night, it was as quiet as a lurking hibernating monster. Even the street lights looked dim. Almost no one came here at this time, so it seemed very safe. But Xu Shiqi lost his sense of security. There was nowhere to hide in the empty surroundings, as if his whole heart would be exposed.
After getting off the car, they realized that they had indeed found a bad place. The cold wind blew through, and even the thickest clothes seemed to be soaked in water. The two had no choice but to get back in the car.
The air conditioner in the car was on and it was very warm. Xu Shiqi's fingers quickly became warm. She stroked her knuckles inch by inch, as if trying to calm her mood.
She had asked the person out, but she suddenly didn't know where to start. The girl seemed to be just waiting to answer her questions, sitting there passively without moving.
"Are you... busy recently?" Xu Shiqi finally asked.
Wen Jialuo narrowed his eyes and replied lazily: "Not bad."
"I haven't seen you much." Xu Shiqi said again, lowering his head slightly.
"It's enough if someone sends you there." Wen Jialuo said lightly, as if that was the extent of their relationship.
Xu Shiqi suddenly became stubborn: "Didn't you promise me that you would send me off every day?"
"But this won't work..." Wen Jialuo spread his hands and sighed, "This won't work."
"You feel uncomfortable now?" Xu Shiqi said with a fist. In fact, he didn't think so in his heart, but he blurted out the words deliberately, "Do you feel so uncomfortable now? Then why didn't you stay away from me when you first knew that I only liked women?"
Wen Jialuo turned her head and looked at her in disbelief. She was silent for a while before asking in a low voice, "Are you angry?"
"Why would I be angry?" Xu Shiqi smiled, "You are just curious about someone like me. I understand your curiosity. But you still feel uncomfortable, so you avoid me. Giving shoes and so on is also to relieve your guilt, right?" She was trembling all over as she spoke. She felt that these days were so difficult to endure, so she was extremely tense now. She closed her mouth and waited, waiting for the girl to say something, as if waiting for a life-or-death sentence. But she just closed her eyes and leaned back in the seat without saying anything, which made her unbearable, "Say something, why don't you say anything, you..."
There were more unbearable words that he couldn't control, and the girl suddenly opened her eyes and stabbed him like a sharp sword.
"Didn't you say you wouldn't fall in love with anyone?"
A word can wake a dreamer up.
Xu Shiqi forgot how to speak. She stared blankly at the girl who had suddenly jumped up. Her eyes were not filled with the same ugly and groundless hatred as her own, but were as tolerant and deep as the sea.
Something collapsed, and the girl finally couldn't sit still anymore, so she opened the car door and walked out.
It was so cold outside, and she stood there like a solitary tree, all alone.
Xu Shiqi touched her heart, which was beating so chaotically that it was about to get out of control. She tried to calm herself down and opened the car door to get out. Then she heard the girl's voice again.
"So, do you think we should keep some distance between us?"
How could it be like this? Why, it turned out to be like this...
Xu Shiqi thought, in fact, if you are just curious, I will feel better. She hugged herself tremblingly and looked at the girl: "I didn't hear what you said, take it back."
The girl turned around and curled her lips: "I knew you would say that." Why would such a gentle voice form such cruel words, but still make people happy. She was relieved immediately, "I can understand your mentality, so I don't blame you for saying that. I won't ask you to do anything. Since you didn't hear what I said, there is no need to take it back."
"Do you really understand?" Xu Shiqi asked blankly.
"I understand." Wen Jialuo said quietly, "There are too many people I can't bear to hurt, so I closed myself off from the beginning. I thought there was only one me in the world, but it's not true." She walked closer to Xu Shiqi, her eyes still focused, "If you decide to live alone, I will live alone with you. Anyway... I didn't plan to fall in love with anyone. Don't feel pressured, I really won't force you."
"I gave you that pair of shoes just because I wanted to. You don't have to think too much..."
Obviously, these are such considerate and caring words, and the people who hear them should be grateful. But Xu Shiqi seemed to be trapped in an invisible net that had been spread so wide that there was no escape. Her soul was struggling in the middle, and she was shouting out that she was unwilling to give up!
She suddenly stretched out her hand to grab Wen Jialuo.
But Wen Jialuo nimbly dodged and took two steps back: "No."
"No?" Xu Shiqi whispered, and then took a step further, "Why?"
"You have to think clearly." Wen Jialuo said slowly, "If you grab me, you can never let go."
Xu Shiqi was stunned. The girl's eyes were still so open, but wasn't her words forcing her to make a decision? Who just said that she wouldn't force her
Wen Jialuo turned sideways, and a low sigh rose in the darkness and disappeared into Xu Shiqi's ears: "I will give you time, you... think carefully about what you want and what you don't want."
While sitting in the car, Wen Jialuo said again: "No matter what your decision is, I'm here."
Like a bullet, right in the chest.
Xu Shiqi didn't say anything, biting her lower lip. She didn't dare to turn her head to look at the person next to her. She felt distressed just imagining what that person's expression would be like when he said such words.
The car was running on the road, and the atmosphere inside the car was so depressing that it was hard to breathe. Xu Shiqi clutched his chest tightly, and his eyes were blurred. Before he could taste the sweetness of love, he shed painful tears; before he could see the affection in the girl's eyes, he was deeply trapped in the struggle between gain and loss. This might be the love of people like them, every inch of the buds grew up in the too strong sun, and they didn't even have time to appreciate its appearance, but thought about how to heal it.
The balance is swaying, reason and emotion are in tug of war, progress is an abyss of weightlessness and dizziness, regression is an endless barren plain. Xu Shiqi finally faced the problem that he thought he would never face.
Perhaps it was too quiet, Wen Jialuo slowed down the car and reached out to change the FM channel.
A depressed female voice suddenly broke into the space, and the song contained a kind of loneliness that seemed to be hanging on the edge of a cliff.
"Does the north wind hear the south rain
Birds in the sky can see fish under the water.
The one I love is crying,
But I couldn’t make her happy…”