My dad, in today's words, is actually an open-minded literary cafe. He has a kind and funny personality, and enjoys getting along with friends and family. In his spare time, he will make a pot of tea at home and read books by his favorite authors.
He has always told us that reading can broaden our horizons and gain knowledge. There is no investment that pays less and gains more than "reading".
When Sheng Minou and I were young, he always liked to read one or two of his favorite articles to us before going to bed, to express his desire to read aloud, which had no place to vent.
He likes the collection of Borges' novels very much, especially the one "It's Still Unfinished", and he often repeats the selections that he thinks are exquisite.
"Since the day I have cognition and understanding, I have accepted those so-called ugly things since I was a child. In fact, there are many incompatible things in the world, and they have to accept each other in order to coexist."
I think it is precisely because he regards these words and sentences as a standard that he feels that Sheng Minou's "differentness" is not something to be fussed about. There are all kinds of different people in this world, some are kind and some are evil, some are selfless and some are selfish. No character is absolutely correct and perfect. The so-called "perfect" is nothing more than It's just a group of people.
For so many years, although it is impossible to be verbatim, the plot of this article has been deeply imprinted in my mind.
It may be related to the author's background in philosophy. Borges' articles are often full of discussions on philosophical ideas, and he also has his own unique views on death and time.
Unlike my dad, I like the opening paragraph in "It's Not Too Much", the protagonist expresses emotion after learning of his uncle's death: "I felt the same way people feel when they lose their loved ones: regret not taking advantage of them while they were alive. Treat them better, there's no use mourning now. People tend to forget that only the dead can talk to the dead."
Life is fleeting, especially after my dad passed away, this sentence is even more embarrassing to read. Relatives should treat them as well as possible when they are alive. When they die, whether it is burning paper or offering sacrifices, they are just looking for psychological comfort for themselves.
For Borges' point of view, I have always taken it seriously.
So when I woke up, I suddenly found that I was in my home more than ten years ago, the air was filled with the delicious smell of rice, my dad was sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper, and my mother was busy in the kitchen. Everything was in harmony, and I couldn’t help thinking Yi Dazhuang's crow's mouth echoed - did I really die with a single shot
I buried my face in my hands, propped my elbows on my knees, and was in a mess.
At any rate, let me leave a last word, what is the most tragic way to die with a single shot? I don't even reach my thirties. Is this considered a premature death
What if I die Sheng Minou? He, he... Most of them won't be uncomfortable for long.
Thinking of this, my back became even more hunched, and at the same time, a touch of comfort rose in my heart.
I'm both sad that he won't be mourning my death for long, and relieved that he can get back on track soon and continue to live the rest of his life step by step.
At this time, his character defect became his lucky place.
"Xiaofeng, how are you doing recently?"
Hearing this long-lost voice, I trembled all over, and looked up at the middle-aged man on the sofa in a daze.
My dad was only in his forties when he died, and the world time after death may be meaningless. He still looks the same as before, and he has not aged with the passage of time in reality.
"Dad..." He was flipping through the newspaper, as if it was just an ordinary casual question between father and son, but it made my eyes feel hot and my voice trembled.
Many times I dreamed that I was sitting with my dad like this, talking about some parents' gossip, analyzing current events and news, and doing things that we would never be able to do together in reality.
"I'm fine. I'm in good health, and I'm good at work. Recently... I've gained a little weight recently."
"That's good." My dad turned another page of the newspaper, "Where's your brother?"
"He's also very good. He's a lawyer now. He's doing everything you want him to do. Don't worry, he hasn't given in to his desires. He's always standing in the light."
My dad held up the newspaper and smiled: "I knew he could do it."
I laughed along with him, but after a short laugh, my dad suddenly put down the newspaper and looked at it with a serious face.
"Your mother told me about you."
I froze with a smile, just like I did something wrong when I was a child, I couldn't help rubbing my knees with my palms, my eyes wandered, and I didn't dare to look at him.
"I won't criticize you, because things have passed, it's useless to say more, people always have to look to the future."
I stared at the ground: "Sorry, I let you down."
There was a sigh in my ear.
"What nonsense?" A big warm hand suddenly touched the top of his head, which was the temperature of his father in memory. "You have never let us down. You are fine, your brother is fine, and you are all fine."
I was slightly startled, and then my nose became sour, and my eyes blurred.
Unexpectedly, I didn't do any good deeds in my life, and I could still go to heaven after death.
"Although I still have a lot to say to you, it's still not time for a family reunion. I won't keep you for dinner, let's go."
I moved my big hand away, and I raised my head in a daze. My dad dragged his slippers and ran to the door of the kitchen, looking at my mother from behind, and said, "Mother, Xiao Feng is leaving, don't you really want to say something to him?"
My mother stopped chopping vegetables, and waved her hand with her back to me: "No, tell him to get out."
This tone and posture, my mother was right.
I stood up, walked towards her, and finally stopped at the kitchen door, looked at her back and said, "Mom, are you still angry with me?"
"Fuck you, you're dead, so there's nothing else to worry about." My mother cut the vegetables neatly without looking back, "You were born and raised by me. Although Sheng Minou was not born by me, I also raised you." Yes, you will be like this, and it is also a failure of my education, I admit it."
"mom… "
I wanted to get closer, but the door not far away suddenly opened at this time as if blown by a hurricane.
"Your mother is hard-spoken and soft-hearted. When did she not agree to what you want to do?" My dad dragged me by the arm and walked straight to the gate. I looked it over, and finally pushed me out of the door reluctantly, "Let's go, it's not over yet, before the time comes, if you don't go, you won't be able to go back."
I staggered back out of the door, and the next second my whole body fell into the darkness with a hazy white light. The door belonging to "home" in my memory slowly closed before my eyes, and then disappeared at the end of the darkness.
The terrible weightlessness made me scream out loud, waving my limbs to grab something, but the surroundings were dark, I seemed to be sucked into a huge black hole, only the gravity that kept pulling me, other things, even light Also disappeared.
It seemed like I fell for several days and nights, and without warning, I saw colors other than black.
White buildings, passers-by, ambulances with flashing lights, hard ground...
Before I had time to rejoice in returning to the human world, my eyes were wide open because of the sudden approach of the ground, and I kept yelling "stop", but it was still difficult to stop the fate of hitting the ground heavily.
When he fell to the ground, the pain he expected didn't appear, and he didn't even make a sound.
I lay on my stomach for a while, but didn't feel any pain. I got up from the ground in confusion, and patted my clothes.
At the end of the corridor came two people hurriedly, one old and one young, the old one had frost on his temples, the young one was charming and charming, they were Xiao Suiguang and Xiao Moyu.
Xiao Moyu supported her father, with a rare dignified expression on her face, and her high-heeled shoes made a regular "click" sound on the marble floor tiles.
"Mr. Xiao..." I still wanted to say hello to them, but I raised my hands, but they passed me and walked behind me as if they didn't see me at all.
I hurriedly pressed my chest and found that I couldn't feel any beating there, I didn't have a heartbeat!
"I am... what the hell?"
Turning around, looking in the direction where Xiao Suiguang and the others were going, the first thing they saw was Sheng Minou at the door of the operating room.
He was still wearing the same blood-stained suit, and the white shirt was stained with blood. He stood there, staring up at the three words "under operation" in red on the door. He was obviously tall and stalwart, and shouldn't give people the impression of being weak, but he didn't know whether it was because he was different from the usual embarrassment, or because he had never The exhaustion I can feel from the back makes me seem to see a lost little boy.
He really wants to go home, but the chances of the next bus taking him home are only half and half. Maybe he will go home, maybe he will go to a place farther away from home. So he looked forward to it, was afraid, and at the same time was a little bit annoyed at how he got lost.
"Xiao Sheng..." Xiao Suiguang stopped behind Sheng Minou.
Hearing the voice, Sheng Minou half turned around and looked at him with no expression on his face, his eyes were dark and heavy.
Xiao Suiguang pursed his lips, broke away from his daughter's support, half-bent down to Sheng Minou, and bowed: "I didn't expect such a thing to happen, I'm really sorry."
"Dad!" Xiao Moyu stepped forward to support her father again, "You don't know what Xiao Meng did, how can you be blamed."
Xiao Suiguang ignored her, still looked directly at Sheng Minou and said, "Don't worry, I will bear your brother's medical expenses and subsequent compensation..."
Xiao Suiguang repeatedly assured that he was absolutely responsible to the end and would not shirk his responsibility. Sheng Minou just looked at him, did not speak comforting words, and did not answer the conversation. His appearance of refusing to communicate made Xiao Suiguang a little embarrassed, and gradually stopped talking.
Sheng Minou said at this time: "If my brother dies, Xiao Meng must die too."
Xiao Suiguang didn't know whether he was frightened or what, he opened his mouth slightly, but he didn't react for a moment, while Xiao Moyu was very annoyed.
"Sheng Minou, what's your attitude? If you have grievances, you have revenge. My father wiped Xiao Meng's ass. We are also victims. There are still a lot of messes waiting for us to deal with. If you are angry, don't take it out on us! "
Sheng Minou turned around and ignored them.
"You!" Xiao Moyu glared at his back, and wanted to continue, but glanced at the operating room above with the red light on, endured it, and swallowed the words again.
"Dad, let's go, people probably don't want us to stay here." Saying that, Xiao Moyu helped Xiao Suiguang turn around and leave, stepping on the high heels harder and louder than when he came.
Yi Dazhuang, with plaster casts on one hand and one foot, was supported by Shen Xiaoshi to the door of the operating room, followed by Wei Shi, who was holding a pile of receipts and films.
The three of them were still talking, but when they reached the door of the operating room, they automatically relaxed their movements. Xiaoshi helped Yi Dazhuang sit down on the bench, leaned against the wall, crossed his chest, and waited quietly.
Wei Shi stood with Sheng Minou for a while, and soon began to pace back and forth restlessly.
"It's been several hours, why hasn't he recovered..." He frowned tightly, with his hands behind his back, "A fake Taoist priest once told Lu Feng that he had a hurdle before he was thirty. After that, you will be able to reach 100 with no disease or disaster, and he also gave you a solution... I think he has some skills and is very effective, this time Lu Feng will be fine, and then he will live a long life smoothly."
When he said this, I remembered that there was a fake Taoist priest who entered in through illegal pyramid schemes, and he counted several of us. He said that Wei Shi's destined person was far away in the sky and close in front of him, and he rolled his eyes after he finished speaking. Wei Shi thought he was implying something, and beat him up disgustingly.
It seems that they have been wronged.
I don't know if it's really so effective, Wei Shi just finished chanting, the red light on the operating room went out, and the door opened not long after, the chief surgeon came out with his mask on, and was immediately surrounded by Wei Shi and Shen Xiaoshi anxiously.
"How is the doctor?"
"Man, are you alright?"
The doctor smiled: "Don't worry, the operation went well, but the person still needs to be observed in the ICU for a few days."
As soon as he finished speaking, the door of the operating room was pushed open again, and "I" was pushed out by the medical staff with an oxygen tube inserted and covered tightly.
This little face is pale and scary. When the stretcher bed passed in front of me, I glanced at myself on the bed, clicked my tongue and shook my head.
"Wait for me, wait for me, I'm coming too!"
Yi Dazhuang tried his best to stand up, followed the stretcher bed for a while, and was supported by Shen Xiaoshi and followed. Wei Shi asked the medical staff about the next precautions and postoperative recovery in detail, and then followed, only Sheng Minou stood motionless.
I stood beside him, trying to touch him, but my hand passed through his body.
"What's the matter? Are you not happy that I came out alive?" I tapped his cheek lightly.
Of course Sheng Minou couldn't hear me, he raised his hand, looked at the frozen blood on it, searched around for a while, and walked towards the bathroom.
I followed behind him curiously, and saw him enter the men's toilet and stop in front of the sink.
He began to wash his hands over and over again, scrubbing with soap, and along with the blood stains on his cuffs, a large area of his sleeves was wet. He still didn't stop this behavior until his fingers turned white and his skin wrinkled.
It is understandable to wash it once or twice, but a dozen or twenty times is a bit too much, right? If you wash it, your hands will be rotten.
"Brother, come on, don't wash it!" I shouted in his ear, trying in vain to stop his almost masochistic behavior.
After another five minutes, he had washed all the soap in the hospital and lost weight, Sheng Minou suddenly stopped. But before I could be happy, I saw him rushing into the cubicle with a pale face, kneeling in front of the toilet and retching.
I panicked, and just about to go over to check, a huge suction sucked me away from him. The surrounding scenery quickly reversed, and I quickly lost consciousness again.