The sound of the door closing echoed in the corridor.
Yunli was shocked and looked at Fu Shize.
He lowered his eyes and looked at the stairs quietly. After a moment, he turned his head and met her eyes. Seeing that her eyes were red, he relaxed his eyebrows and touched her cheek with a comforting smile: "Stop crying."
Yunli could still control her tears, but when she heard his words, she felt a lump in her throat: "I seem to have messed up."
She made him feel even worse.
Fu Shi took her downstairs, and when they were both under the sun, Yunli noticed that he was wearing the gray scarf.
Nanwu is experiencing single-digit temperatures.
Fu Shi took off the scarf, pulled the long edge, put it on her in circles, and gently pinched her red nose.
"It's not messed up." He leaned over, his eyes met hers, and he said calmly: "Actually, I won't feel much ups and downs when I see his parents."
"But," Fu Shize kissed her heavily on the forehead, "Thank you Lili."
He looked at the person in front of him, his eyelashes were still trembling and slightly wet, and his face was buried in his scarf.
After confirming that his expression was not fake, Yunli felt a little more relaxed. After a few seconds, she asked him dully: "Are you still feeling guilty about brother Jiang Yuan? Do you still think he is blaming you?"
Fu Shize was silent for a while and nodded.
"Have you read his diaries from the next few years?" Yunli's voice was still nasal.
"When I was a freshman, I thought he stopped writing."
Most people think so, not to mention that the intervals between Jiang Yuan's later diaries are getting longer and longer.
Yunli backed up Jiang Yuan's diary on her mobile phone. She sent the document to Fu Shize, and the two returned to the car. Fu Shi sat in the driver's seat and silently turned the pages.
"I believe my uncle and aunt can also figure it out, and they won't blame you anymore." Yunli put her hand on his.
When Yunli called Fu Shize at first, his focus was not on Jiang Yuan's affairs at all, but he was worried that Yunli would be sad if he hit a wall or suffered a setback.
After reading the diary, he didn't say a word, just turned off the screen and sat there, lost in thought.
It took more than six years before anyone heard Jiang Yuan's true voice.
Everyone misunderstood. Jiang Yuan did not blame Fu Shize.
At that time, most people had no understanding or consensus about depression. Jiang Yuan finally stopped taking the medicine, just hoping that he could get better, and he also thought he would get better.
He finally stopped taking the medication, not to leave this world.
He still loves the people of this world.
The last diary he wrote was full of pain, in which he complained that Fu Shize's existence was only due to his inability to control himself when he was ill.
Intellectually speaking, he no longer needs to think that he is a sinner. Jiang Yuan has never hated his appearance. The tragedy in the end was not entirely due to his negligence. Jiang Yuan had a plan to not take medicine and there was always a way to implement it.
He no longer has to worry about having a normal life.
However, at this moment, the bitterness embedded in the words surged into his heart, just like the emotions from the past surged instantly and almost drowned him.
It turns out that he also wants to live.
He calmed down his emotions and replied to Yunli with a soft hum, then started the car and drove towards Jiangnanyuan.
Yunli secretly observed his expression throughout the whole process. He was a little absent-minded, and his reaction to changing lanes and turning on the lights when driving was much slower than usual.
"How long has it been planned?" Fu Shize asked her on the way back.
"There is no plan..." Yunli hesitated, "Before meeting his parents, I actually didn't think clearly about what to say. I just hoped that they would stop blaming you. I also wanted to find evidence so that you don't blame yourself. ”
"Actually, you told me about the diary that brother Jiang Yuan wrote before his death. I blame him a bit."
I always feel that it was the existence of that diary that made Fu Shize suffer from accusations and guilt for so many years.
Fu Shize drove the car, focusing on the road conditions, and responded: "Don't blame him."
The car in front braked. Yunli looked at the red light of the car in front and murmured, "Well, he shouldn't be blamed."
Yunli thought of that day, the canvas shoes on the red runway, and the other person's gentle smile melting into the sunlight.
The last stage should not make people forget his gentleness and kindness in the first twenty years.
A gentle boy who never did anything wrong.
After a long pause, Yunli looked at Fu Shize: "What about you? Do you still blame yourself?"
The sky was getting dark, and Fu Shize's eyes could no longer be seen clearly. Cars shuttled between people and cars. For a moment, he smiled, making it difficult to distinguish his emotions: "I don't blame myself so much."
…
The car parked in the community, and the two went to the nearby vegetable market to pack some cooked food for dinner. As soon as she sat down at the table, Yunli unexpectedly received a call from Jiang Yuan's parents.
They wanted to talk to Fu Shize.
Yunli handed him the phone, and Fu Shi stood up, pulled up a chair and sat on the balcony.
"Uncle Jiang, Aunt Jiang."
Fu Shize hasn't called this name for many years.
There was only a whistling sound in the air.
"Child, listen to Uncle Jiang and Aunt Jiang saying I'm sorry to you. Over the years, we can't accept it. How could Yuanyuan, who loves us, have the heart to abandon us? It's all your fault." Father Jiang's voice trembled. , "We watched you grow up, how could we have wrongly blamed you for so many years."
They themselves just remembered that they watched Fu Shize grow from three years old to twenty years old.
He has not been with his parents since he was a child. Every time he went to Heyuan, he said he wanted to eat the food they cooked.
They felt sorry for this child. His parents gave him generous resources, but did not provide him with companionship and love.
Every year on Children's Day, they took him and Jiang Yuan to play in the playground outside.
For years, out of pain and resentment, they blamed everything on the man who considered them family.
What happened to Jiang Yuan was something no one wanted to see.
After saying this, tears welled up in his own eyes, "It's Uncle Jiang and Aunt Jiang's fault. She didn't take good care of Yuanyuan, and she didn't take good care of you either."
"Lili told us a lot about you today. I also heard from my uncle and aunt that Yuanyuan is a good boy. He will hope that you live well, not because he has a bad life. If he knows, he will be very happy. sad."
Jiang Yuan would indeed think so.
He would want him to live well.
This kind of Jiang Yuan was someone Fu Shize had known for seventeen years.
The painful memories that troubled everyone did not disappear in an instant today. Countless images flashed through Fu Shize's mind in an instant, and finally turned into blank.
He also hopes that Jiang Yuan will live well, but his obsession is no longer so strong.
He hummed.
Hearing his answer, the person on the other side of the phone finally felt relieved.
Fu Shize thought of the many nights he spent sitting here. The floors across from him were filled with houses. The despair, pain, and guilt of losing his best friend seemed to have gradually faded away from his life with what had happened in the past few years. go.
Some hurdles that were always thought to be insurmountable have finally become a part of countless past events.
Yunli pulled up a chair and sat next to him. He had just hung up the phone.
In the cold wind, Yunli just hugged him tightly.
Feeling the warmth on his body, Fu Shi came back to his senses and lowered his head. There was a faint floral fragrance from her hair in his nose. His stiff body moved and he hugged her back.
"What did they say?"
Fu Shi summed it up in a few simple words: "Stop blaming me and let me live a good life."
Hearing this, Yunli felt an indescribable feeling in her heart. Everything seemed to be solved, but she was not as happy as expected: "Then what are you thinking?"
"I want to live a good life." Fu Shize hugged her back and whispered, "With you."
I want to live a good life and completely let go of the most sinful part of my heart.
Yunli hugged him with all her strength. When she raised her eyes, his eyes were empty and staring at the opposite side.
Yun Li pursed her lips and asked him, "How do you feel when you think of brother Jiang Yuan now?"
In fact, Fu Shize didn't know either.
Most of the time, he would not think of Jiang Yuan.
Several years have passed, and Fu Shize can no longer remember the rain all night and the diluted blood.
The memory seemed to stop at the scene before the accident, when Jiang Yuan brought milk tea to his office and chatted with him.
It's like the brain is protecting itself, sealing that memory forever.
Fu Shize said with a gloomy expression, "I hope he is still alive."
He could stop blaming himself so much.
He can stop being eroded by guilt at night, like bones rotting away in the years.
However, even after so long, the pain caused by Jiang Yuan's death has not disappeared.
It's just that he is no longer so sensitive, but this kind of pain is so familiar that it makes people numb.
"For a long time, I couldn't accept it, and maybe even now, I still haven't accepted it. I wish he had taken medicine."
When a close family member or friend passes away, the living may take a lifetime to repair the pain.
When Fu Shize said these words, his mood was calm but lifeless. He lowered his head, no longer hiding his true emotions, like a fragile porcelain doll.
"LiLi, you are the dearest person to me."
So, whatever happens, don't leave like everyone else.
He is a very fragile man.
Without her presence, he would have been unable to bear these losses.
"Then your dearest person," Yunli held his face: "The only wish is your happiness, and she is willing to spend her whole life to achieve this. Are you willing to help her?"
Fu Shize paused for a moment, withdrew his thoughts, tilted his head, and asked her casually: "Is this... a proposal?"
Yunli: "..."
"You're too shameless." Yunli originally said it sincerely, but suddenly her guard was broken: "How could I propose?"
"Oh." His tone was slightly disappointed. After the test, he pretended that nothing happened: "I just want to verify it, so as not to have any unintended meaning."
“…”
Yunli asked awkwardly: "Then are you willing..."
I always feel that the question at this moment has other meanings.
There was a smile in his eyes, and his tone was inexplicably solemn: "Then I am willing."
…
After putting away the dishes, Yunli nestled in Fu Shize's arms and watched a movie.
"Are those two people a couple just now?" Yunli raised her head and asked him, but Fu Shize was stunned for a moment and did not answer.
Seeing that he hadn't watched the movie at all, Yunli knew that he was thinking about something. She went back to the room to get her iPad and opened a two-player game that she had downloaded in advance.
Fu Shize's attention was quickly attracted by this game that required brain use.
The rules are simple, two people use their fingers to control the squares on the map to the corresponding positions.
Putting the iPad flat on the sofa, Fu Shize and Yunli sat face to face. As the difficulty of the game increases, the number of blocks will increase or move, and their fingers on the screen will occasionally interlace.
As the difficulty increased in later levels, Fu Shize quickly figured out the rules.
Yunli didn't want to admit that she could be crushed by him in this kind of game, so she vaccinated him in advance: "You can't remind me."
Fu Shi raised his eyebrows slightly and said patiently: "I understand."
Every time, he fixed the position first, and then used his fingers to operate the remaining squares.
In his spare time, Fu Shize lowered his eyes to look at her. She was very close, and her body would sway slightly when she moved her fingers. Only a small orange light was turned on in the living room, which hit her just right.
He stared at her, and without noticing, the whole world seemed to consist only of the figure in front of him.
Yunli kept complaining about why her hands were so stupid, and once again the game failed because of her operation. She raised her head angrily, but directly met Fu Shize's deep eyes.
Both of them were very close to the tablet screen, only one centimeter away from each other.
Yunli was nervous for a moment, lowered her head, and started a new round of the game directly.
Fu Shize's hand still stopped on the tablet, but did not move to the square. Instead, he moved forward and held her fingers.
Yunli was still planning to continue, so when she saw this, she asked him: "Aren't you going to play anymore?"
Fu Shize: "I want to play something else."
“…”
He only needed to move forward a short distance and directly cover her lips. Follow her fingers up, slide across her wrist, and then support the back of her head.
His other hand was on her leg, forcing her to the corner of the sofa, and pressing one of her hands on the sofa.
Yunli felt her neck pressed against the edge of the sofa. She passively responded to his kiss. Remembering what he just said, she put her hand against his chest: "I'm not a toy."
"I'm a toy." Fu Shize said coldly, pulling her hand to his body, "Do you want to play?"
“…”
Yunli was speechless for a moment.
Fu Shize asked again: "Don't want to?"
He lowered his eyes, with a stoic look on his face, but there was an obvious hint in his words. Yunli stared at his glossy lower lip and swallowed. Thinking that she hadn't taken a shower yet, she calmly pushed him away.
"No. I'm going to take a shower."
Seeing that Fu Shize didn't stop him, Yunli tried to move his legs under the sofa. When he accidentally bumped into him, Fu Shi laughed and said, "Did you do it on purpose?"
“…”
Yunli immediately rushed back to the room and opened her suitcase.
Fu Shi found two quilts and a four-piece suit in the closet and placed them in their respective rooms.
She pretended to be calm and asked, "Are you going to make the bed?"
The bed had accumulated dust and needed to be wiped before the sheets could be laid. Fu Shize hummed and took a cleaning towel.
Yunli took out her makeup bag and quickly removed her makeup in front of the dressing table. She picked up her pajamas and walked to the bathroom, while Fu Shi handed her a new towel.
After taking off her clothes, Yunli walked to the shower room and looked at the bottles and cans on the wall before she remembered that she didn't bring the facial cleanser.
Opening the door a crack, she poked half of her head out: "Help me get the facial cleanser."
Fu Shize's voice came from the room: "Where are you?"
“In the makeup bag…”
Yunli suddenly remembered the few small bags placed in the mezzanine, and her voice stopped abruptly.
Just as she said the words "No need" in a panic, she saw Fu Shize walking out of the room, holding her facial cleanser in his hand.
His demeanor was natural.
Probably nothing was found.
"Don't catch a cold." Fu Shize handed it to her through the crack of the door and urged her to take a shower.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Yunli picked up the shower head and poured hot water on her body. The indescribable images in her mind seemed to appear in the rising smoke.
After taking a shower, Yunli sat in front of the dressing table and applied skin care products. This dressing table was specially bought for her by Fu Shize last time. She remembered that she muttered at that time: "I always feel that there is no girlish atmosphere in this room. "
The next day, Fu Shi took her to pick out a European-style dressing table with an oversized round mirror.
Yunli looked back and saw Fu Shi making the bed.
She blew her hair slowly, the sound of the hair dryer was noisy. It only took a minute or two for short hair to be semi-dry, but now long and thick hair needed more than ten minutes to dry.
She thought of how long it had been since the two first met.
Some people are still by your side even after time passes by unconsciously.
Looking up, she saw Fu Chize's figure in the mirror.
He put his fingers on her hair, took the hairdryer, and blew her hair gently. The air was filled with heat and moisture. She stared at the fingers stroking her hair in the mirror, occasionally lifting her hair. The hair on the shoulders scratches the skin intentionally or unintentionally.
The usually annoying roar of the hair dryer blocks other sounds at this moment, making the touch on the shoulder clearer.
The next second, when Yunli looked up, he turned off the hair dryer.
There was silence in the air.
Fu Shi moved her hair behind her shoulders, and Yunli looked at herself in the mirror and him behind her. His hand was on her hair, but he didn't leave. Instead, he moved to her neck and stroked it gently.
Yunli was a little dazed for a moment, while Fu Shi lowered his eyes. She was wearing a white pajama with a flat collar. The collar was not high. The skin at her collarbone looked almost transparent, with a little moisture that had not been wiped off.
His cold palm slid down, which was in sharp contrast with her warm skin, and the place where it was touched was burning.
At a certain moment, Yunli froze.
She wanted to get up, but Fu Shize's left hand pressed her shoulder, leaned over and gently nibbled her earlobe, and placed unusually hot and dense kisses on her neck.
After a minute or two, Fu Shi retracted his right hand, squatted down on one knee, and pulled the chair directly with his hands, so that Yunli faced him.
Yunli lowered her head and looked into those eyes, which were so deep and pure that there was only one emotion left.
Yunli's breathing became rapid, and she whispered: "Did you see it?"
"Yes." Fu Shi responded vaguely. At the same time, he held her neck, made her lower her head, and ran his tongue between her teeth wantonly.
Yunli was confused, but still wanted to save face, and said intermittently: "I, I'm just in case."
Fu Shi chuckled lightly and bit her neck: "I couldn't help it."
"I, I'm not ready yet." Yunli was at a loss and shrank. Fu Shize tilted his head and asked her, "When did you buy it?"
“…”
Yunli just wanted to find a hole to bury herself in: "Two months ago..."
"I'm sorry." Fu Shize said, but there was no apology in his words: "I made you wait for so long."
“…”
His breath hit her neck and shoulders, and Yunli opened her eyes in a daze, feeling like countless electric currents flowing through the place where his kiss fell.
She bit her lower lip, and the touch on her earlobe made her passively look away.
When he slowed down a little and opened his eyes, Yunli was startled and instinctively pulled down her clothes, but Fu Shize grabbed her wrist. He bit her neck and murmured in his lips: "Don't make trouble. .”
As if he knew what she was afraid of, Fu Shi stopped moving and just stared at her, his eyes slowly moving downwards.
Yunli turned away and whispered, "Don't look at it."
He laughed and said, "Then I won't watch." But he didn't stop kissing every corner.
Yunli felt hot all over her body, and unspeakable longing grew from the bottom of her heart. She looked down at the wrists that were tightly clasped by him, and used her other hand to unbutton his buttons.
Then everything was like a storm. He directly picked her up and placed her on the paved bed.
"You know?" Fu Shize leaned against her ear, "I made the bed hard."
He continued to whisper in her ear without restraint: "After making the bed, I have to take off your clothes."
Yunli blushed because of his flirting words, but she had no fear and looked at him with affectionate eyes: "Then I will take it off for you?" She stared at the shirt on his body and said unabashedly: "Every time Every time I see you wearing a white shirt, I want to take it off for you."
When he wears a white shirt, he always makes people feel cold and unapproachable, but it makes her have a stronger intention to see another him.
"Yes." Fu Shi leaned against the bed obediently, while Ren Yunli sat on him and unbuttoned the buttons one by one.
Fu Shi waited for her patiently, but his hand restlessly held her ankle and rubbed it with his fingertips.
Yunli's legs felt weak and she held his hand.
"No." Yunli protested against his behavior just now.
Fu Shize ignored these words, and while Yunli continued to unbutton her buttons, he gently held her ankle.
Yun Li blushed and said, "Didn't you say last time that as long as I said no, you would stop?"
Fu Shize looked at her and smiled: "I never said that."
“…”
This smile seemed a bit shameless to Yunli, and she looked down at him dissatisfiedly.
It was as if he was passively suppressed by her, giving her the illusion of being in control. She unconsciously said, "You have to listen to me."
The rubbing on her ankle made her want more. Yunli gave up her restraint and took the initiative to lower her head and kiss his Adam's apple. Fu Shi's breathing became heavier and he urged, "Are you just going to take off your clothes this time?"
Yunli thought of what happened in the dormitory last time. She followed her heart and raised her hand, keeping her eyes on him.
His dark eyes were full of lust, almost engulfing her completely.
With a gentle tug, he exchanged positions.
Yunli looked at the face in front of her. She remembered the video she saw that year. It must have been nine years ago. At that time, the young man was green and had a gentle temperament. The man in front of her had a strong jawline and sharp eyebrows broken by emotion. reason.
He was about to completely belong to her.
She felt a strong sense of possessiveness and satisfaction.
Yun Li stepped forward to meet him and hooked her arms around his neck, while Fu Shi held her shoulders, his strength gradually becoming heavier. She felt countless unrestrained kisses falling on her body.
Fu Shi took out a bag from under the pillow, followed by the sound of plastic tearing open, and his bewitching call.
"Yunlili..."
Three words floated into her ears, and she felt numb all over, and she was suddenly off guard. Yunli grabbed the sheets tightly, and saw that she was frowning in pain, while Fu Shi patiently kissed her forehead.
"Lili..."
Following his call, he pulled each other closer inch by inch, forbearing and gentle. Seeing that her eyebrows were completely relaxed, Fu Shi asked in a hoarse voice: "Are you feeling better?"
Yunli blushed and nodded lightly, covering his shoulders with her hands, and asked him stumblingly: "Can you turn on some music?"
Hearing the weakness in her voice, Fu Shi laughed softly, took the phone from the right side and handed it to her.
Yunli opened the music software with trembling hands, and retro melodious music sounded. She tried to increase the sound to the maximum, but failed to press the button several times.
She glared at the instigator, but he just smiled softly and kissed her gently on the forehead.
Pushing the phone aside, Fu Shi pulled a pillow from the head of the bed.
Yunli felt that the music seemed to have power. Whether it was long and melodious or ups and downs, every beat was clearly audible. She bit her lower lip tightly, but he gently opened it with his fingertips.
Fu Shize put his lips against her right ear and uttered two unclear words.
"Love you."