The winter was very cold that year, 34 degrees below zero, the ground was frozen and cracked. I was taken to the crematorium, I was scared, maybe because of the cold, plus the fear, I shivered uncontrollably.
My father left me behind and I followed Master Yunzheng into his office.
He didn't say anything, but poured me a cup of hot water. I drank it, and my body felt much warmer, and the shivering slowly stopped.
"You're scared, aren't you?"
I nodded. I was only eighteen. I didn't understand anything.
"You can go home now. You have to arrive at 7 o'clock tomorrow morning and get off work at 12 noon. Got it?"
Master Yunzheng said very gently. I just nodded, stood up and left. I ran all the way out of the crematorium. The road to the crematorium was one kilometer long, and I finished the run in just a few minutes.
When I got home, my father was stunned for a moment and then reprimanded me, thinking I had quit. I told him what happened and he nodded. I could see that he was heartbroken.
In the evening, he cooked meat for me, which I could only eat during the Chinese New Year. He was a man of few words, not very good at speaking, and not very fond of speaking. His love was expressed in actions.
"Go to bed early and don't be late for work tomorrow morning. I won't send you off tomorrow."
That night, I had nightmares so many times that even my pillow was wet.
As far as I can remember, my father was the only one raising me. I didn't know where my mother went. My father never told me and I didn't ask. I was a dull child and people even said I was a little stupid, which made my father very sad. Otherwise, I was very smart, but I just didn't get into college.
The person who sent me to the crematorium was a classmate of my father, who was the director of a museum. My father was a college student. College students were very capable at that time. But my father's job was to write materials for the city's cultural department. He thought about it for two months before sending me to the crematorium. I found out about this later. Looking back, I realized that many times when I got up at night, he would sit on the sofa and smoke. He was a heavy smoker. It was after he thought for two months that he sent me to the crematorium to be the one who burned people.
I knew my father's pain, and I persisted.
The next day, my steps were so heavy, as if a huge rock was tied to my body. The master rode his bike up behind me and scared me.
"Second class."
I just jumped on it.
"You're like a tamping rammer."
My master seemed so cute to me at that moment that I actually relaxed along the way.
When I entered the office, which was the only room that belonged to my master, he threw a set of work clothes to me.
"One set a month, no need to wash, this is a benefit."
I put it on and stood looking at the master.
"Take it off and go home."
I was stunned and went home again. What does that mean
"master."
"go home."
When I went home and took this road again, I was not so scared anymore. I didn't run, but I walked fast.
It was cold, but I walked out sweating. The cotton-padded jacket my father made for me was very warm. It was the first time I felt such warmth, and I had never felt such warmth before. At this moment, I knew how great my father was.
After that snow, the weather got even colder. I had never seen such a cold day. I really had to hold a stick when I peed.
This is the third day of work. I went to work early and cleaned the office. My father told me to do this. I changed into work clothes and made tea for the master. The tea was given to me by my father.
The master came in, but was not happy about the tea I made or the cleaning of the house. Instead, he had a gloomy face. I was a little panicked, not knowing what I did wrong.
"Remember, the floor in this office cannot be swept. You can go home now."
"Master..."
The master glared at me. I didn't dare to say anything else, changed my clothes and went home.
I just can't figure it out. Why can't we sweep the floor? Is there any special reason for this
My heart, which had been somewhat relaxed at this moment, was suddenly torn apart again, and I felt uncomfortable and distressed.
It was the fourth day. Because the master said I couldn't sweep the floor, I was nervous and went there early. I didn't know what to do, so I wiped the table and made tea. When the master came in, he was in a much better mood and sat down to drink tea.
"Come with me to the refining room in a moment."
I suddenly became nervous and felt like I had to pee.
"Master, I want to pee."
The master raised his head, and I ran out and went into the toilet, but I couldn’t pee. I felt guilty for a long time, but was afraid that the master would be anxious, so I ran back.
The master stood up and I followed him. I clenched my fists tightly, as I would do when I was nervous. I gritted my teeth and made a sound, as I would do when I was extremely nervous.
The master stopped and I almost bumped into him. He turned around.
"You're too nervous."
After the master finished speaking, he slowed down his pace, and I actually relaxed. The master was very tired.
After passing through one door and entering another, I saw a large iron stove.
"There's nothing to be afraid of, you can see for yourself."
I looked and saw a big iron stove in a house. It was very tall and big. Because it was so tall, I was still scared.
"Okay, you're off duty."
I thought I would follow my master to burn people today, but no, my master let me go home.
When I heard the master telling me to go home, I ran away. I didn't want to stay here for even a minute. I was really scared.
That night, I had nightmares. In the morning, my father called me. I was not in the mood and only drank a bowl of porridge. My father shook his head and said nothing.
The father is a writer who writes novels, poems, and essays, but his son actually...
He always blamed himself, because it was because of him that I ended up like this. Originally, I could have been better than him, but I dropped out after junior high school. He hung me up and beat me, and even put a kitchen knife on my neck, cutting it until it bled, but I still dropped out.
I don't know when my mother left me or what she looked like, but I only know one thing: my mother ran away with a man and never came back. The next thing I knew was from my neighbors that she went to Nanjing.
Other than that, I don’t know anything.
Today, the weather is dry and cold, I walked to the crematorium, and it seemed that I had gotten used to it. I arrived early, did not sweep the floor, but wiped the table and made tea for the master.
The master came in to drink tea, and after one cup, he told me.
"Go to the refining room and get my watch. I forgot it there yesterday."
I went alone? I didn't dare to say it. As soon as I left the office, I started to get scared. When I got there, I started to tremble.
As I entered the first door, I broke out in a cold sweat. It was winter with temperatures dropping below 30 degrees Celsius, so it was hard to sweat, but I sweated anyway.
When I entered the second door, I felt like I couldn't keep up my pace, but I still went in. The watch was really there. I took it, turned around and ran. I don't know how fast I ran.
When I entered the office, I was breathing heavily, which was also under control. When I saw the master, I felt safe.
I put the watch down gently. In that era, having a watch and a bicycle was as cool as having an A8 at home.
"Do you know whose watch this is?"
The master was teasing me and I shook my head dumbly.
"Dead people, dead people."
I shivered, and the master opened the drawer and asked me to come over. I saw that there was everything in the drawer, a lot of watches, gold rings, gold earrings... The drawer was almost full.
"You can choose one as my gift to you."
"I don't want it."
"Is disdain something that belongs to dead people?"
I guessed it, but didn't want to realize it. When the master pointed it out, I shook my head and said I didn't want that thing.
"Don't be shameless, okay?"
I was so stupid at that time that I took a watch for some unknown reason.
"Put it on."
So I put it on.
"You're off duty."
I always get off work as soon as I get off work. When I get home, my father sees my watch and smiles with joy.
"Son, even though this place isn't that great, you have a watch now. This watch costs fifty or sixty dollars."
In that era, if you got a watch, changing your wife was not a problem. This is what made my father feel balanced.
I feel comforted about this matter, and it seems that the fear has been reduced a lot. This proves that people are material.
When I went to the crematorium again, the master looked at me and asked me.
"Still nervous?"
I shook my head. The master said.
"In here, just speak lively, don't move, and speak loudly."
I don't know why, I didn't dare to ask. The good master seemed to not like me asking questions without thinking. I didn't know what the taboos were, just like the floor in the office cannot be swept.
So, there are not so many whys here. I have been at the crematorium for almost a week, and I have not seen anyone being burned. This makes me more and more uneasy. It seems that it is not safe there, or there are many taboos, so the master has been reluctant to let me in to burn people.
I know that burning people requires great courage.
Master Yunzheng holds a very high status in the crematorium. Everyone is very polite to him, even the director. I don't know why, but I've never seen the master get so close to them. Instead, he has a stern face every day. Very few people see him smile. The fact that the master can smile at me shows that he is satisfied with me as his apprentice.
In the blink of an eye, another week passed and my master invited me to lunch. Of course, I wouldn't let my master spend any money, even though I hadn't received my salary that month.
At noon, the master took a shower, changed his clothes, and we went out together to the city. At that time, all the restaurants were government-owned and there were not many of them. It was a luxurious hotel that I had never been in. At the first glance, I felt that they would ask me for money.
The chef ordered six dishes, all meat dishes. We had never had such a rich meal during the Chinese New Year at home. He also ordered two bottles of white wine. I thought the chef could really drink, but who would have thought that he gave me one bottle.
"I can't drink."
"You have to drink even if you don't know how to drink. A man should be domineering."
Encouraged by the master, I got braver and took a sip, but choked immediately. I felt that it was the most unpalatable thing in the world.
That day, I didn't pay the bill, and I couldn't afford it, even though it was only 70 or 80 cents. The master carried me back.
When I woke up it was already the next night.
"I'm not at work?"
I looked at my father who was sitting next to me.
"Well, your master said that he would let you rest for two days and come back to work when you are better. He said that you have passed the first level."
My father was very happy. I don’t know what the master said to him. I drank a bottle of white wine that day. (To be continued)