I was surprised and shocked by Bai Wan's unwillingness. This was something that had nothing to do with me, but it became related to me.
I find this kind of soul connection terrifying, it is a completely real feeling.
I seemed to have forgotten the person I loved, Li Xiaohuan, completely forgotten about him, and felt that this was the most beautiful love.
Bai Wan told me that her unwillingness was not because she was unwilling to die, but because she was unwilling to love.
She told me that three years ago, she met a man, and she fell in love with him the moment she looked back. She looked for this man all over the world, but just couldn't find him. She was unwilling to give up, and until her death, she never met this man again.
However, she did not expect that after her death, she would see this man, the man who did her makeup.
Bai Wan looked at me after she finished speaking, and I was stunned. The person who put makeup on Bai Wan was me, and the makeup I put on Bai Wan was terrible.
"Why?"
"You are the man I'm looking for."
"Actually, it was just a moment. When you saw me, I was no different from an ordinary man."
"No, it was a feeling that I have never found since I saw you, so I came to love you. I know you love someone else, Li Xiaohuan, so I led her soul out and asked her to take my urn to the temple and put the urn on the Buddha's hand. In this way, Li Xiaohuan's soul will enter my urn, and in my next life, I will enter Li Xiaohuan's body, and then I will be able to fall in love with you."
"That won't work. It goes against the principles of reincarnation."
"In fact, there are no principles in the world. If you do it, then it is a principle."
"You can't do this. You're already dead. You should be reincarnated. You only live for so many years in this life. You can't change anything."
"Actually, whether I change or not, I'm not afraid. At most, I'll just live a life in vain, and I'm willing to do that. Otherwise, I'll be reincarnated, but I also think that's a waste of time. Living a hundred years in vain, it's better to just do it once and have it go."
It seems impossible to convince Bai Wan.
When I returned to the spirit world, Liu Shougui asked me what had happened. I told him what had happened and he stared at me.
"You had a chance to have a love affair. I thought it was over, but I didn't expect that you would find it again. I really have no way to deal with this. It's a soul that can't leave because of love. It's very difficult to deal with, or even impossible to deal with. Love is the greatest and purest love. You owe me this love. I don't know in which life you owed me this love."
“But that’s the soul.”
"You have already merged with the spirit. The final option is for Li Xiaohuan's soul to leave the body."
"Can't."
"That's not something you and I can decide."
"Uncle Liu, I sincerely ask you to help me one more time."
"I can't help you this time."
Liu Shougui refused to help me.
I was sitting in the office, and Bai Wan told me that in seven days, she would be Li Xiaohuan, and asked me to accept this fact, which could not be changed.
It is impossible for me to accept that Li Xiaohuan is normal now, but I know that in seven days, everything will change completely. I dare not tell Li Xiaohuan about this. In fact, this is a reality that no one can accept.
I looked for Zhang Wen, but he seemed to be getting farther and farther away from me, as if he had lost something. I knew that he was my father's reincarnation, but why was it like this now? The feeling of being my father was getting farther and farther away. He once hugged me, completing a hug from his previous life, and that was the warmest hug that made me feel.
I wanted to talk about this, but seeing Zhang Wen's behavior, I didn't.
I returned to the office and Gao Hua came in. I told Gao Hua.
"Director Ke, this is something that no one can solve. If you love someone, you can't do anything about it."
I know, He Dana said that there is no other way, there is no other way in this world, there is no other way, there is only life after death, I shook my head, maybe I can't struggle anymore, sometimes, life is destined, it is a fatal blow, there is no turning back, this is life.
I sat in the office until dark, when Li Xiaohuan called me and asked me to go home for dinner.
I think, there are still seven days left, I will give Li Xiaohuan another seven days of love, and then her love will leave this world, taking love with her. It is painful, but there is no choice.
In the past few days, I have been with Li Xiaohuan, lying on the grass with her, catching fish in the river, and doing everything she likes to do. Within seven days, I wanted to give all my love to Li Xiaohuan, but love grows, like a tree, it grows bigger and bigger, and I can't give her all my love.
On the seventh day, I held Li Xiaohuan's hand and sat by the river, which was the final destination.
When I felt the difference, it was just a matter of a second. The temperature of that hand changed. Li Xiaohuan's hand was icy cold, but the hand I was holding at that moment was warm. When I called Li Xiaohuan, she smiled at me, but that smile was not Li Xiaohuan's smile, and those gods were no longer there.
"Bai Wan."
Li Xiaohuan nodded.
"I accept all of this, this fact, but I don't want Xiao Huan's soul to suffer. Tell me, what should I do?"
“We’ll do this together.”
I went to the crematorium, entered the urn, and stood in front of Bai Wan's urn.
"If we take this away and send it to a place, she will be completely free. Of course, love is something that causes pain. The more joy, happiness, and beauty you get, the more pain you will experience."
Or maybe Bai Wan was right.
Bai Wan got into the car holding the urn, and I drove to the columbarium in Chixian.
“Why is it here?”
"I'm telling you the truth. Liu Shougui is the keeper of the tower. He has a promise to guard the tower for his whole life for a certain soul. This tower is the most beautiful place, just like the freest place in the world."
I believe what Bai Wan said, maybe that's the case!
The urn was placed on the top layer, and when I left, I wanted to touch the urn.
"Don't touch her. She will feel more pain. She won't feel any pain in a hundred years because she will be reincarnated."
I closed my eyes and tears came down.
Sitting in the car, Bai Wan said.
"I will slowly forget my past life and become Bai Wan in this life. I hope you can treat me well, because I really love you and you owe me your love for a lifetime."
"I see."
In fact, I cannot accept Bai Wan’s love. This love is different, just like Li Xiaohuan’s hands are cold, while her hands are warm. Everything is changing, and eventually everything of Li Xiaohuan no longer exists.
I invited Zhang Wen to dinner because I wanted to be with him, but the warmth from my father gradually faded away, which was something I didn't expect.
Zhang Wen also seemed to have forgotten his past life. He talked to me more about the crematorium and the refining furnace.
That day, I hugged Zhang Wen, and he seemed to still have a little bit of memory left. I repaid the hug I owed him in my previous life. Tears fell that day. I had repaid him with this hug. I would never owe it again, because this debt, this hug, seemed to have finally settled it all.
I went to sit with He Dana, and I thought, eventually I would learn this Yin science. No matter what, I would complete this task. Maybe I would never be able to complete it. He Dana spent his entire life and only achieved this level. I don’t know to what extent I will achieve.
Liu Yang came to me and told me about the house. She would take her children back to Chixian and the house would belong to her. I agreed and said I would give her whatever she wanted.
That day, I went to Chixian's paper-making room. The unfinished coffin was placed in the room. I took all the paper-making, including the unfinished coffin, to the yard. Suddenly, I lost all interest in paper-making, not at all. I even felt annoyed.
That day, I burned everything that could be burned. I didn't feel heartbroken, but instead felt a sense of relief.
When I left that day, I smashed the only mirror and cleaned up the house. It seemed like everything here was starting over again.
Liu Yang moved in, and Liu Shougui also moved in. He will live here until he dies.
I moved into the house that He Dana left for me, and Bai Wan moved in with me. Bai Wan did not go to work at the crematorium. She didn't know how to put on makeup. She was completely herself. She planted flowers and tidied up things in the yard every day.
I told her that Room 18 was a place she could never enter, and she nodded.
Bai Wan is a quiet girl, she likes this kind of quietness and peace.
I don’t know if this counts as living another life. Will this way of living be the same as that of a normal person
I was transferred from the crematorium to the bureau and became a section chief, which was considered a promotion. I was in charge of market culture, and everything seemed to be closer to the people, ordinary and normal. I didn't expect that I would really leave the crematorium. I also didn't like to put on makeup anymore. I felt uncomfortable when I saw makeup. I didn't know why it was like this. It was a kind of pain that I could not understand.
Every day when I come home from get off work, the meals are ready and everything is plain and peaceful. But I still can't marry Bai Wan. I need some time to slowly fall in love with Bai Wan.
I went to the columbarium to see Li Xiaohuan. Bai Wan told me that every time I came, Li Xiaohuan's soul would be in more pain. But I still went, taking Li Xiaohuan's favorite flowers and her favorite things and placing them there. This was the last time I came.
"Xiao Huan, I'm sorry, I really can't help it. I won't come to see you anymore, because every time I see you, the pain in your soul will be even worse. I'm afraid you'll be hurt..."
When I left the columbarium, Liu Shougui came.
"Uncle Liu..."
"Oh, look, Xiao Huan is here?"
I nodded.
"In fact, my wife's urn is also on it, but I never told you."
In fact, I have long understood that no one would like to live in such an urn. It is because of love, guarding it for love, for a lifetime. I don't think Liu Shougui is that ugly, he is even a little handsome, because there are very few people who live their lives for love.
I went to the crematorium to check on the work. Zhang Wen was already the director. He was reluctant to do the job at first, but now he accepted it. The little bit of fatherly feeling that was left in him was completely gone. We shook hands, and I thought, we will never have that kind of hug again.
At noon, the two of us went to Dong Yan's house for lunch. Dong Yan was already married and everything was back to normal.
Zhang Wen talked to me more about the transformation of the refining furnace. He is indeed an excellent expert, an expert in the design of refining furnaces.
I think, with the crematorium now, I will come less often, or even forget about it, or get tired of it.
When I was getting ready to marry Bai Wan, I wanted to tell Li Xiaohuan, but she would be hurt, so I didn't go.
Sitting in the yard, holding a book that Li Xiaohuan liked, he sat there in a daze.
When Bai Wan asked me to eat, a piece of paper fell out of the book and I was stunned. (To be continued)