Liu Xiaojing was driving me crazy. I always thought that this was a huge scam. Why did they lie to me? Bai Jie, Master, Liu Xiaojing... What was their purpose
At this moment, I had mental problems, so I went to the Fifth Hospital, our psychiatric hospital and psychotherapy center. I felt that all the problems here were my own.
After examination and description, the psychology professor finally told me that I had mental problems because I was always fantasizing that others were deceiving me. Also, people cannot come back to life after death, so this is a psychological problem.
I came out of the hospital thinking that something was completely and definitely wrong with me.
I returned home, went into my room and lay on the bed. I didn't know how to tell my father about this. At least I had to tell my father first. I would not tell Bai Jie or Master. At this moment, I seemed to have completely lost trust in them.
I don't know why this happened. Why did this happen? Did it happen the day my father sent me to the crematorium? Obviously not. It just got worse little by little.
I was very silent during dinner. My father asked me what happened. I hesitated, but still gently placed the diagnosis in front of my father. I thought my father should be able to bear it.
My father looked at me for a long, long time without saying anything.
He stood up, walked to the window, lit a cigarette, and spoke when the cigarette was almost finished.
"Your mother committed suicide because of this disease."
I was devastated at the time. My father never mentioned it. All I knew was that my mother ran away with another man and I never saw her again. But now...
I thought it was over, it was hereditary. The doctor asked me about it and he knew that the chance of this disease being inherited was very high.
I did have a mental illness. My father said so and I was sure of it. After I came out of the hospital, I still insisted that I did not have that disease.
"It's okay. Dad is here. Dad will take you to see a doctor. You will definitely get better. This disease is nothing serious."
My father said it easily, but his tone was not relaxed. I had undoubtedly added a heavy burden to him, and it instantly made him breathless.
I covered my face and cried, tears kept flowing, I couldn't control myself.
The next day, I asked for leave from the manager because I didn't want to go to the crematorium again.
My father packed his bag and I knew he was going to take me to see a doctor.
At nine o'clock, my father and I went out. Just like when I was seven years old and went on a long journey with my father, I followed behind my father, but my mood was different at this moment.
We went to the national psychiatric hospital in the provincial capital. My father was in a heavy mood, although he pretended to be relaxed and even put his arm around my shoulders.
He is familiar with this place. I can see that he may have come here countless times to bring his mother to see a doctor.
The results of the examination did make my father sad. When I went to the bathroom, I heard my father crying inside, and the cry was very sad.
That day, I thought about committing suicide. Maybe dying early would bring complete relief to my father.
He prescribed a lot of medicine, but I didn't want to take it and my father didn't force me.
We went home and it was dark. Bai Jie was waiting for me at the door.
"Xiao Zuo, what's wrong?"
"fine."
The father replied, I didn’t say anything. When Bai Jie entered the room, she also felt that the matter seemed serious.
"What happened?"
The father finally put the diagnosis in front of Bai Jie. Bai Jie was dumbfounded by all of this. She absolutely could not have imagined it. She seemed to know something, but perhaps she didn't know more.
“Could it be that the diagnosis was wrong?”
"That's a big hospital in the provincial capital. There's no doubt about it."
My father said.
"It can't be wrong."
I said something and Bai Jie was stunned, not knowing what to say.
Bai Jie passed away that day. I knew this would be the result. A mentally ill person is scary.
The next day, I still didn't go to work. Maybe I would never go to a crematorium again. That place was the cause of my illness.
Liu Xiaojing came. At noon, my father brought her in. I saw that Liu Xiaojing was surprisingly calm. Maybe she felt that nothing was wrong. She was a living person. It was just that I had a mental problem and felt that she had died and come back to life again.
But I clearly heard what Master Yunzheng, Master Yi, and even Liu Xiaojing’s father said to me in person. Is there really something wrong with me
Liu Xiaojing asked me what was wrong and my father went back to his room. I didn't want to tell Liu Xiaojing what problem I had. Liu Xiaojing was very anxious and finally got angry. I thought it didn't matter. It was like this anyway. I didn't plan to go to the crematorium again and I would never see these people again.
Liu Xiaojing was happy after reading the diagnosis.
"Xiao Zuo, this is fake. You don't have any mental problems. I am a dead person, but I am alive now. I can prove this to you. So you don't have any mental problems. Everything you know is true."
"Xiao Jing, thank you. Actually, I really like the dead flower. It's so beautiful and gorgeous, but it just makes me feel scared..."
"Okay, stop being sour and follow me. I promise you'll be fine."
Liu Xiaojing pulled me to leave, and my father came out.
"He is a sick man."
"Uncle, he's not sick. When he comes back, he'll be a good man."
My father shook his head and I was pulled away by Liu Xiaojing.
Liu Xiaojing took me to Zheng Qing's house.
"Actually, I'm not Zheng Qing's wife. What ghost wife? That's all nonsense. Master Zheng and I are just junior and senior apprentice brothers."
Zheng Qing nodded.
"Indeed, it is. In other words, Liu Xiaojing is one of my achievements."
I became even more confused and felt that everything was an illusion and did not really exist. I listened without saying a word. At this moment, I still could not prove that I had no mental problems.
"Master, I think..."
Zheng Qing clapped his hands to stop Liu Xiaojing from speaking any further. He stood up, seemed very annoyed, lit a cigarette, and walked around the room.
"Master..."
"Xiao Jing, I know you love Xiao Zuo, and you can have a relationship and live like a normal person, but I don't want to tell anyone about this."
"Master, Xiao Zuo won't be well this way. He will always think everything is fake."
Zheng Qing said after smoking two cigarettes in a row.
"Let me think about it, you guys go back first."
Liu Xiaojing and I came out, she said.
"When you see the truth, you will understand everything."
Liu Xiaojing went home that day, and I wandered around the street by myself. I didn't go home until it was dark. Master Yun Zheng was drinking with his father at home, and when they saw me come back, they all looked at me.
I sat down and drank with him, Master Yunzheng said.
"Your father told me everything about you. I also read your medical records and saw everything you said. Liu Xiaojing came back to life. I also think it is incomprehensible. However, she died and came back to life. I was the one who burned Liu Xiaojing when she died. Her father picked up her bones with his own hands."
I became even more nervous, not knowing what the master was going to say to me.
"But, there is one thing you have to believe, it is true. Liu Xiaojing is alive now. I have thought that maybe they are twins, but no matter what, he is Liu Xiaojing, it can't be anyone else, so how she is alive, no one knows."
Master Yunzheng actually told me this, what does it mean? You don't know how she survived, so how can I prove that I am not sick
"At first, I also thought that I had encountered strange things and that everything that happened was not real, but this is indeed true. You are not sick."
I think my illness has become more serious, not that I am not sick. Maybe I will hang myself tomorrow. In that era, the most common way to die was hanging. It seemed that there were no other ways to die, because ropes could be easily found, while other ways seemed to require some trouble, so hanging was more direct.
I was very drunk, otherwise I would have woken up at any time, and my clothes would have been soaked. The fear made me feel like a three-year-old child who had seen a tiger. It was a fear that penetrated deep into my bones and could not be shaken off.
I woke up at eight in the morning with a severe headache. I didn't know how to get through the day. After breakfast, I went out for a walk. My father was a little worried.
I was walking on the streets, streets that I was familiar with and streets that I was not familiar with. I kept walking, otherwise I would feel extremely uneasy.
By noon, I was so tired that I sat by the river looking at the water, and Liu Xiaojing appeared.
"How did you know I was here?"
"I feel."
I was shocked. A normal person cannot sense where a person is, let alone that I was away from home, at least five kilometers away from the streets I was familiar with, yet she could find him.
“I have this ability because…”
Liu Xiaojing didn't say anything else. I thought, everything is still going on, and even worse.
"My master said I can go there tomorrow night."
I feel that there is no point in going or not going, because it will be an even deeper scam.
Seeing that I didn't say anything, Liu Xiaojing stopped talking too.
That day, when we got home it was dark again. My father had prepared the food and wine. Bai Jie was sitting there, and she seemed to have been crying.
"Xiao Zuo."
“You’re here.”
I sat down and drank, saying very little. At that moment, my mind was full of suicide. I just refused to go to the crematorium. I felt that these people would not let me go. What was their purpose
I drank too much again that day and fell asleep. When I woke up, it was the middle of the night and Bai Jie was sitting next to me, watching over me.
"You don't have to stay with me. In fact, there is no point. My mother committed suicide because of this disease. The probability of inheriting this disease is very high."
I can only tell Bai Jie the truth that we can't be together anymore. Then, I don't know what Bai Jie will think. I hope she can leave me and never come to see me again, because I can't live a normal life. Who would want to be with a person with severe hallucinations
The next day, Liu Xiaojing really came to see me. I hesitated for a moment, but since it had come to this, it wouldn't hurt to go.
It was dark, and when we went out, Liu Xiaojing held my hand. Her hands were still cold, the kind of cold that a dead person would feel. I have touched dead people's hands before, and this was exactly the same coldness as a dead person's. There was no doubt about it. I felt that the person holding my hand was a ghost, a ghost holding my hand and taking me to a place she wanted to take me.
Zheng Qing was drinking at home. When we went over, he was still drinking by himself and didn't say anything for a long time.
"You can't tell anyone about this. I'll take you there at midnight."
I don't know where he will take us, but after thinking about it, no matter where we go, he won't give me a reasonable explanation, because no one will come up with a reasonable explanation, and I can't believe such an unreasonable explanation.
That day, I actually thought of Hao Fei.
I remembered that we were lying on the grass, looking at the blue sky, and it seemed like we were back to the joy of childhood. I thought I was about to die. Only when people are about to die will they recall things that are more distant, more romantic, and more precious in their hearts. Only at this time will they be willing to touch those things. (To be continued)