In the early morning of the second day, when Lin Xian woke up from the bed, Xiao Wanqing was no longer by her side. Listening carefully, what came from the kitchen was the faint sound of pots and pans that reassured her.
She sat up, rubbed her head, and thought about seeing Xiao Wanqing for a while, should she act as usual as if she had forgotten everything that happened last night in order to avoid embarrassment? Or should I keep the memory and wait for an opportunity to have another conversation when both of them are awake
While hesitating, Xiao Wanqing appeared at the door neatly dressed. She came in with a glass of water, her expression was the same as usual, her eyebrows were soft.
Xiao Wanqing sat down beside Lin Xian, touched Lin Xian's face, and asked her with concern: "Do you have a headache?"
Lin Xian didn't come up with an answer, and decided to stand still and follow Xiao Wanqing's attitude and play it by ear. Xiao Panpan hoped that she would remember, and she would; if she hoped that she would not remember, then she could have no memory.
She tilted her head and kissed Xiao Wanqing's palm, and replied with a smile: "It doesn't hurt, it's very energetic."
Xiao Wanqing let go of her heart, smiled lightly, got up and told her: "That's good. Then go brush your teeth and wash your face. You have morning class in the morning, so it won't be good if you are late."
There was no mention of Lin Xian's drunkenness last night.
Lin Xian agreed to her briskly, "Okay, I'll get up right away." She looked at Xiao Wanqing's leaving back, lowered her eyelids, and exhaled lightly.
Xiao Panpan didn't seem to want to mention it. Then let's not mention it for now.
It can be said that it is not mentioned that last night, the tears that Xiao Wanqing left on her heart, and the guilt and self-blame she opened up to her, were like a thorn, stubbornly and fiercely piercing Lin Xian's heart, Tortured her, aching. When she thought of Xiao Panpan's heart that had been pierced with this thorn that tormented her ever since she was with her, she felt a little more pain.
She was the one who started it first, and she was the one who seduced, so why did Xiao Wanqing take all the responsibility in the end
But Xiao Wanqing said that without herself, she might not have embarked on this path, and Lin Xian felt that it seemed impossible to refute.
She is not very old, but from the beginning of a puppy love in junior high school to the university where everyone's hormones exploded, it is not that no boys have chased her. Even in the university, several girls expressed their affection for her either explicitly or secretly. But she didn't feel it. She always thought that she was just cold in terms of feelings, and even wondered if she would not like anyone.
It wasn't until she found out that she liked Xiao Wanqing that she suddenly had a sense of belonging and destiny.
It seemed that all her rejection and indifference to others was just to wait for Xiao Wanqing to appear. She is not a very affectionate person, but she is a very long-lasting person. She was sure that she would never fall in love with anyone like Xiao Wanqing in her life.
From the age of eight to eighteen, her heart has always been beating only for Xiao Wanqing.
She did choose this path because of Xiao Wanqing. Or according to some posts she saw in the forum by mistake when she wanted to learn some knowledge about this, she fell for Xiao Wanqing.
But is this Xiao Wanqing's responsibility? Lin Xian felt that this was obviously wrong. But how can she convince Xiao Panpan who is strict with herself and lenient with others
In the evening, the student union held a regular meeting of cadres to discuss the arrangement of a series of activities that the student union will be responsible for. When the meeting adjourned, it was already late. Everyone was walking down the stairs while talking and laughing, when suddenly there were muffled thunder in the sky, and then, a light rain suddenly fell, and the rain gradually intensified amidst the thunder.
Everyone didn't bring an umbrella, and the others were boarding students. After waiting in the heavy rain for a while, seeing that the rain had subsided a little, they trotted in groups to the dormitory area.
Xia Zhijin and Lin Xian are the only day students together. They covered their heads with their hands, talking was better than nothing, and trotted all the way to the parking lot.
As soon as she stood in the parking lot, Xiao Wanqing called. Her voice was somewhat apologetic, she cared about Lin Xian and said, "Xian Xian, did you disturb your meeting?"
Lin Xian heard Xiao Wanqing's voice, and there was a smile on his lips: "No, it's over. Sister Zhijin and I walked to the parking lot and prepared to go home."
"That's it. I sent a text message a few minutes ago and you didn't reply, so I called directly." Xiao Wanqing explained. She looked at the mist drifting in the night, and sighed, "It's raining, I'm going to pick you up now, is it too late?"
Since the last time I went to school to pick up Lin Xian but didn't pick up anyone, Xiao Wanqing subconsciously refused to be so sudden. So she didn't dare to go hastily before getting Lin Xian's affirmative answer. But Lin Xian had the experience of falling while driving on a rainy night, and Xiao Wanqing was very worried.
"It's okay, I brought a raincoat, so I won't get caught in the rain." Lin Xian felt very sweet after receiving the concern.
Xia Zhijin beside her poked Lin Xian's cell phone, indicating that Lin Xian could hand over the cell phone to her, so that she and Xiao Wanqing could lose a few words
Lin Xian didn't doubt that he was there, so he informed Xiao Wanqing and passed the phone to Xia Zhijin.
Then, she heard Xia Zhijin's clear voice in the rainy night: "Aunt Xiao, don't worry, I'll send Xianxian back."
"It's okay, I'm on the way. Well, okay, okay, I'll drive slower, okay, goodbye."
After Xia Zhijin finished speaking, when she returned the phone to Lin Xian, the phone had already hung up.
"Aunt Xiao gave you to me, let's go, Lin Xiaoxian." Xia Zhijin rarely teased her: "Xianxian, your girlfriend is so kind, look at the heavy rain, full of caring text messages They didn’t even send them to me. Hey, I’m envious.”
Lin Xian was embarrassed to bother Xia Zhijin to make a detour. She had troubled Xia Zhijin enough last semester. This semester, she and Xia Zhijin both changed tutoring offices. Her current tutoring place is very close to Xiao Wanqing's home, and it is much more convenient to go to and from get out of class, so she didn't bother Xia Zhijin to pick her up.
But when she heard Xia Zhijin teasing her about her relationship with Aunt Xiao, and hearing her mentioning her relationship with Manman, she suddenly thought of something and changed her mind.
After getting into the car, the car was driving smoothly on the wet road. The windshield wipers were swinging from side to side in front of the car mirror. Lin Xian looked at them in a daze, hesitating whether he should ask Xia Zhijin, how should he ask Xia Zhijin? She was afraid that she would inadvertently poke at the same pain points that Xia Zhijin and Shi Man had.
Xia Zhijin had noticed Lin Xian since the meeting. Lin Xian didn't look as active as usual, and looked preoccupied.
She frowned, turned her face to look at Lin Xian, and asked her in a gentle voice, "Xianxian, what's the matter? You don't seem very happy?"
Lin Xian turned his head and looked at Xia Zhijin with concern in his eyes. She bit her lip, after all, her concern for Xiao Wanqing overwhelmed everything else. She made up her mind and asked Xia Zhijin softly, "Sister Zhijin, can I ask you a question? It might be a little offensive."
Xia Zhijin smiled generously when she heard the words, and said back to her: "It's okay, you can ask. I know that no matter what, you have no malicious intentions."
"Sister Zhijin, you... When you were with Manman, did you ever think about whether you had brought Manman under your wing? Or, you broke Manman, and let Manman walk a difficult road." It should be Is it the word "bending"? Lin Xian asked cautiously with some apprehension.
Xia Zhijin's hand on the steering wheel paused for a moment, then suddenly the corners of her lips curled up and she smiled faintly. She asked Lin Xian, "Why did I spoil Man Man and break Man Man? I have never liked girls before, and Man Man is also my first love." She joked: "It may also be Man Man Man. me."
She didn't look into who between her and Shiman fell in love with whom earlier. Like this kind of thing, is everyone's own business. She can resist liking Shiman, but she is tempted, so, is it to blame Shiman for being too charming? Xia Zhijin never thought about being guilty of Shiman liking girls, let alone Shiman being responsible for making herself like girls.
When she knew that she liked Shiman like girls, she read a lot of materials and had a thorough self-awareness. She also knows that the road between Shiman and herself is difficult, but she understands that the difficulty between her and Shiman is not because of gender, but because of other things that lie between them.
Lin Xian was dumb, yes, it's different. Sister Zhijin and Manman's situation is different from that of her and Xiao Panpan.
Because before knowing herself, Xiao Panpan already knew that she was cheating, so there was no possibility of her cheating on Xiao Panpan, so Xiao Panpan unilaterally thought that she had cheated on herself, and she had more responsibilities. Responsibility
Xia Zhijin looked at Lin Xian's frowning and thoughtful look, and guessed in her heart what problems Lin Xian might have encountered with Xiao Wanqing. After thinking about it for a while, she could deduce that a person as gentle, considerate and responsible as Aunt Xiao, because of the age gap between her and Lin Xian, would inevitably worry too much about something.
Frankly speaking, if she didn't know Lin Xian and Xiao Wanqing well, and just looked at the gap between them, she would subconsciously think that the older Xiao Wanqing should bear more responsibility for this relationship that is inappropriate in the eyes of the public .
Age is the original sin.
But she knows Lin Xian and Xiao Wanqing. If you can look at it objectively without prejudice, you will find that: Lin Xian is a person who has his own ideas. When she fell in love with Xiao Wanqing, she was a person with independent three views, not a child Xiao Wanqing could induce; Xiao Wanqing When accepting Lin Xian, Lin Xian was already an adult.
For the love of two adults, everything is your choice. The choices you make are your own responsibility.
Xia Zhijin stroked the steering wheel, then suddenly interrupted Lin Xian's meditation, and asked Lin Xian, "Xianxian, do you think homosexuality is born or acquired? Can sexual orientation be changed?"
Lin Xian never thought about this question. She was stunned for a moment, thought carefully for a while, and said hesitantly, "Natural?"
In fact, she only likes Xiao Wanqing, and Xiao Wanqing is the same gender as her, so she labels herself a crooked and gay. But in fact, she didn't really think about more and more in-depth issues about her sexual orientation, nor did she really understand this group. She always felt that it wasn't a matter of whether she liked boys or girls, it was just a matter of her liking Xiao Wanqing.
Seeing her hesitation, Xia Zhijin sighed knowingly. She glanced reassuringly at Lin Xian who seemed half-understanding, and told her the answer: "Xianxian, maybe if you find the two questions I asked you, you can also find the answer to the question in your heart."
Across the road is Xiao Wanqing's community, because it is inconvenient for Xia Zhijin to back up and go home when driving past, so Lin Xian just asks Xia Zhijin to park here every time.
The rain outside had almost stopped, Xia Zhijin stopped the car, Lin Xian opened the door and got out of the car, and said goodbye to Xia Zhijin by the car window: "Sister Zhijin, be careful on the road." After a pause, she continued: "About your question I will study my question seriously."
Xia Zhijin smiled, nodded and said, "Okay, if there is anything else you want to talk about, you can contact me directly later." She climbed up the car window and was about to leave under Lin Xian's watch.
The next second, she suddenly lowered the car window again, her eyes were solemn and soft, reminding Lin Xian: "Xianxian, I think, since you are already walking on this road, you should try to understand yourself better, understand yourself better What kind of road are you walking? Perhaps, this is also a responsible performance. Love is not just about two people liking each other."
Sometimes Lin Xian is really similar to Shi Man. Some things, the stronger you are, the more silent you are, and the more intimate you are, the harder it is to say them. Afraid of hurting each other, but also afraid of hurting yourself.
But to friends, if saying a few more words can make them less conflicted and more happy, Xia Zhijin is willing to be that noisy person.
Lin Xian frowned slightly, her eyes flickered, and after a while, she nodded solemnly.
It wasn't until Xia Zhijin's car completely disappeared into the night that Lin Xian withdrew his eyes. She pursed her lips and crossed the road thoughtfully.
As soon as she walked across the road and walked towards the gate of the community, she couldn't wait to start searching for the answer to the question Xia Zhijin asked her. She took a few steps forward, and when she saw the search results came out, she stopped unconsciously and carefully looked through the answers one by one.
After reading many articles in a row, she initially understood that what she thought was right.
Most of the answers show that sexual orientation is innate and not something that can be changed the day after tomorrow.
She was flipping through when a text message came in. It belonged to Xia Zhijin. Lin Xian opened it without hesitation.
Xia Zhijin said: "Lin Xian, in fact, there is a word just now, which I personally think is not objective. In my point of view, bending is actually a false proposition. There are no truly straight people who can be bent, and people who can bend. She herself has this potential. It just so happens that she now meets this so-called person or thing that broke her, which makes her discover this potential of herself and her hidden self."
Lin Xian read it first, stared blankly for a moment, and then immediately read it word by word for the second time seriously.
In an instant, she recalled the concerns that Xiao Panpan had told her, and suddenly felt enlightened and enlightened.
If this is what she was born with, and this is the path she was going to take, then why does Aunt Xiao have to blame herself
Moist water drops fell on Lin Xian's face. It's raining, and it's starting to fall again.
There was a smile in Lin Xian's eyes, and she was about to put away her phone and run back, when suddenly, a clear sky blocked the growing storm outside her.
Xiao Wanqing stood in front of her holding an umbrella, and asked her with a smile: "Why did you stop suddenly and not leave? Why are you so fascinated by watching?"
Has Aunt Xiao been waiting for her inside the community gate? Lin Xian stared at Xiao Wanqing's gentle face, the corners of her lips gradually curved.
Lin Xian didn't explain why he stopped. She stretched out her hand, hugged Xiao Wanqing tightly, and whispered with a smile: "It's you, Xiao Xiaowan. I'm fascinated."