Qiao Fengtian has read "Besieged City" and is in the vocational high school library. There was such a sentence in it, which he remembered for a long time.
Mr. Qian Zhongshu said, "Rumors spread faster than influenza, contain more energy than meteors, are more malicious than hooligans, and are more debilitating than miscarriage."
When he read it, Qiao Fengtian was almost stunned. This is the first time he has truly realized that language and words are invisible and can directly point to people's hearts. For others, this is a sobering motto; for Qiao Fengtian, this is his pain.
That year, in his third year of junior high school, the affair between him and Teacher Zhang was caught by the old principal and the department head who had come to visit him unexpectedly. The old headmaster remained silent with a livid face, but the head of the department wanted to stick the two of them on the big-character poster at the door.
The head of the department is a literate middle-aged man, full of three orders and five declarations, human nature and morality, both pedantic and stubborn. People can be regarded as high-level intellectuals who read and read alleys and alleys, and use so-called knowledge as a pair of tweezers to distinguish themselves from the mundane crowd.
Teachers and students are incoherent, ignoring the usual! Improper character, reverse yin and yang! Insulting the campus and committing obscenity! Expulsion, drop out! The water sitting on the stove was slowly boiling, and the aluminum kettle was making a creaking sound.
At the age of sixteen, Qiao Fengtian was naked and tugging at his trousers, turned over and got out of bed, stumbled to the base of the wall, and shuddered at the load-bearing wall of the staff dormitory. be clear. Even though the young man struggled to get up and silently shielded him behind his back, he could still feel the dagger-like fingers of the head of the department, pressing directly against his thin, flabby spine covered in sweat.
All of a sudden, things became known. The small Langxi Middle School made waves under the uproar. Together with the entire Qiao family, it became a contemptuous joke in people's mouths, buzzing all over the world.
The young man hesitated for a moment. Without waiting for Qiao Fengtian to say Ziwu Yinmao, he hurriedly escaped back to Linan without any explanation. Since then, the news has been full of apricots, leaving Qiao Fengtian alone to become the last target of public criticism.
He was ordered to drop out of school, even if he lowered his head along the wall to buy something, he could come back full of sarcasm and teasing.
Some things can't be remembered, and of course it may be that Qiao Fengtian selectively forgot. What he can still clearly remember now is Lin Shuangyu's never-ending slaps and the unpleasant words that he couldn't get in and out of his left ear no matter what.
"You like men?! Are you a pervert?! How old are you to have problems with your brain?!"
"You don't look like me at all. You are most like your father. Isn't your father the same as you? Where's your elder brother?!"
"Why is your heart so dirty?! These people are sick in their bodies and minds! You can't be like them! Beasts!"
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?! Why lied to me to give birth to you, and lied to me to raise you?!"
Why lie to me to give birth to you.
Why lie to me to raise you.
At that time, Qiao Fengtian was confused, afraid, ashamed, and only when he grew bigger, he seemed to be able to understand the root of it.
Because the issue of sexual orientation is not recognized, all his past achievements, all his sensible obedience, his unexplored future life, and even the reason why he was born in this world can be completely denied, and only a disgusting one is given. Perverted, unworthy of a human hat. Nor is it a sin that you can just kneel down to apologize and keep silent about.
And the person who can hate you the most and stab you in the heart the most must be your dearest and most loved one. You think she will hug you, comfort you, and tell you not to be afraid, she is there for everything mother.
During that time, it seemed like I was drunk, and I walked erratically and chaotically. Jumping into the clear pool is a flash of thought without any thought. They all thought that Qiao Fengtian wanted to commit suicide, but it was not. He was young and impulsive, his feet were itchy, and he wanted to jump down and have a try.
Qing Pond is a small pure pond that draws the spring water on Luer Mountain and is chiseled at the side of the village. The water is clean and clear, free from dust. Unfortunately, the jagged rocks at the bottom of the pool are invisible. When I jumped down, it was also in the middle of winter, and the cold spring water poured into my nose, and the top of my head was instantly topless.
He didn't want to die, but he didn't want to live like this either.
When he was pulled up by the collar, the blue sky only had time to look at it, and the blood that seeped from the eyelids was dyed a dark red scene. He listened intermittently to the discussions of the crowd surrounding him, shrinking into a small ball, lying on the cold and slippery bluestone slab, panting hurriedly. Like a fisherman striking a blinking fish in surprise.
He still remembered that Qiao Liang almost smashed his head away from others and flew over. After only one glance, he fell to his knees on the ground, hugging himself and crying.
The sound was so loud and so arrogant that Qiao Fengtian felt cold and painful and wanted to sleep for a while, but he couldn't sleep.
He asked for another glass of gold fizz. He touched the back of his neck and pointed to the table behind Qiao Fengtian.
"Look at that man, his hair is half white."
Qiao Fengtian shook off his unpleasant thoughts, first stunned, then turned around and looked in the direction of his fingertips.
A man with neat hair and a neat suit was sitting at the bar. Words, deeds, and conversations just look at it this way, and they all feel elegant and polite, and are classified as gentle. There were two glasses of wine on the stage, he was talking happily with a young man with smiling eyes, and as soon as he pursed his lips, there were two fine marks like brackets on his face, "He is a professor of biology at Ligong University. He never sleeps with men over 30 years old." He Qianxu said, "His daughter will get married at the end of the year, and his youngest son will return from Canada next year... If I don't tell you, can you Can you see what kind of person he is?"
Qiao Fengtian shook his head and stopped looking at that person.
"...It's all the same, everyone sitting here is the same, just you are different."
He held the phone tightly in his hand, "Can't I not tell her? Even if I don't love her very much, I will always love her, protect her and make her happy. As long as I don't tell her, she won't either. Injured isn't it? I do it... can't it?"
He Qian took a sip of Jin Feishi, and didn't know whether he was asking Qiao Fengtian or himself.
Qiao Fengtian didn't answer his question, but tapped on the table, "What's her name?"
"what?"
"I said this girl."
"Oh! Liang Yu, one year younger than me." He Qian looked up at him with a smile, his eyes lit up, and when he asked her name, he accidentally mistakenly thought that Qiao Fengtian agreed with his idea, "If we get married at the end of the year, , I want you to help her make up."
Qiao Fengtian shook his head again.
"I will give you some money, but I will never go to the wedding." He Qian's smile froze at the corner of his mouth, and Qiao Fengtian turned a blind eye, "Cheating marriage is cheating marriage, you know it, don't give yourself so many reasons, you Feeling uneasy for a lifetime is what you deserve and what you choose."
"I won't tell anyone about this, don't worry." Qiao Fengtian tugged at the collar and stood up against the table, "You can just think about it yourself. It's too late, I'll go back first."
He doesn't want to interfere in other people's lives self-righteously like Lu Zhichun. So he turned around and wanted to leave, but He Qian stopped him again.
"Fengtian."
Qiao Fengtian turned his head and saw that He Qian also got up, looking at him inexplicably. His mouth was moving, as if there was something he wanted to say, tell, and reveal, but his lips were still firmly pressed.
In the end, a small gap was opened, "... I'm sorry, I said so much tonight that you don't want to mention it."
Qiao Fengtian was silent for two seconds, then waved his hand.
"It's alright." He paused for two seconds and then said, "...You drink less, and you have to go to work tomorrow?"
The evening wind is warm, blowing the tiny fluff of the plane trees.
Qiao Fengtian wandered aimlessly in the city for a few laps. Poly Real Estate Co., Ltd. organized a spring light show on the theme of cosmos and galaxies with Renhe at the Linan Municipal Observatory near Lavande Plaza. It is said that after ten o'clock, it will be open to the whole city for free. Qiao Fengtian paced past there, remembered it, and didn't even think about going up to take a look.
Linan's sky is blue-grey and covered with a layer of fog, and the stars have not been seen for a long time. On the other hand, Lang Xi, either with a touch of azure, or full of dark blue. The star is there, never shy to show off the limpid and strange beauty of its firefly.
To say that he has been away from home for so long, apart from his parents and brother Qiao Fengtian, he still misses Langxi.
That's only the stars that day.
When he got home, the wall clock had passed midnight, and he fell asleep, having a night of chaotic dreams. When I woke up the next day, it was already one o'clock in the afternoon.
Du Dong's hometown also has two close aunts. He is conservative and traditional in his ideas. He has married a new daughter-in-law, and he must show his family to his relatives as soon as possible. So I went to the passenger terminal with Li Li early in the morning. The barber shop was closed for one day today, and Qiao Fengtian also had a rare weekend of leisure.
He doesn't have to prepare lunch for the fifth son on weekends, so he can do housework slowly.
He stood on the counter and removed the curtains in the bedroom. He found a set of new curtains with cyan rolled white edges and hung them in the cupboard. He brushed off the thin ash on the edges of the windows. In the cupboard were two sets of winter down coats and cashmere. The sweater was not washed, and I was reluctant to send it to the dry cleaner, so I soaked it in a full pot, squatted on the balcony and gently rubbed it with my hands for an afternoon, rubbing the neckline very brightly.
All potted plants had to be basked in the sun regularly, so Qiao Fengtian put them on the balcony according to their height and size, and opened the wooden windows; a lot of dead leaves and loess fell on the flower stand, so he held up a small broom and a small dustpan After carefully sweeping it clean, I twisted a damp handkerchief mixed with fragrance at the end, and wiped it cleanly everywhere.
As soon as the washed clothes were hung up, they filled the narrow balcony, and the water droplets that were not too dry fell down, soaking the concrete floor. Qiao Fengtian was afraid of mold and bacteria, so he brought a small iron basin and attached it to the hem of his clothes.
The back pain from washing, Qiao Fengtian stretched out his arms and stretched out, then lay down on the soft and warm bed, half-closed his eyelids, and let the sun rest on his knees. He took a shallow breath and listened to the water droplets falling, hitting the round pelvic floor, ticking, ding dong, and a clear sound.
When you are busy, you want to be free. When you are free, it is better to be busy. When you are busy, you should not think about it. Qiao Fengtian lived in such a cycle of contradictions, and sewed all his dense thoughts into the trivial matters related to his livelihood.
It was only in the evening that I felt hungry, so I made a fried rice with soy sauce, and ate half a bowl of chopped green beans on a CCTV variety show. The rest are covered with plastic wrap and put in the refrigerator, and you can make a meal together.
Looking out the window, the sun was not yet over, Qiao Fengtian put a piece of unused silk Xia Liang that he found out in the afternoon into a handbag, changed his shoes, changed clothes, turned off the lights and locked the door, and went to Qiao Liang and Xiao Wu Zi Rent. Live in Taochong Lake.
The author has something to say:
Life is not easy and you have to look ahead.