Qiao Fengtian concealed the name of the teaching man, speaking slowly. There is a faint green hill in the distance, which is the deer ear.
Human beings are extremely complex as individuals, and their minds are not the same. Some people tell stories, and the pain will be diluted by repeating it over and over again, and talking has almost become a way of self-explaining; while some people feel pain, no matter what, ten years, 20, 30 years, under the scab. The tender meat is always ruddy.
Qiao Fengtian's expression was so indifferent that Zheng Siqi decided that he was the first type. It was only when he said that it was useless to cry that he was ordered to drop out of school, and he was quickly caught by him. The second. He is indeed the kind that will always make him feel bad.
Alice Munro wrote "Escape", which said that everyone will always encounter something, who makes you feel like a deadly needle is stuck in your lung somewhere, and you may not feel it when you breathe shallowly pain. But whenever I need to take a deep breath, I can feel that the needle is always there.
Many bystanders do not appreciate that kind of pain. If they are superficial and indescribable, they will complain too much to others, which will definitely be annoying. At an older age, it is a so-called tragedy of human nature. At a younger age, young people are left to take the blame for their zealousness regardless of the consequences. But once you comment on this matter, even if it is comforting, it will inevitably have a high-profile, condescending meaning, which cannot be avoided.
What should Qiao Fengtian look like at that time, Zheng Siqi thought.
How tall or thin, what size summer school uniform to wear. Will my skin be whiter than it is now, to the point of shining brightly. The number of times of laughing is more or less, in what kind of occasion, because of whom. Thinking about it carefully, his thoughts did not fluctuate too much with Qiao Fengtian's narration. Instead, he was calm and quiet like listening to a soft string sound. Why, it's hard to say. It is true that there are too many secular studies now, and it is no longer difficult to provoke the rich pessimism and compassion of others, and I feel empathy.
There is only a momentary hesitation, the burden that he has always cared about is now held in the palm of his hand and presented freely, so can he untie it for him, and then take him forward quickly.
"I look at your face, where you said."
Qiao Fengtian turned his face to one side, greeted him with his cheeks, and pushed his temples behind his ears, "Here."
The corners of the cheeks are so raised, and the jawline is more pronounced. People who look at the face often say that such a person is stern and ruthless, and behaves coldly. But this inference is clearly illogical. Where is Qiao Fengtian so ruthless? His heart was clear and soft, and he was simply thin. The scar printed there is raised to the touch, with a dark red cortex around it, with a light maroon color.
"Actually, it's not very obvious." Zheng Siqi stroked him away, and touched him again after a while.
"I usually use something to cover it, just like the kind of makeup girls wear." She turned her face sideways, and her eyes would inevitably hang a little, "Do you feel very motherly?"
"Won't."
"If you answer so quickly, your credibility is not high."
Zheng Siqi pushed his glasses, "Well, this, actually, think about it carefully, I don't think... No."
Qiao Fengtian raised his eyebrows and looked at him, the two of them turned their heads at the same time and laughed for a moment.
Qiao Fengtian tied a nylon string between the trees to dry the washed clothes. In the ebony basin was a gray winter jacket from Qiao Sishan, which was very wet and heavy after being full of water. Hanging almost fell heavily, and the cuffs and hem were dragging to the ground.
Zheng Siqi helped him tie the knot to the high point of the branch, and Qiao Fengtian stood under his arm with his head raised. He Qian's text message came suddenly, buzzing and vibrating in his trouser pocket. Qiao Fengtian opened it and saw that it was negative. He Qian's emotions were filtered out by the short words, not even an exclamation mark, so that Qiao Fengtian himself could not feel relieved or stunned.
Qiao Fengtian looked away from the phone screen, looked up, and saw the slipknot wrapped around the high place under Zheng Siqi's long palm.
Absurd life, good and bad, the sudden flowers, the sudden rain, are so casual.
"Wait for what arrangement?"
Qiao Fengtian shook his trousers and hung the nylon rope on his tiptoes, "I'm going to the town hospital to contact an attending doctor, I need to adjust the position of the bed at home, I have to buy a disposable mattress, pillowcase, straw, towel, drop by. I have to go to the township DMV again, and my brother’s driver’s license is still detained by the Linan Traffic Police. If you don’t worry about Zao’er after lunch, you can go back early, and I can go by car at night.”
"I didn't mean that." Zheng Siqi, "I mean, can you accompany me to a place tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow? Where?" Qiao Fengtian turned to look at him.
"Ronghua Cemetery."
Before leaving that night, it was the first time that Qiao Fengtian saw Lin Shuangyu hesitant to say anything. There was not much money left in his hand, only 3,000 were quietly kept in the lined pocket of Qiao Sishan's woolen coat. Zheng Siqi waited beside the car door and saw Lang Xi's starry sky for the first time. It is like a vast deep sea that is full of sinking and floating, and the crescent moon is not seen. It is crushed into foam and sprinkled on the ocean surface.
The evening wind at the foot of the mountain rustled, and Zheng Siqi could smell the fluffy and soft smell of sunshine all over his body. Looking sideways, Qiao Fengtian was walking towards him, Lin Shuangyu standing at the door was behind him, he actually waved his hand from a distance, then pursed his lips and bowed slightly towards himself. The thought of saying goodbye to thank you has clearly exceeded it, but it actually seems like a tiptoe exhortation.
Ronghua Cemetery is located in the west of the city, near the Lianhua Mountain in Mingyuan.
Zheng Siqi was almost stunned when he saw Qiao Fengtian.
Qiao Fengtian dyed his hair all black, which was dark and dark. Also shortened a lot. The bangs on the forehead were twisted into a large section, and the short and refreshing clumps were broken, revealing the smooth back of the neck and forehead.
"How do you..."
"It's getting hot, and the original one was panicking." Qiao Fengtian slowly walked to the side of the car, lowered his head, scratched the top of his hair, like a smile but not like a smile, "I haven't been dyed dark for a long time. I dyed it again... Ugly? Is it really too dark? Du Dong said that it was too dark, and others could see it at a glance. He asked me to dye a dark brown. —"
"I didn't say it was ugly."
"what?"
Zheng Siqi lightly tapped between his eyebrows, "It's very beautiful."
It's really nice.
Qiao Feng was born naturally, and he has long eyebrows and clear eyes in line with oriental aesthetics. The short black hair complements the clear lines, and the outline is clear and crisp. Fading the arrogant amaranth, with such a swipe of eyes, it is clear that he is a clean and beautiful student, as clear as a handful of stream water. It was so beautiful that Zheng Siqi's heart palpitated.
"boarding."
Ronghua Cemetery is the largest public cemetery in Linan. I also chose a suitable feng shui, dug a plain pond and raised a few red carp. I observed near the water, and the orange-red buds of the pomegranate tree fell into it, almost echoing the swaying carp tail. Qiao Fengtian never asked who he was looking at. Since it is in the cemetery, it can only be an old friend. As for the deep and long connection between this old man and himself, Qiao Fengtian was idle for a while and couldn't think about it that much.
Zheng Siqi walked in front, would he stop and wait for Qiao Fengtian to follow him and be side by side with him; and when he turned a white stone path, Qiao Fengtian staggered two steps and fell behind.
"It makes me want to lead you away." Zheng Siqi turned back and smiled, tightly holding a handful of blooming yellow chrysanthemums in his arms.
Qiao Fengtian lowered his head stubbornly, and quickened his pace, exposing the top of his black hair and a little star-white scalp, "The long-legged monster with a fork under the navel."
"Okay." Zheng Siqi really stretched out his hand, but the sword was slanted and caught Qiao Fengtian's sleeve, "Is this the style you originally talked to me, eh?"
Qiao Fengtian didn't shrink his hands, and smiled, "I made a mistake, Teacher Zheng."
"If you admit your mistake one step late, you will die this semester, Xiao Qiao.
On the one hand, Qiao Fengtian thought that it would be Zao'er's mother, but on the other hand, he could clearly see the photo of a man several inches in size in front of the tombstone facing him. Black and white background, clear and peaceful eyebrows, thick and thick eyebrows, born under the full heaven, the whole face looks especially gentle and generous. Just looking at the photos, this person Qiao Fengtian does not know. The pale smoky marble stele, with gold lacquer and vertical lines, is the tomb of Aiko Ji Yin.
People's flashes of inspiration are often ingenious, and they can connect things separated by mountains, rivers, lakes and seas with hidden places in memory.
Ji Yin is JY, and JY is the signature of the note, that signature wrote something to Zheng Siqi, and wrote "I am here, there is no day or I forget it".
It was him
Qiao Fengtian looked at Zheng Siqi's bow, and put Huang Juping in his hand in front of the tombstone.
"Are you handsome?" Zheng Siqi straightened up and looked at him with a half-smile.
Qiao Fengtian looked at the photo on the monument again and nodded, "It's very handsome."
"This answer is not standard."
Qiao Fengtian reluctantly touched the ends of Qi's short hair, "He's handsome, but not as handsome as you."
"Full score." Zheng Siqi snapped his fingers and compared the tombstone, "He's my college roommate."
The words were plain and light, with a little bit of sadness and sorrow separated by life and death. It was simply a usual social introduction at a dinner party. Good luck meeting."
Get on the train now! There is no wifi on the train, the second half will be out at about 11 o'clock tomorrow, sorry sorry!
In Zheng Siqi's impression, Ji Yin was a good-natured person and kept silent. He was too cautious and wanted to erect a high wall for himself, neither taking the initiative to come out nor allowing outsiders to enter easily, so he was easily out of place and seemed out of place.
The misfits in college are much more advanced than the kids in middle and high school, but not to the level of advanced. Like knowing some sophistication, but not enough to use handy. The people in the class turned a blind eye to him on the surface, but they couldn't really ignore him. In the open and secret, there is more secret desire to explore, put on a look of indifference, and whisper in whispers, wishing you could put people away and see clearly, thoroughly.
In the same bed at the university, Zheng Siqi is actually not that concerned about anyone. There are also quarrels and disputes, nothing more than pots and pans, trivial chores that can no longer be trivial. But it's about the cold look at Ji Yin, but it seems to be clear and unanimous.
When he went to the cafeteria, no one would offer to bring him a meal, and neither would Zheng Siqi; he ignored a new notice in the class, and no one would take the initiative to remind him, and Zheng Siqi also did not mention it; when he went out, he ignored it. The T-shirt was worn in the opposite direction, and the rectangular label was stuck under his throat. When other people saw it, they only laughed lowly and didn't break it. Although Zheng Siqi didn't laugh, he didn't say anything. Even if Ren was not far behind, he had to close the door and let him take the key and open it again.
Sometimes neglect is a disguised form of rejection and indifference. No one can tell how Ji Yin is different from others, but it is because he feels and can't explain clearly that he feels irritable and disgusting. Zheng Siqi is not just following the crowd, but he also doesn't want to be the only one who is different from others. It is human nature to behave in the same way as the general environment. He has always thought like this.
The change was that midnight in the second year of sophomore year. The only time Ji Yin forgot his bedroom key, he lingered at the door for a long time before quietly knocking, and stopped after two rings.
No one was asleep, and no one made a sound.
It was nearly ten minutes apart, and it was long enough that he thought he gave up after just two taps, and then he tapped twice again.
There was still no sound in the room. Two turned over to wrap Xia Liang's quilt, which was sliding down his belly, and one had his earphones tightly plugged in his ears. Zheng Siqi lowered his head and flipped through a page of the book again, and he heard two loud cicadas.
"I think you'll be able to drive in the end." Qiao Fengtian suddenly said.
Zheng Siqi laughed after hearing this, "So sure?"
"Yes." Qiao Fengtian nodded.
Zheng Siqi was simply annoyed by the weak, cautious and intermittent knocking on the door as if he hadn't eaten for three days. He closed the book with a snap, and slipped on his slippers when he got out of bed. The one in the upper bunk immediately stretched his head behind his back to try to stop him, and said "Hey" softly. Zheng Siqi didn't care. He stepped forward to unlock the door, frowned and opened the door. Consciously narrowed his eyes.
"Where did you go so late?"
Ji Yin put the earphones in his ears, made a "sorry" mouth but didn't say anything, looked up at Zheng Siqi in surprise, obviously didn't believe that he didn't ask much about his concern.
Only then did Zheng Siqi realize that he was the legendary broom brow, his pupils were bright and clear, not a layer of melancholy.
"Don't be so late next time."
Before waiting for the other person to answer, Zheng Siqi left the crack of the door and turned around and went back to sleep. After a long while after going to bed and turning off the lamp, he had to hear a vague "en". The guilt of doing evil with others dissipated in an instant, and Zheng Siqi only felt that the pillows seemed soft.
After that, Ji Yin was still alone, only looking at Zheng Siqi's eyes, which was a little stickier, as if he could pull out a transparent thread where he could see it. Hair tip, collar, cuff, waist, trousers, toe. Zheng Siqi was keenly aware that the eyes that never went out were falling on these places on his own. To be counted clearly.
When Qiao Fengtian heard this, he felt an indescribable feeling in his heart. It's like something that I think is good and precious, and it was so silently cherished by people a few years ago. He is the one who came later, and he has no advantage at all.
"He's not actually... what are you?" Qiao Fengtian teased deliberately.
"I can feel it." Zheng Siqi looked at the monument, "I'm actually annoyed to death, what do I want to say, I always look at me like this when I do, I don't care, what's the matter with the big sesame seeds? It's worth your affection for me."
Ji Yin, who used to only sit in the back row in class, now only sits behind Zheng Siqi. When Zheng Siqi moves forward, he will not go forward; when handing in detention homework, he will put it on Zheng Siqi's table first, and Zheng Siqi will put it on the table. He pointed his finger at the teacher, and he slowly handed it to the podium; Zheng Siqi poked his shoulder blade and pointed to his earphone cable, Ji Yin happily took one and handed it to his ear, Zheng Siqi avoided and pointed down, Only then did he realize that he was entangled in his own zipper.
The calm and pervasive feeling made Zheng Siqi fully understand why he was different from others. But there is no reason to even get angry, the other party obviously did nothing, at least whoever looks at whom he likes is the other party's right, there is absolutely no reason to say right or wrong.
Qiao Fengtian did not speak.
Zheng Siqi put his hand in his pocket, "Everyone in the class has a clear mind, but it's easy to see. Those people suddenly realized that they knew the key, but at the same time they thought it was ridiculous. I don't understand, just think I am innocent, thinking that I have done nothing, and I have become their talking point, and I have become the target of public criticism, and it is not my fault, and it has nothing to do with me."
On the side of the big four, Zheng Siqi's coats were handed to Ji Yin, who was on the side. Ji Yin quickly refused to push the clothes back, and everyone handed them forward with an unidentified smile. Zheng Si, who was disturbed by the long-distance running of 1500, had disordered breathing, his head was swollen, and he just walked back to a row of benches in the rest area, panting, when he saw the neatly folded clothes in his hands. The soft headphone cable that extended from the ear was hanging down on the clothes.
The scorching sun was scorching hot on the back of his head, his heart was beating rapidly, and the eyes around him suddenly became explicit and eager, and someone even blew a flirtatious hooligan whistle and called "Sister Zheng". Kindness or malice. Ji Yin handed the clothes forward apologetically, Zheng Siqi stood there, staring at him.
"I'm different from people like you. I don't like men. Did I make it clear?"
Zheng Siqi still remembered the other party's apologetic smile condensed on his lips, and the warmth and warmth when he looked at him was instantly blown out.
Looking at Zheng Siqi, Qiao Fengtian smiled and said, "I didn't even say foul language, I don't think there is anything wrong with what I said, my biggest mistake is that I shouldn't deny that he is reasonable as a person in front of so many people. There's nothing different, he's just like me."
"and after?"
"Afterwards, everything was fine, but I was more silent and reluctant to speak than before. Then I went to study abroad in my senior year. After reading, I brought back a boyfriend who came out of the closet, which turned the house upside down. Later, I came by car to find me, who I hadn’t contacted for many years, and ended up in a car accident on the highway, and it was gone at that time.”
Zheng Siqi paused, with a smile on his lips all the time, "I still feel strange, what did he want to say to me when he came to me? It would be best if he scolded me, and scolded me for saying too much at that time. , scolded me for showing him the door without authorization at that time, and finally pushed him out with a slap."
There was a breeze in Ronghua Cemetery, brushing over the tops of thin pine trees. Qiao Fengtian felt like there was a mass of catkins stuck in his heart, choking lightly and uncomfortably.
No day or forget, how could it be to scold you
But Qiao Fengtian selfishly didn't want to tell Zheng Siqi the existence of the note, not at all.
"So, you've always been so good to me, because you know I'm just like him, so you feel guilty?"
Zheng Siqi turned to look at him, "This is what I want to tell you."
Qiao Fengtian clenched his palms tightly.
"That time at Yuetan Temple, I knew you were like him. At that time, I felt like you were like him, and when I saw you, I always thought of him."
Qiao Fengtian did not speak.
"It wasn't good for you at the beginning, but it does mean guilt. It was only when I got older that I figured out a lot of things, but the person who should apologize the most is dead, so I passed on the kindness that I wanted to understand to others. Zheng Siqi approached Qiao Fengtian and saw him staring at the ground for a long time before he smiled softly and brushed the top of his jet-black hair, "In the beginning, it was really like this."
"Later I saw that you still occasionally think of Ji Yin, but not because you are like him, but because you are not like him. He is the kind of person who lives in Tianming. Once he sinks into the bottom, he sets up camp and doesn't want to go upstream. You are different from him. You try your best than him every minute and every second. You are actually stubborn and stubborn, and you don’t really listen to people’s advice, right? You have pride and self-respect, which adds up to a hundred and eight It weighs ten pounds."
"But you are obviously so gentle and kind, and you are obviously cleaner and purer than anyone else. I didn't see you once, but I felt that way once. I always think that you are very powerful, and you can always digest bad things in places where others can't see them. The rest is your kindness to others, and your hope for a good life. You are like a little sun." Zheng Siqi went to hold Qiao Fengtian's face, the tentacles were burning hot, "I later found out that I Hello is because of you, you laugh, you talk, you do things, you help me cut my hair and fold my clothes, you stand here, I think you are cute, I like it, and I feel very moved."
The sound of Qiao Fengtian's inhalation was very obvious, his body trembled and he raised his head sharply.
The confession incident at the tomb was extremely unethical and funny, but Zheng Siqi accepted it. He couldn't wait to hug him, coax him, kiss him.
"I really like you, really."
Zheng Siqi lowered his head and put his mouth on Qiao Fengtian's smooth forehead.