Before that, Qiao Fengtian didn't know what it felt like to be said nicely.
That feeling is similar to washing a pair of sneakers vigorously and seeing them hanging brightly in the sun with water droplets ticking, or whether it is still warm and cold, urging a Clivia with a favorite color. It's not like, they're all a little pure, not as good as the thoughts at the moment, panic is more than joy, overwhelmed and terrified.
"Wait a minute..." Qiao Fengtian's face was familiar and his heart was boiling. He was covering his forehead in disbelief, and he didn't look at the ground, let alone the person opposite him. That breath was too light and warm, like a feathered wing passing over the temperature of Yintang, only a little higher than the body temperature, but it could almost melt the flesh and blood next to it, "Mr. Zheng... I..."
Zheng Siqi's thoughts flickered, and he wanted to stick it closer, so that he could see more clearly and clearly the lingering emotions in his eyes at the moment. But the other party is clearly panicking, even if this kind of thing is exhausted again and again, and pays attention to one go, Zheng Siqi is reluctant to say more.
"scared you?"
Qiao Fengtian nodded, paused for a moment and then quickly shook his head.
"I… "
"You, I heard what you said, I will wait for you at the South Gate first."
Qiao Fengtian turned around, bowed slightly in the direction of the tombstone, glanced at the black and white photos on the tombstone, lowered his head and walked away ahead of time. Zheng Siqi didn't stop, staring at his thin back in silence for a while, walking in a hurry, the farther away, the smaller, and when he turned at the end of the trail, he melted into the thin green and disappeared. It was clear that he didn't know what to do, so he ran away.
Zheng Siqi sighed in place, touched the back of his neck, and smiled helplessly. He turned his head to stare at Ji Yin's photo.
"Is it too much, for you and him?"
The people in the photo can only blindly put on the same gentle expression, and it is impossible to tell whether they are saying right or wrong. The monument is actually very clean, there is no dust in the past, and it is also carefully decorated with gorgeous garlands around the week, which is slightly sweet and fragrant. Zheng Siqi comes twice a year, except this year, one more than in previous years.
It’s easy to understand that irreversible things are the most difficult to let go of, but after that, people always like to move forward layer by layer like deriving formulas. It is necessary to analyze who is the ultimate responsible person for the result, and the one that ignites the fire. What is the core. Zheng Siqi thought about it for so many years and thought it very clearly. The person responsible is undoubtedly himself, and the ignition core lies in that door, which should not be opened.
Including Qiao Jiyin and Qiao Fengtian, such groups are actually different from ordinary people in terms of emotions. It is neither more abundant nor more delicate, but a slight difference in the direction of growth. Being good to a boy will grow from an ordinary friendship of appreciation and praise to a close friend, and the puddle of love will always go around; being nice to some people, inadvertently, thanks to them, and directly arrive at love.
For Ji Yin, the timing of his opening the door was too wrong; when he was most at a loss and helpless, he gave him a little warmth without knowing it, making the other party mistake him for a fire in the gloom.
As for Qiao Fengtian, he knew and noticed something, and even every action had a common purpose in the end; this was not only because he had lived for more than ten years, his mood and pursuit had changed, but more realistically. In the past experience with Ji Yin, I learned what should be done and what should not be done for them, what can be told to them, and what can't be done.
If the people on the monument want to accuse themselves of being hypocritical and relying on others to redeem themselves, Zheng Siqi has nothing to refute.
For him, his own faults are serious, and subconsciously transferring the guilt to anyone cannot be relieved. But time is long, and no matter how deeply apologetic, Zheng Siqi has no choice but to visit Ji Yin every year and take care of his parents who are getting old in self-blame. The so-called "if then" means nothing to the dead.
And like Qiao Fengtian, it is because he is hard on himself, and gradually and uncontrollably is deeply attracted to him.
"sorry."
Zheng Siqi also stood up straight and bowed quietly to the tombstone.
"Because of me again, I disturb your purity."
Qiao Fengtian was weightless for three days, as if he was going through a long period of intoxication.
Zheng Siqi said that he liked him, and he said it clearly, said it a lot, and said it several times.
A LED colored light screen was installed in his mind like a jingle bell, and it was crowded. Every sentence and every word that Zheng Siqi said was played continuously on the screen for 24 hours. Accompanied by a melodious voice-over, it is a classical violin for a while, and a heavy metal rock for a while.
It was almost impossible to fall asleep, staring at the top of the light dailan in the unconscious ward, turning over would make the camp bed creak, disturbing Qiao Liang and Xiao Wuzi, and forcibly endured not turning over. Those little people in their minds, singing and dancing are not counted, and they set off fireworks without authorization, one red and one indigo, slowly rising into the sky, blasting out countless dazzling and colorful stars.
Happy, of course happy, he likes Zheng Siqi so much.
But hesitating and flustered, he couldn't turn his head away and pretend that he didn't look like a fat man's new clothes, the best design and workmanship, and he couldn't love it, but the upper body was hooped round and round, full of happy worries and worries.
Age, family, identity, and sexuality are not the same from the beginning.
When I think about the things next to me, my life goes on and on. First, he knocked over Qiao Liang's heat preservation bucket, and the hot porridge rolled down the corridor, startling the nurses at the nurse's station. Then, he took the wrong hair dye in the cabinet, and dyed the chocolate color the guest asked for into chestnut brown. , If it wasn't for meeting someone who was easy to talk to, Du Dong would have to pay at least a thousand VIP card.
Later, he forgot to go to the attached primary school to pick up the little five who were leaving the class. Until evening and dusk, Zheng Siqi drove downstairs and blew his horn briefly. Qiao Fengtian suddenly recovered and folded the two clothes that were drying in his hand. Xiao Wuzi went upstairs with his schoolbag and knocked on the door first. Qiao Fengtian opened the door for him, looked around, bit his mouth, hesitated for a long time before hurriedly changed his shoes, "come back right away", and ran downstairs.
Many times, when I went to see Zheng Siqi, it was so hurried and joyful, always like this, not to change because of external emotions. That gesture is like a moth to a fire, but the essence is different, one is really fire, the other is like real light.
Qiao Fengtian went out of the building and saw Zheng Siqi waiting by the car, still in his shirt and tie. The peripheral light of the sun framed him like a tall and quiet hand statue, with a dimly yellow background and layers of light and shadow. Leaning against the car door, there was no tendency to return, as if he had been waiting for him. Connected to the top of the sky, with camphor in the back, it is a meticulous painting with the implication of oriental white space.
"I thought you were leaving."
As soon as he saw someone, the warmth of that kiss appeared on his forehead. Upright boiling, almost faint pain.
"I knew you would come down." Zheng Siqi smiled as usual, "I will send Zheng Yu home first."
Qiao Fengtian sighed and stroked his forehead, "You left her at home alone again."
"No, at the neighbor's house." Zheng Siqi took two steps forward, bent down and rubbed Qiao Fengtian's hair, "I'm sorry, I kissed your forehead."
Qiao Fengtian moved his flickering eyes away, unable to get rid of the other party's lingering breath, as if complaining and as if he couldn't help laughing. He lowered his head and touched his nose and said, "... I'm so hot every day that I think I'm going to open my eyes."
Zheng Siqi put his thumb up, "Really."
A cool breeze from the evening blew across his face, and was hidden in his hair together with the touch of his fingers. Like Zheng Siqi whispering something nice, he quietly asked Dusk to gently blow Qiao Fengtian's hot forehead on his behalf.
The Fourth Railway Station was built early, with pools and rockeries, and none of the facilities that the community should have today. Occasionally there is a couple like Zheng Siqi and Qiao Fengtian, who want to simply walk side by side in the evening, but they can only look up at the trees, camphor, paulownia, red silk grass, holly, and Chongyang wood. The density varies, roughly two steps apart, and the afterglow will pass through the sieve sometimes but not.
"Every word I said that day."
Qiao Fengtian listened carefully.
"It's not hot-headed or impulsive from time to time, it's all from my heart, and I've always wanted to tell you."
"Unscripted?" Qiao Fengtian smiled.
Zheng Siqi also laughed, "Well, it's completely improvisation."
When it was time to get off work and school, there were three or two children who ran over with backpacks and shoved to the back buildings. There were also uncles and aunts who were walking dogs. After dinner, they waved a reunion fan early, and led them with oil. Slippery kid. Knowing each other, he smiled and greeted Qiao Fengtian gently and nodded, looked at Qiao Fengtian, and then looked at Zheng Siqi on the side.
"You don't need to mention your concerns, I know all about it." Zheng Siqi watched the dog wagging its tail and walked away, "I convey my thoughts to you just because I want to do this, not to ask you for an answer, nor Trying to make a substantial change between the two of us right away."
"There should be a lot of questions you want to ask me, and I haven't answered them all."
"I can't fully guarantee that your concerns will be resolved safely, so I can't just hold you back regardless."
"But I also have demands." Zheng Siqi saw Qiao Fengtian's expression, which was very gentle. If someone took a closer look, he could understand it right away, "I want to know your thoughts."
Qiao Fengtian saw hope in his eyes, and the trace was so faint that it was almost unaware. This look is too rare, Qiao Fengtian thought, it turns out that he also has something he wants.
Since he wanted it, how could he not give it
Qiao Fengtian blushed uncontrollably, and even with his expression, he didn't know how to pose. He took a breath, looked at Zheng Siqi seriously, moved up from his clean and ironed collar, hesitated again and again, and then his eyes fell on his eyebrows separated by the lens. The corners of Zheng Siqi's mouth trembled, and a bright smile spread all the way from his mouth, dyed every dark hair, and overflowed from his eyes.
"Zheng Siqi." The full name was called for the first time, because it was formal, but it was too much. It seemed both serious and funny.
"Here." Zheng Siqi was always smiling there.
"Are you serious, okay?" Qiao Fengtian touched his nose reluctantly to hide his heart that was about to pop out of his throat.
"Okay." Zheng Siqi coughed and pushed his glasses.
"Zheng Siqi... I'm also very special, I like you."
As soon as the voice fell, Qiao Fengtian's eyes flashed, and he felt that he was hugged tightly. He finished speaking as if he had exhausted his life's courage. It was even more dizzying than climbing Mount Everest. He was even more weightless. Looking over Zheng Siqi's shoulders and looking at the heights of the camphor, he couldn't tell whether it was his reality or his dream.
Zheng Siqi's palm rubbed into the black hair on the back of Qiao Fengtian's head, and Qiao Fengtian's arm was carefully climbed all the way along his broad. Simply walk to the corner of the building at the end, and there will always be no one. But it is true, Qiao Fengtian doesn't care either, but he doesn't know if Zheng Siqi blatantly hugs him, whether he is the same as him and doesn't care.
Not caring is often the wrong way and the right attitude.
The author has something to say:
It's summer, let's fall in love.