Tang Zuo returned to Hongcheng. He had a cold for several days. He finished his thesis while running a fever and then cut his long hair short.
Zhang Zinan picked a weekend to visit her, and they had lunch at a restaurant near the school. The semester was over, and many students went home to celebrate the Spring Festival.
As soon as he sat down, Zhang Zinan stared at Tang Zuo's short hair. He had some guesses in his mind, but he didn't ask. He just smiled and said, "Will you still come to my house for the New Year this year?"
Zhang Zinan and Fang Xiuqi are engaged. Although the two young people are not in a hurry to hold a wedding, there are many traditional ceremonies to be held in both families. This Spring Festival belongs to both families.
Tang Zuo smiled and shook his head, "I have to finish my paper at school, but I will go to pay New Year's greetings."
Tang Zuo has lost a lot of weight, his cheeks are a little sunken, and he has dark circles under his eyes, but his mental state seems okay.
She recalled the first time she met Tang Zuo many years ago. At that time, she and another roommate were gossiping on the road.
There are three of us. It’s been several days since school started and I still haven’t seen the third roommate. I wonder who is so aloof.
They pushed open the door and saw a slender figure wiping the table. Hearing the sound, the extremely pretty face and watery eyes just glanced at them lightly, nodded, and turned around to get busy again.
It felt like morning dew dripping on her face, cool and slowly seeping into her skin.
Having been with her for so many years, it's mostly this feeling, like cool water, sometimes scalding hot, she is soft yet strong.
She used to think that it was impossible for someone like Tang Zuo to be single. In fact, she was single for many years. When she was an undergraduate, many men pursued her. Unexpectedly, she chose...
"Don't study all the time. Why don't you come with me to our company's annual meeting?" Zhang Zinan said with a smile, "We still have a lot of young talents in our company."
Tang Zuo smiled and shook his head.
Zhang Zinan hesitated to speak.
After dinner, they took a walk on campus. Fang Xiuqi took a taxi to pick up Zhang Zinan and said goodbye to Tang Zuo after a few words.
Zhang Zinan had just gotten into the car and looked back to see Tang Zuo outside the window.
In winter, it gets dark early. Under the gray sky, Tang Zuo stands alone, a slender shadow. Although there is a smile, it is very faint.
Zhang Zinan's eyes suddenly felt hot. She pushed the car door open, ran over and hugged her tightly, "No matter what, I will always be by your side."
If something happens, you don’t have to handle it alone.
Zhang Zinan had received a lot of care from her - when she had a gastroenteritis attack in the middle of the night, Tang Zuo carried her to the hospital; when she had an argument with Fang Xiuqi, Tang Zuo listened to her; when she was lazy in studying, Tang Zuo did her homework for her; when she did not come home at night, Tang Zuo covered for her.
During their four years as classmates, Tang Zuo gave her warmth and tenderness in all the big and small matters.
Zhang Zinan thought with a sour nose.
But Tang Zuo never made any demands on her.
At this moment, Zhang Zinan empathized with her loneliness.
"I hope you get better soon..." Many questions could not be asked, only a dry expression of concern remained.
Zhang Zinan didn't expect that just this sentence would cause a large area of her shoulder to be wet.
Even after the car had driven a long way, Zhang Zinan was still wiping away tears.
They have been friends for many years, and it was the first time she saw Tang Zuo cry. She was so heartbroken.
Met the wrong person! What a scumbag! She cheated my sweetheart! You don’t know how to appreciate the blessing you have! If I had known earlier, I should have destroyed you! In the end, it’s all Shi Hai’s fault! How could his sister come from if I didn’t know him! This brother and sister are a disaster!
Fang Xiuqi sat next to her, watching her face change from gloomy to bright, gritting her teeth, and mumbling to herself. He was terrified and asked quietly and carefully, "What's wrong?"
"Don't bother yourself!" Zhang Zinan glared at him angrily, took out his cell phone, opened his Moments, and typed a lot.
"Hey... I think this..." Fang Xiuqi's sharp eyes caught a few "someone is a scumbag" and his eyebrows jumped several times, "... not so good, right?"
Zhang Zinan snorted twice, and after a few seconds, she sighed again. Of course, this circle of friends could not be sent out. From the perspective of Tang Zuo's relatives and friends, she certainly felt sorry for Tang Zuo. But in matters of love, apart from the two parties involved, other people, no matter how close they are, cannot interfere.
Zhang Zinan deleted some words and posted a photo of her and Tang Zuo, writing, "I love my single friend very much. I hope you can be happy and blessed. Find someone who loves and cares for you as soon as possible."
This photo of hers blocked Tang Zuo, but was visible to Shi Ci.
When Shi Ci saw this photo, it was exactly when she was feeling the most uncomfortable.
After Christmas, she didn't know why, but she suddenly missed Tang Zuo madly.
It started that day when she discovered the books left by Tang Zuo.
Then she found a sweatshirt of Tang Zuo in her closet, light green, cotton, and loose-fitting. It was not of the same style as her closet of shirts, trousers, and skirts, and it was not of the same age range.
Shi Ci stood holding the sweatshirt for a long time, recalling many scenes, how did the sweatshirt get from Tang Zuo to his hands
During the process, Tang Zhao grabbed the hem of his clothes, blushed and was short of breath, and finally fell limp in her arms, biting his lips and not making a sound...
It took her a lot of effort to get these images out of her mind, but she couldn't bear to throw away the sweatshirt, so she hid it deep in the closet.
Shi Ci thought it was a short-lived flashback, a temporary one, and as long as he diverted his attention appropriately, he would not remember the past scenes.
But the flashbacks kept coming more and more.
When she went to the office, she remembered Tang Zuo hiding on the sofa, afraid of being discovered by the dean, and not even daring to let her kiss him.
While taking a walk on campus in the evening, she unknowingly came to the Yixiu Building.
Driving to the city, she recalled a time when they went out to eat. Tang Zuo ordered spicy chicken rice for her, and they also had Xian Yuxian together.
Going to the supermarket, she remembered that Tang Zuo had worked here wearing a thick bear-shaped prop costume...
Day, night, early morning, awake or asleep, Tang Zhao's smile and her expression always lingered in her mind bit by bit, and could not be shaken off.
Shi Ci had to admit a fact—she missed her little bird, and she couldn’t bear to part with her Chirp…
This longing made her extremely painful, and countless memories formed a prison that imprisoned her.
Then, she saw the photos posted by Zhang Zinan on her WeChat Moments.
Shi Ci's heart was pounding. The familiar face that she missed so much suddenly jumped out of her mind. She was stunned at first, and then her eyes involuntarily read it inch by inch.
Hair - cut short
Tang Zuo's hair was cut back to the length it had when they first met. Shi Ci was a little dazed. It was the quick glimpse in the cafeteria and the careful look on her on the school road that night.
Shi Ci almost forgot that for a long time, Tang Zuo was always polite but not enthusiastic enough towards her. Later, when he developed a crush on her, he was also cautious. When they first started their relationship, she was also very uneasy.
During the period after they parted on bad terms, she felt a little unwilling and resentful.
In the relationship between her and Tang Zuo, she was proactive and enthusiastic. If necessary, she could even resign. In comparison, Tang Zuo was always silent and slow, more like a passive acceptor.
She actually listened to what Wenwen said to her last time. When she was tossing and turning in sleep, she also thought that in front of Tang Zuo, she was too proud of her seniority and perfect image, always taking care of her and caring about her, and did not express her own expectations and needs.
No one likes to be in a position of being rescued all the time.
Shi Ci felt powerless. She had thought that maybe it was really the age difference that made them unsuitable, but the thought of it made her feel even more painful and depressed.
Just like now, when he saw this photo and what Zhang Zinan wrote, Shi Ci felt his heart choke up for a moment.
Do I no longer have the right to love and care for her
That's right, if she hadn't met me, Tang Zuo might have accepted men, or... she would have accepted men in the future. If she wasn't with me, she would have a smoother path. She was already very good, and if a man with good character pursued her and could bring her family warmth, Tang Zuo might have chosen to get married, have children, and have a happy family life.
For the first time, Shi Ci felt a little unconfident in himself and examined what he could give to Tang Zuo.
In fact, her parents are open-minded and warm-hearted, and she herself is not bad. She can also provide Tang Zuo with these worldly needs. As for children, if Tang Zuo wants them, there is a way...
Why think about these things? We have broken up.
It's all over.
The end of this relationship was different from the previous ones. With Qiao Sha, they ended it very early and were both calm and at peace. In the other two relationships, they also parted ways amicably.
This time, it might take longer...
She sighed deeply, feeling confused.
Tang Zhao made an appointment to meet Ms. Shen, who owned Leslie Cheung's album. She held on to her last bit of hope and wanted to beg the other party to sell the album to her. Fortunately, the other party was from the same city as her, so the appointment went smoothly.
They agreed to meet in the city. Ms. Shen arrived late. She looked to be in her forties, with a pretty face and a calm and stable temperament.
Tang Zuo had several conversations with her on the software. She said that if she wanted Leslie Cheung's autographed album, she had other ones, but she only had one copy of "Countdown with You" and she really couldn't bear to give it up.
Tang Zuo said he just wanted this one.
The two sides discussed back and forth several times without any result. Tang Zuo also insisted on not taking back the money, and the other party was helpless.
Ms. Shen took a sip of tea. Her expression was relatively gentle. She looked at Tang Zhao for a few times and asked her, "Excuse me, Miss Tang, you clearly said that you are not a fan of Mr. Leslie Cheung, but you specifically asked for this album. Can I ask you the real reason?"
Tang Zuo was silent for a few seconds, then lowered his eyes and said, "Actually, it's the person I like. She likes this album."
Ms. Shen nodded. She was not surprised, but it was not a reason that could convince her. She agreed to meet him this time mainly because she wanted to transfer the money to Tang Zuo in person.
Tang Zhao's throat was choked, and a moist bitterness rose in his heart. "We have broken up. I wanted to buy this album as a gift for her, but now... I want it myself. She is the best person I have ever met. Maybe I can't be with her anymore. I want to... commemorate..."
Ms. Shen's expression softened a bit, and she said, "I believe that Miss Tang is so outstanding that many people will pursue her."
Tang Zuo could no longer think of anything to impress the other party with his unfamiliar yet polite attitude, so she lowered her head dejectedly.
Ms. Shen looked at her with a look of pity.
Tang Zhao pursed his lips and whispered: "... The person I like is of the same gender as me..."
Ms. Shen's expression changed slightly. She moved her body, adjusted her sitting position, and after a moment of hesitation, she slowly spoke, "So that's it."
The tea on the table was still emitting a faint steam. The tea in front of Tang Zuo was untouched, and Ms. Shen just took a small sip out of politeness. No one was talking at this time, and there was little smoke.
After a while, Tang Zhao was about to give up, but Ms. Shen suddenly said, "Okay."
Tang Zhao raised her eyes in disbelief. Ms. Shen looked at her with a gentle gaze and a faint smile, as if she was sighing, "Brother, it is fate that this song of yours can become a souvenir for you. I think he will agree with my approach..."
She looked at her again and sighed, "... Your last name is also Tang..."
Ms. Shen gave her the album and insisted on returning her money.
"Bless you, Miss Tang." Ms. Shen curved her eyes and left.
Tang Zuo held the album in his hand, unable to believe it for a long time, as if he were dreaming.
The album is well protected, the plastic cover is a little worn, but the photo of Mr. Leslie Cheung inside is intact. His calm and deep eyes are fixed in a certain direction, giving people a feeling of being both distant and melancholy.
Tang Zuo held it tightly, and tears rolled down without warning, dripping on it.
She wiped it off gently, and fresh ones fell down again.
—Is this God telling her that there is still hope
As the Spring Festival approaches, the trees lining the city streets are hung with red Chinese knots, which look particularly vivid against the slightly sprouting green leaves.
Another year has passed.
Shi Ci was waiting for the traffic light, thinking in boredom.
Boring.
She took out her phone and saw the photo of Tang Zuo and Zhang Zinan on the screen. She took a screenshot of Tang Zuo's photo and set it as her screensaver.
Tang Zhao's lips were slightly curved, with a very faint smile. Her small face was only a little bit, and she looked even thinner. She didn't even look directly at the camera, her eyelashes were slightly closed, and her tear mole was also quiet, but if you looked at her for a long time, it seemed as if she would look up at her and smile at her at any time.
Shi Ci held his breath and heard his heart beating violently like a drum.
At the same time, there were also urging horns sounding from behind.
She exhaled and started the car quickly.
When she drove back to Weida, her emotions were so turbulent that she couldn't calm down. She had to turn off the engine, pull over, and lean back in the chair to rest.
Wait, here...
It was here that her car knocked Tang Zuo down, and that was the first time they met.
Shi Ci almost collapsed.
Every place, every moment, is her.
Going crazy.
Shi Ci suddenly started scolding himself.
Emotionally, she had never been afraid of anything. She had never had such a timid moment.
If Tang Zuo asks her to break up, should she agree
Wait, she said no.
Then…
Oh My God!
And then she didn't do anything
She just let Tang Zuo use cold violence against her, not meeting her or talking to her, and she didn't ask for clarification, and it ended like this without any explanation
Why!
When she confessed her love to Tang Zuo, she thought that no matter what, she would be his girlfriend, so how could she fail at the last moment and have no ending
Shi Ci's heart was filled with turbulent emotions. All the resentment, grievance, and resentment that she had suppressed surged up into her.
It's really embarrassing. She is already in her thirties, but she has been turned into a little girl who is worried about everything, tosses and turns in sleep, and chews on her worries every night by a girl who is a dozen years younger than her.
What the fuck!
Shi Ci's eyes became hot, and she leaned over the steering wheel, breathing rapidly and tremblingly.
“… I’m not a good relationship partner.”
Tang Zuo once said this, and this sentence suddenly came back to my memory, as if responding to my complaint.
At this moment, Shi Ci really wanted to drink some wine to ease the bitterness spreading in his heart.
That's not right. Tweet.
"What do you like about me? I have nothing..."
"You have everything I like." Shi Ci's eyes were moist and he spoke slowly.
She meant it at the time, but she just didn't do it well.
She couldn't put herself in a position where she "gave a lot but didn't get any corresponding return", and she couldn't deny Tang Zuo's feelings for her.
On New Year's Eve that year, Tang Zuo stood at the door waiting for her. She just waited for him in the snow, freezing, without even calling him. She loved and cared for her in her own way.
So many times of intimacy and tenderness, her smile, hug, and rare coquettishness made Shi Ci feel extremely sweet.
How can I not feel it
How can you think she is cruel
She has always been very uneasy.
She was left alone.
When I first met her, Tang Zhao was lonely and alienated, trying to live her life alone. She was tough yet fragile, and it seemed like no one could get into her heart.
I was attracted to her and couldn't control myself. I teased her, sympathized with her, loved her, and said many sweet words and vows to her. But when she let go of her feelings and started to depend on me, she responded with immature behavior.
She let her work and live alone in a strange city without asking any questions or paying any attention to her. Wasn't she treating her with cold violence
In fact, Tang Zuo had never asked for anything from her. If she didn't ask, Tang Zuo would not ask for anything.
After waiting for so long, she must have thought that she had been abandoned by herself.
Shi Ci burst into tears.
If there is any meaning in liquidation, I am the more bastard one.
The author has something to say: I have been busy with work these days and I am not feeling well. I thought I could finish coding, but I am sorry that I have to wait for another chapter. I love you. Thank you to the little angels who voted for me or irrigated me with nutrient solution~
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