Twenty-six
After Xiao Weixin discovered something was wrong with himself, he had been refraining from calling You Shu for the past two days. He realized that something was not right with his current situation, but there was no one around him with whom he could discuss such matters. Both Xiao Weiming and Xiao Weijing were unreliable, and neither of them could answer his questions.
Besides, the spring hunt was about to start, so he gradually shifted his attention away from this matter. Yu Sheng brought news from the palace that Xiao Weishen attached great importance to the spring hunt held every three years, and even Queen Mother Xia would go with him, so there would be almost no guards guarding the palace.
Xiao Weixin sat in his study and thought for several days. This seemed like a rare opportunity. He could just kill Xiao Weishen on the spot in the hunting ground and put an end to it. But he, who had always had a good intuition, felt that this was very risky. Xiao Weishen was a suspicious and arrogant person. He didn't believe that he would leave such a good opportunity to someone with ulterior motives.
Moreover, Shen Qingyu did not agree to take action at this time. Even if Xiao Weishen died, the old fox Prime Minister Xia was still alive and could still monopolize power and support a puppet. The most urgent task was to have military power in hand. This spring hunt was a good opportunity, and perhaps he could have further contact with Yang Qixian.
So Xiao Weixin simply gave up this plan.
He put down the pen in his hand, stood up and wanted to stretch his muscles. Just when he was about to ask You Shu to come and practice with him as usual, he suddenly held himself back.
As the night deepened, Xiao Weixin lay in bed and suddenly could not fall asleep. His mind was filled with the puzzling expression of the little shadow guard at the training ground of the Shadow Guard Camp that day. He did not keep track of the date, but he could immediately calculate that he had not seen him for five days.
Occasionally, he would pretend to be calm and ask Xie Feiyuan what he was doing. All he got was the response that he was just participating in training or going on a mission normally, and there was nothing wrong with it. Xiao Weixin was confused by his own contradictory behavior.
He admitted that he really wanted to drag that man to bed and see him smile at him like that, and he even made this choice in his dreams occasionally.
This kind of thing is easy to do. If he is more ruthless, with his status, it is not difficult to let a shadow guard warm his bed. Even if the little shadow guard disagrees, won't he take it by force? There are many ways to break a person's wings, and he can do it.
But Xiao Weixin was unable to make such a decision.
The little shadow guard had beautiful legs, and he was very eye-catching whenever he stood alone on the rooftop, holding his sword and looking up at the sky. His eyes were also beautiful, always clear and gentle, and he liked to see the gentleness that occasionally appeared in those eyes.
He also liked it when the little shadow guard expressed his loyalty to him, because then he would always have the illusion that the man regarded him as his only belief and would never betray him.
Xiao Weixin never cared about what others thought, and sometimes he couldn't even keep a good temper towards Xiao Weiming, but he really couldn't bear to be cruel to You Shu.
As a prince, he fell in love with a shadow guard but didn't dare to sleep with him. If he told others about this, probably no one would believe it.
Xiao Weixin sighed deeply, pulled the quilt over him, closed his eyes and went to sleep, forcing himself not to think about those things.
He is probably the most cowardly prince in the world.
At the same time, he was not the only one who couldn't sleep.
You Shu discovered that Xiao Weixin seemed to have rarely asked him to practice with him recently, and he no longer called him down to talk from time to time when he was on duty like he used to. It was as if their newly close relationship had come to an abrupt end and they had returned to the cold master-servant mode of the past.
But he couldn't understand it. Xiao Weixin had clearly come to the Shadow Guard Camp to watch their competition two days ago. Now he suddenly became like this inexplicably. You Shu couldn't figure out the reason.
He carefully thought about his performance in recent times, but still couldn't figure out what he had done.
Maybe he has been spoiled recently, thinking that the male protagonist's kindness to him for two days really brought them closer, and now it's just back to square one. You Shu thought so, feeling a little disappointed, and warned himself that this mentality was not advisable.
It turns out that people should not be proud. Once they are proud, they will easily fall into trouble. The slap in the face comes so quickly and it hurts.
You Shu seriously reflected on himself. He felt that he must be too impetuous and eager for quick success. He must not have this mentality and must be more cautious in the future. Xiao Weixin suddenly ignored him for a reason, so he had to be better.
You Shu lay in bed as usual, the moonlight shone through the window, through the thin layer of paper, it seemed that he could still see a little hazy light. Normally, he should go to bed on time at this time, and it has been the same for so many years, but today he couldn't fall asleep after lying down, tossing and turning, and couldn't feel at ease.
why…
You Shu sat up from the bed depressed, his hair was scratched like a mess, and he simply leaned against the head of the bed and stared at the mottled moonlight on the window in a daze. For some reason, he suddenly remembered something that happened a long time ago.
Over the years, You Shu has always maintained a relatively stable mentality, because only a calm state of mind can allow him to live well in this era.
Try not to let your emotions fluctuate, try not to think about unpleasant things, even if you have troubles, you will quickly digest them, try to maintain an optimistic and positive attitude, and never give up the yearning for a free life. Although they always say that his ideas are a bit unrealistic, if you are not optimistic, life in the Shadow Guard Camp will be very difficult to endure.
Because those years were really hard, so hard.
I still remember that when he first came here more than ten years ago, he was just a freshman in college. He was full of curiosity about the outside world and thought that leaving home would allow him to fly into another new world and start a new life. However, who knew that what followed was indeed a nightmare-like beginning.
Not everyone has such a strong psychological condition to accept such a fantasy as time travel, especially You Shu himself, who has a very happy family. He suddenly traveled to a strange era. The fear and helplessness are not something that ordinary people can bear. Moreover, his body age after traveling was only five years old at that time. He was just a little beggar who was about to starve to death on the roadside. He had no ability to find a way to survive and was bullied and robbed of food every day.
If Xie Feiyuan hadn't picked him up by chance, he might have frozen to death on the street. But life after being brought back to the Shadow Guard Camp wasn't much better, because this was a place dedicated to training death warriors, and once you got in, you couldn't get out.
The years of training can be described as dark and gloomy. More than a hundred children were gathered together for training. Those who were physically weak and mentally weak almost never made it out of the dark room alive. Every day when they opened their eyes, they had to deal with blood and knives. In addition to the cruel training, they also had to learn other things. Starting from killing rabbits, gradually to killing people, through various tough means, they were gradually turned into ruthless killing machines.
You Shu used to be a very cheerful person. His classmates said that he had a pair of smiling eyes. When he smiled, it was very contagious and would make people around him happy. But people like him were obviously not suitable for survival in the Shadow Guard Battalion, because people with emotions were not needed here.
He can laugh, but the smile cannot reach his eyes. He is not allowed to have his own emotions, and is not allowed to admit that he is a human being.
Does it sound cruel? But this is the law of survival in this profession, like a whirlpool, once you step in, you can't get out.
You Shu still remembered the first time he went on a mission to kill someone. He couldn't remember clearly, but it seemed that it was a butcher who had committed many crimes. Xie Feiyuan used him as a training ground for them, and this was their first step.
You Shu drew his sword without changing his expression, and completed the task seemingly steadily, ranking first in the group at that time. But after returning, he vomited in the room for a long time, and kept washing his hands in cold water.
Killing a rabbit may seem the same as killing a person, but killing a person has a greater impact. Even if the person is a notorious thief, he is still a living person. No one can remain calm after killing someone for the first time, not even the usually steady Ying Er.
You Shu had long ago chosen to adapt to the environment and hide his emotions perfectly. He disguised himself as ruthless as all the shadow guards. They could play and laugh together, eat melon seeds, and their relationship was really good, but they both knew that the other was not irreplaceable.
For example, the current Yingshi was not Yingshi originally, he was just a replacement later because the previous Yingshi unfortunately met with an accident while performing a mission, and committed suicide in order not to bring trouble to other brothers, so the current Yingshi came into being.
Although Ying Shi is doing well now, You Shu still thinks of him occasionally. They once went on missions together and drank with each other under the moon, but after his death, no one in the Shadow Guard Battalion expressed sadness, and no one mentioned him again, as if he never existed.
Death is a lesson they must learn, and there is no need to have any extra dependence on their partners because there is no need.
But, occasionally, when they get together, they will casually mention him. After chatting for a few minutes, they will say, "Oh, him... seems to be a person who likes to drink." Then they will talk about other things.
But You Shu could understand the flash of sadness in their eyes.
Why does You Shu insist on writing a diary
Because he didn't want to become a truly heartless person. Life in the Shadow Guard Camp could easily wear down a person's will. He was afraid that one day he would forget who he was, forget that he once had a happy family, and forget that he was once a person who stood in the sun and stretched out his hand, thinking he could reach the sun.
He was also afraid that if one day he could not make it to the end of the plot and could not follow in the footsteps of the protagonist, if he died early, then at least the diary could be preserved, and one day someone might discover those secrets.
That way someone would know that he had been there.
You Shu loves this world and he loves himself, and he doesn't want to give up on himself.
So the male protagonist's sudden alienation made him very sad.
He thought that he could finally get one step closer to him.
He even had the illusion that they were already friends.
You Shu climbed up from the bed, lit the light again, took out his diary and wrote down his little thoughts.
'It rained on x year x month x day'
'I'm not happy today.'