Feelings are strange. You may be in love with someone one moment, but feel disgusted with him the next. I suddenly realized that it was not as hard for me to forget Zhao Yicheng as I thought. Perhaps, the feelings between us had already been worn away by the betrayal of that year and a half.
What is left is only habit and unwillingness. Love may have long been gone. When you love someone deeply, everything he says is right. But if one day you no longer love him, or even hate him, then everything he says is wrong.
I am now just like Zhao Yicheng back then. Whatever he said was wrong. In the past, I would have been soft-hearted and reconciled with him. But now, I hate him, I hate his hypocrisy, I hate everything about him. Even though I may still love him entangledly, I hate him even more.
People's hearts are fickle, especially women. I looked at Zhao Yicheng with amusement, and felt disgusted from the bottom of my heart: "Zhao Yicheng, don't try this on me! It makes me sick..."
I pushed him away fiercely, turned around and walked out of the room, and went straight to the set. I didn't know what expression Zhao Yicheng had on his face, whether it was sadness or hatred, or something else that had nothing to do with me. Because I suddenly realized that I didn't seem to love him that much. The moment I walked out of the door, I laughed, cried, and my heart was hurting, but it was not as painful as before.
I knew that Zhao Yicheng was no longer my everything, and love was no longer important. He abandoned me when I was most vulnerable. I did not fall, but picked myself up again, and my heart became extremely hard, so hard that no one could get into it.
It's okay if I can't get in, at least I won't feel pain or hurt for anyone anymore. But sometimes, plans can never keep up with changes. I was determined to draw a line between me and Zhao Yicheng, but I didn't expect that he would start with my parents. After that day, of course he didn't go to my house to wait for me, but called my mother. I don't know what he said, but my mother kept talking about me.
It was a few days before the Chinese New Year when I received a call from my mother. That day, Beijing had its first snowfall, and the weather was colder than in the past few days. It was freezing cold, so cold that it made people shiver.
It was already eleven o'clock when I finished filming the last scene. I felt dizzy, which was a sign of a cold. I guess it was caused by the cold snow.
As soon as I got in the car, my cell phone rang. I trembled and took it out of my bag. As soon as I answered it, I heard my mother's advice: "Jiaying, this person has made mistakes. You said you have lived with Yicheng for more than ten years, why do you want a divorce? Now Yicheng has changed his ways, you should give him a chance."
"Mom, please stop worrying about it." I don't like my mom's pedantry, but she is my mom after all. I can't get angry with her. I can only say kindly: "I'm not a child anymore. I know how to handle this matter myself."
The busy work made my days fulfilling, but also made me feel tired. I finally had a chance to rest, but my mother kept mentioning Zhao Yicheng, nagging me, and educating me with her old-fashioned ideas: "Deal with it, how do you want to deal with it? Break up with Yicheng? You have to know that once a woman is divorced, she is equivalent to second-hand goods. How can such second-hand goods be sold at a good price..."
"Mom, I'm nothing! It's no big deal for a woman to get divorced. I can live well without a man. I'm a little tired, so I'll take a rest first. You should also take a rest early." I wanted to continue, but I knew very well that if I continued, I would only be met with my mother's feudal and outdated education.
Some people may find it hard to believe, but there are still people as feudal and conservative as my parents in today's society.
These days, I have heard that men are the gods and that women should obey their husbands at least ten times. My ears are callused from hearing it, but my mother still keeps repeating it over and over again, and she talks about this every time she calls me.
So now I don't really want to answer my parents' calls, not because I'm unfilial. I think anyone would get annoyed by hearing these words too much, especially after being busy at work and exhausted, and being scolded by your own mother, it would be even more uncomfortable.
When my mother heard that I was going to hang up, she was very unhappy: "Jiaying, although you are capable now, you have to understand that you are a woman after all, and your husband is the sky..." (To be continued)