In the quiet room, Feng Zhenyang's voice was so clear, as if it had been suppressed for a long time and was about to explode.
I was originally filled with anger, but after hearing what Feng Zhenyang said, I didn't know what to say and could only stare at him blankly.
Feng Zhenyang's eyes were bloodshot, maybe because he was too tired, or... his eyes were red. He closed his eyes, and his emotions were calmer than before. His eyes revealed a vicissitude that was inconsistent with his age: "I am the grandson of the head of the Feng family chaebol. My father is my grandfather's third son. My grandmother is my grandfather's first wife, but she and my grandfather are in a family marriage, so my grandfather never liked her. My grandmother only had my father as a son in her life, so my grandfather naturally doesn't like my father, let alone me."
"My father didn't expect anything, he just wanted to live a good life. However, born in such an environment, everyone seems to be used to fighting. Including my cousins. When I was in junior high school, my sister's life was ruined because of the fight between my father and my uncle. In the end... she jumped off the building and committed suicide. The year my sister died, I was in the second grade of junior high school. I still remember how sad my mother cried. She even wanted to fight with my father and cried for a divorce."
Talking about the past, Feng Zhenyang couldn't help but feel sad. Although he was a tall and strong man, he shed tears: "My mother was in pain, so was my father. So, not long after, my father asked for a transfer, and our family, along with my sister's ashes, moved to Qinghe City. But I didn't expect that even if we were far away, we still couldn't escape those intrigues. It's not an exaggeration to say that there were swords and swords. How could I not understand what you said at that time. I was just afraid. I was afraid that my acceptance would bring you misfortune. At that time, I didn't have the ability to protect you, so I didn't dare... and couldn't accept it. I wanted to wait until I had enough ability... Unfortunately, fate played a trick on me. When we met again, you told me that you were married..."
Many years later, when I heard this answer from Feng Zhenyang, that youthful time came back to my mind, and I remembered him in high school. He talked about his parents, and every time he talked about his father, he would use that very respectful word - father.
I didn't think anything of it at the time, I just felt that he was very special and I had special respect for my father. Now when I think about it, it was a heavy burden coming from the family.
At this moment, I suddenly felt distressed when I saw Feng like this. I wanted to beat him to death just now, but now I didn't have any anger at all. I stretched out my hand to touch his face, but I pulled it back halfway. For the first time, I faced him directly: "Feng Zhenyang... I am not worthy of you. I am not worthy of you now..."
In everyone's youth, there is a male god or female god, who can be a star, a writer, or an outstanding person of the opposite sex. It is like a kind of sustenance. When you are unhappy, you will smile when you think of that person.
When I go to school every day, I feel overwhelmed by the heavy workload. But because there is someone accompanying me, I forget my worries even if I am just watching him from a distance.
I am not exaggerating. When I was young, I didn't think too much, let alone whether the other person's parents would like me or whether my family background was compatible with his. I just liked that person and wanted to see him. Seeing him every day was the greatest satisfaction.
However, the present is not comparable to the past. I didn’t say those words to Feng Zhenyang because I wanted an answer. After all, it has been so many years. I just wanted to use this reason to reject him, but I didn’t expect such explosive news to come out. If I say that I didn’t think of anything in my heart, it must be a lie. At that moment, my heart was a little heavy, a little painful, and a little emotional…
Some things, once missed, can never be recovered. How can I be worthy of Feng Zhenyang now? It is undeniable that the warmth he gave me made me, who had forgotten my youthful crush, feel attached to him again. When a woman is most lost and helpless, she will inevitably feel attached to a man who treats her well and whom she can rely on. Men change their hearts because they fall in love with the youth or gentleness of others, while women change their hearts because of money or dependence.
At this moment, I clearly realized that I might have fallen in love with Feng Zhenyang again. No... I fell in love with Feng Zhenyang. However, I couldn't love him. I hid my heartache completely, looked up at him and repeated: "Feng Zhenyang, I don't deserve you. It's late, go back to sleep."
I pushed him as I spoke, scolding him until I couldn't say anything more. Obviously, I should be angry for what he did. But maybe because I felt sorry for him, I wasn't too angry.
Feng Zhenyang stood there motionless, as if there was still a glimmer of hope, and asked me: "Shen Jiaying, is this your answer..."
"Yes, this is my answer. Some things, once you miss them, you can never go back. I am no longer the person I was back then, and you are no longer the person you were at the beginning." I said this to Feng Zhenyang, and also to remind myself not to be blinded by love. There is no future between Feng Zhenyang and me. The missed opportunities in youth and the changes now are indeed... there is no going back. I don't like to have lingering feelings. When I chose to give a positive answer, I had already decided to cut the Gordian knot.
After saying that, I hurriedly urged Feng Zhenyang to go to bed. In fact, I was afraid that I would not be able to control my feelings for Feng Zhenyang, and if I accidentally let it slip, it would be even more painful in the future.
Feng Zhenyang still stood there, silent for a long time, and finally whispered: "I know, I'm sorry, Jiaying, just now I..."
Feng Zhenyang's next words were beyond my expectation. I was scared by his calmness. I shook my head and pretended to be calm: "It's okay, go to bed quickly..."
I couldn't sleep to begin with, and now I couldn't sleep any more. I lay in bed feeling upset. I went to work the next day with dark circles under my eyes because I didn't sleep all night. Rong Fang and Tang Xiaomei were scared by me.
Thanks to the makeup artist’s good skills, my dark circles were completely covered up. The dark circles were covered up, but my depressed and decadent mental state could not be covered up.
In order to prevent Feng Zhenyang from noticing my abnormality, I tried my best to cheer myself up. When I saw Feng Zhenyang, I greeted him as if nothing had happened: "Good morning..."
Fake is fake after all, no matter how you cover it up, it will eventually reveal its flaws. For example, Feng Zhenyang saw through my poor condition at a glance. Compared with me, he was in a very good condition. Moreover, he did not care about face at all, and asked me with suspicion of knowing the answer: "Shen Jiaying, what's wrong with you? Did you steal the cow last night?"
"You're the one who stole the cow!" I leaned back on the chair on the set and rolled my eyes at Feng Zhenyang next to me. After I said that, I realized that I was being coquettish, so I immediately made amends: "I've been a little weak lately, it's nothing..."
Before this, I had been thinking about what I should do when I met Feng Zhenyang. I wondered if we would become complete strangers. I had never expected Feng Zhenyang to be so calm. He was completely different from last night. Perhaps this was his unique ability. He could hide all the pain and negative emotions in his heart, just like in high school, so that people who didn't know the truth couldn't see any flaws at all.
If his attitude was a little bit abnormal, maybe I would feel better, but Feng Zhenyang didn't. He joked with me as usual, and said with a grin: "What? Are you mentally ill? Shen Jiaying, I tell you, if you have a mental illness, you must get treatment immediately. If you delay, it will easily lead to serious consequences..."
I glanced at Feng Zhenyang and thought to myself that he was mentally ill. He was indeed a natural actor. His schizophrenia was as easy to control as his singing. I didn't know how to describe our relationship now. He didn't say much, so I didn't expose it. I pretended like him: "You look more like a mental patient! Ha, I really don't know if you are sick. Why do you spend money to buy a role..."
I really think Feng Zhenyang is a little sick. In the past, he disdained to pay for roles, but now he has done the most shameful thing. Is he doing all this because of me? From what happened last night, it seems a little bit like that! Spending a huge sum of money just to buy a beautiful woman's smile. In this way, should I be secretly happy? In my 30 years of life, this is the first time a tall, rich and handsome man has spent a huge sum of money on me. And after being rejected by me, this tall, rich and handsome man did not get angry and continued to play with me happily. Does it prove that I am indeed very attractive? After a lot of random thoughts, I just feel that I am a little perverted.
I am not a beauty worth thousands of gold for a smile. I am just a woman in the boudoir. I think that when I don't want to be an actor anymore, I will just get married and become a nun. I don't have to suffer these so-called worldly sufferings. I still believe in love, but I am not sure whether I will meet love without betrayal in the future. I dare not think about it, let alone hope that the everlasting love will appear between me and Feng Zhenyang.
Maybe Feng Zhenyang didn't think so. After what happened last night, he still didn't seem to give up. He dragged his chair closer to me. He didn't feel ashamed of paying for the role. He was almost flirtatious: "Why pay for the role? Of course, it's to spend a lot of money to make a beautiful woman smile."
It was a bit cold in the morning, and Feng Zhenyang's corny and coquettish words gave me goose bumps all over my body. I didn't dare to look at Feng Zhenyang directly, and stammered: "Feng Zhenyang, please stop being disgusting. You were so disgusted by the food I had this morning that I almost vomited... Really..."
"I'm disgusted by you, just hit me!" As a person with acting skills, Feng Zhenyang's acting skills are really to the fullest, and his healing ability is simply amazing.
And I... I am often most afraid of his amazing healing ability. He can heal himself and others. Feng Zhenyang's natural sense of humor can always resolve all unpleasantness and make me forget the unclearness between us. I just want to beat him up, so I stood up and rushed towards him with my teeth and claws bared.
God knows if I did too many evil things in my previous life, first I was cheated by Zhao Yicheng, and now I am cheated by Feng Zhenyang. This damn bastard actually stretched out his foot to trip me, he is really schizophrenic! He is one way at night and another way during the day. Even if I rejected him and deeply hurt his self-esteem, he didn't have to trip me in public! My heart is also very hurt, okay!
The outfit was already very cumbersome, and with his kick, I just threw myself forward and landed squarely in Feng Zhenyang's arms. In my 30 years of life, as a 30-year-old married woman, I have acted out countless melodramatic plots. Now a melodramatic plot really happened, and I blushed and my heart beat fast. I was completely dumbfounded.
"Shen Jiaying, I seem to hear your heartbeat..." Feng Zhenyang's tone was very ambiguous, and his hand actually went around my waist. (To be continued)