Frostbite

"Okay!" I agreed with a calm face, but I was thinking in my heart that if Feng Zhenyang said anything sad, I would cripple him or slap him to death.

I looked at Feng Zhenyang steadily, hoping that what he said would not be sad. To be honest, I was actually quite worried, after all, Feng Zhenyang had said that to me before, telling me clearly that we would not get married or have children, and that he would marry Qi Xiaoyu and then continue to associate with me.

"I think, since your parents have such a deep prejudice against our family, why don't we just... not get married." When Feng Zhenyang mentioned this, his eyes flickered, as if he was afraid that I had seen through something.

It was not cold indoors in the cold weather, but when I heard Feng Zhenyang say this, my heart was cold. This was the second time he said this to me. The last time he said this, we broke up. I had planned not to have any more entanglements with him. After all, we had only been together for a short time, and it was much easier to get over it than to get over that failed marriage.

But later he told me that he had solved everything and would never let me become a third party in the eyes of others. Now he said this to me again, which made me feel very uneasy. I was shocked and stared at him with cold and serious eyes: "You... what do you mean?"

I don't know if other people can accept this kind of secret love without marriage, but I can't accept it. If I want to do it, I have to do it legitimately. It's not that I don't want to understand him, but I have to think about myself. If one day, he no longer loves me, I will not only become a mistress, but also lose my youth.

I am already in my early thirties. I may still be beautiful, but my youth is long gone. I can't afford to waste it. More than ten years ago, I would have been looking forward to love wholeheartedly. Now I still believe in love, but I have to bow to reality.

I was in a good mood, but Feng Zhenyang's words made me unhappy. The atmosphere in the living room became gloomy. Feng Zhenyang held my hand and hesitated: "I mean, we can not get married. Apart from getting married, I can give you everything! Jiaying, you just promised me that no matter what I say, you will not break up, right?"

The expression on Feng Zhenyang's face was extremely nervous. He held my hand tightly. All his inner anxiety and fear were focused on the injured and trembling hand. And because he held it too tightly, it hurt me.

But my heart hurts even more. Maybe someone will say that I am selfish, that I am not persistent enough in love, and that I want to break up. But this is the reality. I am no longer a teenage girl. I need love, and I need peace of mind even more. I need something to hold on to. At this moment, I really felt that love is too illusory, and the love Feng Zhenyang gave me is too illusory.

"Feng Zhenyang, I'm already over 30 years old. I'm not young anymore. If you are playing the love game, then go find someone else. I can't afford to play that. What I need is a home and a real shoulder to lean on, not an illusory love." Sometimes quarreling doesn't really work, so I didn't quarrel with him. I seemed very rational on the surface, but in the eyes of others, they probably thought I had no feelings for him at all.

Only you know the truth about love. That failed marriage taught me to be rational and that love is not everything in life. Now I just want to live a peaceful life and no longer pursue passionate love.

So I was unequivocal, slowly pulled Feng Zhenyang's hand away, looked at him and said word by word: "I can't be your lover."

"Feng Zhenyang, if you can't afford it, let's break up! Let's not get entangled again! You're going back on your word like this, I really... I really can't accept it." When I said these words, I didn't dare to look at Feng Zhenyang, I was afraid that I would be confused by the tenderness in his eyes. So I simply turned my head and said in a cold voice: "It's not that I don't understand you, but such a ridiculous thing is unacceptable to any normal woman!"

"What's so unacceptable about this! Jiaying, just know that I love you! Even if I marry another woman, I still love you!" Feng Zhenyang probably regarded himself as the male lead in a romance drama. He hugged me from behind and coaxed me with sweet words in my ear: "Just wait for me for a few more years, and I promise that you will be my Feng Zhenyang's legitimate wife."

"Feng Zhenyang!" I interrupted him and turned around. To be honest, I didn't believe he would say such a thing. He has always been a man of his word. He would never say anything he couldn't do. He has always been a man of his word, but he has cheated on me twice. He knows that what I hate most is a third party, and what I can't stand the most is the so-called underground love affair, but now he still says such a thing.

My rationality almost completely disappeared at that moment. Anger rose up on my face involuntarily. I couldn't control my emotions at all: "Wait for you for a few years? Wait for you for a few years and then I will be the mistress? Even if you don't love your future marriage partner, I will still be the mistress, a mistress who will never be able to turn over!"

I almost yelled the last sentence. I don't deny that Feng Zhenyang treats me well, and I don't deny that he really loves me, but I must admit that he is shameless, even more shameless than Zhao Yicheng. Zhao Yicheng at least knows how to choose, but Feng Zhenyang looks very good and gentle, and is very persistent in love.

But this kind of love makes people depressed and suffocated. Not only do I feel depressed, but this kind of love also makes me feel insecure.

"Shen Jiaying, do you care so much about your reputation? Is that little bit of reputation more important than our feelings?" Feng Zhenyang has always had a good temper, but at this moment he got angry with me, and his temper was very unreasonable.

As Feng Zhenyang questioned, the smell of violence in the living room became stronger. Perhaps realizing his own misbehavior, Feng Zhenyang calmed down a little, and said in a low voice with a hint of apology: "I'm sorry, Jiaying, I didn't mean that. I just hope you can understand me! Qi Xiaoyu committed suicide not long ago. I wanted to tell you a long time ago, but I knew you would be angry, so I didn't tell you."

"So, you want to marry her, right? She doesn't love you, you don't love her, and then you two can go your separate ways after you get married! Is that what you mean? Oh, no, she still has some feelings for you!" I couldn't help but sneer. This is really absurd! I just don't understand why Qi Xiaoyu must marry Feng Zhenyang. She knew Feng Zhenyang didn't love her, but she still wanted to commit suicide.

As for Feng Zhenyang, he would marry her if she committed suicide. Maybe he thought he was helpless, he was trying to help Qi Xiaoyu. But I am not so generous. There are always other ways to solve the problem. They have their own difficulties, so I have to be a shady... lover? Or mistress? Haha...

Some people may think that I am unreasonable. I believe that any normal woman would not agree to such a thing. I am just an ordinary woman, I can't do it.

Feng Zhenyang had his own sufferings, but his repeated changes really made me feel insecure. Once I lost my sense of security, I would easily turn into a hedgehog. Before Feng Zhenyang could speak, I couldn't control my emotions and glared at him, emphasizing each word: "You are so disgusting!"

"I'm disgusted! I'm doing this for our future! You know my current situation! Qi Xiaoyu can accept it, why can't you?" Feng Zhenyang is a young man after all. No matter how good his temper is, he can't stand me scolding him like this. He immediately got angry and said righteously, "How many times do I have to explain to you! Qi Xiaoyu and I are only nominally married! Even if we really have children in the future, it's just to cover it up and show it to others. Can't you understand me? You are in your thirties, how can you be so ignorant?"

Oh, look, what are you talking about? I'm immature! How can I be sensible! What would he think if I married someone else? Sometimes, the more you care, the easier it is to hurt someone with your words. And it's exactly like that between Feng Zhenyang and I. After he said that, I was so angry that I completely lost my mind. I blurted out and asked him, "I'm immature? How am I immature? If I tell you that for the sake of my parents, Feng Zhenyang and I will remarry, and we will be husband and wife in name only, and then we will continue to associate with each other, what would you think? Would you agree?"

Feng Zhenyang and I don't like to quarrel, but every time we quarrel, we are not far from breaking up. I want to control my temper, but the more I try, the more I can't control it. I clearly saw Feng Zhenyang's face was ugly as if he wanted to kill someone, and I added fuel to the fire: "Then I will have a child with Zhao Yicheng to cover up my tracks and completely hide it from my parents. What do you think? Tell me, don't you mind at all?"

Feng Zhenyang didn't say anything. His eyes were filled with anger and pain. He knew in his heart that this kind of thing was ridiculous. From another perspective, he couldn't accept it. He lowered his head and remained silent. In the end, he simply didn't answer and reached out to pull my suitcase.

I don't like to drag things out, especially in relationships. I really can't imagine what I'll become if I get hurt again. So I stopped him, snatched the suitcase, and said with unprecedented indifference: "Feng Zhenyang, I won't force you. Either we break up, or you don't marry Qi Xiaoyu. If there is anything, we can solve it together. What I want is something that can be grasped, not an illusory promise."

"Let's break up!" Feng Zhenyang was silent for a while, his tone was cold and his face was gloomy: "I can't ignore Qi Xiaoyu's life, and I can't ignore my future. If you can't accept it, I won't force it. Many things are not as simple as you think. Maybe I shouldn't have provoked you in the first place. I'm sorry, Shen Jiaying. Between you and my future, I choose the latter..."

I never thought those things were simple. I also asked Feng Zhenyang what was going on, but he was vague every time. I stayed where I was, tears rolling down my eyes, until the moment Feng Zhenyang left, I couldn't believe that we broke up. We were flirting just a moment ago... and we broke up. The reason for the breakup was that Feng Zhenyang wanted to work hard for his future.

Heh… I see. It wasn't a threat, it was just his own ambition. He had won over many connections in the entertainment industry over the years. I thought he was doing it for better development. It was only then that I realized that he was keeping a low profile. As a child of the Feng family, he had suffered so much misfortune and unfair treatment since childhood. How could he not have any ambition? He knew the outcome, so why did he come to provoke me

It would be a lie to say that it doesn't hurt. Although Feng Zhenyang and I haven't been together for a long time, my heart still hurts. I am the only one left in the empty villa. Shen Jiaying, it is better to suffer a short pain than a long one. There is nothing to be sad about. You should be glad that you still have the rationality to break up with him! Yes! There is nothing to be sad about.

I curled up on the ground, the cold floor chilled me to the bone, and finally I couldn't help crying out loud.

I was crying my heart out when the crisp ringtone of my cell phone reached my ears. Was it Feng Zhenyang? I hurriedly picked up the phone, but it was an unfamiliar number. I hesitated for a while, but finally calmed down and answered the phone.

"Hello, Jiaying? This is Dad..." A strange male voice came from the phone, a male voice I had never heard before. (To be continued)